独立写作 求拍砖 求指导~

amissrosa

10.31獨立改 Young people nowadays have no influence of decisions that determine thefuture of the society as whole.

[第一段]
When it comes tothe question whether young people nowadays have no influence of decisionsthat determine the future of the society as whole[註3], different people willhold different opinions due to their different backgrounds. Some people holdthat young people nowadays have no influence of decisions that determine thefuture of the society as whole since the older people always make importantdecisions in a nation. Others oppose [註1] by saying that young people have fresh ideas that can influence[註2] the decisions that older people make. From my point of view, young people nowadays have no influence ofdecisions that determine the future of the society as whole(版主支持的論點).
[註1] 起初看时不清楚oppose什么?如果能用转折词(ex:However,others believe that..
[註2] 可用effect,降低influence的出现率
[註3] 底線為重複出現題目的長句,不知道會不會影響分數
_________________________________
[第二段]
It is undeniable that our[註1] governmentwhich centralizedolder persons make[註2]most decisions in every nation. [註3]How to deal with financial depression, how to copewith the social events, how to resolve the international conflicts,[註4] andnumerous other things are needed to determine by them. Since they havemore experience and therefore always have a deeper understanding of affairsthan youngpeople[註5] .
[註1]Most,以对应此句中的”inevery nation” 或是将”inevery nation”改成”inthe nation.”
[註2] It’sundeniable that most governments are centralizedby older persons who make…
[註3]For example.连接词,使句与句之间意思更流程
[註4]不太确定How to开头的用法是否可以不用”问号”结尾?以及连三个Howto句型后的and是否也该用how to 以表平行结构?
此外, numerousother things若能形容为”与国家大事相关的事”应该能和下句”年轻人资历浅无法而解决”形成更强烈的对比
[註5]Than young people have.

------------------------------
[第三段]
However, as a matter offact, they[註1] also demand young people’s advice and absorb the (their) fresh (novel) opinions in some times because they (these ideas) are more professional and more creative. Firstly, with the advent of technology epoch,we human beings have a great leap in education. Every child has an opportunity to[註2] receive excellent education from a very young age and access to a large number of knowledge. At the Meanwhile, the knowledge is accumulated by multiplying (accumulate 与multiply意思相近)andbecome more and more specialized.[註3] One needs take more time to be professional in one (a)field than ever before and also have to update the knowledge (varied information) all the time along with the development of the specific area[註4]. No one can be professional in all fields even though she or he may be professional in one area. Thus, older generation need young people offer a large number of professional and fresh views when they are making decisions

[註1]建议可改成”olderpeople”, 表达上会比较清楚
[註2]Mostchildren now are able to….似乎会比较客观且简洁
[註3]为了与下句对比关系更清楚,此句可改成类似↓
“Although, theirknowledge is multiplied, they just learn the general introduction of variedfield.
[註4]Becausethe advance of technology that stimulates rapid development of eachprofessional field
[註5]不知版主此段的目的是否为compromise？若不是的话,最后一句的立场似乎倾向「年轻人可影响社会决定」。
若非compromise,"從"No one"那句開始可改成類似no one can be specialized in aparticular areas, even is elder people. And that is why elder people demandyoung people's advices cannot indicate that the young are able to influence thesocial decisions.以支持版主第一段支持的論點
------------------------------------
[第四段]
Furthermore, young peopleare more creative in mind thanolder leaders[註1] . As a leader, they (the older people) arrange affairs in (by) a prearranged route (others mistakes) that will (to) reduce their decision faults (unexpected faults). In contrast, young people have a large number of creative views that help leader think from different aspects [註2]. In addition, the energy that flourished in one younger is endless and many technology inventions are invented by young people. For example, Bill Gates made a astonishing decision of dropping out of Harvard to open Microsoft, which initiate the area of the computer industry
[註3].

[註1]原句傾向支持[年輕人可影響社會決定],可改成Young people are too unrealistic to carry out useful decisions.
[註2]Although,young people a large number of creative views that may sometimes help senior leaders…较能对比出年轻人和长辈间的差距
[註3]in addition後的句子与版主支持论点相反@@
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[第五段]
In sum, although in mosttimes, older people make important decisions for a nation, young people pay animportant role in the process. They can provide fresh and creative views forthe development of the society.[註1][註1]]与第一段版主支持论点相反@@
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前辈您好，第一次改您的写作，若有让您不习惯的地方，烦请前辈指正>”<
若修正的地方有误，还请前辈提出，一起学习交流，求进步，谢谢版主！
2012.11.1 Rosa

AnthonySummer

TPO17The reading passage explores a focus on the concern about the reduction of birds' population. The professor in the lecture, however, thinks the evidence in the reading passage is not convincing.






Firstly, the reading passage asserts that an increasing number of population and settlements (你没讲清楚是人类的settlement） contribute to the reduction of birds' population. But the professor contradicts this by saying that the government has already provided better and bigger habits for birds, which leads ( lead )to more birds living in the city.






Secondly, the professor continues saying that agriculture will not reduce the habitats of the birds since there is（感觉有语病） no enough land for agriculture in USA. Thus, a new species （我记得是讲物种多样化） of high- productive crop is invented to meet the requirements of local people. While the reading passage contends that the growth of agriculture accompanied with the bigger size population （什么population?) also influence the decreasing number of birds.






Finally, the reading passage believes that the use of chemical pesticide will harm the bird. However, the professor opposes this based on two reasons. For one thing, one kind of less-toxic pesticide is under developed, which will not do damage to birds in the future. For another thing, one kind of pest-resistant crop is invented and the new crop is not detrimental to birds as well. (最后一句感觉还是有语病，没表达清楚~）

小滋滋

你好认真啊，我也不是前辈，就比你早来几天，恩恩，咱们共同进步，吼吼：）

小滋滋

谢谢，可能这那篇写的比较顺手，嘿嘿

小滋滋

11.2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should buy things made in their own country; even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else.

In this day and age, with the steady improvement of people's living standards, an increasing number of people like to buy foreign product due to its cheap price and high quality. When it comes to question whether people should buy things made in their own country or the same things made somewhere else, different people will hold different opinions due to their different backgrounds. Some people believe that citizens should buy local made product since this will support their own countries' economic. Others assert that people should buy foreign made product owing to its low price. From my point of view, i prefer to buy local made product even though it has a high price.



Firstly, local made product makes us save time and energy. We now live in a high-pace and intensive environment， where people suffer from a lot of stress. Students have to work hard for limited places in prestigious schools in order to earn them a promising future. Computer program operators have to sit in front of the screen to accomplish plenty of work for 8 or 10 hours a day. Breadwinners have to work day or night in order to improve their family's living standards. In this situation, modern people have limited time to do things they are fond of and even have no spare time to relax themselves. Therefore, when they need to buy some commodities, they will choose nearby shops rather than the distant shops that can provide export commodities. After all, the export commodities are not available in every shop or supermarket in our country. But we can access to local made commodities everywhere in surroundings even in groceries.



Furthermore, buying local made commodities, you will indirectly help facilitate the economic development in a nation. The very reason is that the local made commodities offer a large number of job positions for local people, such as shop assistance, artificers, and supplies. Then if the products attract increasing customers, more employees will be drawn from local people gradually, and therefore a rapidly growth of people will get a opportunity to work in local industrial. Especially the current situation that a large number of people lose their jobs and the competition to enter a job is fierce. The creative job positions, in addition, will provide considerable income to poor family. With the sufficient income, poor family can send their children to go to excellent high school even college.



Admittedly, the foreign made product may have a high quality, which can better satisfy our need compared with local made products. Besides, it is cheaper than foreign product and save money for us. However, when comparing the advantages and disadvantages, it is not difficult to conclude that local products benefit a country more than foreign product. Thus, it is undeniable that we should buy local made product instead of foreign made product.



In sum, even though the foreign product is cheaper than local product in certain areas, I prefer to buy local product since local made product not only promote the economic development of our country but also bring us convinieness.

小滋滋

TPO18
The reading passage explores the focus on three ways to address the decline of Torreya. The lecture, in the contrary, casts doubt on the effectives of the solutions.



To begin with, the first solution in the reading passage is to reestablish Torreya in the same location.The professor, however, thinks it unattainable since microclimate can be influenced by the climate of larger region easily. For example, both the global warming and wetland drying will make the region have a arid climate, which is unsuitable to Torreya's growth.



Furthermore, the reading passage asserts that Torreya could be moved to another different location in order to survive. But the professor contradicts this by explaining that a type of tree once introduced to a new environment. However, they spread out quickly and compete resources with nativevegetation, posing them a threat even at the edge of disappearing.



Finally, the professor opposes the reading passage by saying that research center don not serve as a qualified place to protect Torreya. The reason is that Torreya always need large population growing together in wildness to resist disease but the research center cannot provide sufficient population for Torreya's growth. Thus, they will not live for long time. While the reading passage contends that the research center can protect Torreya well.

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

11.2 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should buy things made in their own country; even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else.

In this day and age, with the steady improvement of people's living standards, an increasing number of people like to buy foreign product due to its cheap price and high quality. When it comes to the question that whether people should buy things made in their own country or the same things made somewhere else, different people will hold different opinions due to their different backgrounds. Some people believe that citizens should buy local made product since this will support their own countries' economic. Others assert that people should buy foreign made product owing to its low price. From my point of view, i prefer to buy local made product even though it has a high price.



Firstly, local made product makes us save time and energy. We now live in a high-pace and intensive environment， where people suffer from a lot of stress. Students have to work hard for limited places in prestigious schools in order to earn them a promising future. Computer program operators have to sit in front of the screen to accomplish plenty of work for 8 or 10 hours a day. Breadwinners have to work day or night in order to improve their family's living standards. In this situation, modern people have limited time to do things they are fond of and even have no spare time to relax themselves. Therefore, when they need to buy some commodities, they will choose nearby shops rather than the distant shops that can provide export commodities. After all, the export commodities are not available in every shop or supermarket in our country. But we can access to local made commodities everywhere in surroundings even in groceries.



Furthermore, buying local made commodities, you will indirectly help facilitate the economic development in a nation. The very reason??嘛意思。。。 is that the local made commodities offer a large number of job positions for local people, such as shop assistances, artificers, and supplies. Then if the products attract increasing customers, more employees will be drawn from local people gradually, and therefore a rapidly rapid growth of people population will get a opportunity to work in local industrial. Especially the current situation that a large number of people lose their jobs and the competition to enter a job is fierce. The creative job positions, in addition, will provide considerable income to poor family. With the sufficient income, poor family can send their children to go to excellent high school even college.



Admittedly, the foreign made product may have a high quality, which can better satisfy our need compared with local made products. Besides, it is cheaper than foreign product and save money for us. 这句话逻辑有问题，前面一句是退步说foreign product更符合需求，这一句话怎么就变成了besides 国货更好了。。。However, when comparing the advantages and disadvantages, it is not difficult to conclude that local products benefit a country more than foreign product. Thus, it is undeniable that we should buy local made product instead of foreign made product.



In sum, even though the foreign product is cheaper than local product in certain areas, I prefer to buy local product since local made product not only promote the economic development of our country but also bring us convinieness.
总结：楼主写的很流畅呀。 但是有些句子有点逻辑的小错误，可能写晕了。
还有一些三单和冠词用法要注意，可数名词永远都不能不带冠词裸奔的。

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The reading passage explores the focus on three ways to address the decline of Torreya.表述有误，是三种解决Torreya die out的方法，而不是三种强调Torreya减产的方法。 The lecture, in the contrary, casts doubt on the effectives of the solutions.



To begin with, the first solution in the reading passage is to reestablish Torreya in the same location.The professor, however, thinks it unattainable since the microclimate can be influenced by the climate of larger region easily. For example, both the global warming and wetland drying will make the region have a arid climate, which is unsuitable to for Torreya's growth.



Furthermore, the reading passage asserts that Torreya could be moved to another different location in order to survive. But the professor contradicts this by explaining that a type of tree once introduced to a new environment. However,这里用however表转折不太恰当。 they spread out quickly and compete resources with native vegetation, posing them a threat even at the edge of disappearing.



Finally, the professor opposes the reading passage by saying that research center do not serve as a qualified place to protect Torreya. The reason is that Torreya always need large population growing together in wildness to resist disease but the research center cannot provide sufficient population for Torreya's growth. Thus, they will not live for long time. While the reading passage contends that the research center can protect Torreya well. 个人认为这句话可以不要。

小滋滋

TPO19
The reading passage the buzzing should be banned since the company could pay the buzzer to cheat customers.However, the student casts doubt on what the reading passage holds based on his experience as a buzzer.



First of all, the reading passage holds that the buzzer who praises the product may be paid by company.But the student contradicts this by saying that a buzzer is always be hired after he or she have used the product and then give a good evaluation to the product. Thus, the buzzer does tell truth.



Furthermore, the student opposes the reading passage by saying that the costumer will not only follow the buzzer’s recommend but also consider other factors such as price, service and durance of the product. Obviously, the fact that consumers listen to their endorsements less critically in the reading passage is unconvincing.



Finally, the reading passage assets that the buzzing can destroy social relationship. However, the student believes the statment is definitely not true. The reason is that if the product is of bad quality, the company will not recruit buzzers. The buzzing makes the product open to customers.

小滋滋

What is happiness？Different people will hold different answers this question due to their different backgrounds. Some people hold that the more possessions we have, the happier we will be. Others believe that, on the other hand, more possessions may bring more problems. From my point of view, people today would be happier if they had more possessions.


First of all, more possessions can make us live a better life in this day and age. The reason is that, with the steady of the growth of and economic development, our living standards have been greatly changed over past few years and we nowadays need a large income to meet our increasing requirements in all aspects. In this situation, if we have more possessions, we are able to support our family and improve the living conditions of whole family. For example, you can afford your latest fashion clothes in the shop for your wife. You can buy a big house in the suburbs, which provides a good environment for your children’s development. You can also afford your children the best education to send his or her to excellent school. All of these will definitely provide your family live in a high-quality life.


Furthermore, the abundant possessions that you earn by your hard working can bring you a sense of personal satisfaction. Nothing can compare with the happiness that you gain the fruits after you devote your efforts and soul to one thing. When you finish a load of work or promote sales of productions, you will get a good salary or even a bonus. At the meanwhile, you will be happy and successful unconsciously, even though you have spent an exhausted day.

Admittedly, more often than not, more possession may bring you more trouble. For example, a big salary that you earn from your work can afford your family a big house in the suburbs. But it also means that you have to commute from workplace to your home every day. The endless stop-and-go drive two times a day will make you depressed whenever the first day to work or the last. However, when comparing the disadvantages and advantages, we can definitely conclude that possessions benefit our life more. The reason is that our family or our work is more important than the little inconvenience in our life.

In sum, although more possession bring us a little trouble in some times, we need more money to earn a living for our family and make them live a better life in long run. It is undeniable that one’s quantity of possessions can benefit both our family and us. Thus, there’s no doubt that people today would be happier if they had more possessions.