独立写作 求拍砖 求指导~

小滋滋

11.7独立
colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working？



In recent years there is a general trend that many colleges or universities offer abundant job preparation opportunities for students in order to provide a better promising future for students. However, some people argue that work preparation like internship may disturb students' study. As far as i am concerned, colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working



Admittedly, if students are required to prepare for job such as intership in the campus, which must occupy their study's time, they will pend less time on study, therefore contributing to a bad academic performance in the final exams. In addition, the school is a place to study and it provide a large number of resources and knowledge for students. Students can learn almost everything in the class or the library, as long as you acquire the basic learning and reading abilities. After you graduate from college, nevertheless, you will hardly have a chance to access to so much adequate resources. Thus, students should grasp the time of studying in the colleges and universities, which plays an essential role for the future career, rather than internship advancely.



Although i agree that there may be a couple of disadvantages of job preparation, the advantages carry more weigh than those of disadvantages. The main reason for my propensity for preparing for a job is that nowadays a large number of undergraduate students can not find jobs when they graduate from colleges. According to the survey conducted by Tessass Data, a statistic organization, 40% undergraduate students in china can not search a job or a qualified job after graduateing from colleges. The reason is that what student study in the class and acquire the ability in the campus can not satisfy the requirements of companies and employer. In this situation, the university should not only teach the academic knowledge to students but also let them access to job experience as early as possible. Only in this way will they have a higher chance of getting a content job in the future.



Furthermore, what is worth noticing is that the competence to enter good companies is fierce in this day and age even though we have both well academic background and work experience. What the companies want is the person who can combine the knowledge and reality. So university is needed to undertake the responsibilities to cultivate well-grounded student. For example, the university can provide a large number of work positions for student in order to improve their interpersonal and communication skills, which is important for their future career in the developing society. The university can also open some courses like job direction, which will let students figure out the employ situation more directly and improve their own abilities in all aspects, therefore increasing their possibilities to enter famous companies like top 500 after they graduate from school.



In sum, due to the above statement, the most obvious conclusion is that colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they graduate.

amissrosa

樓主您好~等樓主的綜合喔~

小滋滋

The readingpassage explores the focus on the issue of three explanations to the decline ofyeallow ceder population.
However, thelecture casts doubt on what the reading passage holds.

Firstly, thereading passage contends that cedar bark beetle leads to the reduction ofyeallow ceder population whereas the lecture suggests that the beetle is notconsider the reason the reduction of yeallow ceder population since yeallowceder are more able to resist insect parasites than other trees. Then hesupports this point by saying that yeallow ceder have the ability toconcentrate power chemical which will release a kind of poison, posing thebeetle in danger.
Furthermore,despite the statement in the reading passgae that brown bears contribute to thedecline of yeallow ceder population, the professor considers that the statementis difinitely not true. The reason is that there are no bears in the island andthe number of bears on mainland is also cut down sharply. Therefore, theyeallow ceder trees that grow up in these places would suffer less or even noattack from bears.

Finally, thereading passage asserts that the change of climate may result in the reductionof yeallow ceder population. However, the professor objects this by saying thatthe environment that is consisted by low level and high temperature is not thecause of decreasing population yeallow ceder since only in the oppositesituation will the yeallow ceder be killed.

amissrosa

11.7綜合改 TPO23
橘色为建议 红色为错字

The reading passage [注1]explores the focus on the issue of three explanations to the decline of yeallow cedar population. However,the lecture casts doubt on what the reading passage holds.
[注1] explores the focus on 有些累赘,用focus即可,意思相同
Firstly, the reading passage contends that cedar bark beetle leads tothe reduction of yellow cedar population whereas the lecture suggests that the beetle is not considered the reason which causes the reduction of yellowcedar population since yellow cedar are more able to resist insectparasites than other trees. Then, he supports this point by saying that yellow cedar haves the ability to concentrate power chemical which will release a kind ofpoison, posing the beetle in danger.


Furthermore, despitethe statement in the reading passgae (passage) that brown bears contribute to the decline of yellow cedar population,the professor considers that the statement is difinitely (definitely) not true. Thereason is that there are no bears in the island and the number of bears onmainland is also cut down sharply. Therefore, the yellow cedar trees that growup in these places would suffer less or even no being attacked from (by) bears.

Finally, the reading passage asserts that the change of climate mayresult in the reduction of yellow cedar population. However, the professorobjects this by saying that the environment that is consisted by low level and hightemperature is not the cause of decreasing population of yellow cedar since only in the opposite situationwill the yellow cedar be killed(此段建议板主可清楚叙述在相对比较温暖的低纬度地区反而较多死掉的yellow cedars.这样rater就知道writer有清楚听见细节).
文章里的yellow都拼成yeallow, cedar也拼成ceder~感觉板主今天写得很匆忙~所以我就不用红字标示了~版主今天辛苦啦!

我把托福踩脚下

11.7独立
colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working？

In删 recent years there is a general trend that many colleges or universities offer abundant job preparation opportunities for students in order to provide a better promising future for students. (首句翻译的痕迹太重了，job preparation 就行了，不要“机会”)However, some people argue that work preparation like internship may disturb students' study.（intern一般都是在暑假，平时是没有的）As far as i am concerned, colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working



Admittedly, if students are required (intern一般是学生自己争取的，不会被require)to prepare for job such as intership in the campus,改on campuswhich must occupy their study's time, they will spend less time on study, therefore contributing to 删去a bad academic performance in the （to）final exams. In addition, the school is a place to study andand 不能连接两个完整的句子it provides a large number of resources and knowledge for students. Students can learn almost everything at in the class or the library, as long as you acquire the basic learning and reading abilities. After you graduate from college, nevertheless, you will hardly have a chance to access to so much adequate resources. Thus, students should grasp the time of studying in the colleges and universities, which plays an essential role for the future career, rather than internship advancely in advance. .



Although i agree that there may be a couple of disadvantages of job preparation, the advantages carry more weigh than those of disadvantages. The main reason for my propensity for preparing for a job is that nowadays a large number of undergraduate students cannot find jobs when they graduate from colleges. According to the survey conducted by Tessass Data, a statistic organization, 40% undergraduate students in china cannot search a job or a qualified job after graduateinggraduating from colleges. What the reason is that The reason is that what student study in the class and acquire the ability in the campus can not satisfy the requirements of companies and employer. In this situation, the university should not only teach the academic knowledge to students but also let them access to job experience as early as possible. Only in this way will they have a higher chance of getting a content job in the future倒装用得不错。


Furthermore, what is worth noticing is that the competence to enter good companies（再斟酌一下，表达方式不对）is fierce in this day ?and age even though we have both well academic background and work experience. What the companies want is the person who can combine the knowledge and reality. So university is needed to undertake the responsibilities to cultivate well-grounded 好词student. For example, the university can provide a large number of work positions是指学校内部的工作机会还是指学校胃学生提供一些工作机会的资源)for student in order to improve their interpersonal and communication skills, which is important for their future career in the developing society. The university can also open some courses like job direction, which will let students figure out the employ situation more directly and improve their own abilities in all aspects, therefore increasing their possibilities to enter famous companies like top 500 after they graduate from school.



In sum, due to the above statement, the most obvious conclusion is that colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they graduate.
总结一下，
全文逻辑还不够清楚，不要试图去翻译中文，尝试去表达英文。
介词使用注意一下
尾段总结的字数不够
另外给个小小的建议：楼主迟交作业后，
请给修改你作文的筒子发个站内短信吧。

小滋滋

谢谢你的修改，实在不好意思啦，昨天有点忙，嘿嘿，还有就是你提到的逻辑，确实是我的硬伤，能不能再具体详细指导我一下呢？嘿@@

小滋滋

总结一下，
全文逻辑还不够清楚，不要试图去翻译中文，尝试去表达英文。
介词使用注意一下
尾段总结的字数不够
另外给个小小的建议：楼主迟交作业后，
请给修改你作文的筒子发个站内短信吧。

-- by 会员 我把托福踩脚下 (2012/11/9 7:21:54)

[/quote]
谢谢你的修改，实在不好意思啦，昨天有点忙，嘿嘿，还有就是你提到的逻辑，确实是我的硬伤，能不能再具体详细指导我一下呢？嘿@@

小滋滋

11.8 People are more easier to become educated than in the past
Education plays an essential role in one's life. When it comes to the issue whether modern people are more easier to be educated than ancient people, different people will hold different views due to their different backgrounds. Some people claim that modern students are more difficult to become educated than in the past since they are confronted of more entertainment that distract their focus on study, while others contend that modern society provide a better study environment for modern students than in the past. From my point of view, I agree with the author's assertion in general. However, the author explores the assertion to a irreversible extreme while ingrowing other factors which also influence the issue.

On the one hand, I have to point out that precious students are easier to be educated since there are more entertainments in modern society that may distract the students' focus on study than in the past. There are movie thearter for students to go to watch the latest movies. There are parks for students to enjoy the beautiful scenery. There are a variety of restaurants for students to taste delicious food. However, if you live in the past, there is no entertainment to relax, what you can only do is to study. Obviously, previous students spend more time on study and are more easier to be educated.

On the other hand, a more rational and considerable judgement is need to consider different aspects of the issue as adequately as possible. Firstly, what is worth noticing is that modern students have more knowledge accumulation than students in the past and therefore reduce the burdens of teachers, making easier education possible. The reason is that nowadays the competence to enter excellent schools is fierce. Students suffer from a lot of stress and pressure from parents and society. From a very young age, they have to work hard for limited space in the prestigious schools in order to earn them a promising future. In this situation, they have to face more assignments and knowledge than students with the same age in the past. As a result, when imparted the same knowledge, they will accept them more quickly and have a deeper understanding of the knowledge.

Furthermore, what strikes me most is that students living in contemporary age have a higher chance to be educated because with the steady development of technology, our economic as well as education system have been greatly improved. In the past, families were often so poor that they did not afford all of their children to go to schools. The schools were of low quality. While in this day and age there are better resources and facilities available for modern students than previous times. A large number of shcools has their own library and sports gym which provide a well environment for students both study and exercise.  In library, students can easily access to a massive information and books they need in order to study or do further research. The development of technology also benefits students' study since the Internet also provide abundant information for students to look for materials.  Therefore, previous students are harder to become education due to limited conditions.

In sum, by taking into account all these factors discussed above, we may sagely arrive at the consideration that modern technology make students more easily access to adequate study materials whereas previous environment make students more exposure to concentration analysis.

小滋滋

The lecture is skeptical about the statement in the reading passage that the presence of three materials prove remains of actual tissues of the T.rex. The professor suggests that the reasoning is unconvincing.

Firstly, the reading passage contends that the presence of soft substance represents the remains of actual blood vessels of T.rex, whereas the professor points out that it is definitely not true.  She then proves her point by saying that after the animals died, the bacteria colonize the bones of animals. Thus, the substance may be the materials that bacteria left when it reside in the animals.

Furthermore, despite the statement in the reading passage that spheres provide evidence to the existence of remains of actual read blood cells, the professor argues that the statement is questionable. The reason is that if primitive animals which found in the same place with T.rex did not have red blood cells, they did not remain spheres. The materials must be other agents existing such as pieces mineral.

Finally, the reading passage asserts that the presence of collagen can prove the remains of actual collagen matrix. However, the professor contradicts this by saying that till now we can not find fossils that are older than 150 hundred years ago while the the collagen lasted for more than 1000 thousand years ago, so the conclusion must be false. The materials probablly come from human skin.

In sum, points in the lecture contrasts with the reading passage. It demonstrates the reading passage in doubt.

AnthonySummer

11.8 People are more easier to become educated than in the past

Education plays an essential role in one's life. When it comes to the issue whether modern people are more easier to be educated than ancient people, different people will hold different views due to their different backgrounds. Some people claim that modern students are more difficult to become educated than in the past since they are confronted of more entertainment that distract their focus on study, (我感覺是寫受教育的機會吧，而不是改造一個人）while others contend that modern society provides a better study environment for modern students than in the past. From my point of view, I agree with the author's assertion in general. However, the author explores the assertion to an irreversible extreme while ingrowing other factors which also influence the issue.



On the one hand, I have to point out that previous students （是以前的student吧）are easier to be educated since there are more entertainments in modern society that may distract the students' focus on the study than in the past. Thereis（用are後面+theaters）movie theaterfor students to go to watch the latest movies. There are parks for students to enjoy the beautiful scenery. There are a variety of restaurants for students to taste delicious food. However, if you lived in the past, there is no entertainment to relax, what you can only do is to study. Obviously, previous students spend more time on the study（或者studying）and are more easier to be educated.



On the other hand, a more rational and considerable judgement is needed to consider (感覺缺少連詞） different aspects of the issue as adequately as possible. Firstly, what is worth noticing is that modern students have more knowledge accumulation （have accumulated much more knowledge，你這個knowledge accumulation貌似有些chinglish）than students in the past and therefore reduce the burdens of teachers, making easier education possible （表達chinglish）. The reason is that nowadays the competence to enter excellent schools is fierce. Students suffer from a lot of stress and pressure from parents and society. From a very young age, they have to work hard for limited space in the prestigious schools in order to earn them a promising future. In this situation, they have to face more assignments and knowledge than students with the same age in the past. As a result, when imparted the same knowledge, they will accept them more quickly and have a deeper understanding of the knowledge. (最後一段不知是何意思）



Furthermore, what strikes me most is that students living in the contemporary age have a higher chance to be educated because with the steady development of technology, our economic as well as education system have been greatly improved. In the past, families were often so poor that they did not （cannot） afford all of their children to go to schools. The schools were of low quality（chinglish）. While in this day and age there are better resources and facilities available for modern students than previous times. A large number of schoolshave their own library and sports gym which provide a well environment for students to both study and exercise. In library, students can easily access to a massive information and books they need in order to study or do further research. The development of technology also benefits students' study since the Internet also provide （provided）abundant information for students to look for materials. Therefore, previous students are harder to become education due to limited conditions.



In sum, by taking into account all these factors discussed above, we may sagely arrive at the consideration that modern technology make students more easily access to adequate study materials whereas previous environment make students more exposure to concentration analysis.