正儿八经潜水的作文贴，诚心互批，共同进步！

正儿八经潜水

好的，谢谢批改。
raise a question提出问题
as to 关于
没有stricted的说法
谢谢关于cotrary的解释，我查了一下，on the contrary是指相反地，in contrast有相对比的意思
嗯，长短句问题我没注意到
确实应该是weigh down,weight down是指承受负担
为什么I不应该出现？没听过这种说法哎
那个因果关系确实不对，改成了but they can not be indicated by their clothing because they all wear worn clothes.

小滋滋

11.6改
The passage explores the issue (about) ethanol fuel which are made from plants. The writer thinks that it’s not a good idea to replace gasoline with ethanol fuels. (前两句可以合成一句话)The professor’s lecture also deals with the same topic. However, he thinks that ethanol is a good alternative. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
First, the passage suggests that ethanol fuel would not solve the environmental problem called global warming because carbon dioxide would also be released when ethanol is burned for fuel. The professor argues that growing plants absorb carbon dioxide from the air as a part of their nutrition, counteracting the release of carbon dioxide.
Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that large amounts of the production of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses other than fuel, such as feeding animals. The professor says that we can produce ethanol using(by) cellulose which are mostly in parts of plants that are not eaten by animals.
Finally, the professor asserts that ethanol fuel are（is） able to compete with gasoline on price in the long run, though the passages claims that ethanol would not be so cheap once the government stops tax subsidies. The professor then proves his opinion by pointing out that the price of ethanol would go down as the production increases if enough people buy ethanol fuel.

整体很好啦，但是不太知道would用为情态动词在这里对不对，但如果楼主只是想表达will的意思，就没有必要用过去式啦，也没有虚拟，我也不知道说得对不对。您再斟酌下哈@@

angelgabriel

now easier to become educated

我觉得idea表达的不太准确，如果我写，会写3个原因：
1. improved transportation, faster, more choice and more convenient
2. various means of teaching, long distance, internet, tutoring
3. more educational resource, concentrated schools in city, many teachers, policy about free compulsory education

正儿八经潜水

11.12.独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

One major difference between people’s opinions in the emphasis on strategy gives rise to an issue, that is, whether people should be patient to take action later or take action now. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the opinion that we should be patient when dealing with all kinds of things.

The first reason coming to my mind is that things may be accomplished more quickly as long as we have patience, even though the actions are taken later. As students, I would like to take our paper assignments for instance. When professors ask us to write paper within a short time, maybe just one day, most of us always rush to their computers and begin writing immediately without considering that if they have enough data corresponding to the titles they choose. The result is that they always can not accomplish their assignments before the deadline. In contract, students who prefer to search for information first are usually able to hand in their assignment on time.

What is equally important is the fact that slow work yields fine products. By analogy, that is having patience can bing us perfect results. In the modern days, people usually hope to enjoy a perfect travel during the vacation, escaping endless pressure on weekdays. Here comes two kinds of results. Absolutely, people who make a detailed plan patiently can enjoy their vacation and come back to work with a good mood. However, people who begin their travel as soon as the vacation begins not necessarily brings back such a good mood. Trivial matters, such as waiting a long time for the flight, leaving the wallet at home or losing maps may drive them crazy.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, patience sometimes decides success or failure, even to countries. Territorial disputes are usual in the military field. Once trapped in such a trouble, some countries choose to negotiate patiently to release the tense situation, as well as to keep peace of the world, while some countries are inclined  to start a war immediately without critical thinking. The later may win during the war finally , but the cost is enormous. People of both countries have to experience the disaster.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that patience is exactly a good strategy. Sometimes, it can make things accomplished more quickly and make us enjoy a perfect plan. What is amazing, it can even prevent wars between countries to keep peace.

正儿八经潜水

11.12.综合TPO24
The passage explores the topic of the fossil of a dinosaur. The writer thinks it contains remains of the actual tissues. The lecture also deals with the same topic. However, the professor thinks that the identifications made in the passage are skeptical. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, the passage suggests that the soft substance inside the channels may represent the remains of the blood vessels of the dinosaur, because the channels probably correspond to hollows where blood vessels were once located. The professor argues that the soft substance may be something else, such as organic material left by bacteria.

Moreover, in the passage the writer states that the spheres including iron may be the remains of red blood cells. The professor also does not agree with it. He says that fossils including reddish spheres of other animals living in the same place did not have red blood cells when they were alive. The spheres may be pieces of reddish mineral.

Finally, the professor asserts that collagen has never been found in fossils of animals alive over 1000 years. Collagen probably cannot last longer than that. It is just too impossible that collagen is found in fossil of the dinosaur 70 million years ago. The collagen may come from other more reasonable sources, such as, researchers’ skin.

bonnenuit

The passage explores the topic of the fossil of a dinosaur. The writer thinks it contains remains of the actual tissues(我觉得这两句话可以合起来写，或者把第一句the topic后面的部分换成第二句thinks后面的内容，这样更简洁）. The lecture also deals with the same topic. However, the professor thinks that the identifications made in the passage are skeptical. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, the passage suggests that the soft substance inside the channels may represent the remains of the blood vessels of the dinosaur, because the channels probably correspond to hollows where blood vessels were once located（这句可以去掉）. The professor argues that the soft substance may be something else, such as organic material left by bacteria.（这部分的内容偏少，可以再适当增加些内容，综合写作中如果能多写到一点听力的东西会更好）

Moreover, in the passage the writer states that the spheres including iron may be the remains of red blood cells. The professor also does not agree with it. He says that fossils including reddish spheres of other animals living in the same place did not have red blood cells when they（指代模糊） were alive. The spheres may be pieces of reddish mineral.

Finally, the professor asserts that collagen has never been found in fossils of animals alive over 1000 years（这句表达不是很准确，听力是collagen并不能在bone 中last超过one hundred thounsand,是10万年）. Collagen probably cannot last longer than that（这句话并到前面去，这样表达更简洁）. It is just too （too一般不用)impossible that collagen is found in fossil of the dinosaur 70 million years ago. The collagen may come from other more reasonable sources, such as, researchers’ skin

综合写作是可以完全按照模板写的 但我觉得你这个模板不是很好 建议你去网上找个更简洁更能逻辑表达的模板 比如新航道写作真经里面的模板 我就是用那个的

lizchang1990

查看附件哟!

正儿八经潜水

11月22日 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are more willing to help others than in the past?

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on helping others gives rise to an issue, whether young people today are more wiling to help others than in the last. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, young people are indeed more accommodating in the modern civilization than in the past.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, to some extent, quality is related to the level of being educated. Young people today have accepted higher education universally so that they usually have higher quality. From kindergarten age, parents and teachers have never stopped telling them that, helping others is a kind of traditional virtue and people who are accommodating will be more populated with others. In contrast, the whole society do not have the awareness of paying enough attention to kids’ moral education. As a matter of course, the character of helping others has not been emphasized to young people.

What is equally important is the fact that, young people are more likely to expand their interpersonal relationship networks through various approaches, including the approach of helping others. As the old saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Only being not mean to help others can a person get help from others when he or she is in trouble. However, in the past, social relations are not as complex as today. Young people are inclined to own a simple life instead of dealing with all kinds of people. In their view, helping others is considered to be meddling in someone else’s business.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, people who are willing to help others do not have to worry about getting in trouble because of the more sound legal system. Take a car accident for instance, when seeing a injured man ling on the road, young people in the past tend to choose to ignore him while young people today usually rush to the man and give him a favor. This is because, the former worries about being smeared as the culprit and he can not have his name cleared though he is actually innocent because of the defective legal system. Nevertheless, the later do not have such a worry.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, young people today are indeed more wiling to help others than in the last. This is because of the higher education, more complex social relations as well as the more sound legal system.

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are more willing to help others than in the past?

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on helping others gives rise to an issue, whether young people today are more wiling to help others than in the last past. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, 。。。觉得这句话说了光占字数的。 young people are indeed more accommodating in the modern civilization than in the past.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, to some extent, quality is related to the level of being educated. Young people today have accepted higher education universally so that they usually have higher quality. From kindergarten age, parents and teachers have never stopped telling them that, helping others is a kind of traditional virtue and people who are accommodating will be more populated with others. In contrast, the whole society do not have the awareness of paying enough attention to kids’ moral education. As a matter of course, the character of helping others has not been emphasized to young people. 【老实说最后一句话我觉得有问题，但是也不知道怎么改，因为感觉你是想说helping others 没有被太强调，但是又不太清楚到底这个逻辑链应该是怎么样的。因为如果是这样的话那和你的中心有所冲突。】

What is equally important is the fact that, young people are more likely to expand their interpersonal relationship networks through various approaches, including the approach of helping others. As the old saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Only being not mean to help others can a person get help from others when he or she is in trouble. However, in the past, social relations are not as complex as today. Young people are inclined to own a simple life instead of dealing with all kinds of people. In their view, helping others is considered to be meddling in someone else’s business. 【还是感觉逻辑推理有点问题，你说社会越复杂那么人们更希望有简单的生活？？还是说过去的社会简单到大家都很简单所以各扫门前雪？？如果是这样的话那你后半段的时态都要换，要不然太晕了； 另外我不认同越复杂的社会关系让人更愿意帮助他人，逻辑推理在这一段不是特别有力。】
In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, people who are willing to help others do not have to worry about getting in trouble because of the more sound legal system. Take a car accident for instance, when seeing a injured man ling on the road, young people in the past tend to choose to ignore him while young people today usually rush to the man and give him a favor. This is because, the former worries about being smeared as the culprit and he can not have his name cleared though he is actually innocent because of the defective legal system. Nevertheless, the later do not have such a worry. 【好例子~】

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, young people today are indeed more wiling to help others than in the last past. This is because of the higher education, more complex social relations as well as the more sound legal system.
总结：注意了句子结构的正确性和完整性，很好很强大。长句越写越流畅。建议：长短句能配合就更好了。 还有第二段的论证感觉不太有说服力， 再推敲一下或者mine the words会更好。 就是觉得有些废话的表达太多了，纯属占字数。。。
另外，不好意思啊，我的作文可能还要晚点才能上传，到时候我写好了给你留言。

正儿八经潜水

11月29日 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on happiness gives rise to an issue, whether job has more effect on happiness than social life does. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, happiness is more affected by job than social life.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, people spend most of their time on working rather than social life. It goes without saying that, in most cases, their mood is closely collected to their jobs. People who like their jobs and enjoy everyday working tend to have access to happiness whereas those who take on enormous working pressure usually feel unhappy. What is more important is that, they have to keep on working for quiet a long time with a good or bad mood every weekday. However, time spent on social life is much shorter, and usually just for release pressure rather than achieve happiness.

What is equally important is the fact that, to most people, job means survival and survival is the prerequisite of happiness. There is no doubt that, the topic of happiness will be no meaningful if a person can not get a job. Just take beggars for instance, they have to worry about survival every day. Will you collet the word happiness to them? It is obvious that your answer is no. In terms of social life, such as doing exercise in a gym or going to a concert , they are dispensable in people’s life. Especially in the modern society, some workaholics who have no social life can get enough happiness only though working.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, job can bring people the sense of achievement as well as help them realize individual values so that people will feel happy. As is known to all, many people choose a job because the job carries their dreams. Take my friend Tim for example, he had dreamed of becoming a scientist since he was a kid and his dream came true after graduation. Even though he must put up with baldness and face failure again and again when doing research, he said it was really the happiest moment every time he made a little breakthrough. It is obvious that social life can not bring people such happiness.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, job indeed has more effect on happiness than social life does. Because people have to spend most of their time on working. Besides, job means survival and survival is the prerequisite of happiness. What’s more, achievements in a job can bring people happiness which social life can’t.