正儿八经潜水的作文贴，诚心互批，共同进步！

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正儿八经潜水

11 December  Independent Writing
If your friend needs help in a course, and you just do well in the course. Which way do you think is better for your friend, ask you for help or ask a specialized tutor for help?

If your friend needs help in a course, and you just do well in the course. Which way do you think is better for your friend, ask you for help or ask a specialized tutor for help? My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, absolutely, I will advice my friend to ask a specialized tutor for help.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, generally speaking, a tutor is more professional and able to help students have deeply understanding of the course with higher efficiency. That is the kind of help a friend cannot offer. Just take myself as an example, during the process of my preparing for the TOEFL test, at first I learned by myself according to instructions from the Internet. However, the progress was so slow that I even cannot seize skills of solving several simple problems. Finally, I enrolled in the training class and achieved the expected progress with the help from a tutor.

What is equally important is the fact that people are usually more concentrated on one thing and respecting to get paid after they have spent a lot of money on it. Still take myself for instance, I cannot swim until last year even though I grown up near a river.Since I was a kid, my father has been teaching me to swim, but I was just enjoying sporting in the water, never paying attention to swimming skills. Finally, my father could do nothing with me so that he invited a tutor home to teach me to swim. Strange to say, I suddenly became serious after I knew the high tutor fee. Of course, I made it soon.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that there are certain disadvantages when helping friends with a course. For one thing, friends can always come up with topics of their usual hobbies as long as they are together, no matter what they should be focusing on. For another, as friends, we really having difficulties being strict to friends even though we are talking about academic problems. All the disadvantages always prevent friends from understanding the essence of a course.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that it is better for friends to ask a tour for help than ask you for help. Because a tutor is more professional and people are more willing to learn after paying for it. Besides, asking friends for help cannot make them have deeply understanding.

perfectends

If your friend needs help ina course, and you just do well in the course. W , which way do you think is better for your friend, ? Aask you for help or ask a specialized tutor for help? Myreflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences,leads me to hold an attitude that, absolutely, I will advice my friend to ask aspecialized tutor for help.

The first reason coming to my mind is that,generally speaking, a tutor is more professional and able to help students havedeeply understanding of the course with higher efficiency(这个用法精彩). That is the kindof help a friend cannot offer. Just take myself as an example, during theprocess of my preparing for the TOEFL test, at first I learned by myself according to instructionsfrom the Internet. However, the progress was so slow that I even cannot seizeskills of solving several simple problems. Finally, I enrolled in the trainingclass and achieved the expected progress with the help from a tutor.（例子很好，论证待商榷，只是说明了有tutor比自学强，没有表达出MORE professionaland … ）

What is equally important is the fact thatpeople are usually more concentrated on one thing and respecting to get paidafter they have spent a lot of money on it. Still take myself for instance, Icannot swim until last year even though I grown up near a river.Since I was akid, my father has been teaching me to swim, but I was just enjoying sportingin the water, never paying attention to swimming skills. Finally, my fathercould do nothing with me so that he invited a tutorhome to teach me to swim. Strange to say, I suddenly became serious after Iknew the high tutor fee. Of course, I made it soon.

In addition to the above reasons reasons above （原表述比较中式）, another point I want tomake about this topic is that there are certain disadvantages when helpingfriends with a course. For onething, friends can always comeup with topics of their usual hobbies as long as they are together, no matterwhat they should be focusing on. For another, as friends, we really having difficulties on being strict to friends each other even though we are talking about academicproblems. All the disadvantages always prevent friends from understanding the essence（好词） of a course. 本段结构不错

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that it isbetter for your friends to ask a tour for help than ask you for help. Because a tutoris more professional and people are more willing to learn after paying for it.Besides, asking friends for help cannot make them have deeply understanding.

字数掌握的不错。
有些句型，词语，用的都有闪光点。
论证逻辑需要自己再理清思路。
关于我的标注:红色字体&黄色高亮为修改的；绿色为闪光点。

正儿八经潜水

12 December
Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? College or University should offer more preparation before students start working.



One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on university’s preparation for students’ working gives rise to an issue, that is, whether university should offer more preparation before students start working. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to an attitude that more preparation offered by university for students’ working is absolutely needed.



The first reason coming to my mind is that university should offer more practice courses to help students improve skills of applying professional knowledge to the real work. As is known to all, learning empty theories is not the purpose for which we go to university. It is a common phenomenon in the modern society that some people are refused by companies even though they own a doctor degree. This is because, they are sometimes considered as bookish persons from Ivory tower. It is obvious that companies do not welcome such kind of people.



What is equally important is the fact that university should found a employment center to analyse employment situations and organize on-campus job fair for students. For one thing, analysis data will tell students what kind of talent is sufficient and what kind is insufficient in the future. Then, they can choose a comparatively suitable job combing with their own situation to avoid detours. For another, on-campus job fair is more targeted so that it can offer students more chances to get jobs that are closely related to their majors.



In addition to the reasons above, another point I want to make about this topic is that university should offer employment guidance for students. In the first place, I believe that a mock interview is necessary. Generally, most students have no interview experience and they usually get nervous with their mind going blank when facing interviewers. A mock interview can help them overcome such psychological obstacles. Besides, courses teaching how to deal with others in the work environment are also needed. After all, most students never fully integrate into the society.



Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that more preparation offered by university are indeed needed for students before they start working. That includes more practice courses and a employment center as well as employment guidance.

阿伦艾弗森

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on university’s preparation for students’ working gives rise to an issue, that is, whether university should offer more preparation before students start working. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to an attitude that more preparation offered by university for students’ working is absolutely needed.



The first reason coming to my mind is that university should offer more practice courses to help students improve skills of applying professional knowledge to the real work. As is known to all, learning empty theories is not the purpose for which（目的的话应该用表原因的特殊疑问词吧）we go to university.（总觉得这句话的learning没有逻辑主语）It is a common phenomenon in the modern society that some people are refused by companies even though they own a doctor degree.（主谓一致）This（文中一般不要单独出现this做指代） is because, they are sometimes considered as bookish persons from Ivory tower. It is obvious that companies do not welcome such kind of people.（句末如果能重申一下段落的主题可能会更好）



What is equally important is the fact that university should found an employment center to analyse employment situations and organize on-campus job fair for students. For one thing, analysis data will tell students what kind of talent is sufficient and what kind is insufficient in the future. Then, they can choose a comparatively suitable job（主谓一致）combing with their own situations to avoid detours. For another, on-campus job fair is more targeted so that it can offer students more chances to get jobs that are closely related to their majors.



In addition to the reasons above, another point I want to make about this topic is that university should offer employment guidance for students. In the first place, I believe that a mock interview is necessary. Generally, most students have no interview experience and they usually get nervous with their mind going blank when facing interviewers.(这句话两个连接词两个谓语，少谓语) A mock interview（我觉得用复数更好）can help them overcome such psychological obstacles. Besides, courses teaching how to deal with others in the work environment are also needed. After all, most students never fully integrate into the society.



Well,（过于口语化了）in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that more preparation offered by university are indeed needed for students before they start working. That includes more practice courses and a employment center as well as employment guidance.


注意长短句的结合。建议3长句+1短句可使文章更清晰

一点拙见，还望共同进步~！