正儿八经潜水的作文贴，诚心互批，共同进步！

margrate

独立  FROM MARGRATE

margrate

MM，我改错人了  还是发你看看吧

阿伦艾弗森

It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)赞成反对题

One major differencebetween(between出现后面最好有and)the government expenditure in the emphasis on buildings （主语过度啰嗦，有点头重脚轻）gives rise to an issue of whether it's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices such as swimming pool and playgrounds.（这一句太长，太罗嗦，建议长短句结合开头）My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as （并列结构出现最好前后一致）my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the opinion that building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices. After all, neither pushing spiritually literate nor enriching recreation can be omitted in the contemporary society.（长难句过多，太绕了）

The first reason coming to my mind is that many people gradually have a graceful disposition and a refined style of conservation after they are exposure to art or music for a long time.（建议改成after exposuring to art or music for a long time, people gradually have a grace ful disposition.）They always pay more attention to spiritual communication and stories closely linking to a painting or a song usually arouse a resonance for them.（别扭，如果and后的主语是stories的话最好重启一句) Take my friend Perilla as an instance, she originally had no sense of art until she one day entered an art museum occasionally. What surprised me was that she uncompromisingly gave up her original major after going back to school and finally chose art as her future development plan. Later she told me that she was just shocked by one painting combining Impressionism and Realism.（句末来个对例子的总结吧，点明一下观点）

What is equally important is the fact that in the real life every day people have to face so many kinds of stress of monotonous work, study or something else except enjoying art or music that variety becomes the necessary spice of life. （important后最好直接跟你的主管点，不要太啰嗦了）Recreational devices such as swimming pools and playgrounds exactly provide an available approach for people to relax the pressure. In addition, nowadays people who have a gift for sports activities prefer to take sports causes as their career rather than consider them as just recreation in the traditional view. In this sense, building recreational devices such as swimming pools and playgrounds is absolutely not dispensable.（双重否定，很不错） To some extent, sports are a kind of art.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that art, music as well as sports can help us understand differences between Chinese and foreign cultures better. In the process of culture communication and exchange, we can take the essence and discard the dregs to push national’s literate spiritually and to invigorate national’s health effectively（最好写一下音乐，艺术在其中起到的作用）. As the old saying goes, “only by increasing both the intrinsic and extrinsic power can a country thrive and blossom in the long run”. Therefore, it is really hard to say which is more important in terms of the government expenditure on building art museums and music performance center or recreational devices.

Well,（太过口语化了） in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that all the above kinds of buildings are  important. Art and music can show the inner while some recreation can show the external. Neither one can be omitted.


1.句子使用的时候最好能长短句结合来看。并不是长难句组成的文章就是好的
2.文章整体显得有点笨拙，很多句子可以拆成短小些的小句，更好理解。
3.注意要把TS融入你给的例子中。而不是单纯的说例子，造成例子主题隔离的感觉。


一点拙见，还望共同进步！~

正儿八经潜水

10.16.综合

The reading passage explores the issue of that the best way to attack a project is to assemble a group of people into a team. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that teamwork have several disadvantages, which contradicts what the reading passage states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, even though the reading passage suggests that a group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it, the professor argues in the lecture that the project doesn’t move very quickly. This is because it takes a long time to reach consensus and it takes many meetings to build the agreement. Obviously, the professor’s argument disproves its counterpart in the reading passage.

Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that a group can come up with highly creative solutions to problems and issues, the professor contends that an idea may be quickly dropped and the project may fail.Then he supports this point with the fact that the influencers in the group may consider that others’ ideas will never work and insist on their own incorrect ideas.

Finally, the professor asserts that taking part in a group process can be very rewarding whereas the author of the reading passage claims that some members choose to get free ride. Then the professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that some members who don’t contribute to the project can also benefit from the good job .

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading passage, that is, the best way to attack a project is to assemble a group of people into a team, is incorrect.

AnthonySummer

10.16.综合



The reading passage explores the issue of what the best way to attack a project is to assemble a group of people into a team. The professor's lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that teamwork has several disadvantages, which contradict what the reading passage states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.



First, even though the reading passage suggests that a group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it, the professor argues in the lecture that the project doesn't move very quickly. This is because it takes a long time to reach a consensus and it takes many meetings to build the agreement. Obviously, the professor's argument disproves its counterpart in the reading passage.



Moreover, despite（动词可以做主语吗？） the statement in the reading that a group can come up with highly creative solutions to problems and issues, the professor contends that an idea may be quickly dropped and the project may fail. Then（标点） he supports this point with the fact that the influences in the group may consider that others' (最好说明是谁)ideas will never work and insist on their own incorrect ideas.



Finally, the professor asserts that taking part in a group process can be very rewarding whereas the author of the reading passage claims that some members choose to get a free ride. Then the professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that some members who don't contribute to the project can also benefit from the good job .



In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading passage, that is, the best way to attack a project is to assemble a group of people into a team, is incorrect.

写的不错，就是很多听力细节没写到，加油加油！

正儿八经潜水

10.29.独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.赞成反对题

One major difference between the government expenditure in the emphasis on environmental protection and economic development gives rise to an issue. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the opinion that, generally, it’s hard to say on which part should governments focus more budgets.
The first reason coming to my mind is that neither protecting the environment nor developing the economy can be ignored in the contemporary society. After all, the survival of human is closely related to the environment. People can not live long in an awful environment. Having access to a fine environment has been the consistent and permanent goal of countries all over the world. However, we must also commit that the economy is essential for enforcement of any regulations, including regulations about protecting the environment.
What is equally important is the fact that the unbalanced investment to environmental protection and economic development will lead to the unbalanced development of the whole society. Just imagine an extreme that, in a country with fresh air and peaceful atmosphere, people wander around looking at the beautiful sceneries surrounding them. Do not you feel depressed? It seems that the whole country loses its vitality. There’s no sign indicating what economy is. Obviously, not enough budgets focused on economic development could result in a stagnant country.
In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that specific allocation of the government expenditure applies to specific periods. Take the economic depression for instance, the government ought to focus its budgets more on economic development during the depression. Relevant government investments and economic policies are needed to stimulate the development of the economy. The government should make the whole country to recover to its statement of the balanced, stable, and sustainable development.
Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that enough budgets should be focused on both environmental protection and economic development. Sometimes the budgets must depend on the relevant social background.

正儿八经潜水

10.29.综合TPO 15
The passage explores the issue of several measures that have been proposed to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. The professor’s lecture also deals with the same topic. However, he thinks the measures in the passage are likely to be unsuccessful or to cause environmental damage.
In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
Even though the passage suggests that building a national fence can prevent the spread of the toad, the professor argues that it’s not effective. This is because young toads and toad eggs are living in rivers and streams flowing from one side to another wherever the fence is located.
Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that toads could be captured and destroyed by volunteers, the professor says that untrained volunteers could destroy some native endangered frogs. After all, it’s not easy to tell toads from frogs especially when they are young.
Finally, the professor asserts that using the virus could cause terrible consequences for cane toads in America, though the passage claims that the virus could control the cane toad populations. The professor then proves his opinion by pointing out that the virus will attack the native cane toads which are a vital part of the ecosystem once it reaches America through animal transportation.

正儿八经潜水

11.6.独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character.

Nowadays it is widely acknowledged that dress has played an essential role in people’s life. As a result, the question is often raised as to whether the way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character. To this question, I tend to hold a neutral attitude that, generally, dress depends on personality or character, but, sometimes it depends on specific situation as well as financial condition.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, generally, what we choose to wear every day does reflect our various personalities and characters. Dark, tailored clothing is sobering and businesslike, while bright, easy-fitting attire is playful and relaxing. People choosing the former style are usually strict and taking everything seriously. It goes without saying that others can always count on them without worries. On the contrary, people choosing the later style are usually easygoing and seeming to enjoy everything. As a matter of course, they are persons others like to have in collective activities.

What is equally important is the fact that, sometimes, people have no choice but to wear a fixed style of clothing to put themselves in a particular mood or to achieve a particular purpose according to specific situations, such as taking part in a funeral ceremony or a theme party, or something. On a funeral ceremony, people’s mind are usually weighted down. Everyone is supposed to wear suit to look formal to show respect to the dead. By the same token, if you don’t wear pajamas when you are invited to a pajamas party, you will look so weird and your friend may think you are not interested in the organization.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, sometimes, the financial condition determines what a person dresses. If people can’t solve the problem of adequate food, how can they pay attention to everyday clothing? Take beggars for instance, obviously, their personalities and characters absolutely differ from each other though they all wear worn clothes. There must be problems of one kind or anther that lead to their tragic life and most of them necessarily have to solve the problem of food instead of clothing. Only when people can afford clothing will the issue has meaning.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that it’s hard to say dress is an indication of personality or character. After all, it sometimes depends on specific situation as well as financial condition.

正儿八经潜水

11.6.综合TPO22
The passage explores the issue ethanol fuel which are made from plants. The writer thinks that it’s not a good idea to replace gasoline with ethanol fuels. The professor’s lecture also deals with the same topic. However, he thinks that ethanol is a good alternative. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
First, the passage suggests that ethanol fuel would not solve the environmental problem called global warming because carbon dioxide would also be released when ethanol is burned for fuel. The professor argues that growing plants absorb carbon dioxide from the air as a part of their nutrition, counteracting the release of carbon dioxide.
Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that large amounts of the production of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses other than fuel, such as feeding animals. The professor says that we can produce ethanol using cellulose which are mostly in parts of plants that are not eaten by animals.
Finally, the professor asserts that ethanol fuel are able to compete with gasoline on price in the long run, though the passages claims that ethanol would not be so cheap once the government stops tax subsidies. The professor then proves his opinion by pointing out that the price of ethanol would go down as the production increases if enough people buy ethanol fuel.

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Nowadays it is widely acknowledged that dress has played an essential role in people’s life. As a result, the question is often raised【be raised 是被动语态，与语义不符, 而且question没有做话题啊之类的意思，所以question be raised不正确哦。 】 as to whether the way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character. 着实没有看明白这句话要说啥。因为as to 引导后面的应该是结果吧，那么后面的结果到底是陈述呢还是陈述呢还是陈述呢。To this question, I tend to hold a neutral attitude that, generally, dress depends on personality or character, but, sometimes it depends on specific situation as well as financial condition. 这个千回百转的thesis statement让小生看得一跳一跳的。。。

The first reason coming to my mind is that, generally, what we choose to wear every day does reflect our various personalities and characters. 很标准的subpoint Dark, tailored clothing is sobering and businesslike, while bright, easy-fitting attire is playful and relaxing. People choosing the former style are usually stricted and taking everything seriously. It goes without saying that others can always count on them without worries. On the contrary, 【建议重新看下 on the contrary的定义， on the contrary 不等于 in contrast, 而是更倾向于instead 的转折表达，是对前面叙述的否定，而非对比】 people choosing the later style are usually easygoing and seeming to enjoy everything. As a matter of course, they are persons others like to have in collective activities.

What is equally important is the fact that, sometimes, people have no choice but to wear a fixed style of clothing to put themselves in a particular mood or to achieve a particular purpose according to specific situations, such as taking part in a funeral ceremony or a theme party, or something.娘啊，这句话好长。分开小句小句得写下会不会好点？ On a funeral ceremony, people’s mind are usually weighted不太确定有无此表达。。。倒是有weighed down这个说法，如：With a mind weighed down by depression, blabla... down. Everyone is supposed to wear suit to look formal to show respect to the dead. By the same token, if you don’t wear pajamas when you are invited to a pajamas party, you will look so weird and your friend may think you are not interested in the organization.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, 我还是认为I这个词不用出现在作文中。。。 sometimes, the financial condition determines what how a person dresses. If people can’t少用缩写。 solve the problem of adequate food, how can they pay attention to everyday clothing? Take the beggars for instance, obviously, their personalities and characters absolutely differ from each other though they all wear worn clothes. ？？？不太明白这个因果关系式咋来的There must be problems of one kind or anther that lead to their tragic life and most of them necessarily have to solve the problem of food instead of clothing. Only when people can afford clothing will the issue has meaning.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that it’s hard to say dress is an indication of personality or character. After all, it sometimes depends on specific situation as well as financial condition.

抱歉啊楼主，我们是互改116独立的搭子。因为今天有事所以先post上来我的批改，我的作文大概今天晚上或者明天早上才能上来，给你带来的不便深表抱歉。我交作业会第一时间通知你的~