『写作小分队』 求轰炸

margrate

黄色高亮为精彩
The best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them the significance of the subject outside of school.
Have you found that students are not capable enough to recognize the importance of the subject in society even there are teachers teaching them? Have you ever found that students will always get bored when their teacher repeats again and again about how important it is to learn a certain subject? Have you also found that students always show great interests when they can handle experiments or play the roles by themselves? If the answers are yes, you will be undoubtedly stand on my side with the opinion that notifying the students the important role a subject plays in society will not be the best way to increase their enthusiasm to a subject.  
First of all, even though you tell them the significance of the subject outside of school, it is obviously that, as pupils, high school students, even college students, they would be unnecessary to realize the significance of the subject. According to studies formfrom educational researchers, they point out that students, especially the young ones, have difficulty in establishing a mature recognition about what they are doing. Therefore, it is always less efficient to intensify students' interest in a subject thoughtthrough persuading them the significance of a certain subject outside of school.

Moreover, young students are not willing to do what you teach them. The statistic study revealed that the more times you repeat, the more the young students will reject. It is not a good way to enforce the students to learn something passively. However, we can encourage the students to learn more actively by changing a little about our teaching method. 【可以改成被动 students can be easily encouraged to learn more actively by changin a little about the teaching methods.】Meanwhile, they could recognize the significance and necessity to obtain some knowledge. Unexpectedly, it is more likely to improve their interests.

In order to enhance students' enthusiasm, it would be better to open some pragmatic subjects, instead of subjects in which students could only get the knowledge from their book. That is to say, the students will learn more if they can either learn by themselves or learn from practice. In my college, teachers are prone to strengthen the role of students in classes. Not only will students be arranged to play different roles which exist in real company, but also they have to cope with specific problems that they will encounter in company. As a result of this arrangement, students do realize what they have to master,  and what will constrain their business. Therefore, because of the vivid simulation practice, students do show great interests in the subjects they learn.

In conclusion, it obviously seems that making the students play the role is superior to stressing and repeating the significance of a subject outside of school. Furthermore, it also appears that students’ interests are negatively molded by teaching the importance of subjects to students.


文章写得非常流畅，个别笔误以外，没发现什么语法问题。。膜拜中。。。
论据和举例也很合理，学习了。。
我表示改margaret童鞋作文 各种不忍心改。。生怕破坏了某种结构。。

-- by 会员 最后一次杀T (2012/10/4 23:08:44)

那个被动的句子改的真好！感觉都不一样了！我30分钟内都木有写完的，conclusion和finanlly都是后来补上的。多谢了

margrate

The lecture and the reading passage explore the influences of "let it burn" policy of 1988 Yellowstone Fire. The reading passage asserts it to be destructive, however, the professor points out that the fire also brought about creation. Furthermore, the fire was fundamental to the environment.

First of all, the passage believes that tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation were caused by the fires. As a matter of fact, the professor says that the scorched land created new opportunities for more plants to live in the land. Vegetation seeds also appeared on high level. This is the first point where the lecture is inconsistent with the reading passage.

Moreover, the professor also proposes that not only did the fires lead to the increase of animal population, but also made more chances for new species. The destructive habitat became the ideal habitats for other small animals, such as rabbit and hears. Then the whole food chains had been strengthened and became stronger than before. This is another point which contrary to the reading passage that the park wildlife was affected.

Finally, the reading passage deems that the fire had a negative influence on the local tourist economy. In fact, the lower number of tourists in that year was unusual, because of the fierce fire, intrigued by the unusual strong wind, mentioned by the professor. And there was also no fire like 1988 later on. Therefore, the tourists came back to the park during the next years. This was the third part that the reading passage and lecture conflicts with each other.

Above all, according to the professor, the fire actually generated more opportunities either to the plant and vegetation, or to the wildlife, or to the local economy.

margrate

TPO 19

The lecture apparently casts doubt on the critics about the buzzing in the reading passage. According to the passage, buzzing exerts negative influence on either the product information, the trustful claims of the buzzers, or the social relationships. However, yet none of them are consistent with the eye of the lecture.

First of all, the student claims that it is because the buzzers have used the products and the products are good that the consumers really get truth from the buzzers. In contrast, the reading passage points out that it is the payment for buzzers that motive them to promote the products to consumers so that consumers won't get truth. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the passage.

Moreover, the passage illustrates that consumers listen to buzzers less critically than they should do. In the lecture, the student contends that consumers do not believe whatever the buzzers say. As a matter of fact, consumers will ask a lot questions. If the buzzer is not able to answer the questions, consumers will not buy the products. The lecture also disapproves the standpoint in the passage.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that buzzing will lead to the diffusion of mistrust as well the expectation of dishonest. The student opposes the writer's expectation, contending that unless the quality of the products is good can the company recruit buzzers. Then the consumers introduced by buzzers will become more trustful and attract more consumers.

Above all, the points made in the lecture contradict with what is presented in the reading passage.

帮我改的同学麻烦帮忙看看怎么精简一下，我觉得写的好臃肿，字数有些多了，辛苦了

margrate

It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)

As exercising is playing a significant role in our society as entertainment is, building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices, such as swimming pool, playgrounds. None of them are dispensable to our society, our country, and our lives. I will stand on my side with the opinion that no one is more important than another one. That is to say, I suggest government should pay the same energy and resources to build art centers as to build recreational devices.

First, the unbalanced investment to the building of art centers and recreational devices will introduce unbalanced development of the whole society. Let us imagine that if the whole country pays much more to the development to the art center. It is the government itself that make the signal that we need more artists instead of athlete. What will happen next? The citizens will take it for granted that if their children learn arts, or related subjects, it will be guaranteed a promising job. Then the whole society will swamp into the unbalanced circumstances in which a short of physical experts will appeared in the near future. So whichever is over-strengthened, there will be an unbalance of the whole society. We have to keep the belief of sustainable development in mind.

Moreover, both art centers and recreational devices are harmoniously coordinated with each other to sustain our lives. Unless the two parts are mutually development, can the quality of lives be improved. Once a time, the Chinese government overstressed the development of the economy, leading to an educational fault. This principle is also appropriate for the development of the art centers and the recreational devices. So only one is flourishing, the other will undermine the effectiveness or ultimately negatively molded the thriving one.

Finally, the government should certainly pay relatively more attention to one of the two aspects during specific periods, aiming to enhance self-improvement either of art or of physics. For example, during the 2008 summer Olympic Games, the Chinese government invested much more on the construction of recreational devices, especially the construction of a lot versatile gymnasiums, with the purpose of encouraging citizen to participate in the Olympic Game. Meanwhile, the government also hopes to strengthen the consciousness of exercising of the citizens. It was pretty a reasonable way to help citizens establish such kind of thinking. When the art was weakening, the government should also commit more to the investment of the art museums and performance center.

Above all, it is unadvisable for the government to put into more to build art museums and music performance center than to build swimming poor, playgrounds and so on. Furthermore, a balanced and sustainable development of both orientations is encouraged.

30+10+10 455

正儿八经潜水

10.9.独立 修改
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)

As exercising（这里应该说art和music,可能笔误了）is playing a significant role in our society as entertainment is, building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices, such as swimming pool, playgrounds. None of them are dispensable to our society, our country, and our lives. I will stand on my side with the opinion that no one is more important than another one. That is to say, I suggest government should pay the same energy and resources to build art centers as to build recreational devices.

First, the unbalanced investment to the building of art centers and recreational devices will introduce unbalanced development of the whole society. Let us imagine that if the whole country pays much more to the development to（of） the art center. It is the government itself that makesthe signal that we need more artists instead of athlete. What will happen next? The citizens will take it for granted that if their children learn arts,（这里没必要加逗号） or related subjects, it will be guaranteed(guarantee) a promising job. Then the whole society will swamp into the unbalanced circumstances in which a short of physical experts will appeared(appear) in the near future. So whichever is over-strengthened, there will be an unbalance of the whole society. We have to keep the belief of the balanced, stable and(我觉得加了更好些)sustainable development in mind.
（第一个论点写得非常好，鉴于第三个论点，这段开头要加个In general为好）


Moreover, both art centers and recreational devices are harmoniously coordinated with each other to sustain(好像没有这种用法，建议用regulate) our lives. Unless the two parts are mutually development(developed),（这里没必要加逗号）can the quality of lives be improved. Once a time, the Chinese government overstressed the development of the economy, leading to an educational fault. This principle is also appropriate for the development of the art centers and the recreational devices.（这个类比似乎不准确，没什么联系）So only one is flourishing, the other onewill undermine the effectiveness or ultimately negatively molded(这里语法错了吧)the thriving one.

（这一段其实是想说两者对于生活是缺一不可的，我认为这个作为第一个论点更好，简单地叙述出两者各自的重要性。另外，2 hints: 这段中主要的主语是建筑，其实是不对的，因为不可以说建筑develop，可以说art和exercising ;三个论点的字数最好一个比一个长，不然容易被认为论证不充分，容易被扣分）

Finally, the government should certainly pay relatively more attention to one of the two aspects during specific periods, aiming to enhance self-improvement either of art or of physics. For example, during the 2008 summer Olympic Games, the Chinese government invested much more on the construction of recreational devices, especially the construction of a lot versatile gymnasiums, with the purpose of encouraging citizens to participate in the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, the government also hopes to strengthen the consciousness(awareness更好) of exercising of the citizens. It was pretty a reasonable way to help citizens establish such kind of thinking.Similarly ,when the art was weakening, the government should also commit more(就用pay more attention吧，commit用在这儿不合适) to the investment of(to)the art museums and performance center.

(这一段也写的不错)

Above all, it is unadvisable for the government to put into more（put more efforts） to build art museums and music performance center than to build swimming poor, playgrounds and so on. Furthermore, a balanced and sustainable development of both orientations is encouraged.(总结段要总结三个论点，还要加一句特殊情况特殊对待)

阿伦艾弗森

The lecture apparently casts doubt on the critics about the buzzing in the reading passage. According to the passage, buzzing exerts negative influence on either the product information, the trustful claims of the buzzers, or the social relationships. (可以不用交代这么详细，这样字数就少些了)However, yet （不要这样表肯定）none of them are consistent with the eye of the lecture.

First of all, the student claims thatit is because the buzzers have used the products and the products are good that the consumers really get truth from the buzzers.（建议改成：the consumers can get truth from buzzers who used products）(有一个phone service的小细节建议补全) In contrast, the reading passage points out that it is the payment for buzzers that motive them to promote the products to consumers so that consumers won't get truth. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the passage.

Moreover, the passage illustrates that consumers listen to buzzers less critically than they should do.（建议改成will lose critical thinking when they listen buzzers） In the lecture, the student contends that consumers do not believe （这个语气有点太强硬了，建议改成will just believe by buzzers answer their question）whatever the buzzers say. As a matter of fact, consumers will ask a lot questions. If the (不用特指)buzzer is not able to answer the questions, consumers will not buy the products. The lecture also disapproves the standpoint in the passage.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that buzzing will lead to the diffusion of mistrust as well the expectation of dishonest. The student opposes the writer's expectation, by contending that unless the quality of the products is good can the company recruit buzzers. Then the consumers introduced by buzzers will become more trustful and attract more consumers.(in social relationship)

Above all, the points made in the lecture contradict with what is presented in the reading passage.


一点拙见，还望共同进步

margrate

10.9.独立 修改
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)

As exercising（这里应该说art和music,可能笔误了）is playing a significant role in our society as entertainment is, building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices, such as swimming pool, playgrounds. None of them are dispensable to our society, our country, and our lives. I will stand on my side with the opinion that no one is more important than another one. That is to say, I suggest government should pay the same energy and resources to build art centers as to build recreational devices.

First, the unbalanced investment to the building of art centers and recreational devices will introduce unbalanced development of the whole society. Let us imagine that if the whole country pays much more to the development to（of） the art center. It is the government itself that makesthe signal that we need more artists instead of athlete. What will happen next? The citizens will take it for granted that if their children learn arts,（这里没必要加逗号） or related subjects, it will be guaranteed(guarantee) a promising job. Then the whole society will swamp into the unbalanced circumstances in which a short of physical experts will appeared(appear) in the near future. So whichever is over-strengthened, there will be an unbalance of the whole society. We have to keep the belief of the balanced, stable and(我觉得加了更好些)sustainable development in mind.
（第一个论点写得非常好，鉴于第三个论点，这段开头要加个In general为好）


Moreover, both art centers and recreational devices are harmoniously coordinated with each other to sustain(好像没有这种用法，建议用regulate) our lives. Unless the two parts are mutually development(developed),（这里没必要加逗号）can the quality of lives be improved. Once a time, the Chinese government overstressed the development of the economy, leading to an educational fault. This principle is also appropriate for the development of the art centers and the recreational devices.（这个类比似乎不准确，没什么联系）So only one is flourishing, the other onewill undermine the effectiveness or ultimately negatively molded(这里语法错了吧)the thriving one.

（这一段其实是想说两者对于生活是缺一不可的，我认为这个作为第一个论点更好，简单地叙述出两者各自的重要性。另外，2 hints: 这段中主要的主语是建筑，其实是不对的，因为不可以说建筑develop，可以说art和exercising ;三个论点的字数最好一个比一个长，不然容易被认为论证不充分，容易被扣分）

Finally, the government should certainly pay relatively more attention to one of the two aspects during specific periods, aiming to enhance self-improvement either of art or of physics. For example, during the 2008 summer Olympic Games, the Chinese government invested much more on the construction of recreational devices, especially the construction of a lot versatile gymnasiums, with the purpose of encouraging citizens to participate in the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, the government also hopes to strengthen the consciousness(awareness更好) of exercising of the citizens. It was pretty a reasonable way to help citizens establish such kind of thinking.Similarly ,when the art was weakening, the government should also commit more(就用pay more attention吧，commit用在这儿不合适) to the investment of(to)the art museums and performance center.

(这一段也写的不错)

Above all, it is unadvisable for the government to put into more（put more efforts） to build art museums and music performance center than to build swimming poor, playgrounds and so on. Furthermore, a balanced and sustainable development of both orientations is encouraged.(总结段要总结三个论点，还要加一句特殊情况特殊对待)

-- by 会员 正儿八经潜水 (2012/10/10 20:53:36)

你的意思是说将第一段和第二段的位置倒一下，对么？

陈喵喵holdon

The lecture and the reading passage explore the influences of "let it burn" policy of 1988 Yellowstone Fire. The reading passage asserts it to be destructive, however, the professor points out that the fire also brought about creation. Furthermore, the fire was fundamental to the environment似乎信息有误.(最好亮下两者的观点,reading反对此policy,professor支持.)

First of all, the passage believes that tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation were caused by the fires. As a matter of fact, the professor says that the scorched land created new opportunities for more plants to live in the land. Vegetation seeds also appeared on high level. This is the first point where the lecture is inconsistent with the reading passage.(缺少lecture中信息:火灾后植被更diverse)

Moreover, the professor also(有moreover再用also感觉有点重复) proposes that not only did the fires lead to the increase of animal population, but also made more chances for new species. The destructive habitat became the ideal habitats for other small animals, such as rabbit and hears(hear是什么). Then the whole food chains had been strengthened and became stronger than before. This is another point which contrary to the reading passage that the park wildlife was affected.

Finally, the reading passage deems that the fire had a negative influence on the local tourist economy. In fact, the lower(smaller) number of tourists in that year was unusual, because of the fierce fire, intrigued by the unusual strong wind, mentioned by the professor. And there was also no fire like 1988 later on. Therefore, the tourists came back to the park during the next years. This was the third part that the reading passage and lecture conflicts with each other.

Above all, according to the professor, the fire actually generated more opportunities either to the plant and vegetation, or to the wildlife, or to the local economy.(综合写作总结段不必要?)

-- by 会员 margrate (2012/10/9 16:07:55)

貌似以前也给你改过 口语小分队也见过 呵呵
条理很清楚,点也基本都到了,不过每段陈述的套路好像有点千篇一律,都是最后加上一句‘这是两者持的矛盾观点’,最好适当变通一下.
Good Luck..

margrate

The lecture and the reading passage explore the influences of "let it burn" policy of 1988 Yellowstone Fire. The reading passage asserts it to be destructive, however, the professor points out that the fire also brought about creation. Furthermore, the fire was fundamental to the environment似乎信息有误.(最好亮下两者的观点,reading反对此policy,professor支持.)

First of all, the passage believes that tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation were caused by the fires. As a matter of fact, the professor says that the scorched land created new opportunities for more plants to live in the land. Vegetation seeds also appeared on high level. This is the first point where the lecture is inconsistent with the reading passage.(缺少lecture中信息:火灾后植被更diverse)

Moreover, the professor also(有moreover再用also感觉有点重复) proposes that not only did the fires lead to the increase of animal population, but also made more chances for new species. The destructive habitat became the ideal habitats for other small animals, such as rabbit and hears(hear是什么). Then the whole food chains had been strengthened and became stronger than before. This is another point which contrary to the reading passage that the park wildlife was affected.

Finally, the reading passage deems that the fire had a negative influence on the local tourist economy. In fact, the lower(smaller) number of tourists in that year was unusual, because of the fierce fire, intrigued by the unusual strong wind, mentioned by the professor. And there was also no fire like 1988 later on. Therefore, the tourists came back to the park during the next years. This was the third part that the reading passage and lecture conflicts with each other.

Above all, according to the professor, the fire actually generated more opportunities either to the plant and vegetation, or to the wildlife, or to the local economy.(综合写作总结段不必要?)

-- by 会员 margrate (2012/10/9 16:07:55)

貌似以前也给你改过 口语小分队也见过 呵呵
条理很清楚,点也基本都到了,不过每段陈述的套路好像有点千篇一律,都是最后加上一句‘这是两者持的矛盾观点’,最好适当变通一下.
Good Luck..

-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/10/11 13:43:40)

额  我还没来得及更新呢  这个又重新写了一份  你要是有时间的话  就帮忙再看一下这一篇吧  应该是hare，打错了  hare=rabbit  意思相同，种类不同

我觉得最后一个总结好像也木有必要的

The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.

First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire create new opportunities for new plant species to survive which were not able to survive in the scorched place before. Some certain seeds now could exist in high level.

Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the firs. But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals increases, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hears. Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.

Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as the strong wind, the dry air. However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.

margrate

我写跑题了，求指导！这个hold不住
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.

Have you had such kind of feeling that you fell either tired or empty after you watch a movie which teach you nothing, just for wasting time? Have you noticed that you will be attracted automatically if the movies really teach you something about the real life? And are you deeply fascinated by movies that can tell you something, such as the love, the courage, the life meaning and so on? You will stand on my side with the opinion that movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.

The most important meaning for the movie is to impart unfamiliar things to human beings. According to a statistic analysis for China's film industry, it suggests that more than 70 percent of the consumers who go to theaters watching movie is young people, nearly 20 percent of them is children. It is not a surprise that the middle age people only account for 10 percent of them. The older adult's perspective, experiences are much richer than the young. So the young will find it is interesting to watch the movie for they could learn something really different from what they know. It is because the movies teach the something about the real life that they are willing to watch the movie.

It will be a luxury approach to waste your time if the movie does not tell you something meaningful. Even though some people indicate that watching movies, regardless of whether they are worth or meaningful, create more opportunities to share time with friends, families, this is not the point. However, the opposite is the right one. You spend time with your friends or families; it is because you want to share something happy or meaningful with them. So why do you waste your time watching a movie which just makes all of you disappointed? That is to say, if the movies are not able to grant something to us, they are not worth watching. Watching such kind of movies will also make you tired. After all, there are more ways for us to relax, to entertain, and to learning.

The meaningful movies which can tell us something about the real life will attract us automatically. Think about this: why do some television programs is so popular all the time, while some of them die out without any notice? It is the information, the different and new experience, and the various culture from another world that those programs teach us that make them prevail. Therefore, just like the spread of the television programs, the spread and popularity of movies are for the same reason. Recently, there is a very hot documentary movie The tip of the tongue of China, regarded as the most successful documentary movie of China, appealing thousands of Chinese people, especially the young. As we all know, the young commonly take fewer interests in documentary movies. It is the vivid illustration and the glorious knowledge of Chinese food that fascinate the young people. Such kind of movies is really worth watching.