『写作小分队』 求轰炸

超级无敌小鹤鹤

独立 批改ing
Subject: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place

Some people argue that although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place(这儿argue的宾语从句你直接引用了题目部分，这要最不是很明智~~ 建议你稍微用自己的语言改一下~~ eg：science and technology change the quality of our lives a lot and the most significant improvement has already taken place). This opinion not only undermines the important role that science and technology will play in our life and but also (灵活运用各种连接词~~ ) ignores the unremitting and profound influences that science and technology(they，和前面重复，可以用they替代，同时可省略that) will have. I definitely agree that more significant improvements for the quality of people's lives will incur continuously.

First, there is no the most significant improvement, however, there is only more significant improvement for the quality of people's lives(我明白你的意思，但是我觉得你这样表达好像有点太“中文翻译”了，如果是我写，我会这样写：First, no improvement for the quality of people's lives can be just considered as the most significant one, as some more significant ones will always appear sooner or later), triggered by continuing improvement of science and technology. For example, we hope that the train will go faster than ever before,(; 这儿改成分号更好) in the meantime, we also hope that alone with the enhancement of the speed, the safety will also be guaranteed. We expect the improvement on medical technology so that we can deal with any difficult miscellaneous diseases. We wish all things like that. Our need has to(will，这儿没必要用has to) be satisfied with the continuing improvement of science and technology which will lead to more significant improvement for the quality of people's lives.

Second, we could not deny the sustaining advancement brought about by science and technology to our life. Almost each impressive change on science and technology initiates a change in the quality of people's lives. For example, the success of the iPhone has made Apple the world's most profitable smartphone manufacturer. The iPhone has changed our ways to do things. We could possibly(possible在后面会引起whenever and wherever修饰possible的歧义) work whenever and wherever possible without taking a computer on our hands, which facilitate our life most(这儿好像还是用原级a lot好，没看出你这句话的比较色彩). The most important is that we, common people, have never envisioned this kind of change will come so quickly.(这句话写得挺好的，不过如果弄成倒装就perfect了~~ The most important is that this kind of changes come so quickly that we, common people, have never envisioned.) And such kinds of changes have taken place more quickly than before.(和前句意思重复，去掉之) When will the next profound change happen? How and how much it will improve the quality of people's life? No one could give us a certain answer.

Finally, the impact of science and technology has become and will be much more extensive and various. In history, it took more than 110 years from using steamer engine to using(from A to B，A和B要结构对等，既然A是using，B也要using~) electric power; 90 years from a word with electric power only into a digital world(one), characterized by atomic energy, information technology, and space technology. Surprisingly it took less than 40 years into the Information Revolution. As time goes, each intensive improvement has taken profound promotion for the quality of people's lives. Moreover, the comprehensive(这儿没明白你为什么用comprehensive) influences that the continuing improvement of science and technology on people's lives has become various, involving all aspects of our lives.

At last, (at last用在总结段落，逻辑上不是很好，不如用一个 So it is no doubt )that what will happen next minute for the achievements and consequences that science and technology could bring about are definitely beyond our expectation. The most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives will always happen driving by the improvement of science and technology.                                    

我觉得你的作文挺好的~~~ 所以你现在应该不仅仅要求自己去表达意思，而是要用尽量好的方式去表达~~ 感觉你倒装和强调句好像不怎么用，其实在作文中多用一些句式是很好的，尤其是像你这样基础不错的，多用一些表达，变换一些句式，文章一下就提高一个档次咯~~~
加油！高分可以的~~

Crystaljoy

最后一个高亮句子，是不是driven by 更好

Crystaljoy

写的太赞了，改的太好了！嗷嗷啊~

margrate

嗯，是应给用driven的，谢谢Crystaljoy

超级无敌小鹤鹤

恩恩 我大意了。。。

margrate

To HeHe

太感谢HeHe的批改了，许多地方都点到了问题所在，我正迷茫于该怎么继续写下去。写到这里，我是不是应该先去看一下一些参考书呢？有什么好的规划建议呢？因为时间紧张，所以要好好努力的

超级无敌小鹤鹤

你写得挺好的~~ 你现在的问题可能在怎么去更好的表达上了~ 你可以去看看185篇，不用学人家的结构和格式，主要去看看人家一些比较漂亮的、地道的表达~

margrate

Fighting 去！

margrate

The reading passage introduces three measures to control the population of cane toad, including building national fence, sending volunteers to capture and destroy cane toad, and developing a disease-causing virus. The lecture, however, contends that it is impossible to get rid of cane toad and these measures will neither successful nor environmental protected. Specific reasons are as follows.

First of all, the passage points out that a fence will prevent the toads from moving into some parts of Australia where have not been colonized. However, the professor argue that young toad and toad eggs will flow over rivers and streams from one side to another side, which will not avoid the toads coming into places where have not been colonized. So the lecture totally disagrees with the measure of building fence.

Second, the reading passage state that volunteers can capture and destroy the toads because they are easily caught. In contrast, the lecture claims that these untrained volunteers will destroy other native animals, such as the native frog, especially the young ones. This measure is also disputed by the lecture.

Thirdly, the passage illustrates that the researchers are developing a kind of virus to control the cane toad population. The professor strongly opposes the virus which will be transported to other continent, and thus infect other native species, furthermore, cause ecologic disaster.

In conclusion, the points made in the lecture contradict with the measures presented in the reading passage.

ykhjy

没找到 lz 8.17的独立