『写作小分队』 求轰炸

margrate

The reading passage explores the policy that companies in the United States offer the option of a four-day workweek to their employees which only offers 80% of their normal pay. The professor, however, states that this policy would be beneficial neither the economy nor the individual companies nor employees who opt this policy.

First, expense of the company will arise rather than decrease. Even though the passage suggests that, under this policy, the profits of the company will increase, the professor in the lecture argues that more staff will be employed so that the cost of training and medical will definitely increase. Furthermore, more infrastructure facilities, such as the office space and computer amount, will increase, and then cost of things like this will exceed the profits from fewer overworked and error-prone employees.

Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that the whole unemployment rate will be reduced for the country as a whole, the professor contends that this policy will make the company hire more employees. Meanwhile, under this option, the employees who opt four days a week will take more overtime work. And the expectation that

Finally, the professor asserts that this policy will raise the risk for employees whereas the author of the passage claims that the quality of the employees' lives will be improved. When the economy decline, employees’ risk will arise when they choose four days. Also employees who work five days a week will be promoted more easily than employees who work four days a week.

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly show that the disadvantages proposed in the passage.

lemonyhu

The reading passage explores the policy that companies in the United States offer the option of a four-day workweek to their employees which only offers 80% of their normal pay.（这种从句套从句容易错，这句which的先行词是employees，但是明显从句说的是company，如果改成简单的with 80%of..我觉得更简单明白还不容易出错。） The professor, however, states that this policy would be beneficial neither the economy nor the individual companies nor employees who opt this policy.（这种用法没见过）

First, expense of the company will arise（arise是发生产生的意思，没有上升的意思） rather than decrease. Even though the passage suggests that, under this policy, the profits of the company will increase, the professor in the lecture argues that more staff will be employed so that the cost of training and medical will definitely increase. Furthermore, more infrastructure facilities, such as the office space and computer amount, will increase and then cost of things like this will exceed the profits from fewer overworked and error-prone employees.（对最后这句话我还是觉得拆成稍微短点的更明白，前面的长句已经很不错了~）

Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that the whole unemployment rate will be reduced for the country as a whole, the professor contends that this policy will make the company hire more employees. Meanwhile, under this option, the employees who opt four days a week will take more overtime work. And the expectation that ？（这段是没听完还是没写完？）

Finally, the professor asserts that this policy will raise the risk for employees whereas the author of the passage claims that the quality of the employees' lives will be improved. When the economy declines, employees’ risk will arise when they choose four days. Also employees who work five days a week will be promoted more easily than employees who work four days a week.

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly show that the disadvantages proposed in the passage.



点还挺全的出了第二个点后面没写完，

然后有些长句子有些不达意，建议稍微改短一些更明白

margrate

Know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree

Even though there is a saying that things of one kind come together, and people of one mind fall into the same group, however, with the change of the conception of human beings, which triggered by the fierce competition among people, it could not deny that we can hardly know the person well from the friends he/she makes.

First, one nowadays can either tolerant or accept more different people than ever can, then make friends with all sorts of people with different backgrounds, concepts, as well as different characteristics. Therefore, it is difficult in knowing a person well from his/her friends. From a recent survey conducted by SINA WEIBO to investigate how much you know your friends. It shows that only 10% of the persons think that they know their friends well. Most of those surveyed suggest that they make friends with other people with the purpose of consolidating their common interests in business, rather than having common hobbies and so forth. Hence, we can hardly know a person from the type of friends he/she has.

Moreover, even though you can know someone from its friends, it is obvious that you could only know part of the person, such as his characteristics or hobbies in some part. Take one of my friends as example. Lily is very willing to make friends with people from various classes and business fields due to her work as a senior sales manager for cosmetics. She has trained herself for many colorful hobbies or skills to deal with her customers and has made friends with these people. And she leaves the impressions to her customers as very optimistic. However, as a matter of fact, she makes friends with these customers just because she wants to improve her business. So you are not able to identify what the education background she is, what she really likes, and what she is seeking for.

In conclusion, with the increasing complexity of one’s background, as well as the enhancing tolerance and acceptance of one to deal with different people and make friends with all sorts of people, it is cannot deny that only from the type of friends of one has, hardly can we know a person well.

jijismile

TO margrate
sorry，我今天可能要晚点来看，之前一直没看到你发上，明早你一定让你看到！~

margrate

TO margrate
sorry，我今天可能要晚点来看，之前一直没看到你发上，明早你一定让你看到！~

-- by 会员 jijismile (2012/8/28 21:09:23)

好滴，没有关系啦，是我发的太晚了

jijismile

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

0827 独立

Know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree

Even though there is a saying that things of one kind come together, and people of one mind fall into the same group, however, with the change of the conception of human beings, which triggered by the fierce competition among people (triggered 前面是不是需要一个be，我语法不好，只是感觉，仅作参考吧), it could not deny that we can hardly know the person well from the friends he/she makes.

First, one nowadays can either tolerant tolerate or accept more different people than ever can（这处也是仅供参考，改为than ever he can 或者是直接than ever）, then make friends with all sorts of people with different backgrounds, concepts, as well as different characteristics. Therefore, it is difficult in knowing a person well from his/her friends. From a recent survey conducted by SINA WEIBO to investigate how much you know your friends. It shows that only 10% of the persons think that they know their friends well. Most of those surveyed suggest that they make friends with other people with the purpose of consolidating their common interests in business, rather than having common hobbies and so forth. Hence, we can hardly know a person from the type of friends he/she has.

Moreover, even though you can know someone from its friends, it is obvious that you could only know part of the person, such as his characteristics or hobbies in some part. Take one of my friends as an example(或者直接for example). Lily is very willing to make friends with people from various classes and business fields due to her work as a senior sales manager for cosmetics. She has trained herself for many colorful hobbies or skills to deal with her customers and has made friends with these people. And she leaves the impressions to on her customers as very optimistic（这个地方as用在expression后面，我没见过，也没查到，建议再推敲一下）. However, as a matter of fact, she makes friends with these customers just because she wants to improve her business. So you are not able to identify what the education background she is, what she really likes, and what she is seeking for.

In conclusion, with the increasing complexity of one’s background, as well as the enhancing tolerance and acceptance of one to deal with different people and make friends with all sorts of people, it is cannot deny that only from the type of friends of one has, hardly can we know a person well.





TO Margrate

一定看了不少文章吧，我就没怎么看文章，所以就出现一下中式英语，你的就很好了。像你学习！~

个别语法错误，非常少；有些我感觉可能不对，又无法确定的，Margrate仅作参考吧，你要是见过类似的用法，就请无视我。呵呵

还有就是在陈述原因的第二条中，也就是第三段，我感觉这段要强调的是“通过朋友，只能了解一个人的一部分”，但是最后好像没有体现出能够了解的这“仅仅的一部分”是什么，而还是说“通过朋友，你无法知道这个，无法知道那个”，我的感觉这一段最后不够扣题

最后弱弱的问个问题，1 he/she 为了凑字还是为了严谨2 Margrate看了多少文章比如185里面的，然后可以背了一些文章，还是找到一些好句子单独记得

不胜感激！~~

margrate

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

0827 独立

Know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree

Even though there is a saying that things of one kind come together, and people of one mind fall into the same group, however, with the change of the conception of human beings, which triggered by the fierce competition among people (triggered 前面是不是需要一个be，我语法不好，只是感觉，仅作参考吧), it could not deny that we can hardly know the person well from the friends he/she makes.

First, one nowadays can either tolerant tolerate or accept more different people than ever can（这处也是仅供参考，改为than ever he can 或者是直接than ever）, then make friends with all sorts of people with different backgrounds, concepts, as well as different characteristics. Therefore, it is difficult in knowing a person well from his/her friends. From a recent survey conducted by SINA WEIBO to investigate how much you know your friends. It shows that only 10% of the persons think that they know their friends well. Most of those surveyed suggest that they make friends with other people with the purpose of consolidating their common interests in business, rather than having common hobbies and so forth. Hence, we can hardly know a person from the type of friends he/she has.

Moreover, even though you can know someone from its friends, it is obvious that you could only know part of the person, such as his characteristics or hobbies in some part. Take one of my friends as an example(或者直接for example). Lily is very willing to make friends with people from various classes and business fields due to her work as a senior sales manager for cosmetics. She has trained herself for many colorful hobbies or skills to deal with her customers and has made friends with these people. And she leaves the impressions to on her customers as very optimistic（这个地方as用在expression后面，我没见过，也没查到，建议再推敲一下）. However, as a matter of fact, she makes friends with these customers just because she wants to improve her business. So you are not able to identify what the education background she is, what she really likes, and what she is seeking for.

In conclusion, with the increasing complexity of one’s background, as well as the enhancing tolerance and acceptance of one to deal with different people and make friends with all sorts of people, it is cannot deny that only from the type of friends of one has, hardly can we know a person well.





TO Margrate

一定看了不少文章吧，我就没怎么看文章，所以就出现一下中式英语，你的就很好了。像你学习！~

个别语法错误，非常少；有些我感觉可能不对，又无法确定的，Margrate仅作参考吧，你要是见过类似的用法，就请无视我。呵呵

还有就是在陈述原因的第二条中，也就是第三段，我感觉这段要强调的是“通过朋友，只能了解一个人的一部分”，但是最后好像没有体现出能够了解的这“仅仅的一部分”是什么，而还是说“通过朋友，你无法知道这个，无法知道那个”，我的感觉这一段最后不够扣题

最后弱弱的问个问题，1 he/she 为了凑字还是为了严谨2 Margrate看了多少文章比如185里面的，然后可以背了一些文章，还是找到一些好句子单独记得

不胜感激！~~

-- by 会员 jijismile (2012/8/29 0:29:36)

这个文章我写到后面也写搓了，最后写不下去了，就有些写乱了；
我185没看，因为我木有时间啦；我算是半个英语专业的啦，只是接触这些写作的时间长了写而已；
作文吧，如果你的时间充分，建议你背一下新概念3；如果时间不够充分，就多换一些句式吧；我觉得语法的问题不是一天两天能解决的；只能突击一下了；
第一处改错稍稍推敲了一下，如果加了which be，首先是改成非限定性定语从句了，然后我这里强调的是change 是由××trigerred的，可以直接用过去分词来修饰的；
其他的地方我觉得你都改的好细致的

jijismile

恩，谢谢margrate

margrate

The best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them the significance of the subject outside of school
Have you found that students are not capable enough to recognize the importance of the subject in society even there are teachers teaching them? Have you ever found that students will always get bored when their teacher repeats again and again about how important it is to learn a certain subject? Have you also found that students always show great interests when they can handle experiments or paly the roles by themselves? If the answers are yes, you will be undoubtedly stand on my side with the opinion that notifying the students the important role a subject plays in society will not be the best way to increase their enthusiasm to a subject.  
First of all, even though you tell them the significance of the subject outside of school, it obviously that, as pupils, high school students, even college students, they would be unnecessary to realize the significance of the subject. According to studies form educational researchers, they point out that students, especially the young ones, have difficulty in establishing a mature recognition about what they are doing. Therefore, it always less efficient to intensify students' interest in a subject thought persuading them the significance of a certain subject outside of school.
Moreover, young students are not willing to do what you teach them. The statistic study revealed that the more times you repeat, the more the young students will reject. It is not a good way to enforce the students to learn something passively. However, we can encourage the students to learn more actively by changing a little about our teaching method. Meanwhile, they could recognize the significance and necessity to obtain some knowledge. Unexpectedly, t is more likely to improve their interests.
In order to enhance students' enthusiasm, it would be better to open some pragmatic subjects, instead of subjects in which students could only get the knowledge from their book. That is to say, the students will learn more if they can either learn by themselves or learn from practice. In my college, teachers are prone to strengthen the role of students in classes. Not only will students be arranged to play different roles which exist in real company, but also they have to cope with specific problems that they will encounter in company. As a result of this arrangement, students do realize what they have to master, what will constrain their business. Therefore, because of the vivid simulation practice, students do show great interests in the subjects they learn.
In conclusion, it obviously seems that making the students play the role is superior to stressing and repeating the significance of a subject outside of school. Furthermore, it also appears that students’ interests are negatively molded by teaching the importance of subjects to students

最后一次杀T

黄色高亮为精彩
The best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them the significance of the subject outside of school.
Have you found that students are not capable enough to recognize the importance of the subject in society even there are teachers teaching them? Have you ever found that students will always get bored when their teacher repeats again and again about how important it is to learn a certain subject? Have you also found that students always show great interests when they can handle experiments or play the roles by themselves? If the answers are yes, you will be undoubtedly stand on my side with the opinion that notifying the students the important role a subject plays in society will not be the best way to increase their enthusiasm to a subject.  
First of all, even though you tell them the significance of the subject outside of school, it is obviously that, as pupils, high school students, even college students, they would be unnecessary to realize the significance of the subject. According to studies form from educational researchers, they point out that students, especially the young ones, have difficulty in establishing a mature recognition about what they are doing. Therefore, it is always less efficient to intensify students' interest in a subject thought through persuading them the significance of a certain subject outside of school.

Moreover, young students are not willing to do what you teach them. The statistic study revealed that the more times you repeat, the more the young students will reject. It is not a good way to enforce the students to learn something passively. However, we can encourage the students to learn more actively by changing a little about our teaching method. 【可以改成被动 students can be easily encouraged to learn more actively by changin a little about the teaching methods.】Meanwhile, they could recognize the significance and necessity to obtain some knowledge. Unexpectedly, it is more likely to improve their interests.

In order to enhance students' enthusiasm, it would be better to open some pragmatic subjects, instead of subjects in which students could only get the knowledge from their book. That is to say, the students will learn more if they can either learn by themselves or learn from practice. In my college, teachers are prone to strengthen the role of students in classes. Not only will students be arranged to play different roles which exist in real company, but also they have to cope with specific problems that they will encounter in company. As a result of this arrangement, students do realize what they have to master,  and what will constrain their business. Therefore, because of the vivid simulation practice, students do show great interests in the subjects they learn.

In conclusion, it obviously seems that making the students play the role is superior to stressing and repeating the significance of a subject outside of school. Furthermore, it also appears that students’ interests are negatively molded by teaching the importance of subjects to students.


文章写得非常流畅，个别笔误以外，没发现什么语法问题。。膜拜中。。。
论据和举例也很合理，学习了。。
我表示改margaret童鞋作文 各种不忍心改。。生怕破坏了某种结构。。