择日不如撞日 来来来写作文！

ningjie111

大概是我第一段的开头我理解错了。。。关于结尾，你可以换种方法来说。比如这篇，你可以说从以上的观点来看，虽然很多人想文章中的作者一样反对这个policy。教授任然支持这个policy并且认为它能带来好处巴拉巴拉之类的。。。

问个问题哈，第一点我的意思跟你一样啊，“阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长” 难道我没表达清楚？
第三段其实是我没听大清楚。我先没说，就像看下是不是还是会被发现的。。果然。。
另外讨教一下结尾的写法，因为我首段一般会概括一下，所以结尾应该怎么写不重复呢？

11.18 综合 tpo20
The lecturer rejects the critic's opinion in the readingpassage, she contends that the natural forest fires are just a natural part inthe ecology cycle. "let it burn" has it own merits. Take yellowstonefor example, she emphasis the influences after the 1988's natural fire.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first disadvantage about thenatural fire in the materials.（总觉得这段阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长） Inher opinion, after the fire, the scorch land had grew many new plants. Althoughthe fire caused tremendous damage to the trees and vegetations at that time, itbrought the opportunity of the growth, which increased the diversity of thepark, that otherwise wouldn't happen. For example, without the fire, some seedswound（would？） never germinate, because the condition of germination needs high-levelheat.

Secondly, the lecturer also challenges the negative effect on wildlife. Sheargues that animals had been recovered and the natural fire brought animportant new opportunity. For example, some smaller plants replaced the treesafter the fire, which provided desirable food to rabbits and hires. And this inturn increased the number of the predators which depend on these small animals.In other words, the natural fire made the food-chain much stronger than before.

In addition, regarding the economic effect, thelecturer explains that there isn't any natural fire after 1988, and touristscame back the next year and each year after the fire. On the contrary, thereading passage says that the local businesses relied on park visitors suffereda great loss.

是不是要一个结尾比较好？
总体还是很好的，很流畅而且用自己的语言概括了文章和教授的内容。。只是第三段越写越仓促的感觉。。。。

-- by 会员 ningjie111 (2012/11/20 11:09:36)

-- by 会员 浅吟天 (2012/11/20 19:17:37)

Crystal的秋天

It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them


If you ask me, what is your definition of friendship. I will answer that a true friend is who can help you when you are in the trouble, and stay with you when you are in bad mood. Therefore, I'd like to choose friends fit in this standard.这个在表达偏奇怪 Obviously, the friends that you can have fun with are less important than friends that will help you when you need them.

Firstly, when you are helpless, what you need is just someone's company. In my own experience, at that time, friends that you have fun with are usually stay 两个动词away from you, because they don't want to waste their time to persuade you and what they want is just idling time with you. However, a friend indeed will stand on your side, encouraging you to get out of the desperation. Take myself for example. I broke up with my boyfriend recently, which totally interrupted my train of 这个词有必要吗？thought when i was study. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but my intimate Lily just accompanied with me silently for several hours. Finally, i burst into tears and cried on her shoulder. It is Lily （强调句that不要省略）let me found（动词原形） the outlet and released the negative feelings. After that, i felt much better. When people are in the adversity, only a truly friend will help. And this is meaningful.

Secondly, I cherish long-term friendship. But hardly can friends that you can不需要 have fun with become your buddy. It is easy to understand, because you just gather together to join some activities, and after that, you may not contact with each other. What's more, the happiness you acquire from these kind of friends is temporary. For example, I attended a party last month, we toasted to each other at the dinner, and we danced under the hot music. However, the next day I felt exhausted physically and what made thing worse is that i felt mentally empty because I wasted a plenty of time to get some perceived pleasure. On the contrary, when i was with my intimate, i always can get some new ideas from them, which provides me a different perspective（angle of view） to see the world.

In addition, the friends that you have fun with may be not know much about you, let alone help you directly and correctly when you need them. Only after a long period sharing ideas and experience can a friend know where you(your) strengths and weaknesses are. Thus when you need them to help, they know what they need to do can efficiently help you in the great extent(to a large extent). But instead of having deep talk about the world value or life, friends that you can have fun with always seize your time to enjoy life together, such as dancing, singing, and going shopping. Maybe the time spend together are fun, but they still know little about your personality. Even if they want, they have no ability to help you.(这个让步很好)

In a nutshell, you can not rely on friends that you always have fun with. And in my dictionary friends who will help you when you need is truly friends. That’s why I count them more important.



整篇文章看的出，句型很多样，观点还不错，但是句子表达很繁琐，有点中文直译的感觉。

lizchang1990

亲, 我今天晚上10：30回来上传了，因为待会去教室没得网~，我的你第二天晚上前改完都OK.

抱歉~~~

浅吟天

11.21 综合  tpo17

The reading passage and the lecturer both talk about the effect of growing
human population on birds population. However, they hold different views. The reading passage asserts that birds population is and will continue(能不能这样写啊？) to decline due to the increase in agriculture and pesticide. On the contrary, the lecturer holds that the birds' population will not decline because of human activities.

Firstly, the lecturer does not agree with the first opinion in the reading materials that the expanding settlements are responsible for the disappearance of bird's natural habitats. She thinks the reasoning is unconvincing. Nowadays, urban has provided better and larger habitats for some kinds of birds. Meanwhile, citizens even complain about the increase of bird's population. Some unusual birds such as hawks appear in the city due to the increase of the prey like some rodents. The lecturer says that there isn't a uniform decline of the bird's population. In other words, some birds maybe shrink, but others are growing.

Secondly, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage that the growth of agriculture will cause further destruction of bird habitat. She argues that in the United States, less and less lands are used for agriculture, because more variety crops have been introduced. The growing human population is satisfied by the increasing per unit outcome of the land instead by the expanding of land. As a result, there is no need to destroy the natural environment.

In addition, regarding the pesticides, the lecturer explains that the pesticide usage in the past cannot predict the future circumstance. Admittedly, pesticides are harmful. However, two main changes have been conducted. The one is to use new and much less toxic poisons. The other is to cultivate pest-resisted crops. So the crops can be unattractive to insects while less pesticides are used. Thus, these crops will not hurt the bird's population at all.

浅吟天

11月21日
独立 Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later
为啥我觉得找几个point越来越难了呢？还是刚好这两天的很难写？ 不知道大家有没有这样的感觉。 请问改我作文的同学，你一般是怎么想到point的？马上要考试了！！这个很困扰我啊。。。。

Does patience equal to loss of opportunities? Does patience mean passive waiting? Well, in my opinion, this is not always the case. It is too arbitory to say that patience is usually not a good strategy. In some circumstance, it has its own merits.

Firstly, patience can cease you to make mistakes. An old saying is that look before leap. Without taking everything into consideration, the action maybe too rush. For example, when I was a little girl, my father taught me how to play chess. After I comprehended the principle, I confidently thought I would win. However, almost every time I play chess with my father, I lost the game. After several times, my father told me that I was too rush to make a decision, which seemly a sound decision while there is a trick sit by your opponent behind it. If you keep patience, and watch it carefully, you would avoid mistake and thus make a better step. This was a precious lesson to me, I keep my father’s words in mind that wait and hope.

While some people may argue in this changeable copper world, patience means you cannot grasp the best chance to increase the profits. I think, on the contrary, patience may bring perfect result and let even bigger benefits. Take Apple as an example. Ipad was a sensational innovation at that time. But seldom people know that Steve Jobs had suspended this task for a period. Although the main technique and idea about Ipad had already conceived, the problem of battery wasn’t be settled down. Not until the researcher had created the 15 hours battery, Ipad wasn’t put into the market. Providing that Steve Jobs took action at that time launching the advertisement of Ipad, admittedly, it was still a milestone in computer industry, we would never feel as amazing as it is now about this new product. Because one of the big advantages that distinguished Ipad from other computers is its long standby time, which obviously satisfied users experience. As a result, the patient decision by Steve Jobs not let Apple lost its chance to seize the market shares but let a huge profit and an enduring increase in the Apple’s share price.

In a nutshell, whether from the perspective of an individual or a company, patience is not always a negative strategy. Rather it can reduce the chance of making mistakes and lead a perfect result.

lmylacoste

The reading passage and the lecturer both talk about the effect of growing
human population on birds population. However, they hold different views. The reading passage asserts that birds population is and will continue(能不能这样写啊？) (我觉得最好不要)to decline due to the increase in agriculture and pesticide. On the contrary, the lecturer holds that the birds' population will not decline because of human activities.（这个原因似乎不太准确）

Firstly, the lecturer does not agree with the first opinion in the reading materials that the expanding settlements are responsible for the disappearance of bird's natural habitats. She thinks the reasoning is unconvincing. Nowadays, urban has provided better and larger habitats for some kinds of birds. Meanwhile, citizens even complain about the increase of bird's population. Some unusual birds such as hawks appear in the city due to the increase of the prey like some rodents. The lecturer says that there isn't a uniform decline of the bird's population. In other words, some birds maybe shrink, but others are growing.（写的很全！）

Secondly, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage that the growth of agriculture will cause further destruction of bird habitat. She argues that in the United States, less and less lands are used for agriculture, because more variety crops have been introduced. The growing human population is satisfied by the increasing per unit outcome of the land instead（应该是rather than吧） by the expanding of land. As a result, there is no need to destroy the natural environment.

In addition, regarding the pesticides, the lecturer explains that the pesticide usage in the past cannot predict the future circumstance. Admittedly, pesticides are harmful. However, two main changes have been conducted. The one（first似乎更好） is to use new and much less toxic poisons. The other is to cultivate pest-resisted crops. So the crops can be unattractive to insects while less pesticides are used. Thus, these crops will not hurt the bird's population at all.

感觉很好，像是听写，good，有些我都没有听出来，看来我得听写一遍了。。。

lmylacoste

Does patience equal to loss of opportunities? Does patience mean passive waiting?（good） Well, in my opinion, this is not always the case. It is too arbitory(arbitrary当心错别字) to say that patience is usually not a good strategy. In some circumstance, it has its own merits.

Firstly, patience can cease you to make mistakes. An old saying is that look before leap. Without taking everything into consideration, the action maybe（漏了谓语啊 may be）too rush. For example, when I was a little girl, my father taught me how to play chess. After I comprehended the principle, I confidently thought I would win. However, almost every time I play chess with my father, I lost the game. After several times, my father told me that I was too rush to make a decision, which seemly a sound decision while there is a trick sit（搭配的不太好，trick没有固定搭配，用made就好） by your opponent behind it. If you keep patience, and watch it carefully, you would avoid mistake and thus make a better step. This was a precious lesson to me, I keep my father’s words in mind that（后面不是句子，用to keep你看如何） wait and hope.

While some people may argue 这里最好也加，算是插入语哈in this changeable copper world, patience means you cannot grasp the best chance to increase the profits. I think, on the contrary, patience may bring perfect result and let even bigger benefits. Take Apple as an example. Ipad was a sensational innovation at that time. But seldom people know that Steve Jobs had suspended this task for a period. Although the main technique and idea about Ipad had already conceived, the problem of battery wasn’t be （多出来的成分）settled down. Not until the researcher had created the 15 hours battery, Ipad wasn’t put into the market. Providing that Steve Jobs took action at that time launching the advertisement of Ipad, admittedly, it was still a milestone in computer industry, we would never feel as amazing as it is now about this new product. Because one of the big advantages that distinguished Ipad from other computers is its long standby time, which obviously satisfied users experience. As a result, the patient decision by Steve Jobs not let Apple lost its chance to seize the market shares but let a huge profit and an enduring increase in the Apple’s share price.

In a nutshell, whether from the perspective of an individual or a company, patience is not always a negative strategy. Rather it can reduce the chance of making mistakes and lead a perfect result.

总的来说，写得很棒，考虑到其中有很多好词，好句，我给满分！



关于观点，我再提两句

cease you to make mistakesgrasp the best chance to increase the profits

这两点都很好

譬如还有，

增加效率（patience 少犯错，就不用弥补）

增加信心（不犯错，self-achievement）
还有怎么增加效率呢？Pat能让你想到最好的办法，让你找到最好的朋友帮手，让你能看穿问题本质。。。
减少损失


有问题明天还可以告诉我~

浅吟天

to lmy
嗯 我觉得后面的点很拓思路啊~谢谢你了！

总结下：
1，best way
2，提效率（两方面，少犯错；看穿问题本质） ------从而 信心！
3，等待出好产品---牟利