择日不如撞日 来来来写作文！

浅吟天

to 235852140
十分感谢你这么仔细这么仔细的修改！！！看得我心惊肉跳。。我都想说有点抱歉错了这么多。。
总结一下
1，run-on问题
2，举例的时态问题
3，每段人称要统一，最好they通篇到底
4，开头。这个要再琢磨一下

235852140

谢谢亲的批改哦~~你看的也很仔细啊~错多了有什么不好意思的~现在发现比考试的时候出现要好多了~是吧~而且我也会看了注意的~~

讨论几个问题：
1.  innovation,我心思是创新的意思，不可数呢。查了查是作为革新、创新的意思，是不可数的。作为新方法、新制度、新事物的意思来讲是可数的。  那并列的话，是不是都加S都复数 保持一致比较好？
2. Taking Google as an example, it not only...but also...  。 这句用taking不用take 是因为如果take了，这句话就多了一个谓语。就病句了。
3. train of thought就是思路的意思
4. conduct employees right the first time.   right the first time  我想说第一时间的意思。不知道有木有这个用法。我没查到。

浅吟天

11月18日
独立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?


Had you ever got the access to the internet in the past? Had you ever received the scholarship from the government to finish your study? And had you ever lived in a environment that society encouraging education? If you answers are all no, then you are with the same opinion of mine that people are easier to become educated nowadays than in the past. I will explain it in three demotions.

Firstly, with the stunning developing speed of technology, the computer and internet have profoundly influenced people's life. One of the main changes is that the computer and the internet serve as efficient tools to facilitate education.  With the internet, you can connect almost the whole world. Just with a simple click of the mouse, maybe there are 10,000 pages of useful information will appear on the screen in few seconds by using the search engine Google. It is much easier than using the library resource, which requires plenty of time. What's more, the internet not only save the time but also provide opportunity to be educated. For example, last year my uncle planed to take the ACCA test, but there wasn't a class in our town. Without the assistance of on-line courses, he needed to drive the car for 3 hours to the nearby town to get that 1.5 hours class, which apparently would waste much of his energy and time. He once told me that if there wasn't an on-line course, he would have given up. So we can see that the technology give us the convenience to become educated, while in the past, there wasn't such a great innovation.

Secondly, governments have put great emphasis on the education recent years. They have set several policies to encourage education. For example, Chinese government has drew up the compulsory coursed to ensure all the youth can be educated from primary school to high school, which means people in a wider coverage than before have the access to education. Besides, there are also many national scholarships for university students to finish their education. One of my classmates Lily who comes from the rural place of china can receive that scholarship every year to compensate the tuitions, which guarantees her to finish the study. Unfortunately, there wasn't variety of policies aiding education in the past, and thus only teenagers in comparatively worth families can acquire the chance to get knowledge.

Thirdly, the society also gives priority to education, which establishes a beneficial atmosphere to allow people acquire knowledge. As we can know, many universities allow people in the nearby communities to join the classes freely. That's means no matter you are a tailor or a baker who has(这里用单数吗？) already missed the gold education time, you can sit in the classroom to become educated again. In addition, Yale and Harvard have already put their opening classes on the internet to set an good example that the society encourages more people to be educated. However, in the past, the courses of prestigious universities are exclusive to their own students.

In a nutshell, nowadays people have a wider access and tools to become literacy, and the government and the society all create an atmosphere to improve the likelihood of education. Compared with people in the old days, people are much easier to become educated because of the above reasons.

我把托福踩脚下

11月18日
独立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

Had you ever got the access to the internet in the past? Had you ever received the scholarship from the government to finish your study? And hadn’t you ever stayed out of the social life of encouraging education, had you? If you answers are all no, then you are same opinion as me that people are easier to become educated nowadays than in the past. I will explain it in three demotions.(问句开头，赞)

Firstly, with the stunning developing speed of technology, the computer and internet have profoundly influenced people's life. One of the main changes is that the computer and the internet serve as efficient tools to facilitate education. With the internet, you can connect almost the whole world. Just with a simple click of the mouse, maybe there are 10,000 pages of useful information will appear on the screen in few seconds by using the search engine Google.（这段使用wit伴随关系，用了三次，建议换一个词， by吧）It is much easier than using the library resource, which requires plenty of time.（这句话，我不赞同哦，因为图书馆资源现在已经包括了网络资源了。图书馆通常提供很多的联网电脑） What's more, the internet not only save the time but also provide opportunity to be educated. For example, last year my uncle planed to take the ACCA test, but there wasn't a class in our town. Without the assistance of on-line courses, he needed to drive the car for 3 hours to the nearby town to get that 1.5 hours class, which apparently would waste much of his energy and time. He once told me that if there wasn't an on-line course, he would have given up. So we can see that the technology give us the convenience to become educated, while there wasn't such a great innovation in the past。你的例子举得很好.

Secondly, governments have put great emphasis on the education recent years. They have set several policies to encourage education. For example, Chinese government has drew up the compulsory coursed to ensure all the teenagers /adolescentcan be educated from primary school to high school, which means people in a wider coverage than before have the access to education. Besides, there are also many national scholarships for university students to finish their education. One of my classmates Lily who comes from the rural place of china can receive that scholarship every year to compensate the tuitions, which guarantees her to finish the study. Unfortunately, there wasn't variety of policies aiding education in the past, and thus only teenagers in comparatively worth families can acquire the chance to get knowledge.

Thirdly, the society also gives priority to education, which establishes a beneficial atmosphere (establish an atmosphere 换成 establish atmosphere around 吧，)to allow people acquire knowledge. As we can know, many universities allow people in the nearby communities to join the classes freely. That's means no matter you are a tailor or a baker who hasalready missed the gold education time, you can be given a chance to sit in the classroom to become educated again. In addition, Yale and Harvard have already put their opening classes on the internet to set a good example that the society encourages more people to be educated. However, in the past, the courses of prestigious universities are exclusive to their own students.

In a nutshell, nowadays people have a wider access and tools to become literacy, and the government and the society all create an atmosphere(貌似是创造大气层的意思) 改：Create an atmosphere with people to improve the likelihood of education. Compared with people in the old days, people are much easier to become educated because of the above reasons.



这篇文章结构很漂亮，问句开头的方式给人耳目一新

没有大的语法问题

如果中间三段的首句句式不那么单一就更完美了。

我把托福踩脚下

That's means no matter you are a tailor or a baker who hasalready missed the gold education time 这句话结构不对， 重写哦

ningjie111

11.18 综合 tpo20
The lecturer rejects the critic's opinion in the readingpassage, she contends that the natural forest fires are just a natural part inthe ecology cycle. "let it burn" has it own merits. Take yellowstonefor example, she emphasis the influences after the 1988's natural fire.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first disadvantage about thenatural fire in the materials.（总觉得这段阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长） Inher opinion, after the fire, the scorch land had grew many new plants. Althoughthe fire caused tremendous damage to the trees and vegetations at that time, itbrought the opportunity of the growth, which increased the diversity of thepark, that otherwise wouldn't happen. For example, without the fire, some seedswound（would？） never germinate, because the condition of germination needs high-levelheat.

Secondly, the lecturer also challenges the negative effect on wildlife. Sheargues that animals had been recovered and the natural fire brought animportant new opportunity. For example, some smaller plants replaced the treesafter the fire, which provided desirable food to rabbits and hires. And this inturn increased the number of the predators which depend on these small animals.In other words, the natural fire made the food-chain much stronger than before.

In addition, regarding the economic effect, thelecturer explains that there isn't any natural fire after 1988, and touristscame back the next year and each year after the fire. On the contrary, thereading passage says that the local businesses relied on park visitors suffereda great loss.

是不是要一个结尾比较好？
总体还是很好的，很流畅而且用自己的语言概括了文章和教授的内容。。只是第三段越写越仓促的感觉。。。。

浅吟天

11月19日
独立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them


If you ask me, what is your definition of friendship. I will answer that a true friend is who can help you when you are in the trouble, and stay with you when you are in bad mood. Therefore, I'd like to choose friends fit in this standard. Obviously, the friends that you can have fun with are less important than friends that will help you when you need them.

Firstly, when you are helpless, what you need is just someone's company. In my own experience, at that time, friends that you have fun with are usually stay away from you, because they don't want to waste their time to persuade you and what they want is just idling time with you. However, a friend indeed will stand on your side, encouraging you to get out of the desperation. Take myself for example. I broke up with my boyfriend recently, which totally interrupted my train of thought when i was study. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but my intimate Lily just accompanied with me silently for several hours. Finally, i burst into tears and cried on her shoulder. It is Lily let me found the outlet and released the negative feelings. After that, i felt much better. When people are in the adversity, only a truly friend will help. And this is meaningful.

Secondly, I cherish long-term friendship. But hardly can friends that you can have fun with become your buddy. It is easy to understand, because you just gather together to join some activities, and after that, you may not contact with each other. What's more, the happiness you acquire from these kind of friends is temporary. For example, I attended a party last month, we toasted to each other at the dinner, and we danced under the hot music. However, the next day I felt exhausted physically and what made thing worse is that i felt mentally empty because I wasted a plenty of time to get some perceived pleasure. On the contrary, when i was with my intimate, i always can get some new ideas from them, which provides me a different perspective to see the world.

In addition, the friends that you have fun with may be not know much about you, let alone help you directly and correctly when you need them. Only after a long period sharing ideas and experience can a friend know where you strengths and weaknesses are. Thus when you need them to help, they know what they need to do can efficiently help you in the great extent. But instead of having deep talk about the world value or life, friends that you can have fun with always seize your time to enjoy life together, such as dancing, singing, and going shopping. Maybe the time spend together are fun, but they still know little about your personality. Even if they want, they have no ability to help you.

In a nutshell, you can not rely on friends that you always have fun with. And in my dictionary friends who will help you when you need is truly friends. That’s why I count them more important.

浅吟天

问个问题哈，第一点我的意思跟你一样啊，“阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长” 难道我没表达清楚？
第三段其实是我没听大清楚。我先没说，就像看下是不是还是会被发现的。。果然。。
另外讨教一下结尾的写法，因为我首段一般会概括一下，所以结尾应该怎么写不重复呢？

11.18 综合 tpo20
The lecturer rejects the critic's opinion in the readingpassage, she contends that the natural forest fires are just a natural part inthe ecology cycle. "let it burn" has it own merits. Take yellowstonefor example, she emphasis the influences after the 1988's natural fire.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first disadvantage about thenatural fire in the materials.（总觉得这段阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长） Inher opinion, after the fire, the scorch land had grew many new plants. Althoughthe fire caused tremendous damage to the trees and vegetations at that time, itbrought the opportunity of the growth, which increased the diversity of thepark, that otherwise wouldn't happen. For example, without the fire, some seedswound（would？） never germinate, because the condition of germination needs high-levelheat.

Secondly, the lecturer also challenges the negative effect on wildlife. Sheargues that animals had been recovered and the natural fire brought animportant new opportunity. For example, some smaller plants replaced the treesafter the fire, which provided desirable food to rabbits and hires. And this inturn increased the number of the predators which depend on these small animals.In other words, the natural fire made the food-chain much stronger than before.

In addition, regarding the economic effect, thelecturer explains that there isn't any natural fire after 1988, and touristscame back the next year and each year after the fire. On the contrary, thereading passage says that the local businesses relied on park visitors suffereda great loss.

是不是要一个结尾比较好？
总体还是很好的，很流畅而且用自己的语言概括了文章和教授的内容。。只是第三段越写越仓促的感觉。。。。

-- by 会员 ningjie111 (2012/11/20 11:09:36)

浅吟天

讨论几个问题，这个颜色的，我语法不好，见谅下

11月18日
独立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

Had you ever got the access to the internet in the past? Had you ever received the scholarship from the government to finish your study? And hadn’t you ever stayed out of the social life of encouraging education, had you? If you answers are all no, then you are same opinion as me that people are easier to become educated nowadays than in the past. I will explain it in three demotions.(问句开头，赞)

Firstly, with the stunning developing speed of technology, the computer and internet have profoundly influenced people's life. One of the main changes is that the computer and the internet serve as efficient tools to facilitate education. With the internet, you can connect almost the whole world. Just with a simple click of the mouse, maybe there are 10,000 pages of useful information will appear on the screen in few seconds by using the search engine Google.（这段使用wit伴随关系，用了三次，建议换一个词， by吧）It is much easier than using the library resource, which requires plenty of time.（这句话，我不赞同哦，因为图书馆资源现在已经包括了网络资源了。图书馆通常提供很多的联网电脑） What's more, the internet not only save the time but also provide opportunity to be educated. For example, last year my uncle planed to take the ACCA test, but there wasn't a class in our town. Without the assistance of on-line courses, he needed to drive the car for 3 hours to the nearby town to get that 1.5 hours class, which apparently would waste much of his energy and time. He once told me that if there wasn't an on-line course, he would have given up. So we can see that the technology give us the convenience to become educated, while there wasn't such a great innovation in the past。你的例子举得很好.

Secondly, governments have put great emphasis on the education recent years. They have set several policies to encourage education. For example, Chinese government has drew up the compulsory coursed to ensure all the teenagers /adolescentcan be educated from primary school to high school, which means people in a wider coverage than before have the access to education. Besides, there are also many national scholarships for university students to finish their education. One of my classmates Lily who comes from the rural place of china can receive that scholarship every year to compensate the tuitions, which guarantees her to finish the study. Unfortunately, there wasn't variety of policies aiding education in the past, and thus only teenagers in comparatively worth families can acquire the chance to get knowledge.

Thirdly, the society also gives priority to education, which establishes a beneficial atmosphere(establish an atmosphere 换成 establish atmosphere around 吧，)atmosphere 有氛围的意思把。这个around后面接to do 会不会有点奇怪。to allow people acquire knowledge. As we can know, many universities allow people in the nearby communities to join the classes freely. That's means no matter you are a tailor or a baker（主语+谓语，后面who是修饰宾语）我不知道这样对不对，若要该请问怎么该？ who has already missed the gold education time, you can be given a chance to sit in the classroom to become educated again. In addition, Yale and Harvard have already put their opening classes on the internet to set a good example that the society encourages more people to be educated. However, in the past, the courses of prestigious universities are exclusive to their own students.

In a nutshell, nowadays people have a wider access and tools to become literacy, and the government and the society all create an atmosphere(貌似是创造大气层的意思) 改：Create an atmosphere with people to improve the likelihood of education. Compared with people in the old days, people are much easier to become educated because of the above reasons.



这篇文章结构很漂亮，问句开头的方式给人耳目一新

没有大的语法问题

如果中间三段的首句句式不那么单一就更完美了。你说的是firstly,secondly 的问题？

-- by 会员 我把托福踩脚下 (2012/11/20 3:25:50)

浅吟天

11.20 综合tpo18

The lecturer rejects three ways to address the decline of Torreya. In her opinion, none of them are the satisfaction solutions.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first option in the material that to reestablish Torreya in the same location. She contends that this method is unlikely to be successful. Although microclimate is suitable for Torreya to exist, the overall climate still affects large region. For example, the globe warming the wetland drained by human beings in Florida makes the surroundings drier than before, which mean the conditions in the North Florida would never have been the same as original one. Thus, it is not beneficial for the existence of Torreya.

Secondly, regarding moving to an entirely different location, the lecturer explains that one black tree, which had been introduced to further north place, had spread quickly. Consequently, it killed many local trees which were already endangered themselves. By the same token, moving Torreya to the forests further north will have an unpredicted outcome.

In addition, the lecturer challenges the third option in the material that preserving Torreya in research centers. She argues that population of Torreya kept in the centers is limited and thus torreya in the research center can not resist diseases due to relatively smaller genetic diversity. However, the laboratory simply has no capacity to hold such large population. Therefore, this method is unfeasible.