择日不如撞日 来来来写作文！

浅吟天

10.19 独立 好久没写，写的很差。。先谢过改的童鞋了
Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

Generally, the major difference between working at home and in the company’s office is whether you are around by co-workers. Although the technology has a stunning impact on our life, does that mean it is better for all kinds of people and all kinds of industry to let staff work at home? I thinks the answer is no.

To make this matter clear, firstly, we need to figure out one question: who will be better? the answer can be staff themselves and the company. We can analyse the different situations one by one.

To begin with, I don’t think it’s better for staff themselves to work with the computer and telephone at home all day. Admittedly, working at home means you have a comparatively flexible timetable and you can seat wherever you want, such as sofa and bed, to make you comfortable. But this telecommuting style also has some negative effects. Firstly, to a person who lacks the concept of time, flexible of time means he can put his own things at the top of the agenda at the working hour. To be more precise, not working in the company’s office means no one will scrutinize your work, then you may have no motivate to finish it. Secondly, working at home is easy to lead misunderstandings because there is little emotional cue. Becides, long-time facing only digital devices receiving and feeding back information makes you be a part of this mechanism, which is not beneficial for a person’s mental health because you don’t really contact with others.

If the answer is that company will be better, I don’t agree either. For some industry, employees need to discuss frequently to finish the task together, although the computer and telephone can also get the communication done, it is much clearer and more efficient to have a face-to-face talk to get more contents and specific details. What’s more, computer and telephone can only ensure information will not be delayed, but can not get the tangible materials be passed from one apartment to another. Even the fast express delivery will make a one day delay which may cause the company miss the best time to make a strategy and thus lose competitive strength.

In a nutshell, whether from the perspectives staff or the company, it is not better to work at home. Because working at home with computer and telephone can’t generate the equal consequence comparing with working in the company’s office, which plays a vital role in the development of the staff and the success of the company.

xiumu2280

Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

Generally, the major difference between working at home and in the company’s office is whether you are around by co-workers(这个around by co-workers感觉表达不太好，face to face with co-workers). Although the technology has a stunning impact on our life, does that mean it is better for all kinds of people and all kinds of industry to let staff work at home? I thinks the answer is no.

To make this matter clear, firstly, we need to figure out one question: who/which choice will be better? the answer can be staff themselves and the company（感觉这句少点词，不知道想表达什么）. We can analyse the different situations one by one.(这种开头比较新颖）

To begin with, I don’t think it’s better for staff themselves to work with the computer and telephone at home all day. Admittedly, working at home means you have a comparatively flexible timetable and you can seat wherever you want, such as sofa and bed, to make you comfortable. But this telecommuting style also has some negative effects. Firstly, to a person who lacks the concept of time, flexible of time means he can put his own things at the top of the agenda at the working hour. To be more precise, not working in the company’s office means no one will scrutinize your work, then you may have no motivate to finish it. Secondly, working at home is easy to lead misunderstandings（lead misunderstandings easily) because there is little emotional cue. Becides/besides, long-time facing only digital devices receiving and feeding back information makes you be a part of this mechanism, which is not beneficial for a person’s mental health because you don’t really contact with others.(感觉应该有个结尾，有点唐突）这段有些词汇用的不错,句子有点罗嗦，部分句子

If the answer is that company will be better, I don’t agree either. For some industry, employees need to discuss frequently to finish the task together, although the computer and telephone can also get the communication done, it is much clearer and more efficient to have a face-to-face （这里用这个表达了··前面还没看到这里··）talk to get more contents and specific details. What’s more, computer and telephone can only ensure information will not be delayed, but can not get the tangible materials be passed from one apartment/department to another. Even the fast express delivery will make a one day delay which may cause the company miss/misses the best time to make/define strategy a strategy and thus lose competitive strength.

In a nutshell, whether from the perspectives (OF加)staff or the company, it is not better to work at home. Because working at home with computer and telephone can’t/cannot generate the equal consequence comparing with working in the company’s office, which plays a vital role in the development of the staff and the success of the company.


用了好多WILL ，我之前也是有这个问题，其实好多是可有可无的，注意下就好。
加油~~！！！

浅吟天

11.15
综合 tpo21

The lecturer rejects the benefits presented in the reading passage about the genetically modified trees. In her opinion, these trees are not great as they first sound.

The lecture does not agree with the first point made in the reading materials that genetically modified tress are designed to be hardier. She contends that they only can resist one particular condition. Non-modified trees have genetic diversity, which means although some individual trees are killed in one condition, others will survive, whereas the genes of modified trees are much more uniformed. If a catastrophe hits this area, such as a climate change, it will wipe out all genetically modified trees.

Regarding economic benefits, the lecturer explains that there are some hidden costs. Firstly, farmers need to pay much more to obtain each seed. Secondly, everytime you collect seeds, you have to pay company the extra fee. On the contrary, the reading passage just focus on the greater returns on the farming investment while ignores the relatively cost.

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the idea that genetically modified trees prevent overexploitation of wild trees. She argues that these more agressive trees may compete with wild trees for more water, nutritions. The condition is more crowded than before. Thus introducing genetically modified trees deviates from the initial purpose to save the endangered native trees.

浅吟天

11月15日
独立 Agree or disagree: your job has greater happiness than your social life.
一不写退到解放前。。挤得我好痛苦。谢谢改的同学了。另外问一下 什么是social life 我对这个概念很模糊



What is social life? Dancing, singing, or drinking? It may bring you some temporary happiness, unfortunately it cannot last long. But job can bring you some much more meaningful things. Thus I hold that job has greater happiness than social life.



Firstly, you can get the feeling of satisfaction by doing your job. For example, after several month of hard working, a banker finally saw the company that he had joined to packing go public. What did he feel? He must have a sense of achievement. This kind of feeling will not fade as the activity passes by, but leave a long-last happiness. We, human beings, do some work not only because we have to make a living, but also because we need to get a measurable sense of personal worth, which is one of our innate requirements. However, the social life may be colorful as someone argues, but it is set up by discontinuous events which cannot generate the feeling of satisfaction that can last for a long while. Not alone the happiness acquired in it.



Secondly, the job can bring my family members happy and so it can make me happy. It may sound a little bit difficult to understand, let me explain it. I still remember the smiling faces of my grandparents the first time i brought some gifts to them. So I was totally inspired by that, and work hard to give them a better life. I hadn’t realized that doing my job well could bring so much difference until that time. My relatives happiness is the terminate goal of my life, everytime I think about this, I find myself full of energy and doing my work happily.



What’s more, there are some disadvantages about social life. For example, you have to join some social activities to make acquaintance with someone who may give you a favor in the future. This is not a rare case in commercial world and political cycle. So the things you do maybe not from your heart, such as the behavior of proposing a toast on a dinner. For my part, I’d rather stay home idling my time than join these kind of activities. Undoubtedly, the reluctant behaviors will not bring me happiness.



In a nutshell, the job doesn’t have the disadvantages the social life has. On the contrary, it can give you a sense of accomplishment which is a good incentive to happiness. And the reward you get from your job will ensure a better life of your family, which will in turn make you happy.

Crystal的秋天

What is social life? Dancing, singing, or drinking? 差不多吧It maybring you some temporary happiness, unfortunately it cannot last long. But jobcan bring you much more meaningful things. Thus I hold that job has greaterhappiness than social life这句表达很奇怪. Job带给我们更多的欢乐，或者创造更多的欢乐，用have，表达不清晰。
Firstly, you can get the feeling of self-satisfaction by doing your job. Forexample, after several month of hard working, a banker finally saw the companythat he had joined to （to 后面是原型） packing gopublic. What did he feel? He must have a sense of achievement. This kind offeeling will not fade as the （这个词不太准确）time passesby, but leave a long-last happiness. We, human beings, do some work not onlybecause we have to make a living, but also because we need to get a measurablesense of personal worth, which is one of our innate requirements. However, thesocial life may be colorful as someone argues, but it is set up bydiscontinuous events which cannot generate the feeling of satisfaction that canlast for a long while. Let alone the happiness acquired in it.
Secondly, the job can bring my family members  用名词and so itcan make me happy. It may sound a little bit difficult to understand, let meexplain it. I still remember the smiling faces of my grandparents the firsttime I brought some gifts to them. So I was totally inspired by that, and work(这跟前面并列吗) hard to give them a better life. Ihadn’t realized that doing my job well could bring so many differences untilthat time. My relatives happiness is the terminate goal of my life, every timeI think about this, I find myself full of energy and doing my work happily.
What’s more, there are some disadvantages about social life. For example, youhave to join some social activities to make acquaintance with someone who maygive you a favor in the future. This is not a rare case in commercial world andpolitical cycle. So the things you do maybe not from your heart, such as thebehavior of proposing a toast on a dinner. For my part, I’d rather stay home 用形容词就好my timethan join these kind of activities. Undoubtedly, the reluctant behaviors will notbring me happiness.
In a nutshell, the job doesn’t have the disadvantages as the social life has.On the contrary, it can give you a sense of accomplishment which is a goodincentive to happiness. And the reward you get from your job will ensure a betterlife of your family, which will in turn make you happy.


逻辑还可以，但是事例不是特别的有说服力，另外口语化表达太严重，还要注意一下一些单词的准确意思，不要用太多意思含糊不清的单词。

看word更清楚些

Crystal的秋天

不好意思，我看过你给我的点评，我之前没细致的看题目，可以用have happiness, 但我我对题目的理解是，“是工作还是social life 可以给我们快乐？” 总觉得，have happiness怪怪的，不过我不知道我的理解对不对啊

AnthonySummer

11.15

综合 tpo21



The lecturer rejects the benefits presented in the reading passage about the genetically modified trees. In her opinion, these trees are not great as they first sound. (感覺這裡表達great不是很好，具體寫好：planting genetically modification trees on a large scale promises to bring a number of benefits. ）



The lecture does not agree with the first point made in the reading materials that genetically modified trees are designed to be hardier. She contends that they only can resist one particular condition. Non-modified trees have genetic diversity, which means although some individual trees are killed in one condition, others will survive, whereas the genes of modified trees are much more uniformed. If a catastrophe hits this area, such as a climate change, it will wipe out all genetically modified trees.



Regarding economic benefits, the lecturer explains that there are some hidden costs. Firstly, farmers need to pay much more to obtain each (each用在這不好吧~用明確點的genetic modifier trees') seed. Secondly, everytime you collect seeds, (不光college seeds，還有其他環節聽力中講到了，越多細節約好）you have to pay （noun前要冠詞）the company the extra fee. On the contrary, the reading passage just focus on the greater returns on the farming investment while ignores the relative cost.



Additionally, the lecturer challenges the idea that genetically modified trees prevent overexploitation of wild trees. She argues that these more agressive trees may compete with wild trees for more water, nutritions. The condition is more crowded than before. Thus introducing genetically modified trees deviates from the initial purpose to save the endangered native trees.



感覺都用自己的語言概括重寫了，這點很好，但是有一些細節沒把握到，加油啊！

浅吟天

11.17 独立 在家工作好还是去公司工作好？（机经没写英文)
Some people are so glad that the development of technology has provide them the condition to be telecommuters, which means they have a more flexible time schedule, less pressure and so on. But is it really good as they expected? With a close analysis, working at home has some disadvantages. In my opinion, I advocate working in the corporate.

Firstly, from the perspective of employee, the fixed working hours is good for your health. Although some may argue that this means a employee has to get up early in the morning, I don't think get up earlier is a bad habit, because we are physically more energetic in the morning, in other word, we can do more things, which will bring you a sense of accomplishment. What's more, without the motivation to working outside the house, some person are bad at time control, they always have an disordered life style. Because the time are at their disposal, they may put the minor but interesting personal affair at the top of the agenda and think about working later. However sometimes they may addicted to having fun and lose the concept of time. Although they get the temporary happiness, the feeling of guilty and emptiness will grasp them the next day. And in the long-term, this irregular exhausted life will have a negative effect on your health because it interrupts the circulation system, especially for girls, who may appear older than their real ages. Working at home means you have a plenty time under your control, however the flexible time is a double-edge sword.

Secondly, at the stand of the company, the advantage of working at corporation again outweigh that of working at home. The quality of the business of some company need the intensive communication, admittedly the telephone and computer make the discussion more smoothly, it is still the face-to-face communication can drive the ideas home more properly and clearly. For example, i was an intern in pwc, an accounting firm, at the end of a year, we need to check the balance sheet of companies, our team members are all sitting in the office, because we need to share the process and information frequently. In addition, computer cannot pass the tangible materials as soon as emails. If there is an important agreement need to be signed, but it is delayed on the express way, you cannot image how big the loss the company will suffer in this changeable business environment. Just as that famous saying, time is money. So it is better to require staffs working at company.

In a nutshell, no matter from the aspect of a person or a company, it is better to work in the office than at home, because the regular timetable is beneficial for a person's health and because working together can settle the problem down more efficiently.

浅吟天

11.18 综合 tpo20
The lecturer rejects the critic's opinion in the reading passage, she contends that the natural forest fires are just a natural part in the ecology cycle. "let it burn" has it own merits. Take yellowstone for example, she emphasis the influences after the 1988's natural fire.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first disadvantage about the natural fire in the materials. In her opinion, after the fire, the scorch land had grew many new plants. Although the fire caused tremendous damage to the trees and vegetations at that time, it brought the opportunity of the growth, which increased the diversity of the park, that otherwise wouldn't happen. For example, without the fire, some seeds wound never germinate, because the condition of germination needs high-level heat.

Secondly, the lecturer also challenges the negative effect on wildlife. She argues that animals had been recovered and the natural fire brought an important new opportunity. For example, some smaller plants replaced the trees after the fire, which provided desirable food to rabbits and hires. And this in turn increased the number of the predators which depend on these small animals. In other words, the natural fire made the food-chain much stronger than before.

In addition, regarding the economic effect, the lecturer explains that there isn't any natural fire after 1988, and tourists came back the next year and each year after the fire. On the contrary, the reading passage says that the local businesses relied on park visitors suffered a great loss.

235852140

11.17 独立 在家工作好还是去公司工作好？（机经没写英文)  批改  
错误建议 好
Some people are so glad that（我觉得用some people开头是不太好的选择，就是太多人说some people..other people了 一下让考官觉得很无聊或者很平庸。直接这句说，nowardays， 我觉得都好） the development of technology has provide them the condition to be telecommuters, which means they have a more flexible time schedule, less pressure and so on. But is it really good as they expected? With a close analysis, working at home has some disadvantages. In my opinion, I advocate working in the corporate.

Firstly, from the perspective of employee, the fixed working hours is(改are)good for your(说their更好，前面employees更好) health. Although some may argue that this means a employee has to get up early in the morning, I don't think get(改getting，动词不能做主语，动名词做主语可以) up earlier is a bad habit, because we are physically more energetic in the morning, in other word, we can do more things, which will bring you a sense of accomplishment.（句号呢？run-on句型了哦。另外，翻译过来是：我们能做更多的事情，这样能给你带来成就感。应该是给自己带来成就感哦。逻辑。you改us）What's more, without the motivation to working outside the house, some person are bad at time control, they always have an disordered life style.（这句也是run-on句型。some person are这有一个谓语动词are，后面 they always have有一个have，两个谓语出现在一个句子里，中间要有连词连接。） Because the time are（改is） at their disposal, they may put the minor but interesting personal affair（+s） at the top of the agenda and(改but) think about working later. However sometimes they may （+be,固定搭配：be addicted to sth）addicted to having fun and lose the concept of time. Although they get the temporary happiness, the feeling of guilty and emptiness will grasp them the next day. And in the long-term, this irregular exhausted life will have a negative effect on your health（前面说他们得到了一时的快乐…这里说长期来说，…对你的健康不好，人称！） because it interrupts the circulation system（说biological clock更好，紊乱了人体的生物钟么）, especially for girls, who may appear older than their real ages.（其实这个who引导的修饰girl的从句，从语法上，你的意思就成了：“因为它会中断你的循环系统，特别是会打乱那些可能看起来比实际年龄大的女孩。”而我知道你是想说特别是对女孩不好，它们会因此而看起来比实际年龄大。这个who引导的是定语从句，是修饰和限定的作用。用不好就出笑话了） Working at home means you have a plenty（+of） time under your control, however the flexible time is a double-edge sword. （这段中的人称一会是you，一会是we，一会是they,  逻辑有些混乱。不如直接说人们，而且总是说“你就…”也不礼貌。还要注意语法。）

Secondly, at the stand of the company, the advantage of working at corporation again outweigh(+s,主语是the advantage,或者你把advantage复数了) that of working at home. The quality of the business of some company need（+s,主语是quality） the intensive communication,admittedly the telephone and computer make the discussion more smoothly, it is still the face-to-face communication can drive the ideas home（不知道这个用法对不对）more properly and clearly. (这句还是run-on句型，admittedly是adv，不能连接句子用。这句话中都三个谓语了) For example, i was an intern in pwc, an accounting firm, at the end of a year, we need（needed） to check the balance sheet of companies, our team members are（were） all sitting in the office, because we need（needed） to share the process and information frequently.（run-on句型。。）In addition, computer cannot pass the tangible materials as soon as emails. If there is an important agreement need to be signed, but it is delayed on the express way, you cannot image how big the loss the company will suffer in this changeable business environment. Just as that famous saying, time is money. So it is better to require staffs working at company.

In a nutshell, no matter from the aspect of a person or a company, it is better(前面就是better,可以换换别的词) to work in the office than at home, because the regular timetable is beneficial for a person's health and because（去掉because） working together can settle the problem down more efficiently.

总结：楼主要提高语法啊。病句太多了。这样可不行。硬伤哦。一个句子中只能有一个谓语，如果有两个或以上就要用连词连接，副词不行。实在不行就句号，总比一直逗号安全。还有单复数，人称等。虽然都是小问题，但是太多的小问题就是大问题了。最后，多一点要求的话就是增加用词的多样性。 祝31~~