瓜瓜卷土重来啦！！！！

chasedreamabc

The passage cast(+s, )doubts on the reality of one painting of Rembrandt.（Rembrandt's painting， 因为是people所以直接用's）However, the lecture shows the results of the further research of the painting to demonstrate that the painting is (was)drawn by Rembrandt.

First, the research finds the luxurious fur collar the woman wearing was painted a hundred years after originally paint and in original painting,(+and 连接词，逗号不连接两个句子) the woman’s collar is white. This directly contradict what the passage states. What is more, the additional painting tended to add its valuable.

Second, the light and shadow are also not showed as the original painting. Once remove the error painting, the face appears to be not shadowed, which go consistent with the wayRembrandt used to. This fact also contradicts the content passage says.

Third, the back of the painting is enlarged, in older to make it grant and valuable. The original panel is a signal piece. What is more, it was from the very tree（这个要表达什么？） which Rembrandt’s another famous painting’s panel was made of.



PS：框架清晰，听力细节捕捉详细，没有什么大的遗漏。

在文中如果可以加入更多一些和passage的对比，既可以弥补字数，又可以增强对比性

瓜瓜不瓜

5.3
综合，写了超时3分钟T.T
TOP3
The lecture casts doubt on the passage. While the passage says that the dinosaurs are endotherms, the speaker gives some evidences that indict them are not.

First, the lecture points out that the dinosaur fossils discovered in polar region is not strong enough to support the conclusion of the passage. For one thing, the climate was much warmer several million ago in polar regions. For another, the fossils may be the dinosaurs who migrate from other regions.

The another point the lecture shows to challenge the passage is that the reason why dinosaur legs are positioned underneath. This leg position and movement is to support its huge weight, which is one of advantage of dinosaurs.

Last, the lecture indicts that even though dinosaurs have Haversian canals, they also have grow rings. The grow rings infer that dinosaurs stop growing or grow slowly in a while, then grow fast again. It is well-known that bones grow slowly in cold body condition than warm body condition. Clearly, the dinosaurs temperature changed during time based on the study of grow rings. Thus, the lecture reach the conclusion that dinosaurs are not endothermy

tyyhappy

蓝色为建议或疑问高亮为精彩红色为错误绿色为总结



Nowadays, with rapid progress of development(这个短语读起来有点别扭呀) and furious competition among trading, it become more and more important for a company to decide where should the investment be spend(spent) on. Personally, I strong(strongly) oppose the idea that the the(删掉个the) most important investment should be expensed on improving skill of its(个人认为这个its离company比较远，不如再写一次company) employees.



To begin with, comparing to（comparing to 表主动，个人认为compared to） skill of its employees, the technology that a company adopts is a more critical factor to determine the success of an enterprise, especially in modern society. As Xiaoping Dung, the former president of China, once point(pointed) out that technology is the primary productive force, no one can deny the powerful drive force that technology bring(s) to the world. It is no longer a(an) era that labor force represent output, but a time  technology-oriented industries win the market. Even if the skill of a company employees stand on the top, without the improvement of its technology, it cannot develop sustainably. For example, in China, employees are of high skill, but because of the outdated equipments(equipment同people 哈，单复同形，不加s表示抽象含义，加s表示成套设备), the profit for majority of Chinese corporation is below the average line(level 感觉更好些) of the world.

In addition, if employees do not have high loyalty of（loyalty to）their corporation, then the expense on tuition will be nothing but a great waste of money. Consider this situation in IT industry: the training investment of(the investment of training更顺口) a computer engineer is quite large, and the job-hopping in the IT company is higher than average, so the large amount of investment on tuition probably leads to a loss for the company. Therefore, it is unwise to blindly invest on employees education regardless of the practical situation.（这一段挺好的，论证举例一气呵成。）

What is more, even all the facts shows（show） that the company is in need of investment on employees’ training, it cannot state as the top priority, as other factors such as advertisement are equally or even more important. Nowadays, visual sense has a great impact on consumptions, it become(becomes) quite true that good advertisement（advertisements） stimulate people and drive them will（删掉will） to consume. Coca Cola may be a good instance: even though the company invest on its technology and employees, the advertisement which is the largest expense is the essential reason for its popularity.

To sum up, as we are in a technology-oriented era, it is unwise to say that the most important investment should be spend(spent) on improving the skill of employees, especially when the fluidity of employees and other factors such as advertisement are taken into consideration.



Happy意见比较多，发上来的也比较晚，瓜瓜表要介意哈。^_^

结构整齐，开头结尾干净利索。

瓜瓜用词很丰富，修饰词语很多，重样的时候也比较少。

但是注意一些小的语法错误哪。例如单三和过去分词形式。还有一些固定搭配和用法哈。

瓜瓜不瓜

5月3日09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.


Have you ever been brother whether to move to a new city or not? Have you ever feel so worried to leave old friends? Yes, I have worried about these things. But I still believe that it is a good thing to go to a strange continent and to make acquaintance of new friends, especially for young people. Here are my reasons.

First of all, to start in a brand-new city is a challenge for everyone, and a challenge is good because it drives people forward. It is human nature that we are afraid of challenges, as challenges probably bring us nothing but failure. However, imagine if no one would like take a step, what the world will be. Columbus is a good example to take. He sailed on the big ocean, not scared by the uncertainty. Finally, he discovered the New World, and made such a great contribution to the whole world. The courage of Columbus is exactly what people need when they are afraid to the new environment.

In addition, migration does not mean loss of friend because people will meet new friends in the new environment. What is more, different friends have their own distinct quantity which people can learn things from. As a student who left one’s hometown, I never regret my decision. I went to a university which is several thousand miles away, and the city and people there were totally strange to me. However, during four year of school time, I have gained more friends, and learnt a lot from them. What is more, I become more independent and braver.

Last but not least, even if people go to a new city, it does not mean that them will lose old friends. As the saying goes, true friend will not be apart by time and distance. Personally, I think the friend who left just because they are not in the same city is true friend.

To sum up, I strongly encourage people go to new city to take challenges and make new friends. This experience will not only widen one’s horizon but also will definitely be a treasure in one’s life.

瓜瓜不瓜

改的很好 我就是喜欢严厉姐哈哈

晨依Jacqueline

5月3日 独立修改
Have you ever been brother(bothered?) whether to move to a new city or not? Have you ever feel so worried to leave old friends? Yes, I have worried about these things. But(感觉有点唐突) I still believe that it is a good thing to go to a strange continent(有点大了是不是、、city/country就行哈) and to make acquaintance of(with) new friends, especially for young people. Here are my reasons.(我觉得问句的开头很好哇~)

First of all, to start in a brand-new city is a challenge for everyone, and a(the、应该特指啦)challenge is good because it drives people (to)forward. It ishuman nature that (makes people...直接那么写接不上哇)we are afraid of challenges, as challenges probably bring us nothing but failure. However, imagine if no one would like (to)take a step, what the world will be. Columbus is a good example to take. He sailed on the big ocean, not scared by the uncertainty. Finally, he discovered the New World, and made such a great contribution to the whole world. The courage of Columbus is exactly what people need when they are afraid to the new environment.

In addition, migration(啊啊这个词真好哇我写的时候就一直move move move的就偏偏想不到，赞！) does not mean loss of friend because people will meet new friends in the new environment. What is more, different friends have their own distinct quantity which people can learn things from. As a student who left one’s hometown, I never regret my decision. I went to a university which is several thousand miles away, and the city and people there were totally strange to me. However, during four year(s) of school time, I have gained more friends,(搭配不地道，get比gain要好) and learnt a lot from them. What is more, I become more independent and braver.

Last but not least, even if people go to a new city, it does not mean that them(they) will lose old friends. As the saying goes, true friend will not be apart by time and distance(这个是不是自己写的呀？我觉得最好能查查正式点的说法~). Personally, I think the friend who left just because they are not in the same city is true friend.(这个句子不是很明白)

To sum up, I strongly encourage people go to new city to take challenges and make new friends. This experience will not only widen one’s horizon but also will definitely be a treasure in one’s life. (结尾赞！简单明了，意味深长！)



【CONCLUSION】
瓜瓜的作文写得很赞~
有些小细节再注意下，长短句稍微结合结合~
加油！

瓜瓜不瓜

5.4 Integrated Writing TPO5

The lecture casts doubts on the three theories the passage shows to explain the use of Chaco structure—“great houses”.

First, the professor denies the theory that the Chaco structures were residential, because if the theory is true, then there should be many fire place. However, the fact is even in the biggest house which is supposed to hold more than 100 families, the number of fire place is only 10.

Second, the lecture challenges the explanation that the houses were used to store maize, which is the main crop of the Chaco. The professor says that if this theory is true, then there should be more maize containers. Actually, the excavation shows that there is only a few containers.

Last, the lecture rules out the possibility which the passage lists that the Chaco structures were used as ceremonial centers. The excavation shows there are not only pots, but a large number of building materials, such as sand and stones. It is quite possible that the broken pots were the daily rubbish that the construction workers threw away.

瓜瓜不瓜

5月4日10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.


Living in this fast-pace society, people rush to work. Buried oneself in heavy work, people seem to have no rest to think about what they are working for. Though it may seem to be quite realistic to say that people work for money rather than social status, I am in favor of the statement that the main purpose for people to have job is for many. And here are my reasons.

First of all, there is no doubt that money is the direct incentive for people to have job. It is well improved that the money stimulate and drive people to work. As the saying goes, money is not everything, but no money is totally unacceptable. It is with money that people can buy food, can have place to live. However, I am not saying that the social status is not important. If analyzing this question on a material aspect, money is definitely more essential than social status. Flame and reputation do count in some respects, but they can solve people daily needs.

In addition, money is a quite effective and efficient way to motivate people, and that is what we call bonus. Usually, companies offer an attractive bonus to those employees who work hard or solve a specific problem during work. And this kind of material award gives more direct and powerful drive than the social status does. It is a true story happened in the famous company called Huawei. A few years ago, this IT company met a technological problem, and the problem remained unsolved after several months. At the end, the manager proposed that the one solved the problem was going to have a large amount of money. In no more than two weeks, the problem was solved. It cannot deny the magic power of money.

Last but not least, money is a more realistic way than social status to evaluate employees’ work. It turns out employees are always satisfied by this direct way to be paid off, which benefits both employees and employers.

To sum up, because money is the most direct incentive to workers, and it motivates and satisfies people more effectively than social statues, I hold the belief tightly that people work for money rather than social statues.

Herisson0509

迟到的修改 请见谅啊
TOP3
The lecture casts doubt on the passage. While the passage says that the dinosaurs are endotherms, the speaker gives some evidences that indict them are not.

First, the lecture points out that the dinosaur fossils discovered in polar region is not strong enough to support the conclusion of the passage. For one thing, the climate was much warmer several million ago in polar regions. For another, the fossils may be the dinosaurs who migrate from other regions.When the polar regions were cold, dinosaurs have migrated to warmer areas that are not suit for endotherms to live.

The another point the lecture shows to challenge the passage is that the reason why dinosaur legs are positioned underneath. Actually, the dinosaurs’ legs are positioned underneath their bodies.This leg position and movement is to support its huge weight, which is one of advantage of dinosaurs.

Last, the lecture indicts that even though dinosaurs have Haversian canals, they also have grow rings. The grow rings infer that dinosaurs stop growing or grow slowly in a while, then grow fast again. It is well-known that bones grow slowly in cold body condition than warm body condition. Clearly, the dinosaurs temperature changed during time based on the study of grow rings. Whereas, in the reading, endothermys don’t have this characteristic. Thus, the lecture reach the conclusion that dinosaurs are not endothermy.这一段听到的内容还蛮丰富的

瓜瓜

1.字数有些单薄了我建议你找个模版研究研究拿来自己用会使文章显得充实些鸟开的写作入门贴里有个模版还不错toefl专区里也有人上传的模版你都去看看自己提炼提炼精华

2.听力加强吧内容少

3.可以多看看满分范文我记得群共享里有的

再接再厉啊但是我是真的不行一起多多MB大神们的加油

婷婷connie

5.4 综合改文
5.4 Integrated Writing TPO5

The lecture casts doubts（doubt） on the three theories the passage shows to explain the use of Chaco structure—“great houses”.

First, the professor denies the theory that the Chaco structures were residential, because if the theory is true, then there should be many（这样表达有点中式）fire place（fireplaces）. However, the fact is (that )even in the biggest house which is supposed to hold more than 100 families, the number of fire place is only 10.(加一个结论Therefore，the  professor believes that the primary function of the great house can not be houses.)

Second, the lecture(lecturer用人比较好)challenges the explanation that the houses were used to store maize, which is the main crop of the Chaco. The professor says that if this theory is true,（换一下表达） then there should be more maize containers. Actually, the excavation shows that there is（are） only a few containers.

Last, the lecture rules out the possibility which the passage lists that the Chaco structures were used as ceremonial centers. The excavation shows there are not only pots, but a large number (quantities 感觉material是不可数的)of building materials, such as sand and stones. It is quite possible that the broken pots were the daily rubbish that the construction workers threw away.



To sum up...



Conclusion:瓜瓜的细节抓的很紧，不错，但是字数少了点哦

1.每一段的连接词注意多样性，可以用to begin with, besides, in addition, furthermore, what is more, moreover, last but not least之类的词

2.在每段后面加一个结论

3.还有最后一段，再写一个总结性的句子