【写作小分队の探险者】5.20 托福 求狠拍

探险者

探险者 5.2 作业 综合/独立
5月2日20110820 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important investment for a company is to spend money on improving skills of its employees.

Some individuals indicate that technology not only provides modern people with more options, but complicates our lives as well. Therefore, people are always puzzled by the refreshed terminology and the new explanations for that, making it necessary for people's grasp and sensitive to the fast-moving society. Also, different attractions and people's natural desire lead to our expectation for a high-quality life. Clearly, it is desperately needed that company has to spend money on improving skills of its employees, which plays the most vital role in its expenditure.



Undoubtedly, managers of every company worry about whether their investment can pay off both intellectually and emotionally, which means the improvement of staff's working efficiency and the solidarity of their groups. For one thing, it is the training that lays a solid foundation for staff's well-rounded abilities, which ranges from how to appropriately optimize your work time and information resource to how to incorporate what you have learned from textbook to practice. For another, without interpersonal and communication skills, people may suffer adversities like the shortage of target clients and the isolation from the majority. The progression of your socialized skills will not only help you get along with your colleagues, but give rise to the opportunity to express yourself in public as well. Consequently, it is unlikely that the company won't make great success with such excellent employees.



Aside from promoting people to be welfare, it is not uncommon that modern companies focus much attention on one’s expanded outlook. Obviously, employees are not passive receptacles of predigested plans, thus predominant staff is encouraged to positively participate in thinking up constructive ideas. The communication between leaders and employees in the modern society is commonplace, making it available to enhance employees’ abilities to keep informed of the up-to-date resource and techniques. More importantly, people who have durable eyesight are entitled with the capacity of creativity. Even though no one thought highly of Steve Jobs's long-term suggestion during his early period, he stick to the research of computer devices and the masses' feedback, bringing about the appearance of fantastic iphone and the popularity of the Apple. It is evident that Steve Jobs made such perfect prediction with his accumulated experience and learning from daily occupation, which is closely connected with people’s practical ability.



Another fundamental reason that I'm in favor of the statement is that people are now suffering recurring psychological stress, which discourages their working enthusiasm. That would certainly cause great loss of the company's investment, since their expenditures receive little as their expectation. Clearly, people are born with the natural desire for satisfied living condition, thus making them purchase commodities which match to their social status. Therefore, skill training will make them content by promoting their career prospective and wages, which enable them to lead a better life. In addition, company has to invest in people's mental and physical health recovery. Employees have to be taught how to involve in daily exercises, how to keep calm when in face of difficulties and how to relieve themselves from high pressure due to everyday work, which we call psychology guidance.



Overall, on the one hand, the improvement of staff's skills will benefit both his\her own career path and working group; on the other hand, with developed job satisfaction, people will more positively devote themselves to their undertaking with remarkable enthusiasm and energy. It is no wonder that the most significant investment for a company is to practice their employees' abilities, which leads to the promotion of the company itself and its staff.

TPO3

The reading passage explores that the painting is not attributed to Rembrandt. In contrast, even though the instructor in the listening admits the exploration in the reading is true, the paint has been examined by researchers to be Rembrandt's. And she gives three points to support her ideas.



First of all, the author of the reading analyzes that the dressing way of the woman is inconsistent, which is not in harmony with the style of Rembrandt. However, the lecturer opposes that viewpoint because the collar was added over the top of the original paint 100 hundred years after the work had been made, which can be indicated by the pigment. The reason for adding a collar is to improve the painting's value by making some change of the woman.



Additionally, the reading reckons that Rembrandt never made such an error of light and shadow. But according what has been expressed by the lecturer, if you move the collar, the original painting will be seen. Actually, on the original panel, the light color of the simple collar will reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face, which indicates that the face won't be partially shadowed. That is parallel with Rembrandt's realistic style.



Finally, she contradicts the reading with the standpoint that the panel will be enlarged when the collar is added, making the work to be more grand and valuable. Indeed, the original single piece of wood is absolutely Rembrandt's paint.(漏掉了另外一个原因，细节啊)




TPO3

The reading passage explores that the painting is not attributed to Rembrandt. In contrast, even though the instructor in the listening admits the exploration in the reading is true, the paint has been examined by researchers to be Rembrandt's. And she gives three points to support her ideas.



First of all, the author of the reading analyzes that the dressing way of the woman is inconsistent, which is not in harmony with the style of Rembrandt. However, the lecturer opposes that viewpoint because the collar was added over the top of the original paint 100 hundred years after the work had been made, which can be indicated by the pigment. The reason for adding a collar is to improve the painting's value by making some change of the woman.



Additionally, the reading reckons that Rembrandt never made such an error of light and shadow. But according what has been expressed by the lecturer, if you move the collar, the original painting will be seen. Actually, on the original panel, the light color of the simple collar will reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face, which indicates that the face won't be partially shadowed. That is parallel with Rembrandt's realistic style.



Finally, she contradicts the reading with the standpoint that the panel will be enlarged when the collar is added, making the work to be more grand and valuable. Indeed, the original single piece of wood is absolutely Rembrandt's paint.(漏掉了另外一个原因，细节啊)

喵喵了个咪

改TPO3

The reading passage explores that the painting is not attributed to Rembrandt. In contrast, even though the instructor in the listening admits the exploration in the reading is true, the paint has been examined by researchers to be Rembrandt's(感觉这里怪怪的，用个从句会不会好一些。). And she gives three points to support her ideas.

First of all, the author of the reading analyzes that the dressing way of the woman is inconsistent, which is not in harmony with the style of Rembrandt. However, the lecturer opposes that viewpoint because the collar was added over the top of the original paint 100 hundred years after the work had been made, which can beis indicated by the pigment. The reason for adding a collar is to improve the painting's value by making some change of the woman.

Additionally, the reading reckons that Rembrandt never made such an error of light and shadow. But according what has been expressed by the lecturer, if you move(remove好些) the collar, the original painting will be seen. Actually, on the original panel, the light color of the simple collar will(用一般时态就好) reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face, which indicates that the face won't be partially shadowed. That is parallel with Rembrandt's realistic style.

Finally, she contradicts the reading with the standpoint that the panel will be enlarged when the collar is added, making the work to be more grand and valuable. Indeed, the original single piece of wood is absolutely Rembrandt's paint.(漏掉了另外一个原因，细节啊)(漏掉了两点：1because of the added collar, the wood panel had to be added in order to make the painting more granted and valuable. 2the original piece of panel are made by the wood from similar tree with another Rembrandt’s painting)

如果没漏掉最后两点，这片文章就很好了。综合最重要的就是听力的要点，一般在4点左右(有的点有两个细节比如这篇的第三点)。所以加强听力吧~

chasedreamabc

Some individuals indicate that technology not only provides modern people with more options, but（not only...but also,可以省略also吗？） complicates our lives as well. Therefore, people are always puzzled by the refreshed terminology and the new explanations for that, making it necessary for people's grasp and sensitive to the fast-moving society. Also, different attractions and people's natural desire lead to our expectation for a high-quality life. Clearly, it is desperately needed that company has to spend money on improving skills of its employees, which（不能形容人，who） plays（前面一直说的是employees，play） the most vital role in（存疑，on）its expenditure.



Undoubtedly, managers of every company worry about whether their investment（应该不是只有一笔投资，+s）can pay off both intellectually and emotionally, which（这个不能指代前面一句话的，CDers 经常性的错误）means the improvement of staff's working efficiency and the solidarity of their groups. For one thing, it is the training that lays a solid foundation for staff's well-rounded abilities, which ranges from how to appropriately optimize your （这个your是哪里的，人称毫无征兆的转变了）work time and information resource to how to incorporate what you have learned （可以用一般现在时吧，表示一般现象）from textbook（+a，或者+s，名词不能单独用） to practice. For another, without interpersonal and communication（两个词性不同的单词不能并列的）skills, people may suffer adversities like the shortage of target clients and the isolation from the majority. The progression of your socialized skills will not only help you get along with your colleagues, but give rise to the opportunity to express yourself in public as well. Consequently, it is unlikely that the company won't（书写不规范，分开写）make great success with such excellent employees.



Aside from promoting people to be welfare, it is not uncommon that modern companies focus much attention on one’s expanded outlook. Obviously, employees are not passive receptacles of predigested plans, thus predominant staff is encouraged to positively participate in thinking up constructive ideas. The communication between leaders and employees in the modern society is commonplace, making it（指代不清） available to enhance employees’ abilities to keep informed of the up-to-date resource and techniques. More importantly, people who have durable eyesight are entitled with the capacity of creativity. Even though no one thought highly of Steve Job's long-term suggestion during his early period, he stick to the research of computer devices and the masses' feedback, bringing about the appearance of fantastic IPhone and the popularity of the Apple. It is evident that Steve Jobs made such perfect prediction with his accumulated experience and learning from daily occupation, which is closely connected with people’s practical ability.



Another fundamental reason that I'm in favor of the statement is that people are now suffering recurring psychological stress, which discourages their working enthusiasm. That would certainly cause great loss of the company's investment, since their（前面都是单数啊，指代错误）expenditures receive little as their expectation. Clearly, people are born with the natural desire for satisfied living condition, thus （可以直接用-ing表示伴随）making them purchase commodities which match to their social status. Therefore, skill （+s）training will make them content by promoting their career prospective and wages, which enable them to lead a better life. In addition, company has to invest in people's mental and physical health recovery. Employees have to be taught how to involve in daily exercises, how to keep calm when in face of difficulties and how to relieve themselves from high pressure due to everyday work, which we call psychology guidance.

Overall, on the one hand（on one hand）, the improvement of staff's skills will benefit both his\her own career path and working group（与主题没有什么关系吧，稍后在PS中论述）; on the other hand, with developed job satisfaction, people will more positively（待求证）devote themselves to their undertaking with remarkable enthusiasm and energy. It is no wonder that the most significant investment for a company is to practice their employees' abilities, which leads to the promotion of the company itself and its staff.



PS：Wow...字数好多，先赞一个

对于有多处同样错误或者存疑的地方，只标出了第一处



1.所使用到的例证很独特，新颖，是我之前所没有想到过的，或者说我根本不可能想出来；
2.最后一段的TS应该呼应一下你的结论，这点应该加强一下；

3.语法稍弱，单复数什么的写完好好检查一下啊

探险者

这篇思路很不好，大大们狠拍吧
5月3日20110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good thing and we need to take actions at once.
Since we human beings have embarked into an information era, cutting edge technology has not only improved our living quality, but complicated our daily occupations as well. People are always inundated with different kinds of information, which may indicate an amazing opportunity to the future success, and thus some individuals will immediately take actions to pursue their lifetime dreams. However, sometimes taking a quick action may lead to some negative outcomes, which range from the inaccurate information resource to the risk we have to meet. Clearly, making patient reasoning before taking action really makes sense.



Indeed, the information boom makes people have access to current events, which help us to keep track of the progression of every field. It is not uncommon that business managers won't make decisions as soon as they receive some clues of the fast-moving market. They may surf related websites, watch the television news, make a conversation with their colleagues or clients and hold conferences to carry out a discussion. Simply put, those methods will not only enhance them to better understand the development of certain events and make their minds more analytical and insightful, but also help to come up with well-rounded plans. Clearly, business is about how people trust, cooperate and compete, thereby exhibiting the significance of whether your information is right or not. Only justified cues can promote your company to a higher level.



What's more, taking action at once, to some extent, means taking risks. Most successful people always tell us the giant risk they took on the way to extraordinary success. However, don't jump to the conclusion that taking risks is the key to brilliant success. The lecture made by the so-called elites may be deceptive, in that we only hear about a small number of people who successfully take a risk but we don't hear about thousands of people who take similar risks and lose. Likewise, we are just informed of the winner of the $500 million lottery and their remarkable happiness, while we cannot wade in the same pool of adventure in terms of that kind of information, can we? Clearly, we may undertake great adventure when carrying out immediate decisions, which may lead to the worst outcome without patience.



Even though some people explore that we might miss the cherished opportunity if we are not determined to take methods at once, it is evident people have to analyze different situations and their own abilities both insightfully and patiently. Take some Chinese students as an example. Most students' parents have been involved in their daily lives ever since their childhood, and thus they always imitate or even follow their parents' suit, namely that parents make directions of what major to choose, how to appropriately manage one's schedule and even how to promote their career path. Therefore, those students are not fit to study abroad even though they receive the offer from top universities such as Harvard. They have to deeply analyze what they are good at and what they are lack of, which desperately needs students' patient and careful exploration of themselves.



Overall, although some accessible information and scarce opportunity may lead to our fantastic success, we have to incorporate what we have learned from the current events to our provoking thought, which means it is necessary to think deeply before putting into action.

喵喵了个咪

改5月3日20110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good thing and we need to take actions at once.
Since we human beings have embarked into an information era, cutting edge technology has not only improved our living quality, but complicated our daily occupations as well.(感觉这句话不应该用完成时，应该和后边是时态一致。) People are always inundated with different kinds of information, which may indicate an amazing opportunity to the future success, and thus some individuals will immediately take actions to pursue their lifetime dreams. However, sometimes taking a quick action may lead to some negative outcomes, which range from the inaccurate information resource to the risk we have to meet. Clearly, making patient reasoning before taking action really makes sense.

Indeed, the information boom makes people have access to current events, which help us to keep track of the progression of every field. It is not uncommon that business managers won't make decisions as soon as they receive some clues of the fast-moving market.(这句话中出现了3个否定词，去掉两个。) They may surf related websites, watch the television news, make a conversation with their colleagues or clients and hold conferences(与前文意思重复) to carry out a discussion. Simply put, those methods will not only enhance them to better understand the development of certain events and make their minds more analytical and insightful, but also tohelp to come up with well-rounded plans. Clearly, business is about how people trust, cooperate and compete, thereby exhibiting the significance of whether your information is right or not. Only justified cues can promote your company to a higher level.(本段的论据与主旨有关，说manager需要对信息耐心的筛选。但结尾总结与patience无关)

What's more, taking action at once, to some extent, means taking risks. Most successful people always tell us the giant risk they took on the wayto result in the extraordinary success. However, don't jump to the conclusion that taking risks is the key to brilliant success. The lecture made by the so-called elites may be deceptive, in that we only hear about a small number of people who successfully take a risk, but we don't hear about thousands of people who take similar risks and lose(losing). Likewise, we are just informed of the winner of the $500 million(要不就全用数字，要不就全用英语) lottery and their remarkable happiness, while we cannot wade in the same pool of adventure in terms of that kind of information, can we? Clearly(连续三段结尾全用clearly，可以换种说法), we may undertake great adventure when carrying out immediate decisions, which may lead to the worst outcome without patience.(我个人觉得这段的500万的例子举得不好，和耐心没有多大关系。)

Even though some people explore that we might miss the cherished opportunity if we are not determined to take methods at once, it is evident people have to analyze different situations and their own abilities both insightfully and patiently. Take some Chinese students as an example. Most students' parents have been involved in their daily lives ever since their childhood, and thus they always imitate or even follow their parents' suit, namely that parents make directions of what major to choose, how to appropriately manage one's schedule and even how to promote their career path. Therefore, those students are not fit to study abroad even though they receive the offer from top universities such as Harvard. They have to deeply analyze what they are good at and what they are lack of, which desperately needs students' patient and careful exploration of themselves.(这段主要用慎重做决策来反驳要及时抓住机会。还是觉得与题目的关系不大)

Overall, although some accessible information and scarce opportunity may lead to our fantastic success(这句没理解啥意思…), we have to incorporate what we have learned from the current events to our provoking thought, which means it is necessary to think deeply before putting into action.

文章的主要问题就是例子与论点结合不紧密。语言很好。语法错误也不多。

貌似3号的独立作文不是这一篇啊亲。。。

Crystaljoy

探险者还没机经？
加写作大本营上的Q群~
里面有机经，网盘也有
520跟512是一份的啊~

lxyuan2001

楼上，楼主写的就是机经啊，而且早于我们就知道了，很未雨绸缪的说。

探险者这两天我作文进度不快，今天准备集中整理下，修改好了给你发上来。加油~

lxyuan2001

5月3日20110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good thing and we need to take actions at once.


Since we human beings have embarked into an information era, cutting edge technology has not only improved our living quality, but complicated our daily occupations as well. People are always inundated with different kinds of information, which may indicate an amazing opportunity to the future success, and thus some individuals will immediately take actions to pursue their lifetime dreams. However, sometimes taking a quick action may lead to some negative outcomes, which range from the inaccurate information resource(这个是否应该作为一个原因而非结果) to the risk we have to meet. Clearly, making patient reasoning before taking action really makes sense.






Indeed, the information boom makes people have access（provide people with access）to current events, which help us to keep track of the progression of every field. It is not uncommon that business managers won't make decisions as soon as they receive some clues of the fast-moving market(否定过多，可能会给考官带来阅读障碍). They may surf related websites, watch the television news, make a conversation with their colleagues or clients and hold conferences to carry out a discussion. Simply put, those methods will not only enhance them to better understand the development of certain events and make their minds more analytical and insightful, but also help to come up with well-rounded plans. Clearly, business is about how people trust, cooperate and compete (with each other), thereby exhibiting (或in which it underlies) the significance of whether your information is right or not. Only justified cues can promote your company to a higher level.





What's more, taking action at once, to some extent, means taking risks. Most successful people always tell us the giant（最好用immense or enormous） risk they took on the way to extraordinary success. However, don't jump (too quickly )to the conclusion that taking risks is the key to brilliant success. The lecture made by the so-called elites may be deceptive, in that we only hear about a small number of people who successfully take a risk but we don't hear about thousands of people who take similar risks and lose(in that we may only hear about the success of a small portion of people, while the rest remain failure after taking the same risks.) Likewise, we are just informed of the winner of the $500 million lottery and their remarkable happiness, while we cannot wade in the same pool of adventure in terms of that kind of information, can we? Clearly, we may undertake great adventure when carrying out immediate decisions, which may lead to the worst outcome without patience.



Even though some people explore that we might miss the cherished opportunity if we are not determined to take methods at once, it is evident that people have to analyze different situations and their own abilities both insightfully and patiently. Take some Chinese students as an example. Most students' parents have been involved in their daily lives ever since their childhood, and thus they(指代不明) always imitate or even follow their parents' suit, namely that parents make directions of what major to choose, how to appropriately manage one's schedule and even how to promote their career path. （A number of students, whose daily lives in childhood were almost entirely controlled by parental guide, lack the ability to choose majors, manage personal schedule, and develop career path）Therefore, those students are not fit to study abroad even though they receive the offer from top universities such as Harvard. They have to deeply analyze what they are good at and what they are lack of, which desperately needs students' patient and careful exploration of themselves.



Overall, although some accessible information and scarce opportunity may lead to our fantastic success, we have to incorporate what we have learned from the current events to our provoking thought, which means it is necessary to think deeply before putting into action.



（每一段都可以specify 一下，比如第二段限定在商业领域；第三段限定在广告对人们的欺骗性上，因此人们做purchase的决定时，需要耐心判断真假。第四段说学生在做职业选择或者出国申请时应当耐心发现自己的问题；现在你的逻辑层次没有划开，如果你这样写，三段其实TS都是一样的，只是例子有所区分而已，我觉得探险者的逻辑结构上最有可能被扣分，建议你看看李笑来185范文上的文章提纲，学习一下分层次地技巧。GRE的新东方课上我记得也讲了很多）



因为咱们用的是一套机经，我也写了下：）这篇真不好写，多多指正



One of the hot and controversial topics nowadays is whether to be a more action-oriented or more patience person when some problems come up. Clearly there are abundant people would vote for the former one because they believe sitting around and thinking about potential solutions is merely a waste of time. Nevertheless, still a myriad of people, including me, would like to take a deep breath, think with logic and try to find out a better approach to deal with the problem. There is no denying that this method has its own advantage in several aspects.



In business partnership, patience enables the possibility to carry out a strategic, profound and far-reaching plan to embrace business opportunity. A real story occurs to me which may lend credence to my argument. As a permanent employee and local delegate of a prestigious international furniture company, my aunt was frequently faced with challenges of choosing the right partner to sell products. She was once in a dilemma of choosing between a well known but expensive retailer, or a cheap but small company. Without knowing what to do, my aunt decided to be patient. Later through a bit investigation into the latter company, she was surprised that they are actually notorious among consumers, not like what they previously stated themselves as ‘reputed’. It is no surprise how lucky she felt to be patient when making such a critical decision!




Being patient is at the same time a touchstone of a true relationship with our beloved ones. We all know young adults can be notoriously rebellious against parents in an effort to escape from their old-fashioned thoughts and disciplines. While many parents would set rigor rules to punish the children for their mistakes, there are some parents who adopt the opposite way- listening to children’s ideas with patience, and try best to show empathy. Ample evidences prove that children grown up in the former family have larger chance to indulge in computer games and associate with dangerous friends. In contrast, those who received respect show clear signs of mature personality and self-esteem. Sometimes, spending two or three more minutes to listen to children’s talk can make big change in their life, and that’s the magic power of patience.



Lastly, people who behave in a patient manner reflect their social status and education background. We can hardly imagine a notable professor who rudely stops a student’s question simply because he has mentioned it in last session, nor a well educated politician shouting at waiters because the dishes were served too slowly. While in contrast, it is surprisingly easy to spot an ill-educated person arguing in public because of trivial things. Our common sense allows us to link high social class only to those who are patient and well behaved.



Based on the discussions above, we can conclude that the virtue of patience plays an irreplaceable role in maintaining business and personal relationship, as well as to be an indicator of one’s education background and social class. By simply being a bit more tolerant, you might be able to win the heart of your friend, your customer and even the beloved ones.

探险者

我也没写多快，在准备口语。感觉这方面自己缺的比较多吧，所以下的功夫要多一些。
写作除了练笔外，觉得还是多总结比较好，因为主要是把自己的思路和逻辑层次搞好，还有语言的运用

探险者

5.8 独立 探险者
几天没写了，5.20考试，要加把劲了。给5.12的筒子们加油了
5月8日11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Indeed, parents have been involved in our upbringing and schooling since our childhood, thus they can fully understand what we want in our daily lives, our eating and studying habits and our ability to adapt to the society. Granted, I don't want to be a pretentious and rebellious adolescent, however, it is not necessary for us to choose the same career as our parents. Clearly, it is a terrific opportunity for the young to enhance their ability and exhibit themselves by choosing their own career path.



Even though our parents are much more experienced due to the long-term work, they may find it difficult to understand the up-to-date fashion, the new terminology and the new explanation for that, and even particularly novel thoughts of adolescents, making them not realize what their kids really want to do. However, as for the young, they can easily get to know their interests of certain fields. For one thing, we have been receiving terrific education over ten years, which expanded our outlook with different kinds of information and the state-of-the-art pedagogical method. For another, it is convenient to make friends in the university owing to similar interests and brilliant targets. Therefore, we not only have access to our future development, but we can ask for help from our close companions as well.



More importantly, taking the same career path as our parents may do harm to the cultivation of our creativity. Clearly, even the most outgoing students in my class are remarkably respectful to their parents, leading them to imitating their elderly or even following their behavior. In this way, the youths have to undertake the psychological strain as the result of their parents discipline, making them be afraid to come up with their own viewpoints. Even though they can acquire some predigested knowledge to consolidate their ability, these people can only trail the pace of others without any critical and creative thinking. Undoubtedly, they may meet challenges on the way of promotion.



In addition, some parents are the predominant managers or leaders of the fantastic companies, which may give a hand whenever their children are encountering problems in their career path. In contrast, others may determine their own career plan and rely on themselves to go through the adversities without much too help from parents. Obviously, the latter will grasp the opportunity to improve themselves both intellectually and emotionally. On the one hand, they can foster many capacities, such as how to deal with different clients, how to get along well with your colleagues and how to combat the obstructions. On the other hand, those adolescents are always confident enough to appropriately express themselves in public, leaving deep impression on their companions and leaders. That's what we want to receive through finding our own career path.



Overall, with the well-rounded understand of our advantages and disadvantages, the opportunity to cultivate our creativity and the improvement of our abilities, it makes sense that children should choose their own jobs instead of the same as their parents.