婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

Crystaljoy

4.28 综合，迟来的修改 求原谅

In the passage, the writer holds that an animal fossil named T. rex might contains（contain） remains of the actual tissues of the animal.  However, the lecturer thinks it unbelievable (没有think it adj吧， believes it adj), and his view (wiews) are as follows.

To begin with,  the speaker disproves the presence of actual blood vessels which is asserted by the writer. The writer(写反了吧？) argues that those branching channels inside may be something else such as some traces left by bacteria, since bacteria may colonize its hollows in the bones when the animal was dead.

Moreover, the author stresses the existence of the red blood cells of T. rex. Conversely, the lecturer casts doubt on this opinion. He puts that scientists have also found reddish materials in some primitive animals which had no blood cells when they were alive, around the T. rex. Thus, the lecturer believes those reddish materials may be pieces of reddish minerals instead of red blood cells.

Furthermore, the writer shows that the T. rex contained collagen matrix. While the lecturer is skeptical about this, as the collagen matrix cannot last for 17 million years' time. To explain, he says that the collagen may come from a recent source. Specifically, the collage matrix belongs to  a researcher's skin, who is handling the bone recently.（这两句都有点短了，后面这个句子可以简化成上句的一个同位语：，specially，the skin of researchers who are handling the bone）

To sum up, the professor refutes the （+ points concerning the 感觉refute的对象是观点比较合适）remains of the actual blood vessels, red blood cells and collagen matrix, exactly opposite to the writer. （插入professor与refutes之间更好，因为这是修饰professor的，不要离得太远了。）





总结：写的很好~要点，结构，逻辑都很不错啊！

语言方面略逊色，比如表示观点的综合写作词汇可以积累一些多一些。例如Think (that): hold the (opinion/ belief/ position/stand point/idea) that, assume, believe, deem, argue, maintain, suppose, conceive, insist, be convinced

婷婷connie

5.3 独立 写多了，超时十分钟
In contemporary society, it is a common phenomenon of migration for better occupations. Some people hold that it is not good to move to a new place because of the loss of old friends. Form my point of view, I believe moving to a new city or a new country is a promising try in one's life instead of the loss of old social circle.

To begin with, moving to a new place does not mean the loss of old friends. Since the accelerating tempo of technology, people nowadays are able to keep contact with their friends more easily. For instance, the software of MSN makes it possible for people to chat with their closed friends. Whenever and wherever a person is, all he needs to do is keying some words in the chat box and click the "send" . Then another man who are thousands of miles way can get the message right way. The amazing thing is all the chatting work is done within seconds which enables people to keep in touch with each other more frequently despite of the distance. So, the migration has nothing to do with the loss of old friends.

Besides, the view that it is often not a good thing to move to a new place comes from the inadaptation instead of the loss of old friends. As different cities or countries have its own exceptional and unique culture. It is likely that someone who move to a new place can barely adjust himself to the new environment. For instance, a shy Chinese boy who goes abroad to get his further education. In the New York City, when some classmate tells joke in class, which makes the whole class laugh except him. Then he feels unhappy and tends to less talkative. He finds it hard to join in his students and have fun because of the diversity of language and culture, not the loss of old friends. Thus, it is not the loss of old friends makes people feel not good to move to a new place.

Furthermore, moving to a new city or a new country indicates bigger chance to succeed. According to a survey conducted by the China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 85% of people who moved to a new place before come to be more successful than others. Generally speaking, these new settlers are more ambitious and aggressive in studying and working since they want to give a change on the current situation. For example, when I was in my primary school,I had a classmate Tom. He told me that he did bad in his studies before he came to my school and he was going to change himself this time. Actually, he was really diligent.He got up early and lied down late. In the end, he made it to become one of the top students in my class. So, we can figure out that moving to a new place do enhance people to get achievement.

To sum up, since people may not lose contact with their old friends, and they feels bad to move for other reasons such as cultural diversity, it is not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends. Conversely, we can come to hug a differently new life after a migration.

婷婷connie

5.3 综合
The topic is whether the dinosaurs were endotherms. The reading gives considerable evidences to prove they were, however, the listening casts doubt on it.

To begin with, the author holds that dinosaur fossils discovered in polar regions indicates that dinosaurs were endotherms. On the contrary, the speaker refutes this view. He stresses that polar areas may be warmer in the past, and dinosaurs can migrate to other places when it turns cold.Thus, dinosaurs did not need to maintain a temperature. So, they were not necessary to be endotherms.

Moreover, the lecturer contrasts the point in the passage that the position and movement of the legs shows the dinosaur being endotherm. To explain this, the lecturer adds that legs under the body do not mean the ability to run. Instead, since the dinosaur generally grew to a large size, this leg position and movement was used to support more weight. So, the leg position and movement has little thing to do with endothermy.

Furthermore, the writer demonstrates that dinosaur bone dense with Haversian canals agrees that dinosaurs were endothermy. Conversely, the lecturer is skeptical about this. He emphasizes: as dinosaurs grew slowly when it was cooler, and faster when it was warmer, there is little relation between endothermy and bone structure. Additionally, the fossil bone also contains another substance: the grocerine.

婷婷connie

5.3 独立（写这篇的时候看错题了，my god，不过还是发上了了，帮忙看看吧）
In the contemporary society, people have enough nutrients to grow, hey will not feel cold in winter with a heater, they can reach remote places with a car. Thus, a multitude of people realize the convenience and high quality of urban life. I can not agree more, and my opinions are as follows.

To begin with, living in the city enables people to live a more convenient life. As a good number of 24-hour drugstore are available in the city, citizens are able to buy some medicine in the midnight when the child catches a severe cold. Besides, since various restaurants are accessible to workers, these busy men or women does not need to cook at home, which spares them a great deal of time. Furthermore, the public transportations such as bus and subway make it possible for residents to reach any far places within less time at a relatively low price.

Moreover, it is likely that people who living in the city get good jobs, thus people live a  high quality life. Take my gregarious sister Jenny as an example,  she is a extraordinary businesswoman who works in a international company. As she get highly paid, she gets her money well used. She is a member of Health Center and she comes to the gymnasium everyday after supper. Thus, she can not only relax herself from heavy working pressure, but also keep good physique. On weekends, she participates in the piano class, which cultivates her in the aspect of art. Above this, Jenny really live a good life. So, the city life undoubtedly contributes to a high quality life.

I concede that countryside is also suitable for people to live to some degrees as it is quieter and less polluted. To overcome the noise of city, people can find a similar place in the city such as the house near a park. People could go fishing with their close friends and appreciate the fascinating nature. What is more, the government has made some laws to limit environment pollutions. For instance, many paper industries which do harm to the river have been forced to close.  

To sum up, since everyone benefits a lot from diverse stores and exercise centers in the city, the urban life is more convenient and higher qualitied. What we can do is to find a idea place there and enjoy our life.

婷婷connie

占座位

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/5/2 22:38:51)

鸟儿姐姐给婷婷改文吗？

婷婷connie

5.2 综合
There are various opinions on whether the painting is a work by Rembrandt. The writer gives some evidences to prove it is fake, while the lecturer argues that work is indeed painted by Rembrandt.

First of all,  the writer casts doubt on the inconsistency of the way the woman is dressed. On the contrary, the lecturer stresses this paint is true and she demonstrates: examination of X-rays shows the fore color is not the part of the painting. This fore color was added after a hundred years to increase the value of the paint. People wanted the woman in the painting to look like a formal rich lady.

Besides, the lecturer refutes the view given by the writer that there some error in dealing light and shadow. To explain this, she emphasizes that since the fore color is removed, people can get to the original painting. It is not difficult to find the woman actually wears a simple white cloth which illuminates the light of that woman's face. So, the painting is realistic, and Rembrandt did not make mistakes of balance light and shadow.

Moreover, the writer believes the picture was painted on a several pieces of wood glued together. Conversely, the lecturer contrasts this. She holds the glued pieces of wood were used to enlarge the painting, then the painting is more grand and valuable, just like the fore color. Additionally, the test has showed that this wood is exactly the same wood of Rembrandt's another painting: his self portrait with a hat.

婷婷connie

5.2 独立
5月2日20110820 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important investment for a company is to spend money on improving skills of its employees.



In the contemporary society, companies are facing more fierce competitions ranging from material sources to human resources. When it comes to investment for a company, some people believe that the investment on employees' skill enjoys the first priority. However, I am skeptical about this.  



To begin with, since employees' working environment plays a vital to enhance the efficiency, the company should spend money on this aspect. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 85% of workers confessed that their working efficiency largely depends on working surroundings. Specifically, a reputed scientist once carried an experiment on two group of businessman. One group was placed in a narrow pot with lights, and the other was made to work in a relatively broad room with sunlight. Both of groups were asked to finish a project plan. Consequently, it took the second group 4 hours to accomplish while the first spent twice of the time. There, we can find that working environment is of great significance to enhance the efficiency. Thus,as employees spend more than half their day hours in offices, companies are necessarily supposed to offer a more comfortable working environment.



Furthermore, closed welfare to the employees' family also counts much when considering a investment. Since each employee has his or her parents and children, they may not fully concentrated on their work. When an individual is sitting in a conference room, he may can not help thinking that how is everything going with his child: does his little man catch a cold? A good strategy to tackle this concentrationinattentionon work is a welfare policy to their family. For example, a company could appoint a certain person to attend its employees' family once a week and give a feedback to let the employee know that his family is well. As a result, the employee would sincerely thank the company and pay more energy and time on the company's issues.



Admittedly, I concede that investment for a company is of great importance to some degree since a company's operation is related to its employees' capacities. Nonetheless, it is not the duty for the company to pour money on the trains. Every exceptional employees have the obligation to improve their abilities in case of the replacement by others. In this situation, the company could put part of investment on the training programs, and the company should pay more attention to encourage its employees to move actively and positively. Only in this way will the workers benefit from both the personal improvement and the company's prosperity.



To sum up, for the aim to improve the employees' efficiency and concentration, the company also need put the employees' working place and welfare of their family into its investment plan, besides, the employees could obtain higher skills on their own as well, the most important investment should not placed on improving skills of its employees.



Ps：红色都是错了的单词

超级无敌小鹤鹤

In contemporary society, it is a common phenomenon of migration(在这里migration感觉用的不是很合适哈~~ migration: the movement of large numbers of people，我想婷婷这儿应该指的是普通的搬家，所以我觉得还是用moving to a new place) for better occupations. Some people hold that it is not good to move to a new place because of the loss of old friends. Form(From) my point of view, I believe thatmoving to a new city or a new country is a promising try in one's life instead of the loss of old social circles.

To begin with, moving to a new place does not mean the loss of old friends. Since the accelerating tempo of technology, people nowadays are able to keep contact with their friends more easily. For instance, the software of MSN makes it possible for people to chat with their closed friends. Whenever and wherever a person is(这句话逻辑上有问题，whenever和whereever并列，但是whenever a person is逻辑不成立，所以可以改为no matter when it is and where a person is，不过这样婷婷肯定也能感觉到啰嗦了，所以直接whereever a person is就好了), all he needs to do is keying(to key比较好，和前面to do对应) some words in the chat box and click the "send" . Then another man who are thousands of miles way(away) can get the message right way(away). The amazing thing is that all the chatting work is done within seconds, which(thus)(which前面没逗号的时候引导的是限定性定语从句，which指代前面的seconds，逻辑不成立；这儿用thus表示结果可能更好) enables people to keep in touch with each other more frequently despite of the distance. So, the migration(long distance) has nothing to do with the loss of old friends.

Besides, the view that it is often not a good thing to move to a new place comes from the inadaptation instead of the loss of old friends. As different cities or countries have its(their) own exceptional and unique culture. It is likely that someone who move to a new place can barely adjust himself to the new environment. For instance, a shy Chinese boy who goes abroad to get his further education. In( in) the New York City,.whensome(Some) classmate tells joke in class, which makes the whole class laugh except him. Then he feels unhappy and tends to less talkative. He finds it hard to join in his studentsclassmates and have fun because of the diversity of languages and cultures, not the loss of old friends. Thus, it is not the loss of old friends that makes people feel not good(unhappy ) to move to a new place.

Furthermore, moving to a new city or a new country indicates bigger chance to succeed. According to a survey conducted by the China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 85% of people who moved to a new place before come to be more successful than others. Generally speaking, these new settlers are(will be) more ambitious and aggressive in studying and working since they want to give a change on the current situation. For example, when I was in my primary school,I had a classmate Tom. He told me that he did bad(badly) in his studies before he came to my school and he was going(trying) to change himself this time. Actually, he was really diligent.He got up early and lied down(lie down一般只表示躺下，睡觉还是用went to bed好一点) late. In the end, he made it tobecome(became) one of the top students in my class. So, we can figure out that moving to a new place do enhance people to get more achievement.

To sum up, since people may not lose contact with their old friends, and they feels(feel) bad to move just for other reasons such as cultural diversity, it is not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends(这句话婷婷是不是大意啦~~~前后意思好像相反了哦~~ 我觉得应该是这样的：it is not wise to refuse to move to to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends). Conversely, we can come to hug(enjoy感觉hug life好像不是很native) a differently new life after a migration(the movement).

总的来说这篇文章婷婷写的还是很不错滴~~ 用词很灵活~~ 然后文章的细节也写的很到位~~~ 不过婷婷要多注意诸如简单词的拼写，单复数这些小错误，因为这种小错误而影响最后的得分可是很可惜的哟~~~

超级无敌小鹤鹤

The topic is whether the dinosaurs were endotherms. The reading gives considerable evidences to prove they were,(;) however(婷婷这儿要注意哈~~however是介词，不能连接两句话的，所以要么前面的逗号改成分号，要么插入一个but), the listening casts doubt on it.

To begin with, the author holds that dinosaur fossils discovered in polar regions indicates(indicate) that dinosaurs were endotherms. On the contrary, the speaker refutes this view. He stresses that polar areas may be warmer in the past, and dinosaurs can migrate to other places when it turns cold.Thus, dinosaurs did not need to maintain a(the) temperature. So, they were not necessary to be endotherms.

Moreover, the lecturer contrasts the point in the passage that the position and movement of the legs shows(show) the dinosaur being endotherm. To explain this, the lecturer adds that legs under the body do not mean the ability to run. Instead, since the dinosaur generally grew to a large size, this leg position and movement was(could be) used to support more weight. So, the leg position and movement also has little thing to do with endothermy.

Furthermore, the writer(passage)demonstrates that dinosaur bone dense with Haversian canals agrees that dinosaurs were endothermy. Conversely, the lecturer is skeptical about this. He emphasizesthat 感觉这儿用冒号还是用that引导从句比较好) as dinosaurs grew slowly when it was cooler,(前后关系挺紧密的，所以建议还是吧逗号去掉) and faster when it was warmer, there is little relations between endothermy and bone structure. Additionally, the fossil bone also contains another substance: the grocerine(growth rings)(这边有个小细节，dinosaurs grew slowly when it was cooler是growth rings体现的，所以additionally的内容要放到前面去哟~~~ 建议婷婷在听一下音频~~~)

总的来说还是不错的~前两个观点的细节都把握的很到位啦~~不过最后一个观点有点小问题，婷婷最好再听一下哈~~~

婷婷connie

5.3独立 改改后
紫色为修改后

In contemporary society, it is a common phenomenon of migration move(直接改成move了，它有名词的意思，就是“迁居”，觉得尽量用名词表达更上档次，呵呵) (在这里migration感觉用的不是很合适哈~~ migration: the movement of large numbers of people，我想婷婷这儿应该指的是普通的搬家，所以我觉得还是用moving to a new place) for better occupations. Some people hold that it is not good to move to a new place because of the loss of old friends. Form(From)my point of view, I believe thatmoving to a new city or a new country is a promising try in one's life instead of the loss of old social circles.

To begin with, moving to a new place does not mean the loss of old friends. Since the accelerating tempo of technology, people nowadays are able to keep contact with their friends more easily. For instance, the software of MSN makes it possible for people to chat with their closed friends. Whenever and wherever a person is(恩恩，鹤鹤这里说得好有道理，之前“画蛇添足”了，ps:鹤鹤，你的wherever写错了，r后面只有一个e)(这句话逻辑上有问题，whenever和wherever并列，但是whenever a person is逻辑不成立，所以可以改为no matter when it is and where a person is，不过这样婷婷肯定也能感觉到啰嗦了，所以直接whereever a person is就好了), all he needs to do is keying to key(to key比较好，和前面to do对应) some words in the chat box and click the "send" . Then another man who are thousands of miles way(away) can get the message right way(away). The amazing thing is that all the chatting work is done within seconds, which(thus)(which前面没逗号的时候引导的是限定性定语从句，which指代前面的seconds，逻辑不成立；这儿用thus表示结果可能更好)thus it (我是想用which指代前面整个省时间的事，有这个用法吗？)enables people to keep in touch with each other more frequently despite of the distance. So,the migration long distance(long distance) has nothing to do with the loss of old friends.

喜欢犯小错误，感觉大脑抽了……


Besides, the view that it is often not a good thing to move to a new place comes from the inadaptation instead of the loss of old friends. As different cities or countries have its their(their) own exceptional and unique culture. It is likely that someone who move to a new place can barely adjust himself to the new environment. For instance, a shy Chinese boy who(当时想写一个复合句，结果忘了)goes abroad to get his further education. In(in) the New York City,.whensome(Some) classmate tells joke in class, which makes the whole class laugh except him. Then he feels unhappy and tends to less talkative. He finds it hard to join in his studentsclassmates and have fun because of the diversity of languages and cultures, not the loss of old friends. Thus, it is not the loss of old friends that makes people feel not goodunhappy/undelighted (unhappy ) to move to a new place.

Furthermore, moving to a new city or a new country indicates bigger chance to succeed. According to a survey conducted by the China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 85% of people who moved to a new place before come to be more successful than others. Generally speaking, these new settlers are(will be)（这里为什么要用将来时哇？我是想表示客观事实）more ambitious and aggressive in studying and working since they want to give a change on the current situation. For example, when I was in my primary school,I had a classmate Tom. He told me that he did bad(badly) in his studies before he came to my school and he was going trying(trying) to change himself this time. Actually, he was really diligent.He got up early and lied down went to bed (lie down一般只表示躺下，睡觉还是用went to bed好一点) late. In the end, he made it tobecome(became)（呀，这里罗嗦了）one of the top students in my class. So, we can figure out that moving to a new place do enhance people to get more achievement.

To sum up, since people may not lose contact with their old friends, and they feels(feel) bad to move just for other reasons such as cultural diversity, it is not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friendsit is not wise to regard moving to a new place negatively（恩，就是反了）(这句话婷婷是不是大意啦~~~前后意思好像相反了哦~~ 我觉得应该是这样的：it is not wise to refuse to move to to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends). Conversely, we can come to hug(enjoy感觉hug life好像不是很native) a differently new life after a migration(the movement).