【写作小分队】Byron来了！

byron777

3月24都三战了，之前两次都没有练过作文，一次24一次25，平平没有起色
有幸见到这个小队
坚持练习，争取三战拿高分啊！
不足太多，还请耐心拍砖！

byron777

独立写作

2 月26日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

No man is perfect, thus everyone makes more or less mistakes, especially for children. We all made mistakes in childhood, and it was from those mistakes that we gradually gained the knowledge of the protocol in everyday life, the courage of overcoming difficulties, the wisdom to handle delicate affairs and so on, and we really grew up through various mistakes. However, as parents, is it right to allow kids to make mistakes to learn things from it? From where I stand, the answer is negative- mistake is beneficial, though, it never can be allowed under any circumstance.



I still clearly remember my father's word, he always repeats it that you had better to learn things from second hand, which means you would be wise to observe others experience critically and get something from it, instead of mistakes by yourself. I still remember once I cut my finger while opening a tin of beef, my father criticized me angrily. He was so angry that almost beat me with a belt, for he had repeated to be careful all the time before I opened it. He was very rigorous when I was a child, and he thought it was his duty to be that rigorous. I was never allowed to make mistakes, even as small as putting personal stuff in an untidy way. Now as an adult, I somewhat understand his philosophy. We are to do things wrong sometimes but it's not our excuse to make mistakes, which may well become a bad habit and you will never improve.



What's more, without a rigorous father and the special philosophy, it is better to not be allowed to make mistakes. We all have been kids years ago and we may recall some of our emotions at that age. We were fearless and adventurous and unwilling to do things in the so-called right ways. We were over encouraged by plenty of cartoon heroes, who did dangerous things all the time but always survived miraculously and were admired by all the characters in the end, and we were too rash to take care of ourselves. So parents should do their best to teach their kids to get rid of mistakes rather than encourage them to learn from mistakes. Which is better, let your kids be choked by a peanut then make them know not to imitate the cartoon character to eat in that way or warn them directly and use some kind of punishment immediately they eat in a dangerous way?



Mistakes are mistakes, we had better avoid encountering them at the least cost. If we can learn from others’ fault, why should we repeat it on our own? Anyway, making mistakes can never be allowed.

晨依Jacqueline

来顶一个~!加油哦

byron777

真心感到自己好渺小能力无限有限。。

综合写作 tpo11

A recent study shouws young people read less literature materials, causing a concern of the literature future. The reading casts three disturbing effects of the lack of reading literature while the professor points out those worries are somewhat nonsense.

As the reading claims, literature is the only intellectual way to stimulate people's imaginations. The reading feels it unfortunate. But the professor refutes it, mentioning that there are many other kinds of books nowadays in the book shops, including science and other practical contents, which may also stimulate people's imagination.

When the reading indicates the culture, it says persons’ spending less time on reading is a kind of culture decline. However the professor doesn't agree with it, saying that it is the variety of entertainment that makes our culture more lively and prosperous- music and movies are forms of constantly changing culture, they influence the people and spread the culture more directly.

The reading also thinks the reading less is regrettable, because it buries talented writers who can not make a living nowadays, and that will lead to the decline of writing standards. But the professor points out that the fault is the authors' and reader should not be blamed. He says the authors' books are more and more difficult to understand now, that's the reason why they gradually lose their popularity.

chasedreamabc

老规矩，红色为错误，青色为疑惑，高亮是精彩....如若改动有错，请告诉我，共同进步

No man is perfect, thus everyone makes more or less mistakes（是不是everyone makes mistakes more or less 更顺一点）, especially for children. We all made mistakes in childhood（感觉逻辑上有点不对劲，难道长大就不犯错了，可能是GMAT的思维还没有转换完）, and it was from those mistakes that we gradually gained the knowledge of the protocol in everyday life, the courage of overcoming difficulties, the wisdom to handle delicate affairs and so on, and we really grew up through various mistakes. However, as parents, is it right to allow kids to make mistakes to learn things from it（应该指代mistakes吧）? From where I stand, the answer is negative- mistake is beneficial, though, it never can be allowed under any circumstance.


I still clearly remember my father's words,(.) （应该改变一下标点吧，这种句子在GMAT里面是run-on ）he always repeats it that you had better to learn things from second hand, which means you would be wise to observe others experience critically and get something from it, instead of mistakes by yourself. I still remember(和本段第一句句式重复，换一种表达应该会避免单一) once I cut my finger while opening a tin of beef, my father criticized me angrily（run-on 句子）. He was so angry that almost beat me with（by 表示通过使用） a belt (米国人好像不喜欢家暴哦), for he had repeated to be careful all the time before I opened it. He was very rigorous when I was a child, and he thought it was his duty to be that rigorous. I was never allowed to make mistakes, even as small as putting personal stuff in an untidy way. Now as an adult, I somewhat understand his philosophy. We are to do things wrong sometimes but it's not our excuse to make mistakes, which may well become a bad habit and you will never improve.


What's more, without a rigorous father and the special philosophy, it is better to not be allowed to make mistakes. We all have been kids years ago and we may recall some of our emotions at that age. We were fearless and adventurous and unwilling to do things in the so-called right ways. We were over encouraged by plenty of cartoon heroes, who did dangerous things all the time but always survived miraculously and were admired by all the characters（读起来感觉很奇怪，稍晚我让Cjoy看看）.In the end, and[微软中国1] we were too rash to take care of ourselves. So parents should do their best to teach their kids to get rid of mistakes rather than encourage them to learn from mistakes. Which is better, let your kids be choked by a peanut then make them know not to imitate the cartoon character to eat in that way or warn them directly and use some kind of punishment immediately they eat in a dangerous way?


Mistakes are mistakes, [微软中国2]we had better avoid encountering them at the least cost. If we can learn from others’ fault, why should we repeat it on our own? Anyway, making mistakes can never be allowed.

[微软中国1]删除


[微软中国2]；


Tips:1.高分的essay 主题部分一般是三段递进或者平行的分论点
    2.论点叙述似乎单薄了一点

daisyの小夢想

来顶顶Byron的楼 加油~~
Byron快写TPO12的综合 我们互改哈~~

Serena0710

Byron，tpo11的综合今晚给你改~~主要是第一次 ，真的不知道该如何改。。。不过我会尽力的！

byron777

多谢指教~！

byron777

TPO12 综合，久等，抱歉~

Although Jane Austen is the most famous English novelists, what did she look like remains a mystery. However, recently a professionally painted portrait has come up, which is claimed to be Jane Austen's though there is no title on it. The reading holds the opinion that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen, while the professor refutes it in the lecture.

First evidence the reading puts is the portrait was premised to be used as an illustration by Austen's family. But the professor doubts that the time when it was used is just seventy years after Austen's death, therefore even it was her family who asserted the verity we still can not conform it.

Second, the reading argues that the face in the portrait resembles the Cassandra's sketch, thus it was Austen. Still the professor cast doubts that Austen had many sisters and any teenager in her family may well resemble Austen herself, then the similarity is not reliable, too.

Third, on comparing the probable painter's active period and the Austen's age at that period, the reading quite confirms the girl is Austen. Yet the professor still refutes it by indicating the canvas of the portrait was not sold until the time when Austen was around twenties, which soundly shows the girl in the portrait is not Austen.

Serena0710

A recent study shouws（shows） young people read less literature materials, causing a concern of the literature future. The reading casts three disturbing effects of the lack of reading literature while the professor points out those worries are somewhat nonsense.

As the reading claims, literature is the only intellectual way to stimulate people's imaginations. The reading feels（换成believe行不捏？我觉得feels见到的比较少） it unfortunate. But the professor refutes it, mentioning that there are many other kinds of books nowadays in the book shops, including science and other practical contents, which may also stimulate people's imagination.

When the reading indicates（refers to）the culture, it says （that） persons’ （用person即可，不需要所有格）spending less time on reading is a kind of culture decline. However the professor doesn't agree with it, saying that it is the variety of entertainment that makes our culture more lively and prosperous- music and movies are forms of constantly changing culture, they influence the people and spread the culture more directly.

The reading also thinks the reading less is regrettable, because it buries talented writers who can not make a living nowadays, and that will lead to the decline of writing standards. But the professor points out that the fault is the authors' and reader should not be blamed. He says the authors' books are more and more difficult to understand now, that's the reason why they gradually lose their popularity.



遣词造句方面非常好，简介不拖沓，比我用模板的好多了~~~还有，byron给我的建议很非常非常受用~~~继续努力！