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[校友答疑] Ask Jason@沃顿 (my essays inside!) Free essay advice again~

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211#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-10-17 09:59:23 | 只看该作者
Describe a failure or setback that you have experienced. What role did you play and what did you learn about yourself? (500 words, Wharton 2008)

Absolute US was an annual event in Singapore that helped prospective students meet those of us who were already schooling in USA. It is now defunct, but I'd once tried- and failed- to resurrect it .

When I took this up, Absolute US had been on the brink of death, and I'd begun the project by formulating a three-faceted revival plan. First, it'd previously been held at Singapore's largest club, and I decided on a smaller and cozier venue instead. Second, some games would be organised to spice things up. Finally, a team of motivated shareholders- rather than low-energy volunteers- would be assembled by pitching Absolute US as a money-making venture. Besides arming myself with a good plan, I also worked extremely hard, playing whatever role was necessary- be it the leader who'd formulated the entire plan; the more hands-off project consultant; or the event's game designer- to make my re-conceptualization a reality.

I had a good plan, a dedicated team, and had been doing whatever it took to succeed. But in spite of this, Absolute US 2006 boasted historical attendance lows and didn't make a profit. What'd gone wrong?

Having reflected upon the affair, I now realize that the project had been doomed frorn the start, because of three errors in execution.

First, we'd ignored local contexts. Making plans from abroad left the project without proper intelligence on the ground. I'd designed the new, apparently perfect, plan and organrzed the team when I was in Chicago in April 2006. When my team returned to Singapore in June after school had ended, I went to Thailand for a month of social work. As students who'd spent the year abroad, we eventually picked a venue that turned out to be a has-been so past its popularity peak that it folded a month after our event. A better appreciation of the need for ground-level research would have served us well.

Second, as leader I'd failed to strike a balance between involvement with the project vision and its details. I'd worked hard, involving myself in all the project nitty-gritty's. However, my trying to go it alone working out every detail, rather than trusting others to execute, not only caused a breakdown in communication of the project vision to my team, but also left them without a leader for a short period when I was in Thailand. Though I'd immediately stepped down and become a project consultant instead after realizing the problem, it'd been too late. The leaderless period had already demoralized my team.

Third, I'd lacked a backup plan. I'd taken for granted that no hiccups would occur, and when one did, I was caught unprepared. In particular, I'd planned to communicate from Thailand via email, but this eventually proved unfeasible because I'd unexpectedly lacked internet access.

What I'd learnt, in short, was that having a neat idea is no guarantee of successful execution. This had been a painful but educational experience, and I look forward to doing things differently- and succeeding- in future endeavors.
212#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-10-17 10:02:04 | 只看该作者
Analysing my own essay:

1) it makes no excuses. I take all the blame for my failure.

2) the "what" part of the essay (what was the failure?) takes up only the first two sentences.

3) I explained the issues behind the problem, and explained my attempts to change it (eg. shareholders vs volunteers).

4) I show an ability to VERY HONESTLY reflect, and analyse critically what went wrong. Everybody makes mistakes. But not everyone is humble or critical enough to learn from their own missteps.

5) I end with two sentences that directly answer the question. I tell them what I learnt.

6) This, btw, was both my "failure" essay, and my "leadership" essay. Yes, this was as much leadership experience as I had.

PS, this was written before I did much research on business school. I think you'll see that it very much has my 'style' of writing (direct, to the point), and concentrates on displaying more about me as a person, and not about 'what Wharton wants'.


As always, 站内信 me with questions/ requests to look at essays/ etc.
213#
发表于 2011-10-17 23:31:21 | 只看该作者
Thanks again Jason for your input.

I have asked a few people from a different industry to read my essays, one of them an MBA. They could follow the story in the essays. However, my sister who is still at university had a bit hard time following the story.

Some people suggested that you should treat the admin as your grandmother. So I am starting to doubt whether they would be able to follow my stories as my sister didn't.

BTW, your failure essay reminds me very much the essays for GMAT. Very structured.
214#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-10-17 23:57:59 | 只看该作者
All writing (as with all tasks) begin with the goal in mind. Here my goal is to help the adcom understand as quickly and as clearly as possible what my answer is.

If that involves using a structure that they are familiar with, so they will read it faster and more logically and not get confused, I will do that. My aim is not to show what a great poet I am, in which case I would use a different structure.

This, BTW, is just normal clear business writing. Which is why the GMAT follows this too. Let your content stand out, not your style.

And as for your stories, listen to your sister. She is a smart individual (after all she is in university), and if smart people can't follow your essay, then something is wrong. After all, these essays ask a question, and everyone should know if your essays answer the question.

Look at my essay above. I believe everyone will clearly understand 1) what situation I failed in 2) that I had failed 3) what role I played 4) why I think I failed. All of these are asked in the question, and I answer them all systematically. A reader may not agree, or may not have the business knowledge to evaluate my reasons, but at least they know it's there, and it's answering the question.
215#
发表于 2011-10-18 02:35:04 | 只看该作者
Jason,
Does this mean that there's no room for creativity here? How would your essay really stand out from the crowd?

This method works well for the essay topic but if you were to decribe a story, would your approach be different than the business approach you applied here? Or you would write, first I did x, then I did y?

I will send you the first paragraph of my story which my sister found a bit difficult to follow. I am blind in my own writing so I don't know how to improve it or see why it's not clear. Your help is highly appreciated.
216#
发表于 2011-10-18 02:53:35 | 只看该作者
darn, where is 站内信
I think I send you a short message. Did you receive it?
217#
发表于 2011-10-18 04:39:47 | 只看该作者
Hi Jason,
I have no idea if you still answering questions or not. Wharton is always my dream school and I have several general questions about applying.
1. About reference letter. Which is better? The manager that directly work with you? Or some high level who has some big impacts like the VP or CEO? And who will submit the letter, manager write to you and you submit? or they will do it by themselves and the school will organize the letter with your information?(If this is the case, is that means the letter needs to submit after you finish your application?)
2. How important Wharton looks at the working experince? I know there are some ppl that can still go to Wharton without any working experince but does that means working for less than 2 years has some disadvantage on that?
3. My major is in Computer Science and I'm working for Dish Network right now after finished my undergraduate. For developer it take a looooong while to become a manager and I know Warthon cares if a person is a manager in his/her company. How this will affect me? And is engineering major gonna drag me for applying MBA?
4. I'm really good at poker and I have some tournament winning experince. I'm planning to play some WSOP next year. If I can win a bracelet of WSOP. Is that gonna help me big time applying Warthon since I heard they are looking for some ppl who is good at "special" things also?

Really appreciate your time.
Thank you
218#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-10-18 09:37:08 | 只看该作者
needthat> Creativity should come out in the actions that you describe you did. Not the style of writing. Have you ever seen a creatively-written investment memo? There is a place for everything, and the place for creative writing is not in an MBA application.

Everything is a story. Take the time to explain the relevant facts, then cut everything else out mercilessly. That's how you build a story- by including more relevant facts, and not by trying to be the next famous novelist.
219#
 楼主| 发表于 2011-10-18 09:43:13 | 只看该作者
Zhuyi,

1. Choose the guy who knows you best. My recommenders were all my direct superiors- no "CEO" or "Director" there. A CEO "being nice" and saying "this guy is great" is a useless recommendation; your superior saying "he was great at influencing others, good at analysis, and always brought a touch of humour to work, here are three examples to illustrate" is much better. Normally after you start (not complete) your application they can already submit; and yes, they should write and submit, not you.

2. I went to Wharton without working experience. Working experience is not what they care about. They care about maturity, which with some people comes with age, experience and work, and with some people never comes even when they are 40 or 50. So don't worry about working experience.

3. It's okay. Engineers make good MBA students because you are logical and analytical (you guys don't make good storytellers though... too fact-driven). You don't have to have been a manager yet, but you need to show potential for managing others. So be sure to touch upon instances where you have influenced others towards reaching a common goal. (which is my personal definition for leadership)

4. No. It's a fun anecdote and so won't hurt, but we're not looking for poker players.

Hope this helps!
Jason
220#
发表于 2011-10-18 21:28:26 | 只看该作者
Very helpful, thanks! thanks! thanks!
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