Ask Jason@沃顿 (my essays inside!) Free essay advice again~

cannedpineapple

Yes, they are. But more important than how they interact with you, is how they interact with one another when they are in school- for example during parties, in class, during recruiting, etc. If you really wanted to see the people interaction, it's probably much better to go there and watch/ experience them interacting with one another. Think about how you yourself interact with insiders (colleagues, friends) VS outsiders (strangers who want to join your company, people you just met), and you'll understand what I mean by there's a big difference.

Besides, the element of randomness is far greater. Again, think back to your school. Or your company. Aren't there a wide range of people, such that interacting with A instead of B will give you a very different view of what the place is like?

Goosepumper

Jason,

Many thanks for the comments.  When I raise the first question, I think I should have explained myself more clearly.  When I write about the goal essay, I have two questions (or at least 2 of them)  in mind.  First, for the goal I have, do I think it is realistic in terms of skill sets and experiences to reach the goal.  This question you have answered in the last post.  And I appreciate ur confirmation that it is not about having the same or similar career as before.  Instead,it is about whether can leverage the past experiences and skills and whether a good fit in terms of personality wise, etc.

The second is how do I demonstrate that the goal I mentioned is REALLY what I want.  Since after all for career changers, they have never experienced in real life by themselves the new career they are contemplating in the next stage.  So for example, by saying that I want to do strategic consulting, what do I know about strategic consulting other than what I heard from others and research by myself.  After all, even if we have done all the researches, there is a possibility that when we really experience by ourselves, we may have completely difference experiences from what others experienced.  Some successful candidates I know linked their past personal experience, such as family influence, with future goals to convince others that they are truly motivated to reach that goal.  But I don't think everyone has such luxury and if i don't, how can I make the goal sounds more personal and convincing?

The thing is very often the goal we have may not be what we truly want but instead because it just look cool or because everyone else is doing it.  Also sometimes even if the goal is indeed what we want, there are other reasons, like life balance, making the career less suitable one.  So if I have to truly answer whether my goal written in the essay will be what I really want to do in the next 10 years, there is the possibility that it is not.  
But whether I have the passion to give it time and reach the goal, there definitely is.  

Also does the goal need to rise to a more macro level so as to match with the reputation of the schools?...like some people write about want to bring the Chinese brands to the global level, helping developing countries to bla bla bla...

You mentioned before that you think the number one reason why you can be accepted even without work experience yet is because you are very clear about your goal.  May I ask how have u demonstrated that you are certain about the goal?

Apologise for such long questions....maybe I am thinking too much?  

Thanks again and your post on the school search is very helpful... :-).

Goosepumper

Oh I forgot another one.  About school research, is it necessary to mention student slumni name from whom I got to know the school from?  Is it necessary to talk to the professors and featured people by? If not, then will this hurt the chance of being admitted.  I don't think I have the time to send email to each school and get their response in time already.  Neither did I visit the campus.  Will that be an issue?

From Goosepumper with many questions

sharian

Hi Jason,

Can you suggest how to get the most out of a campus visit to Wharton? I will visit Wharton in early November. I am applying to Wharton 2015 so I do have time to prepare for my application package. Thanks a lot in advance.


Sharian

cannedpineapple

The second is how do I demonstrate that the goal I mentioned is REALLY what I want.  Since after all for career changers, they have never experienced in real life by themselves the new career they are contemplating in the next stage.  So for example, by saying that I want to do strategic consulting, what do I know about strategic consulting other than what I heard from others and research by myself.  After all, even if we have done all the researches, there is a possibility that when we really experience by ourselves, we may have completely difference experiences from what others experienced.  Some successful candidates I know linked their past personal experience, such as family influence, with future goals to convince others that they are truly motivated to reach that goal.  But I don't think everyone has such luxury and if i don't, how can I make the goal sounds more personal and convincing?

The thing is very often the goal we have may not be what we truly want but instead because it just look cool or because everyone else is doing it.  Also sometimes even if the goal is indeed what we want, there are other reasons, like life balance, making the career less suitable one.  So if I have to truly answer whether my goal written in the essay will be what I really want to do in the next 10 years, there is the possibility that it is not.  
But whether I have the passion to give it time and reach the goal, there definitely is.  

You mentioned before that you think the number one reason why you can be accepted even without work experience yet is because you are very clear about your goal.  May I ask how have u demonstrated that you are certain about the goal?

You demonstrate how you become certain about your goal by showing your thought process, and the due diligence you've done on it. My career goal was shaped via my internship experiences, which shows that I had some (albeit limited) experience in what I was seeking, and wasn't purely shooting in the dark.

In your case, you're right, try to show something beyond 'looks cool' or 'everybody is doing it'- and the way to do this is to explain, in a mature and reasoned way, exactly what about the career choice attracts you. Think of it as a 'lite' version of the Stanford essay, 'What matters most to you and why...in a career goal'.

Also does the goal need to rise to a more macro level so as to match with the reputation of the schools?...like some people write about want to bring the Chinese brands to the global level, helping developing countries to bla bla bla...

For your own sake, and not just for the application, I lend you this quote from Oscar Wilde: "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at stars." The fact is, 99.999999% of us will end up as ordinary people. It's not everyday you get a Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc. But if we aren't even aiming for the stars, then you'll never have a chance to be something extraordinary. And isn't that the whole point of going to business school? Going back to school isn't a goal in itself. It's merely the first step in your quest to become someone fantastic. So aim for that.
PS: perhaps more as a long-term goal in your essays, though.

Oh I forgot another one.  About school research, is it necessary to mention student slumni name from whom I got to know the school from?  Is it necessary to talk to the professors and featured people by? If not, then will this hurt the chance of being admitted.  I don't think I have the time to send email to each school and get their response in time already.  Neither did I visit the campus.  Will that be an issue?

No. Not necessary. There are too many students- they likely won't know who you're talking about. If they do, the recommendation means more if it comes, detailed and sincere, from the student himself. PS, 'I like this guy' is not a good recommendation. Not unless you're sitting on Wharton's Board. Also not quite necessary to speak to the famous professors. Schools understand their famous people are busy, and won't have the time to talk to everyone. This is not a negative reflection on you.

cannedpineapple

Hi Jason,
Can you suggest how to get the most out of a campus visit to Wharton? I will visit Wharton in early November. I am applying to Wharton 2015 so I do have time to prepare for my application package. Thanks a lot in advance.
Sharian

-- by 会员 sharian (2011/10/29 17:13:38)

Hi Sharian,

Wharton has a very organised campus visits programme. I should know- I used to head it There are student volunteers to bring you around whichever day you may go in, but applicants typically prefer to come on Thursdays because that is when Pub is and they can socialise more. Plus, there might be parties on that day if that's your thing. Definitely don't go on Friday-Sunday.

Another thing though is if you want to sit in on specific classes, look at the schedule in advance to make sure the class you're interested in is being held on the day you go. But classes are so random (might not be a good day, etc) I wouldn't really plan my trip around it.

Just relax and enjoy yourself. Also, you may want to get there early so you can spend the whole day, morning till afternoon and if it's Thursday then at night too, enjoying the experience.

cheers,
Jason

cannedpineapple

Do not have great history.
Appreciate any kinds of suggestion and opinion.
Thanks much!
--- ---
A situation where your professional ethics were challenged. (250 words)

“Is Mr. Lin around?”

“Sorry, he’s not available. I am his mother. What happened?” A lady answered.

“To redeem his mutual fund, Mr. Lin forgot to sign his name on the form. Could you please tell him this message?” I replied gently.

“Who said I want my money back?” The lady spoke angrily.

I was stunned by her response.

This lady opened an account under her son’s name five years ago. She deposited most of her savings in it only for emergency, but Mr. Lin tried to withdraw the money privately without notice. She warned me if any cash disappeared from this account, she would sue my firm fraud!  

“According to firm’s policy, we have to complete Mr. Lin’s request." Although my supervisor gave me this instruction, I still felt mixed-up.

Family relationship should be second to none. Since my father passed away in my freshman year, my mother, sister and I sat together talking about our daytime adventure every night. Healthy communication completes my family powerfully. I simply couldn’t see a man breaking his mother’s heart.

Next day, I told Mr. Lin I could only proceed with his request after acquiring his mother’s agreement.

I lied.

Either the "Model Student" role throughout high school or the notorious nickname, "Mr. Perfect", in my career, I never touch the policy line. But I slept well this time, surprisingly. This case reminded me of what I truly valued: Moral and Justice.

Two months later, I checked Mr. Lin’s account. No deal records happened! I might lose my job for stubbornness, but I won my integrity.
-- by 会员 tsaiming (2011/10/31 15:40:40)

Cut through the 'stylish' stuff, and get to the root of the story. Whose account is it, whose money is it, why is this happening, and MOST importantly.. how this is a "dilemma"? All I see is, 'son wants money. Mother doesn't want to give. You side with the mother because you're ethical in that you support motherhood. Case closed.' Erm.... No dilemma.

You want the reader to focus on a riveting story of your ethical dilemma, after having VERY quickly understood the less important stuff like (what exactly is the situation here?). If the reader doesn't understand the situation, then he or she cannot grasp how fantastic your dilemma in fact was, and then he or she cannot EVALUATE how your decision-making process.

What is missing here is demonstration of your ethical decision-making PROCESS. The point of an ethical essay is not 'show me you have ethics' (that is a yes/no question, and doesn't require an essay. Everyone will say yes.). But rather, 'tell me how you think through an ethical issue, which is always grey and never black and white' (now this requires an essay, because everyone thinks differently and holds different values dear).

You might want to consider focusing your (very valuable and limited) essay space on that.

cannedpineapple

Hello Jason,

Thank you so much for your comment!
250 words really kills me.
Taking care of completeness of story, creative presentation, and unique personality is  too difficult.

Actually I wrote a 900 words version (Kelley), and cut dwon to 250 one (Marshall).
If you have time, very welcome to give some points.

Anyway, I will take your words seriously and reedit my essay.
Million thanks!

--- ---

I never wished classmates regard me as a privileged guy in school because of my TV child star identity. I always reminded myself be cautious about my every movement. When I was assigned and elected as a "Discipline Leader" in my class of junior high, I reported every classmate who broke class rules. Even my good friends became victims. Not surprisingly, this “whistle blower” role had taken my dream honor, "Model Student", away from me for four years. Nevertheless, I never doubted my conviction: Honesty was always the best policy.

Although growing more mature, I still got the notorious nickname, "Mr. Perfect", in my career. This time, I didn't report my colleagues who broke corporate policy, investing in stock market under relatives' name. Even though having access to insider information, I didn't open any account under anyone else's name. Regulation was regulation. I never attempted to touch the red line.

What if one day I needed to break my golden principles of life?


I stared at the monitor in a common morning in October 2010, scrolling down the mouse to check each profile of incomplete case. Suddenly, I pulled my fingers. “Why the phone records of this mister looked so weird? His mother answered every call for him.” I murmured. Nevertheless, to finish a routine reminder, I still held my speaker and dialed to this gentleman.

“Hello, is Mr. Lin around?”

“Sorry, he’s not available. I am his mother. What happened?” An old lady answered.

“Mr. Lin forgot to sign his name on the form, to redeem his mutual fund. Could you please tell him to complete that part and then mail it back to me?” I replied gently.

“Who told you that I want my money back?” The lady spoke angrily.

I was stunned. Then I tried to cool down the lady. Five years ago, this lady opened an account under her son’s name. She deposited most of her savings in it for emergency use, since Mr. Lin had neither steady income nor a healthy financial mentality. She warned me the money belonged to her, and if I dared to let her son redeem any cash from this account, she would sue my firm fraud absolutely!

After the call, I checked the profile of both sides. As a labor in manufacturing industry, the lady, who worked very hard to earn $10,000 annually, put 20% of her salary into Mr. Lin’s account each month while not even 5% to hers. On the other side, Mr. Lin was just laid off couple weeks ago. Apparently, Mr. Lin really had the motive to transfer the money privately. How could I ignore this fact and let the deal take effect?

I went to seek advice from my supervisor. Surprisingly, she gave me a straight-forward answer. “According to firm’s policy, we have to complete Mr. Lin’s request. Furthermore, we shouldn’t jump into clients' story. Never project personal emotion to your work." I backed to my seat with mixed feelings.

I knew the relationship between Mr. Lin and his mother would never be fixed, if I did nothing upon this case. I just couldn’t see a man breaking his mother’s heart like this way.

Suffering insomnia at that night, I looked for the way out from the conflict between work ethics and life conviction. Executing the deal to finish my duty, but breaking the lady’s heart? Or, trying to stop Mr. Lin's application, but losing my job?


I firmly believe nothing could be compared to the sense of family reliability. My father passed away when I was a freshman in college. Every night before sleep, my mother, younger sister and I would sit together on my sister's bed, talking about our daytime adventure. We fully realized that this habit could connect each of us powerfully. Probably, I should make a bridge having Mr. Lin talk to his mother.

Next day, picking up the phone, I told Mr. Lin that the company found his mother was the real investor. For security reason, I could only complete the request after acquiring his mother’s agreement. "We suggest that you shall have her understanding first."

I lied.

Perhaps other colleagues would take over this case afterward. Perhaps Mr. Lin would realize my words were merely a fake. No matter what kinds of complaint he gave, I would loss my job. All my efforts would be in vain. It looked crazy I bet my job on matter of stranger’s family relationship.

However, I slept well after making such a lie, surprisingly. It seemed that Mr. Lin reminded me of what I truly valued, persistence of moral and justice. I might pay the price for my stubbornness, but I could win my self-respect.

Besides, rules are dead, but we can handle the problem flexibly. Any kinds of regulation have exception. If Mr. Lin got the money finally, his mother would become the victim. Then, the policy protected nobody but set up good guys.

I knew my choice was not well-rounded. But a voice still warmed me so much, “Either committing the deal or doing that call was fine.” My mother said. “But, you won a chance to demonstrate your courage.”

Two months later, I had checked Mr. Lin’s account before I transferred to another department. No records of deal happened! Thankfully, Lucky Goddess chose to stand by my side this time.
-- by 会员 tsaiming (2011/10/31 18:27:14)

I would use material from your full version in a different way. Your current condensed version has about 130 words talking about the situation, 50 words discussing your choice, and 70 words wrapping up.

Instead, condense the situation to a single paragraph- maybe 30-50 words. Then spend the next 180-200 words talking about your convictions, the choices you faced, and the ultimate decision. Finally spend the last 20-40 words wrapping up. What did you learn? What was the result? Do you regret? Etc.

cannedpineapple

The guy writing this article was the previous head of Volunteer Admissions at Wharton. I took over his role one year later. He is credible and certainly knows what he's talking about: Wharton might start group interviews this year.

http://www.businessweek.com/business-schools/business-school-admissions-needs-an-overhaul-11022011.html

"The Wharton School proposes to take the next step this year, piloting group interviews that force applicants to interact with one another in an observed setting—the goal being to create a more spontaneous environment to identify originality and demonstrate critical-thinking skills."

cannedpineapple

Comments on Group Interviews:

1) where you interview is not going to make a difference this year
2) what time of the day you interview is not going to matter
3) this explains why they totally stopped alumni interviews