前两次都是25，要三战了，求高人指点，求突破啊！！！

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-3-10 19:24:32

决定加入作文小分队，好好练托福作文，3月30 号一战！希望大家多多帮助~尽情地指出我的各种错误和不足吧！！拜谢啊！
3月30一战25，6.15二战25分，我又要三战了！求狠批！求突破！谢谢大家了~

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-3-11 14:43:54

3.10独立写作
第一次练作文，打字也还没练好，所以不是计时写的，可能写得有点多，希望大家多给点意见！非常感谢！

People almost make decision everyday even every minute. and making decision can be a very difficult progress for some people so that they often ask someone else to make decision for them. But as my point of view, no matter what the decision concerns about, it will always be better to make decision by ourselves. Why it comes that?

As far as I am concerned, making decision is a reflection of someone's responsibility for themselves and can show the independence of them. To be a mature adult, we must learn to make decisions for ourselves and take responsibility for the coming results. If we always rely on other people to tell us what we should choose, we will lost our own mind and lost the ability to think dependently. We can see that in china, a lot of high IQ students walk in the colleges, they can do great work in their studying but they always have big problems in making decision, because in the past of their life, their parents, teachers and other "experienced" people play the role of decision maker in their life. As soon as they leave the shcool, come to their woking position, they perform as if they were a child. They cannot take their decision maker with them, and they cannot make decision for themselves along. What a terrible thing it is!

Except that, everyone is a special person in the world. We definitely have different knowledge, diverse experiences and sorts of opinions about one thing. We are the person who know about ourselves best and be able to make the most appropriate decision for ourselves this second. Other people can hardly know every aspect about us, and they can never know how significant the missing point is for the final decision. When one of my best friend come to the minute to choose the subject to major in, her parents make the decision for her from kind heart, they think my friend have the ability to learn it well and can get a better life from it. But they ignore my friend's interest, and interests always become the best teacher. At the end of the story, she has no passion about what she learns and always be unhappy about it.

In conclusion, I insist that we must learn to make decision by ourselves from every small thing. We can ask for some advices from others, but we must be the one to make the final decision. Even we made a wrong decision, we can learn from it and avoid making the same mistake next time. Otherwise, we will never grow up and become an independent person.

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-3-12 14:44:06

3.11独立写作

With the rapid development of television technology, more and more people devote most of their leg time to watching television where they think can get better information and knowledge than books. It can be ignore that television now become a new resource of learning new things, however when compared with books, books are definitely give us more to learn as I consider.

It is known to all of us that books always contain profound though that can lead us to think about the meaning of life and encourage us to seek for a better life while most television only put entertainment shows only for people's laugh. The Old Man and The Sea is one of my favorite books, I always remember that Hemingway teachs us that a man can be destroyed but can never be defeated. But when I think about television, the reality show always come to my mind at the first second, I can only remember the funny part though it is a good program. What's more, there are many TV program not suited for young man to watch.

Besides that, books can inspire our limitless imagination because it only depict the beautiful scene and complex characters by words, leave lot of space for us to imagine or to guess. AS old saying goes, a thousand people will have a thousand Hamlets in their heart. On the contrary, television can give people this kind of chance to have different feelings and understanding over one people or one thing.

Furthermore, books can help people to search the knowledge that we want to know. However, television does not have this function. Oxford dictionary is not unfamiliar for most of us, specially English learners. When we don't recognize some new words and have problems in using some words, we often refer to this book. We can put it in our bag, so we can use it in anytime almost everywhere, what television cannot do for us.

Above all, I always believe that books is the best learning resource for us, most of our knowledge comes from them. I strongly recommend that people don't just addict to television, we should spend more time on books, the more we read, the more we get.

lihaolan · 发表于 2013-3-13 13:24:34

With the rapid development of television technology, more and more people devote most of their leg time（leisure time 吧我没有看过leg time 求解）to watching television where they think can get better information and knowledge than books. It can be（可以忽略？笔误吧！）ignore that television now become a new resource of learning new things, however when compared with books, books are definitely give（这种错误少犯）us more to learn as I consider.

It is known to all of us that books always contain profound though that can lead us to think about the meaning of life and encourage us to seek for a better life while most television only puts entertainment shows only for people's laugh. The Old Man and The Sea is one of my favorite books, I always remember that Hemingway teachs us that a man can be destroyed but can never be defeated（the saying that a man can be destroyed but can never be defeatedalways lingers in my mind）. But when I think about television, the reality show always comes to my mind at the first second, I can only remember the funny part though it is a good program. What's more, there are many TV program not suited for young man to watch.可以再写

Besides that, books can inspire our limitless imagination because it only depicts the beautiful scene and complex characters by words, leaving lot of space for us to imagine or to guess. AS old saying goes, a thousand people will have a thousand Hamlets in their heart. On the contrary, television can give people this kind of chance to have different feelings and understanding over one people or one thing.

Furthermore, books can help people to search the knowledge that we want to know. However, television does not have this function. Oxford dictionary is not unfamiliar for most of us, especially English learners. When we don't recognize some new words and have problems in using some words, we often refer to this book. We can put it in our bag, so we can use it in anytime almost everywhere, what television cannot do for us.

Above all, I always believe that books is（are） the best learning resource for us, most of our knowledge comes from them. I strongly recommend that people don't just addict to television, we should spend more time on books, the more we read, the more we get.

单复数！！！谓语动词注意，其他没什么问题

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-3-13 13:44:14

3.12独立
Nowadays, with the rapid development of society, people live with a faster life and are always surrounded by a plenty of things at the same period of time. Most people argue that they have limited energy and time so that they cannot do most of the tasks well when they have many things in their hands. However, I have different opinion about their argument.

First and foremost, the fact that some people can only do few things well shouldn’t owing to their busy works. A lot of other reasons can result that, such as bad time-control ability, limited knowledge to cope with their duties, or lacking of diligent. One of my busy professor, professor Liu, she has three curriculums to teach this semester, and take charge of an important research at our college. Besides her burden works, she also have a two years old baby to take care of. Although she is so busy to do with these things, it doesn’t affect her perfect performance in all of these areas. She take the responsibility to be a great teacher, she plays an important role in her research team, and definitely, she is a wonderful mother for her litter baby. According to this example, we cannot sat people not be able to do things well even when they are busy.

Furthermore, contrary to some people’s realization that people cannot distract their mind into doing two things, or they will focus on neither thing. As far as I am concerned, many problems can be saved at one time effectively. Suppose that you need to wash your clothes and watch the news on TV. But if you watch TV first, you won’t have enough time to wash clothes because you must go to school in 20 minutes, but if you wash clothes first, you will miss the news. How about watch news when you are washing clothes? Use your body to wash clothes and use your mind to accept the news.

In conclusion, it is very common that modern people live in city remains lots of work to finish all the time. People cannot ask for excuse when they don’t do things well for being busy. Otherwise, the family cannot live a regular life, company cannot get profit, and the government cannot keep the stability of country. After all, as what I said above, we can know that with a good plan and hardworking, people can do most things well even they are extremely busy.

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-3-13 13:45:50

请问一下，黄色底色是什么意思啊？

sylviazhang · 发表于 2013-3-13 21:21:02

Nowadays, with the rapid development of society, people live with a faster life and are always surrounded by a plenty of things at the same ~~period of~~ time. Most people argue that they have limited energy and time so that they cannot do most of the tasks well when they have many things in their hands. However, I have different opinion about their argument.

First and foremost, the fact that some people can only do few things well shouldn’t owing to (should not do, 另外觉得这里用blame for因果关系更清楚) their busy works. A lot of other reasons can result in that, such as bad time-control ability, limited knowledge to cope with their duties, or lacking of diligent(deligence). One of my busy professor, professor Liu, ~~she~~ has three curriculums to teach this semester, and (while at the same time) takes charge of an important research at our college. Besides her burden works(burden不做形容词), she also have a two years old baby to take care of. Although she is so（quite） busy to do with these things, it doesn’t affect her perfect performance in all of these areas. She takes the responsibility to be a great teacher, she plays an important role in her research team, and definitely, she is a wonderful mother for her litter baby.(几个完整句子用分号连接) According to this example, we cannot sat people not be able to do things well even when they are busy.

Furthermore, contrary to some people’s realization that people cannot distract their mind into doing two things, or they will focus on neither thing.（病句，contrary to…，后面必跟反驳理由）As far as I am concerned, many problems can be saved at one time effectively. Suppose that you need to wash your clothes and watch the news on TV. But if you watch TV first, you won’t have enough time to wash clothes because you must go to school in 20 minutes, but if you wash clothes first, you will miss the news.（good example !）How about watch news when you are washing clothes? Use your body to wash clothes and use your mind to accept the news.(可以最后再加一句总结，thus, by wisely arranging the sequence of each task according to their priority, you can do many things efficiently within a short period of time，说理更完整)

In conclusion, it is very common that modern people who live in city remains lots of work to finish all the time.（病句，一个句子只能有一个动词）People cannot ask for excuse when they don’t do things well for being busy. Otherwise, the family cannot live a regular life, company cannot get profit, and the government cannot keep the stability of country. After all, as what I said above, we can know that with a good plan and hardworking, people can do most things well even they are extremely busy.

举例是亮点，但是长句能力有待加强，毕竟基础牢固才能锦上添花

第一二三只 · 发表于 2013-3-14 14:01:37

3.10修改，实在很抱歉啊！！！改的怎么晚。。。
People almost make decision everyday even every minute. and making decision can be a very(so) difficult progress for some people sothat they often ask someone else to make decision for them(直接用so that 句型感觉更好些). But as my point of view, no matter what the decision concerns about, it will always be better to make decision by ourselves. Why it comes that?

As far as I am concerned, making decision is a reflection of someone's responsibility for themselves and can show the independence of them. To be a mature adult, we must learn to make decisions for ourselves and take responsibility for the coming results. If we always rely on other people to tell us what we should choose, we will lost（lose） our own mind and ~~lost~~ the ability to think (in)dependently. We can see that in china, a lot of high IQ students walk in the colleges, ~~they~~can(walk & can do 都是谓语动词，不能共存于同一句中吧) do great work in their studying but they always have big problems in making decision, because in the past of their life, their parents, teachers and other "experienced" people play the role of decision maker in their life. As soon as they leave the shcool(school), come（改为分词coming） to their woking position, they perform as if they were a child. They cannot take their decision maker with them, and they cannot(可以省略) make decision for themselves along. What a terrible thing it is!

Except that, everyone is a special person in the world. We definitely have different knowledge, diverse experiences and sorts of opinions about one thing. We are the person who know about ourselves best and be able to make the most appropriate decision for ourselves this second. Other people can hardly know every aspect about us, and they can never know how significant the missing point is for the final decision. （这里略微有一些过度就更好了）When one of my best friend come to the minute to choose the subject to major in, her parents make the decision for her from kind heart, they think my friend have the ability to learn it well and can get a better life from it. But they ignore my friend's interest, and interests always become the best teacher. At the end of the story, she has no passion about what she learns and always be unhappy about it.

In conclusion, I insist that we must learn to make decision by ourselves from every small thing. We can ask for some advices from others, but we must be the one to make the final decision. Even we made a wrong decision, we can learn from it and avoid making the same mistake next time. Otherwise, we will never grow up and become an independent person.
总体来说逻辑很清晰，论证的也很充分，我要好好向你学习！
语言方面我觉得可以词组搭配再丰富些，注意一下语法错误就更好了。

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-3-14 17:14:12

3.13独立写作

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In today’s world, the ability to cooperate well with others is more important than before.

Recently, whether the ability that cooperating well with others is more significant than before has sparked a hot discussion. Some people advocate that as the society now is full of fierce competitions, we should take more actions to make ourselves outstanding instead of cooperating with our teammates. However, if you ask about my opinion, I insist on that the cooperation is more important than before.

To begin with, as a student, have you recognized that your professor assign much more team works than before? This is partly because that what we have to do is become more and more complicated than before, thus we cannot finish it alone in the limited time. Besides that, professors, I suppose, will believe that teamwork can get everyone’s brilliant idea together and offer us a good chance to learn from each other. Everyone must get used to this kind of teaching style no matter how unwilling you are. You won’t want to be the unique one at the class, and you won’t want to be abandoned by your teammates, so you must be more cooperative to get your place and respect at your studying team.

In addition, as an official, have you realized that with the development of economy, overseas cooperation becomes more and more common in the modern company. You have no idea whether next project you will need to work with different people from different departments, companies and countries. People cannot avoid helping others with their tasks, also, people cannot forbid accepting help from other teammates. Thanks to the perfect cooperation, the company can become more competitive and get more profits. Because companies eager to employ cooperative employees, we employees must become more cooperative than before.

In conclusion, no matter what kind of position you are in, to follow the step of society, you must have the ability to cooperate well with others more than before. Only when you make yourself a more cooperative person, can you get along with the learning method and working environment nowadays. Otherwise, you will lost you chance to get more different and forefront information, and put your interpersonal relationship into an embarrassment.

yzwdan818 · 发表于 2013-3-15 20:23:20

3.14

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
老师给学生自信比教专门知识更重要。

Nowadays, there is a hot discussion about whether teachers should take more attention to encouraging student to become confident or teach students more specific knowledge. Some people argue that it is teacher’s instinct to teach students as much knowledge as they can, because student will rely on their specific knowledge to make lives in the future. But as my point of view, teaching students to be confident is more important than delivering much knowledge to them.

On the one hand, people’ behavior is influenced by their complicated mind. It hence can be very important to let someone believe they can achieve something before they put energy and time to do that thing. Students now are become more and more smarter due to the better life and good living environment created by their parents. So, there is no doubt that every student has the ability to learn specific skills as long as they have confidence in it. My best friend Kate, who is a quiet clever and hardworking girl, has the problem that she never believes she can be the one outstanding, thus she always fails at the last step. My teacher Miss Lee had a talk with her about this, and in the following competition, she really did an excellent job. Do you realize the amazing power of confidence?

On the other hand, even if people get a lot of specific knowledge, only when he/she has the confidence that they can handle this project in front of them, can they use their knowledge and inspire their potential ability to get over their works. My older sister works in a big company, she graduate as an honored student from a famous university, and have no problem in finishing her work perfectly. But she never does it, owing to her lack of confidence. Recently, she has found out her problem and tried her best to make change gradually, and things became better these days.

Above all, have you admitted that teachers should take more time to teach student to be confident rather than teaching them plenty of knowledge all the time. What an obvious reasoning that many people know it but don’t definitely accept it. So, our teachers who work in the modern society should realize this problem and do their best to fix it.

前两次都是25，要三战了，求高人指点，求突破啊！！！

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

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