前两次都是25，要三战了，求高人指点，求突破啊！！！

AYSS

Nowadays, there is a hot discussion about whether teachers should take(pay) more attention to encouraging(encourage) student to become confident or teach students more specific knowledge. Some people argue that it is teacher’s instinct to teach students as much knowledge as they can, because student will rely on their specific knowledge to make lives in the future. But as my point of view, teaching students to be confident is more important than delivering much knowledge to them.

On the one hand, people’ behavior is influenced by their complicated mind. It hence(?) can be very important to let someone believe they can achieve something before(after) they put energy and time to do(in)that thing(it). Students now are become more and more smarter(smart) due to the better life and good living environment created by their parents. So, there is no doubt that every student has the ability to learn specific skills as long as they have confidence in it.(为什么生活环境好了，只要有信心就一定有学习能力，感觉不是因果关系，有些奇怪呢……) My best friend Kate, who is a quiet（quite） clever and hardworking girl, has the(a) problem that she never believes she can be the one outstanding, thus she always fails at the last step. My teacher Miss Lee had a talk with her about this(changing a person just via a talk?), and in the following competition, she really did an excellent job. Do you realize the amazing power of confidence?

On the other hand, even if people get a lot of specific knowledge, only when he/she has the confidence that they can handle this project in front of them, can they use their knowledge and inspire their potential ability to get over their works. My older sister works in a big company, she graduate(graduated)as an honored studentfrom a famous university(调换下位置读着更舒服), and have no problem in finishing her work perfectly. But she never does it（指代不明确）, owing to her lack of confidence. Recently, she has found out her problem and tried her best to make change gradually, and things became better these days.

Above all, have you admitted that teachers should take more time to teach student to be confident rather than teaching them plenty of knowledge all the time. What an obvious reasoning that many people know it but don’t definitely accept it. So, our teachers who work in the modern society should realize this problem and do their best to fix it.

全文读起来还是觉得有些平淡，多用些替换单词吧~~That’s all.

yzwdan818

3.15Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents find it hard to control their children for the children are now influenced by many things outside home like television or movie.



Nowadays, many parents complain about their loss of control upon their children because of abundant outside material and information children get from TV, movies, magazines and so no. Is it really true about that? This complaint sparks the hot discussion. As far as I am concerned, due to the rapid development of media industry, children now have more and more accesses to different opinions that may affect their realization about many things, resulting parent’s difficulties in control their own child.



First of all, the past 20 years development of TV industry facilitates diverse programs, ranging from reality show to competition program. Most of them attract hundreds of youngest to watch, and have a great impact on them even over their parents’ education every day. My sister Kate, who was a very thoughtful girl focusing on her studying in order to realize her dream to go to a famous university in the past 10 years. After watching a very hot singing program, she made her mind to giving up her studying regardless her parent’s advices and tears. She was mad about the slogan that “everyone can sing”, however, she is very poor in sing skills and has no charming voice. Her parents lost the control of their daughter because of this TV show. And my sister may choose a difficult way blamed for this show.



In addition, research has been made that a lot of movies and computers games which contain fighting and blue information have caused a great increase in the crimes made by young children. Most of these children once be very lovely and smart and respect their parents so much, they can have wonderful future admired by many people. But what happened then? They addicted to computer games, escaped from school and told lies to parents for money. Some of them even resist to law, fighting with others according to the plot they learned from violence movies. Why these pities took place? Unhealthy computer activities and unlimited movies take the place of their parent, delivering bad idea to them. Parents have to win their children’s heart from outside competitors, and they failed in the battle almost every time.



In concludes, what an obvious atmosphere that parents have less control under their children recently? And it is greatly due to the influence of things outside home. People have to take this problem into consideration and find solutions to save it. Strengthening parents’ control under children has became a very urgent progress.

lihaolan

3.15Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents find it hard to control their children for the children are now influenced by many things outside home like television or movie.



Nowadays, many parents complain about their loss of control upon their children because of abundant outside material and information children get from TV, movies, magazines and so no. Is it really true about that? This complaint sparks the hot(severe) discussion. As far as I am concerned, due to the rapid development of media industry, children now have more and more accesses to different opinions that may affect their realization about many things, resulting parent’s difficulties in control their own child.



First of all, the past 20 years development of TV industry facilitates diverse programs, ranging from reality show to competition program. Most of them attract hundreds of youngest to watch, and have a great impact on them even over their parents’ education every day. My sister Kate, who was a very thoughtful girl focusing on her studying in order to realize her dream to go to a famous university in the past 10 years. After watching a very hot singing program, she made her mind to giving up her studying regardless her parent’s advices and tears. She was mad about the slogan that “everyone can sing”,(这句话结束) however, she is very poor in sing skills and has no charming voice. Her parents lost the control of their daughter because of this TV show. And my sister may choose a difficult way blamed for this show.



In addition, research has been made that a lot of movies and computers games which contain fighting and blue information have caused a great increase in the crimes made by young children. Most of these children once be（are） very lovely and smart and respect their parents so much,（没连词记得断句） they can have wonderful future admired by many people. But what happened then? They addicted to computer games, escaped from school and told lies to parents for money. （时态）Some of them even resist to law, fighting with others according to the plot they learned from violence movies. Why these pities took place? Unhealthy computer activities and unlimited movies take the place of their parent, delivering bad idea to them. Parents have to win their children’s heart from outside competitors, and they failed in the battle almost every time.（时态统一！！！！！）



In concludes, what is an obvious atmosphere that parents have less control under their children recently? And it is greatly due to the influence of things outside home. People have to take this problem into consideration and find solutions to save it. Strengthening parents’ control under children has became（become） a very urgent progress.

时态！句子断句！其他没什么问题。

AYSS

In today’s world, the ability to cooperate well with others is more important than before.

Recently, whether the ability that cooperating well with others is more significant than before has sparked a hot discussion. Some people advocate that as the society now is full of fierce competitions, we should take more actions to make ourselves outstanding instead of cooperating with our teammates. However, if you ask about my opinion(my opinion is opposite), I insist on that the cooperation is more important than before.

To begin with, as a student, have you recognized that your professor assign much more team works than before? This is partly because that what we have to do is become more and more complicated than before, thus we cannot finish it alone in the limited time. Besides that, professors, I suppose, will believe that teamwork can get everyone’s brilliant idea together and offer us a good chance to learn from each other. Everyone must get used to this kind of teaching style no matter how unwilling you are. You won’t(托福作文中最好不要出现缩写) want to be the unique(special会不会更好些？) one at the class, and you won’t want to be abandoned(isolated) by your teammates, so you must be more cooperative to get your place and respect at your studying team.

In addition, as an official, have you realized that with the development of economy, overseas cooperation becomes more and more common in the modern company.(?) You have no idea whether(who will be the) next project(partner) you will need to work with different people from different departments, companies and countries. People cannot avoid helping others with their tasks, also, people cannot forbid accepting help from other teammates. Thanks to the perfect cooperation, the company can become more competitive and get more profits. Because companies eager to employ cooperative employees, we employees must become more cooperative than before.(应该是在没成为员工时候努力变得懂得合作吧，有了这种素质才能成为企业需要的人)

In conclusion, no matter what kind of position you are in, to follow the step of society, you must have the ability to cooperate well with others more than before. Only when you make yourself a more cooperative person, can you get along with the learning method and working environment nowadays. Otherwise, you will lost(lose) you(your) chance to get more different and forefront information, and put your interpersonal relationship into an embarrassment.

文章构词还是略显simple，读起平淡，建议依旧如上篇~

文章句子应该简单明了，能用短句表达尽量不冗长~

本文还是缺少实例支撑，感觉读起摇摇欲坠~

That’s all~Fighting!

yzwdan818

3.16Independent Writing:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To truly understand world event,we should get our news from newspaper;television cannot provide enough information.

Do you read newspaper every day, or watch TV every day to get oceans of news from all cross the world? Some people argue that they cannot get enough information they need just from TV program. However, others have opposite opinion about it. As my point of view, owing to the relative laws and regulations, the news program now is almost the basic program of every channel, and we can get equal mount even more amount of news from TV rather than newspaper.



On the one hand, TV programs collect news from all aspects of the world, and renew news even every second. It hence can provide the most instant and diverse kinds of news to us when we watch TV. We have the special CCTV NEWS channel which specializes in putting on news in different time period. It has the regular program such as The Morning News, and The Night News, which broadcast daily news from the beginning of the day to the midnight. The content is divided into local news and outside news, thus people can know the world much comprehensively. They even have special news program when some uncommon events happen. For instance, I watched this News channel every day for its Olympic Special Program during the Olympic mouth, and I got every sides of the Olympic news thanks to the TV.



On the other hand, how much time can you finish your newspapers that you are interested in? Half an hour? An hour? Or more than one hour? On the contrary, how much time you can spend on the TV news every day? Obviously, TV programs provide more news time for you than newspapers. Because of the limited pages and simple form of the newspaper, it must give up some information usually, and cannot express some news perfectly. In contrast to that, TV can deliver news more than ten hours a day, and allow us to hear the voice, read the passage, and look the picture. You can imagine how much information the TV can give us, and it is definitely more attracted to us than the dull newspapers.



Concluding the above reasons, I disagree that people must read the newspaper result from the limitless of TV news. We can choose different channels to get all kinds of news. This kind of news deliverer is faster and clearer than newspaper. We can count on the TV to get enough information.
应该还有用词单一的问题，但是短时间内我也不知道怎么改变，好像不是简单地背单词能解决的，可以给我点好建议吗？

AYSS

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
To truly understand world event,we should get our news from newspaper;television cannot provide enough information.

Do you read newspaper every day, or watch TV every day to get oceans of news from all cross the world? Some people argue that they cannot get enough information they need just from TV program. However, others have(可以改成hold) opposite opinion about it. As my point of view, owing to the relative laws and regulations, the news program now is almost the basic program of every channel, and we can get equal mount or even more amount of news(information) from TV rather than newspapers.

On the one hand, TV programs collect news from all aspects(over) of the world, and evenrenew(update感觉顺些) news even every second. It hence can provide the most instant(latest) and diverse kinds of news to us when we watch TV. We have the special CCTV NEWS channel which specializes in putting on news in different time period. It has the regular program such as The Morning News, and The Night News, which broadcast daily news from the beginning of the day to the midnight(from sunup to sundown). The content is divided into local news and outside(overseas) news, thus people can know the world much comprehensively. They even have special news program when some uncommon events happen. For instance, I watched this News(the sport ) channel every day for its Olympic Special Program during the Olympic mouth, and I got every sides of the Olympic news thanks to the TV.

On the other hand, how much time can you finish your newspapers that you are interested in? Half an hour? An hour? Or more than one hour(even more)? On the contrary, how much time you can spend on the TV news every day? Obviously, TV programs provide more news time for you than newspapers.(前面说读报可能花费半个一小时，甚至更多，为什么突然转向信息量的多少呢？改成：Obtain news and information through watching TV can help us save more time than reading newspaper) Because of the limited pages and simple form of the newspaper, it must give up some information usually, and cannot express some news perfectly. In contrast to that, TV can deliver news more than ten hours a day, and allow us to hear the voice, read the passage, and look the picture. You can imagine how much information the TV can give us, and it is definitely more attracted to us than the dull newspapers.（感觉剩下的这部分和你这段的开头思路对不上呢~当然个人感觉~请亲酌情修改咯~）

Concluding the above reasons, I disagree that people must read the newspaper result from the limitless of TV news. We can choose different channels to get all kinds of news. This kind of news deliverer is faster and clearer than newspaper. We can count on the TV to get enough information.
应该还有用词单一的问题，但是短时间内我也不知道怎么改变，好像不是简单地背单词能解决的，可以给我点好建议吗？

读下来这篇有刻意改变用词习惯的感觉~有些用法感觉还是不通畅，已在文中标注，并改换~构词方面的问题需要慢慢来~~多看些范文~找找感觉~That’s all！~Fighting！

Tancyfox

Recently, whether the ability that cooperating well with others is more significant than before has sparked a hot discussion. Some people advocate that as the society now is full of fierce（intense可能好一些 ) competitions, we should take more actions to make ourselves outstanding instead of cooperating with our teammates. However, if you ask about my opinion, I insist on that the cooperation is more important than before.

To begin with, as a student, have you recognized that your professor assign much more team works than before? This is partly because that what we have to do is become more（is becomming ） and more complicated than before, thus we cannot finish it alone in the limited time. Besides that, professors, I suppose, will believe that teamwork can get everyone’s brilliant idea( 单复数或者冠词的问题)together and offer us a good chance to learn from each other. Everyone must get used to this kind of teaching style no matter how unwilling you are. You won’t want to be the unique one at the class, and you won’t want to be abandoned by your teammates, so you must be more cooperative to get your place and respect at your studying team.

In addition, as an official, have you realized that with the development of economy, overseas cooperation becomes more and more common in the modern company. You have no idea whether next project you will need to work with different people from different departments, companies and countries. People cannot avoid helping others with their tasks, also, people cannot forbid accepting help from other teammates. Thanks to the perfect cooperation, the company can become more competitive and get more profits. Because companies eager to(eager是adj) employ cooperative employees, we employees must become more cooperative than before.

In conclusion, no matter what kind of position you are in, to follow the step of society（我懂你要说个什么意思，但是可以换个说法看看，这样有点chinglish）, you must have the ability to cooperate well with others more than before. Only when you make yourself a more cooperative person, can you get along with the learning method and working environment nowadays. Otherwise, you will lost you chance to get more different and forefront information, and put your interpersonal relationship into an embarrassment.(时态统一）

词汇很丰富呢， 有比较多的复杂句式，语法上问题也不多， 可以再注意一下上下文的链接和逻辑思路就更好啦
实在是不好意思吖，前面被老师拉去出差了，到现在才改

yzwdan818

6.4独立
Recently, there is a more and more popular atmosphere dominating in the university that some of the student do not go to school to attend in their classes, but stay at home or do some other things they assume more important outside the school. Only when they need to take the exam to get their score will they come back to classroom. Is it an advance in university education and the self-studying ability of students or is it a lack of systematic charge under students and a kind of irresponsibility of students? Although I cannot judge it in such a high level, I still know that it not good for both students and university that students give up classes, only have the test at the end of semester.
It is known to us that the biggest and the most crucial task for university students is to learn specialized knowledge and skills in classes and prepare themselves very well for their potential career with the experienced help of their professor. Only when they keep pace with the teachers in every class, can they make though what they learn, keep the knowledge in their mind for a long time and practice their skills more often. We all know that most of the students who just take the examination pass the test by short-time and overnight study which not only fall to reflect the real degree student understand about the study, but also is harmful to adolescence’s health. Besides, not communicating with the professor in class may result in losing intern chances and career help because that most of the university teachers have more access to this kind of opportunities.
What’s more, even students can absorb knowledge from other source such as on-line curriculum and obtain career information though other ways such as internet, there are still some problems that the university must face. Losing the control of students’ studying condition is one of these troubles resulted from the absence of students in classes, and losing the charge of the safety of students also is a problem cannot be ignored. How can the professor know the learning conditions of students when they even cannot see them, talk to them and listen to them? It is inevitable that teachers not only lose the right to instill knowledge to students in an effective way but also lose the chance to check whether students finish their study consciously. Once students have bad performance in society after graduating, or their parents are not satisfied with what they learned, it is the university who is blamed for, causing bad influence in university’s reputation.
Although some people augur that some of the students can take the advantage of studying outside classes so that they can keep the good reputation of university when they success in different fields, this kind of students is minus and this kind of education form does not correspond with the characteristics of students’ learning habits. Most of human beings are deficient in self-control and the ability getting rid of laziness. Without the alarming of professors in classes, they can lose themselves in computer games, shopping, TV such kind of study-irrelative activities for a long time.
When all above are contemplate, we can see that it is far from enough if students skip the process of class studying and just take the final exam. Only when students take classes carefully before tests can they get the real meaning of study and going to university, of course can the university take their responsibility properly.        

applesoforever

06.04 修改

Recently, there is a more and more popular atmosphere dominating in the university that some of the students do not go to school to attend in their classes, but stay at home or do some other things (which) they assumed are more important outside the school. Only when they need to take the exam to get their score will they come back to classroom. Is it an advance in university education and the self-studying ability of students or is it a lack of systematic charge under students and a kind of irresponsibility of students? Although I cannot judge it in such a high level, I still know that it not good for both students and university that students give up classes, only have(having) the test at the end of semester.

It is known to us that the biggest and the most crucial task for university students is to learn specialized knowledge and skills in classes and to prepare themselves very well for their potential career with the experienced(删) help of their experienced professor. Only when they keep pace with the teachers in every class, can they make though(through) what they learn, keep the knowledge in their mind for a long time and practice their skills more often. We all know that most of the students who just take the examination pass the test by short-time and overnight study which not only fall(fail) to reflect the real degree of students' understanding about the study, but also is harmful to adolescence’s health. Besides, not communicating with the professor in class may result in losing intern chances and career help because that(删) most of the university teachers have more access to this kind of opportunities.

What’s more, even students can absorb knowledge from other sources such as on-line curriculum and obtain career information though other ways such as internet, there are still some problems that the university must face. Losing the control of students’ studying condition is one of these troubles resulted from the absence of students in classes, and losing the charge of the safety of students also is a problem which cannot be ignored. How can the professor know the learning conditions of students when they even cannot see them, talk to them and listen to them? It is inevitable that teachers not only lose the right to instill knowledge to students in an effective way but also lose the chance to check whether students finish their study consciously or not. Once students have(had) bad performance in society after graduating, or their parents are not satisfied with what they learned, it is the university who is blamed for, causing bad influence in university’s reputation.

Although some people augur(argue) that some of the students can take the(删) advantage of studying outside classes(classes outside) so that they can keep the good reputation of university when they success in different fields, this kind of students is minus and this kind of education form(删，要么删kind，不然重复~~) does not correspond with the characteristics of students’ learning habits. Most of human beings are deficient in self-control and the ability getting rid of laziness. Without the alarming of professors in classes, they can lose themselves in computer games, shopping, TV such kinds of study-irrelative activities for a long time.

When all above are contemplated, we can see that it is far from enough if students skip the process of class studying and just take the final exam. Only when students take classes carefully before tests can they get the real meaning of study and going to university, and of course can the university take their responsibility properly.     

1.词性和从句要注意哈~~
2.论证方面没什么大的问题~~

yzwdan818

6.5
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.
Since it is inevitable that economic that grows in rapid speed is always at the cost of clear water, fresh air, bright sunshine and other environment elements, some people is inclined to ignore the really notorious environment problems caused by industry and city construction. They assume economic growth is more important than environment, which is definitely opposite to my point of view. I argue this kind of unreasonable claim in several aspects.
First, what is the purpose of economic growth, you suppose? No of us can deny that to improve the quality of humankinds’ life is the most important goal for us. It is hence also the result what we want to obtain from high speed economic growth. And we are all informed that a healthy environment is the foundation of a wonderful and colorful life. So how can we give up the most direct way to realize our purpose but choice a complicated and low-efficient way? If we just put all our attention to the economic growth and make the poisonous chemicals released or pulled down from the industry blind to our eyes, we will not be able to enjoy the glorious success of our economy, because what we got from the past economy would finally pay for what we done to the environment. We can still remember the dirty water flowed in Thames River, the frog-covered sky in London during the industry evolution, and the efforts people putted in the following years in order to change the condition.
What’s more, we all know that money can buy medicines and nourishments, but cannot bring health, money can build a lot of wonderful architectures, but cannot reform the mysterious and magic natural scenery, money can change the food we taste, the clothes we wear, and the house we live in, but cannot invert the air we breathe, the toxic material we touch, and the bad sleep result from the noise outside our beautiful house. What we pursuit at present maybe found meaningless one day. What our teachers instill to us since we are young is to protect the environment, what our government advocate to us is to live with environment in harmony, what we learn from past is that natural environment will finally revenge us if we do damage to the environment. Thus, it is wise for us to put the environment at the first place when it conflict with economic growth.
Besides that, a good environment can also bring about economic growth, we are dream to travel to Jiuzhaigou in China, to skate in the snow mountain in Switzerland, to explore the secret of National park in USA. These places of interest bring huge income to the surrounding area and its people. In some countries, the income from tourist industry plays a  crucial role in the total revenue of the country. So, protect the environment is exactly to improve the economic growth.   
As what I said above, I agree with the claim that environmental concern is more significant than the economic growth. We should develop our economy in a rational way, not at the cost of the environment, not sacrifice our posterity’s benefits. And I believe a prosperous economy will follow by the good environment.