前两次都是25，要三战了，求高人指点，求突破啊！！！

sherry_xia

顶楼主！同615！同加油！

yzwdan818

sherry_xia 发表于 2013-6-6 19:34
顶楼主！同615！同加油！

谢谢！加油~~~~~~~~~

applesoforever

6.5 修改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.

Since it is inevitable that economic(economy) that grows in rapid speed is always at the cost of clear water, fresh air, bright sunshine and other environment elements, some people is inclined to ignore the really notorious environment problems caused by industry and city construction. They assume economic growth is more important than environment, which is definitely opposite to my point of view. I argue this kind of unreasonable claim in several aspects.

First, what is the purpose of economic growth, you suppose? None of us can deny that to improve(improving) the quality of humankinds’ life is the most important goal for us. It is hence also the result what we want to obtain from high speed economic growth. And we are all informed that a healthy environment is the foundation of a wonderful and colorful life. So how can we give up the most direct way to realize our purpose but choice(choose) a complicated and low-efficient way? If we just put all our attention to the economic growth and make the poisonous chemicals released or pulled down from the industry blind to our eyes, we will not be able to enjoy the glorious success of our economy, because what we got from the past economy would finally pay for what we done to the environment. We can still remember the dirty water flowed in Thames River, the frog-covered sky in London during the industry evolution, and the efforts people putted in the following years in order to change the condition.
What’s more, we all known that money can buy medicines and nourishments, but cannot bring health, money can build a lot of wonderful architectures, but cannot reform the mysterious and magic natural scenery, money can change the food we taste, the clothes we wear, and the house we live in, but cannot invert the air we breathe, the toxic material we touch, and the bad sleep result from the noise outside our beautiful house. What we pursuit at present maybe found meaningless one day. What our teachers instill to us since we are young is to protect the environment, what our government advocate to us is to live with environment in harmony, what we learn from past is that natural environment will finally revenge us if we do damage to the environment. Thus, it is wise for us to put the environment at the first place when it conflicts with economic growth.
Besides that(删), a good environment can also bring about economic growth, we are(删) dream to travel to Jiuzhaigou in China, to skate in the snow mountain in Switzerland, to explore the secret of National park in USA. These places of interest bring huge income to the surrounding area and its people. In some countries, the income from tourist industry plays a  crucial role in the total revenue of the country. So, protect the environment is exactly to improve the economic growth.   
As what I said above, I agree with the claim that environmental concern is more significant than the economic growth. We should develop our economy in a rational way, not at the cost of the environment, not sacrifice our posterity’s benefits. And I believe a prosperous economy will follow by the good environment.  

1.用词注意吧 有的有点中式
2.如果我是考官，第二点论证可以，一，三没能说服我
3.加油吧

yzwdan818

applesoforever 发表于 2013-6-6 23:22
6.5 修改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Economic growth seems to be more imp ...

第一条和第三条理由是我上新东方的时候，老师给的理由，这个题目是当时讲过，而且我个人认为也是比较合理的。

yzwdan818

6.6独立

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different fromeveryone else.

To be anoutstanding people, which way will you choose to approach your destination?Will you prefer to follow the most common way that people behavior or will youlike to be the different one? I will say if I have the special way that differsfrom others, I will never choose to be more like others. Because, I always keepin mind that only few people can success in their own life, so most people willbe ordinary. And people who succeed definitely have variable advantages, butloser always have the same disadvantage. Let me explain it in following facets.

It is needless tosay that most people live a numb and boring life that lacks of challenges andcolors. Seeking for a peaceful and low-speed life is the goal of most people,they already lost the ambitions in life, all they want is to make their liveseasier. So how can you break the limitation of yourself and pursuit for successif you like this kind of people who make the most of people around you? Howdare you claim that you can be a excellent, successful people by being a personlike them? No one can deny that only when you finish something or achieve someaward that most people cannot finish or obtain, can you be a successful people thatdiffers from normal people.

Admittedly, somepeople you can attach or imitate are successful people in our society. You canlearn a lot of good qualities from them, such as persistence, passion,diligence, or other good moral spirits which can help you a lot. But be the exactsame person like them? Never will I have a good expectation for you! Becausethe old saying lingers in my mind, the model of being a successful personcannot be copied. Everyone has their own advantages strong point andshortcomings, and everyone has different background and interpersonalrelationship. It’s of great importance to make use of your beneficial resourceand hind your disadvantages. People’s condition varies from people to people,so the plan to succeed must be unique and distinct. Although you can make everyaspects familiar with your idol, there is one thing you can never control it,chance, and chance is as important as your ability, as we all know.

Besides that, itis obvious that the creativity is the hope for a country, as one of ourpolitician said, so it is for the success of a people. The most simple way tomake you out of people is to have unique ideal, special skills or invent newthings, that is creative. The first people choosing to learn a foreign languagenot to focus on deep research on mother tongue can be a diplomatic envoy, thefirst one bringing the spice in to food can make huge profits, the first one tochanging the usual painting way can be an artist. But the follow never canreach the height these pioneers reached. So to choose your own style, to be acreative person will make you successful.

Take all my pointinto consideration, I’m not saying that is not good to like others, I justrecommend people who want to succeed to choose to be different. It will helphim or her to become a successful people easier and efficient as reasons I saidbefore.  

applesoforever

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different fromeveryone else.

To be anoutstanding people, which way will you choose to approach your destination?Will you prefer to follow the most common way that people behavior or will youlike to be the different one? I will say if I have the special way that differsfrom others, I will never choose to be more like others. Because, I always keepin mind that only few people can success in their own life, so(删) most people willbe ordinary. And people who succeed definitely have variable advantages, butloser always have the same disadvantage. Let me explain it in following facets.
It is needless tosay that most people live a numb and boring life that lacks of challenges andcolors. Seeking for a peaceful and low-speed life is the goal of most people,they already lost the ambitions in life, all they want is to make their liveseasier. So how can you break the limitation of yourself and pursuit for successif you like this kind of people who make the most of people around you? Howdare you claim that you can be a(an) excellent,(and) successful people by being a personlike them? No one can deny that only when you finish something or achieve someaward that most people cannot finish or obtain, can you be a successful people thatdiffers from normal people.
Admittedly, somepeople you can attach or imitate are successful people in our society. You canlearn a lot of good qualities from them, such as persistence, passion,diligence, or other good moral spirits which can help you a lot. But be the exactsame person like them? Never will I have a good expectation for you! Becausethe old saying lingers in my mind, the model of being a successful personcannot be copied. Everyone has their own advantages, strong points andshortcomings, and everyone has different background and interpersonalrelationship. It’s of great importance to make use of your beneficial resourceand hind your disadvantages. People’s condition varies from people to people,so the plan to succeed must be unique and distinct. Although you can make everyaspects familiar with your idol, there is one thing you can never control it,chance, and chance is as important as your ability, as we all know.
Besides that, itis obvious that the creativity is the hope for a country, as one of ourpolitician said, so it is for the success of a people. The most simple way tomake you out of people is to have unique ideal, special skills or invent newthings, that is creative. The first people choosing to learn a foreign languagenot to focus on deep research on mother tongue can be a diplomatic envoy, thefirst one bringing the spice in to food can make huge profits, the first one tochanging the usual painting way can be an artist. But the followings never canreach the height these pioneers reached. So to choose your own style,(and) to be acreative person will make you successful.
Take all my pointsinto consideration, I’m not saying that is not good to like others, I justrecommend people who want to succeed to choose to be different. It will helphim or her to become a successful people easier and efficient as reasons I saidbefore.

看完了。。。。不知道要说些什么。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。你自己再琢磨琢磨？

yzwdan818

applesoforever 发表于 2013-6-7 23:02
Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more like o ...

你是觉得没什么特别好也没什么特别不好的地方是吗？

yzwdan818

6.7独立

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physicalexercise.

What will you doto relax yourself when you are under great pressure? What will you choose to dowhen you are in bad mood? What will you do when you try to get rid of bad emotion,and get your relaxation? While some people may prefer to watch a comedy movieor reading a wonderful book to release your uncomfortable feelings, others maybe instinctive to choose to play basketball, football, swim or some other exercises.As far as I am concerned, it’s hard to say which method is better other method,because no matter which way is definitely a good way to relax yourself.

First, let us talkabout watching a movie. No one can deny that movie is the result of thedevelopment of technologies which bring about many new entertainments to oureveryday life. In ancient time when there is no movie, people enjoyed the actor’sor actress’s performance in old theater for fun. I think that’s the ancestor ofmodern movie. Accordingly, movie is a tradition way to relax. And with thedevelopment of science and movie industry, there are more and more fantasticand excellent movies which combine the high technology and attractive plots springingup and coming into our eyes. You can choose different kinds of films tostrengthen or reduce your special mood. So can you ask some friends to watch afunny movie to relax yourselves when you during a high-pressure exams week, forexample.

And when it comesto read a book, it is obvious a good way for some shy or reading lovers torelax themselves. Although I will not choose to read books when I seek forrelaxation, because reading is a long and boring process for me, but I cannotignore it’s magic use for other people. My sister is a one hundred percent readingfan. She majors in literature and devotes most of her time into differentbooks. She will feel something wrong with her or surroundings if she does notread books in one day. What a special people she is, right? But we can seespecial people such as my sister is not so rare in reality life, on thecontrary, a considerable amount of people like books and regard it as a tool tohelp them relax.

Admittedly,exercise is also an old-history and healthy way to relax people. Many researcheshave been done and suggest that when people do exercise and sweat during thetime, they can not only improve their health condition but also secrete a kindof “happy molecule”. It is a kind of enzyme which can affect people’s mind. Andwhen you do your exercise, the speed of blood and the rate of your breathe willincrease, helping to throw that bad chemical out of your body. You can hencehave a peace sleep which will eliminate your tiredness and help you relax. Itis a wonderful way to clear up your mind and reverse your bad mental stage byimproving your physical condition.        

Take all respectsinto my contemplation, I won’t say any one of the three ways is not a smartchoice to help you relax. It is totally up to you, or depends on what kind ofperson you are. And I personally think that watching movies is a good way forgirls, doing exercise is a good choice for boys, and reading books are suitablefor both girls and boys. What do you think of?     

kellyzhou0000

What will you doto relax yourself when (you are) under great pressure? What will you choose to dowhen you are in bad mood? What will you do when you try to get rid of bad emotion,and get（ your） relaxation? While some people may prefer to watch a comedy movieor reading a wonderful book to release your uncomfortable feelings, others maybe instinctive  to choose to play basketball, football, swim or some other exercises.As far as I am concerned, it’s hard to say which method is better （other method）,because no matter which way is definitely a good way to relax yourself感觉可以表述的更简洁一点，这句.

First, let us talkabout watching a movie. No one can deny that movie is the result of thedevelopment of technologies which bring about many new entertainments to oureveryday life（daily life）. In ancient time when there is no movie, people enjoyed the actor’sor actress’s performance in old theater for fun. I think that’s the ancestor ofmodern movie. Accordingly, movie is a tradition way to relax. And with thedevelopment of science and movie industry, there are more and more fantasticand excellent movies which combined the high technology and attractive plots springingup and coming into our eyes这句表达可以简洁一点. You can choose different kinds of films tostrengthen or reduce your special mood. So can you ask some friends to watch afunny movie to relax yourselves when you during a high-pressure exams week, forexample(such as exam weeks).

And when it comesto read a book, it is obvious a good way for some shy or reading lovers torelax themselves. Although I will not choose to read books when I seek forrelaxation, because reading is a long and boring process for me, but I cannotignore it’s magic use(effect) for other people. My sister is a one hundred percent readingfan(这样表述有点中式吧？). She majors in literature and devotes most of her time into differentbooks. She will feel something wrong with her or surroundings if she does notread books in one day. What a special people she is, right? But we can seespecial people such as my sister is not so rare in reality（real） life, on thecontrary, a considerable amount of people like books and regard it as a tool tohelp them relax.

Admittedly,exercise is also an old-history and healthy way to relax people. Many researcheshave been done and suggest that when people do exercise and sweat during thetime, they can not only improve their health condition but also secrete a kindof “happy molecule”. It is a kind of enzyme which can affect people’s mind这个例子举的很好. Andwhen you do your exercise, the speed of blood and the rate of your breathe willincrease, helping to throw that bad chemical out of your body. You can hencehave a peace sleep which will eliminate your tiredness and help you relax. Itis a wonderful way to clear up your mind and reverse your bad mental stage byimproving your physical condition. 这段表述挺流畅的      

Take all respectsinto my contemplation, I won’t say any one of the three ways is not a smartchoice to help you relax. It is totally up to you, or depends on what kind ofperson you are. And I personally think that watching movies is a good way forgirls, doing exercise is a good choice for boys, and reading books are suitablefor both girls and boys. What do you think of?     

文章的整体思路分析比较明确，看了你的文章我觉得我又写跑题了....语言句子稍微有点啰嗦，能精炼一下更好。还有一个，我也是这个问题，缺少一点耀眼的词汇

yzwdan818

kellyzhou0000 发表于 2013-6-8 22:43
What will you doto relax yourself when (you are) under great pressure? What will you choose to dowhe ...

是啊，单词量小真是个难以解决的忧伤啊~上次考试作文评价里明确说出我词汇量不够丰富，哎，不知道该怎么办！有的句子写得啰嗦可能是因为我想写长难句，但是水平又不够高，所以可能反而让人觉得啰嗦。