独立写作求拍砖求指导~

小滋滋 · 发表于 2012-10-21 09:47:15

小滋滋的的独立写作求拍砖求狠批~~~火烧眉毛考试求指导~~叩谢!!!
因为是限时作文完成后就直接传上来以求最真实批改情况，所以若有一些明显的拼写错误之类的错误希望大家不要介意~^^
9月24日独立写作:
With the advent of technology and information, modern society is a high-pace and intensive enviornment. The competence to search a job is fierce. When it comes to preparation for future job in university, which might pays the most important roles in the process of fingding a job, a host of different ieads are held by different educators in defferent disciplines. Should colleges or universities offer students a better job preparation before they strat working? Admittedly, the main resposibility for stuents is to study and they should devote themselves competely to their study. Hoever, when we are facing the severe employment situation, what we must to is to prepare for future job as early as possible.
Actually, on the one hand, the main mission of student beyond class is to study, which occupys eight to ten hours a day, and students need to absorb the kownledge that the teacher taught in the class comprehensively. On the other hand, with a large number of availeble rehouses and facilities in campus, students can find materails they need whenever they want to study and to do cutting edge research. They should take advatage of rich resouces compeletly in the college. Otherwise, they will have no more chance to study systematically raher than they do in the school.

Nevertheless, while srudents should mainly spend our time in acaemic development, they should also prepare for their future job as early as possible. To begin with, modern student suffer from a lot of stress and pressure from both society and parents. They have to work hard for limited spaces into prestigious company in order to earn themseves a promising future. Better job also means good salarys, which can ensure our basic living standard in the everyday life. Therefore, student need prepare for a better job in the university, which will help them find a excellent job after graduating from school easily. For example, the university could provide a large number of job preparation couse for students in order to improve their interview skills and socail communication ability. The university can also encouage students to do intership job to gain the working experience.As a result, when students are finding a job in the future, they will have a more chance to geeting into presitigious compamies like top 500.
Furthermore, the completion to search a job is fierce. To stand out in thousands applicators, a simple diploma is not enough. What the company administration look for are people who have strong academic knowledgeable well as intership expericne. For example, a person who has work experience in the vocation as a intership is more likely to get attention from the HR than the person who has no working experience at all. Thus, it seems a fact that students need job preparation before they graduate form college.
In sum, even though the main resposibility for stuents is to study, yet faced with the severe employment situation, students should prepare for future job as early as possible. Thus, school colleges or universities should offer students a better job prepration before they start working.
10月20日作文:

With the advent of the info and technology, education plays an important role in people’s life and also becomes more and more essential. When it comes to the point whether modern people are easier to educated, different people will hold different views due to their diversity perspectives. On the one hand, some people claim that the advanced resources and facilities give more opportunities to people to be educated. On the other hand, others opposes by saying that many entertainment that accompanies with the technology development may distract people concentration on the study, leading to less time on the education. From my point of view, it’s more reasonable to support the former rather than the latter.
Admittedly, modern people confront more entice than ancient people to the increasing living standards and technology development. In this day, people can access to a large number of entertainments when they want to relax themselves. There are movie theaters to for people to enjoy latest and popular films. There are parks for people to appreciate the beautiful scenery. There are also airplanes for people to travel anywhere they want. Some people will concern that all of these may distract people from concentrating on study.
However, as a matter of fact, the entertainment that people pursuit are just one way to escape from the reality, where modern people are living in a high-pace and intensive environment. In modern society, modern people suffer from a lot of stress and pressure. Even students, they have to work hard for limited prestigious school in order to get apromising future. As a result, the competence to enter excellent school is fierce. In this case, all students would have to spend more time on study from a very young age. Because of the well basement, for most teachers, students are more easily to grasp their key points in the class. Therefore, it’s easy for teachers to educate modern students rather than past students.
Furthermore, with the economic development and increasing living standards, there is more education institution in both city and country than in the past, where more people get to the opportunity to educate. There are also more teaching resources and convenient facilities currently than in the past. For example, modern technology has a great leap in computers owing to the emergence of the internet. With the internet, students can access to a large number of knowledge and information and improve their own abilities. Besides, the university is open to all people, if you want to learn the subject, you can just walk into the campus and learn anything you want to learn. Finally, every university has its own library, you can learn everything as long as you acquire the basic reading skills, math, philosophy, geology, and the list will go on. So we can completely enrich our knowledge by ourselves.
In sum, even though that modern people may face many entice, yet they have more opportunity to get access to the knowledge. Actually, the more knowledge that an individual gets, the more easily she or he will be educated. As a result, I strongly holds my view that modern people are easier to be educated than people who live in the past.
20121021 独立写作
Whenever we study or work, we may face controversial problems. In this case, we need assistance from our friends and discuss the problems with them. More often than not, when discussing and debating become possible, some problems can be solved unconcouisly. Fortunately, mordern technology provides us many options to solve the problems when we are asking help from others. We can use email and text message or we can use telephone and voice-messaging. From my point of view, although email can svae time and energy, i still like to use telephone since using telephone make the problem solved more effeciently and directly.

No one can deny the great convience the email bring. Never before we can communicate with others so conviniently. With email, we don’t have to go to the post office to send letters, all we have to do is to clik a bottom, in no minute, we can send 10 mails simoutanously. If you have a camera, you can also attach the picture to the mail. Thus,it is easy for us to discuss problems with otherS through emails. For example, when we face a complex problem in math, we can send emile that accompanys with resolving process of the question to our classmates for help. In contrary, they can also write down their details of solving process about the question to us. The detail and statistics are more easier for us to umderstand the problems.

However, while many people like to use email to solve the problem, as witnessed today, and email truly provide many details with charateristics and pictures, I prefer to use telephone sicne it is more directly and quickly. As a matter of fact, modern people live in a high-paced and intensive environment. And people haveto face a large munber of workloads everyday and they don’t even have spare time to relax hemselves. In this saituation, they might check thier emial at most once a day. Obviously, If you want to get a fast repay from the person you ask assistant for, you may not get the repay immediatelly. But if you take up the phone and call the person who can discuss the problems with you, you will get a higher of chance to solve your problem righy away.

Futhermore, with the advanced of the information and technology, people nowdays move to a cyber world and begin to work online, study online, even game online. People lost their tradition way of communication, from which people can get access to the communication skills. In light of this, using telephone is a more direct communication way and improve our communication sills. Also, the internet makes the realtionship between individuals becomes more loose and distant, using telephone to search help from frieds can cement their relationship with friends.

In sum, even though that email is more precise in solving problems, yet it can not solve the problem instantly. Actually, telephone allow us talk to others directly, which can cement our friedship with our friens. As a result, I strongly holds my opinion that i like to use telephone when facing the complex problems.
20121021综合写作
The reading passage lecture argues that wood companies in the USA don't want to adopt ecological certifications. However, the lecture casts doubt on what the lectuer says.

Fistly, the lectur asserts that customers in USA don’t trust the ecological certification, so wood companies don't need to adopt the certification. But the professor opposes by saying that customers concern about the profits and reputation of the company. If the company has a certification, they will have confidence about the quality of the products they buy.

Seconly, the lecture thinks that wood business in USA wouldn't like to introduce ecological certification since ecocentified wood is more expensive than unecocentritied wood, which will contribute to high price of products. However, the professor contradicts that the diference bewtteen the price of products is small, thus customers tend to buy pruducts with high value espeally something frirendly to environment.

Finally, the lecture claims that the pratice can only be adopted abroad, but cannot be adopted in the local USA. But the lecture asserts that the main customers target of wood business are local people in USA, companies should cater to the local people's taste.

AnthonySummer · 发表于 2012-10-22 21:08:29

粉红色拼写错误(直接修改了)橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）

20121021综合+独立求拍砖

Whenever we study or work, we may face controversial problems. In this case, we need assistance from our friends and discuss the problems with them. More often than not, when discussing and debating become possible, some problems can be solved unconsciously. Fortunately, modern technology provides us many options to solve the problems when we are asking help from others. We can use email and text message or we can use telephone and voice-messaging. From my point of view, although email can save time and energy, I still like to use telephone since using telephone makes the problem solved more efficiently and directly.

No one can deny the great convience the email bring. Never before we can communicate with others so conveniently. With email, we don't have to go to the post office to send letters, all we have to do is to click a bottom, in no minute, we can send 10 mails simultaneously.(你这个post office扯远了吧，问题中限制了四个沟通方式啊）If you have a camera, you can also attach the picture to the mail.（这句逻辑不通，有电脑才行啊) Thus, it is easy for us to discuss problems with otherS through emails. For example, when we face a complex problem in math, we can send email that accompanys with resolving process of the question to our classmates for help.(前句逻辑比较混乱，分两句写吧）In contrary, they can also write down their details of solving process of the question to us（什么叫to us，要不send it to us吧）. The detail and statistics are easier for us to understand the problems.

However, while many people like to use email to solve the problem,（前句啰嗦，建议删掉） as witnessed today, and email truly provides many details with characteristics and pictures, I prefer to use telephone sicne it is more directly and quickly. As a matter of fact, modern people live in a high-paced and intensive environment. And people have to face a large number of workloads everyday, and they don't even have spare time to relax themselves. In this situation, they might check thier email at most once a day. Obviously, If you want to get a fast reply from the person you ask assistance for, you may not get the replyimmediately. But if you take up the phone and call the person who can discuss the problems with you, you will get higher of chance to solve your problem right away.

Furthermore, with the advanced of the information and technology, people nowadays move to a cyber world and begin to work online, study online, even game online. （扯远了啊） People lost their traditional way of communication, from which people can get access to the communication skills. In light of this, using telephone is a more direct communication way and improves our communication skills. Also, the Internet makes the relationship between individuals becomes more loose and distant, using telephone to search help from friends can cement their relationship with friends. （这段偏题了）

In sum, even though that email is more precise in solving problems, yet it cannot solve the problem instantly. Actually, telephone allows us to talk（加to）to others directly, which can cement our friendship with our friends. （复数）As a result, I strongly hold my opinion that I like to use telephone when facing complex problems.

有太多的小错误，逻辑比较混乱~ 加油吧！

阿伦艾弗森 · 发表于 2012-10-22 21:37:22

额，我的综合好像归安东尼改。！~~~

阿伦艾弗森 · 发表于 2012-10-22 21:48:07

The reading passage lecture（这两个有点语义重复了，用其中一个就好）argues that wood companies in the USA don't want to （companies 不能发出want to 的动作）adopt ecological certifications. However, the lecture casts doubt on what the lectuer says.

Fistly, the lectur asserts that customers in USA don’t trust the ecological certification, so wood companies don't need to adopt the certification.（这个论点主要是基于不相信广告造成的，所以把逻辑叙述清楚。）But（连词最好不要当句子开头） the professor opposes by saying that customers concern about the profits and reputation of the company.（这个点我俩听的不一样，建议都重听一下吧。我听的是：美国人会区别广告） If the company has a certification, they will have confidence about the quality of the products they buy.（听力不准确，缺少细节）

Seconly, the lecture thinks that wood business in USA wouldn't like to introduce ecological certification since ecocentified wood is more expensive than unecocentritied wood, which will contribute to high price of products. However, the professor contradicts that the diference bewtteen（粗心？呵呵） the price of products is small（表示价格建议用low, high）, thus customers tend to buy pruducts with high value espeally something frirendly to environment.（谓语动词与连词的关系是谓语数=连词数+1，建议以后用此法去检验自己写的句子的语法，你这句是一个连词3个谓语）

Finally, the lecture claims that the pratice can only be adopted abroad, but cannot be adopted in the local USA.（论点改写不准确）~~But~~ the lecture asserts that the main customers target of wood business are local people in USA, companies should cater to the local people's taste.（听力论点不准确，且缺乏细节）

1.语法小毛病较多、需要好好注意下。
2.听力一定要准确，多细节。
3.连词最好不要打句头，不地道

一点拙见，望共同进步。有什么改的不完善的地方希望共同讨论！~~

小滋滋 · 发表于 2012-10-23 20:46:12

1023综合
In the reading passage, it argues that fuel-cell engines should replace oil engines since the hydrogen fuel-cell engines produce is more renewable, enviornmental, and costless. However, the lecture contradicts what the reading passage holds.

Frstly, the reading passage mentions that fuel-cell engines utilize the renewable hydrogen resouces while oil engines use renewable oil resouces, so the replacement is visible. However, the lecture opposes that it isdifficult to obtain and store hydrogen that presents in the water. Sincepreserving the hydrogen requires a extremely low temperature and also extracting the hydrogen is a high artificial process.

Secondly, the reading passage suggests that fuel-cell engines can protect the enviornmewnt by producing water whereas the carbon dioxide emitted from oil has a bad effect on the enviornment. But the professor undermines this by saying that the car using the fuel-cell engines in the process of purification indeed don't pollute the environment. However, the factory that produce the hydrogen using burning oil and coal may pollute the enviornment.

Finally, the reading passage believes that fuel-cell engines is more cheaper and effecient since they consume half energy than oil engines. However, the professor assests that the process of production is costly. Extracting the hydrogen repuires one mental component that coour chemical reactions, which is a complex process and ewpensive.

1023独立
Modern society is a high-pace and intensive environment. Modern people suffer from a large number of pressure and people even don’t have spare time to relax themselves. In this situation, they will become angry and anxious easily and sometimes even become rude to others unconsciously. However, from my point of view, there is no reason to be impolite or rude to other persons. As a matterof fact, rudeness shouldn’t be considered to be the excuses of escaping pressure. In the contrary, if you are polite to people, you will get a good relationship with others and thus it will benefit both your carer and life quality, bring you happiness to you.

On the one hand, Being polite to people arong ue is of great siginificance to both our life and career. First of all, having polite manner matters a great deal in our life. Sine polite manner always means good relationship with others. More often than not, we may face problems in our life. In this case, we need help and assistanat from our family and friends. However, if we don’t have good relationship with them for we are always rude to them, we won’t receive help from others. Even for our family, we should always keep polite to them, which will cement our relationship with our family. Secondly, keeping good relationship with coleagues also has a important effect on the career. Our work usually requires a group of people working together, which centralizes everyone’s strength and wise, so everyone in the team should cooperate with each other. If teammates have a good relationship with each other, it will garutee the quality of the accomplishments and improve the effeicientcy of the work. Finally, if we are polite to people around us and have a well relationship with them, we will feel happy as well. A survey by the Tessess Data, a statistic organization, has found that people who have more than ten close freinds are more likely to describe themselves as “happy person” than those have smaller social circles.

In this day and age, on the other hand, we human beings have a great leap in our basic living standards. In additoin, with the advent of the technology and information, modern people move to a cyber world, where our living conditions are boosting greatly. In this situation, we should devote our more attetion on construction of civilization and improve ourselves’morality standard, treating both unfamiliar and close individuals well. Besides, being polite to unfimiliar persons shows our respect to others， which could promote the hormony of the whole society.

In sum, we should be polite to people all the time, only in this way can we make our life more fantastic and successful.

mcs6436288 · 发表于 2012-10-24 17:38:15

Modernsociety is a high-pace and intensive environment. (, so) Modernpeople suffer from a large number of pressures and people evendon’t have spare time to relax themselves. In this situation, they will becomeangry and anxious easily and sometimes even become rude to othersunconsciously. However, from my point of view, there is no reason to be impolite or rude to otherpersons.(看了几篇文章，好像大家说不要用原句，要改写一下) As a matter offact, rudeness shouldn’tbe considered to be the excuses of escaping pressure.(逻辑问题，鲁莽是逃避压力的借口？--压力是导致鲁莽的借口) In thecontrary, if you are polite to people, you will get a good relationship withothers and thus it（用it不好，指代不明） will benefitboth your carer andlife quality, and brings you happinessto you.

On the one hand,Being polite to people arongue is of great siginificanceto both our life and career. Firstof all, having polite manner matters a great deal in our life.（没怎么读懂） Sine polite manner always means good relationship with others. Moreoften than not, we may face problems in our life. In this case, we need helpand assistanat from ourfamily and friends. However, if we don’t have good relationship with them for we are always rude to them（我自己感觉for口头比较多）, we won’t（表示推断用would not 比较好） receive helpfrom others（前面说了them，就用them吧）. Even for our family（具体用families吧）, we shouldalways keep polite to them, whichwill cement our relationship with our family（which指代什么，which不能指代一句话，不过toefl阅读倒也经常出现这种用法）.Secondly, keeping good relationship with coleagues also has a important effect on the career. Our work usuallyrequires a group of people working together, which centralizes（which同上） everyone’sstrength and wise, so everyone in the team should cooperate with each other. Ifteammates have a good relationship with each other, it（指代错误） will garutee the quality of theaccomplishments and improve the effeicientcy of the work. Finally, if we are polite to peoplearound us and have a well relationship with them, we will feel happy as well. Asurvey by the TessessData, a statistic organization, has found that people who have more than tenclose freinds are morelikely to describe themselves as “happy person” than those have smaller socialcircles.

In this day and age, on theother hand, we，human beings， have a greatleap in our basic living standards. In additoin, with the advent of the technology and information（information很早一直存在）, modern peoplemove to a cyber world, where our living conditions are boosting greatly. （逻辑性不强，前后感觉没有必然的因果关系）Inthis situation, we should devote our more attetion on construction of civilization and improveourselves’morality standard, treating both unfamiliar and close individualswell.（感觉不是很好，不过做伴随也说得通）Besides, being polite to unfimiliarpersons shows our respect to others， which could promote（同上一which） the hormony of the whole society.

In sum, weshould be polite to people all the time, only in this way can we make our lifemore fantastic and successful.
字数够，用词也比较有变化，不过有一些单词错误。更重要是逻辑，感觉逻辑上有一点点小混乱吧。特别是relationship那一段，没有逻辑上的递进，好像全都在一个问题上打转。最后一段在多写几句吧。改的不对的地方，请谅解。请斟酌，请教大N。

AnthonySummer · 发表于 2012-10-24 20:37:35

1023综合
粉红色拼写错误(直接修改了)橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）

In the reading passage, it argues that fuel-cell engines should replace oil engines since the hydrogen fuel-cell engines produce is more renewable, enviornmental, and costless.(概括错了，你自己翻译成中文试试：更可更新，环境话的，不花钱的） However, the lecture contradicts what the reading passage holds.

Firstly, the reading passage mentions that fuel-cell engines utilize the renewable hydrogen resources while oil engines use renewable oil resources, （oil not renewable 你意思错了，读不通啊）so the replacement is visible. However, the lecture opposes that it is difficult to obtain and store hydrogen that presents in the water. Since preserving（不要the）hydrogen requires（元音）an extremely low temperature and also extracting the （不要the） hydrogen is a highly artificial process.

Secondly, the reading passage suggests that fuel-cell engines can protect the environment by producing water whereas the carbon dioxide emitted from oil has a bad effect on the environment. But the professor undermines this by saying that the car using the fuel-cell engines in the process of purification indeed don't pollute the environment. However, the factory that produces the hydrogen using burning oil and coal may pollute the environment. （感觉这段有点挠）

Finally, the reading passage believes that fuel-cell engines are more cheaper and efficient since they consume half energy than oil engines. However, the professor asserts that the process of production is costly. Extracting hydrogenrequires one mental component that coour （啥意思）chemical reactions, which is a complex process and expensive.

楼主你的漏洞太多了，很多拼写错误，语法错误也很多，原文第一段关键意思没听清，加油吧！

小滋滋 · 发表于 2012-10-25 09:21:42

1024独立

With the advanced of the technology and information booming, our living conditions have been greatly enhanced in the last few years owing to the efforts of all scientists from all over the world. Admittedly, some people argue that countries shouldn’t share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the word since they concern about the world peace may be affected by some evil countries. However, others hold that the government should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world that will benefit all human beings and promote the living standards of all over the world. From my point of view, whether one country should share its scientific discoveries with other countries depends.

On one hand, it’s true that a nation should share its technology findings that can benefit all human beings. Initially, the goal of every scientist is to help the progress of human and share the outcome of scientific research to facilitate all individuals. So government shouldn’t prevent them publishing the achievement to the public. For example, we can hardly imagine the situation that the USA, the birthplace of the first computer in the world, didn't share the invention of computer with the world. We perhaps still have to do the complex and hard work inefficiently by ourselves, as our ancestors do. Fortunately, the USA government chooses to share the outcome with human beings and the computer therefore greatly changes all aspects of our life. The computers are responsible for the spread of the information that everyone can access to a large number of information through the internet. Computers that apply to our different aspects in our life, from earnings to furniture, are not a fancy anymore. All of these thanks to the sharing of scientists and their government.

On the other hand, what comes along with the technology is the advanced medical science. Sharing discoveries on medicine can improve the health conditions of all human beings as well. For instance, from the history of human science, human have overcome a lot of fatal diseases, such as blood cancer, diabetes, myopia, which save many thousands of people's lives. The achievement that we acquire in medicine is attributed to the contribution of many excellent scientists and their share, which benefits all of our human beings. So, there is no reason for some government preventing scientists to share their great scientific discoveries that benefit human with other countries in the world.

Sharing all the scientific discoveries with other countries, nevertheless, may cause a great damage to the whole world, especially the military discoveries. For example, if the America shared the discovery of how to make nuclear bombs to all over the world in the World WarⅡ, the nuclear bomb of USA wouldn't remember as the one that ends the war but the one that continues the war.

In sum, it's rather superficial to simply say that the government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the word. As a matter of fact, countries should choose to share the discoveries depend on different situations.

小滋滋 · 发表于 2012-10-25 11:53:18

1024 TPO9
In the reading passage, it argues that there are two possible explanations of decreasing population of sea otters, environmental pollution and predator. The reading passage supports the former one. However, the lecture casts doubt on what the reading passage holds.

Initially, the reading passage points out that it is the industrial chemicals that results in the reduction of the sea otters. However, the professor mentions that there is no evidence finding death sea otters washing off the Alaskan coast, which prove the main cause of decreasing of sea otters is predator rather than environmental pollution.

Furthermore, the reading passage asserts that the pollution affects entire ecosystem including the sea otters and large predators like orca. In the contrary, the professor believes the reason that contributes to the decreasing population of the sea otters is human hunters. Since the human hunt aquatic species excessively, some large animals are forced to change their diets to prey small animals like sea otters instead of large preys.

Finally, the reading passage thinks that the uneven pattern of sea otters results from the reduction of sea otters. But the professor opposes this by saying that the uneven pattern, as a matter of fact, can explain the later point. The reason is that if the predator of the sea otters can find them easily, the population of the sea otters will be diminished greatly. In contrast, it's so hard for large predators to prey sea otters in shallow sea, which is attributed to the uneven pattern.

kris灿 · 发表于 2012-10-25 20:23:22

The readingpassage explores the focus on the issue of pollution is the cause of thedecline sea otter populations off the Alaskan coast. The professor's lecturedeals with the same topic. However, which contradicts what the reader's statesin the reading passage. And in the lecture, she uses three specific points tosupport her view.
To begin with,even though the reading passage suggests that there were known pollutionsources along the Alaskan coast, the professor argues in the lecture that therehas no evidence about otter death caused by life-threatening infection andlittle dead otters not suit for this condition. Evenly less dead otters providethese otters dead caused by predator. If caused by infection the number of thedead otters should be a lot.
Moreover, despitethe statement in the reading that seals, sea lions along the Alaskan coast werealso decline because of the pollution, however, professor contends that some ofthe predators have are the key reason for otters death. She support her pointwith, orcas used to prefer whales; because of pople’s hunting, the whalesdecreased, which leads orcas hunts other food like otters. in other words,which also provide the predator are the reason.

Finally, theprofessor asserts that orcas cannot moving to some rocky and shallow locationwhich made the uneven concentration of the otters. Even though, the readingpassage points the pollution uneven in different areas.
In conclusion, theprofessor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage andconvincingly shows that central argument in the reading three reasons forotter's decline is unconvincing.

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