【写作小分队の探险者】5.20 托福求狠拍

探险者 · 发表于 2012-4-17 20:47:08

好久没写作文了，看到了CD上的作文小组，果断加入。期待大家多提意见。。。
4月17日110311 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

The advent of Windows Seven System symbolizes the further progression of techniques to reach the cutting-edged. Even though people's living standard has been remarkably improved during the past period, it is no wonder that people's natural desire for more improved living quality would certainly appear due to the development of the culture and the severe environmental challenges.

Granted, the basic needs of human beings have been met owing to the highly developed technology. For one thing, modern refrigeration technology has been used to keep alive the traditional ways of producing many kinds of food, making it available for both being ordered from and delivered to anywhere at a distance. Also, people are now able to afford their own vehicles with satisfied salary. No one has to worry about how to reach their destinations, since public transits have already been fully developed, too. Finally, updated technology, which is interlocked with improving our living quality, remains much fewer. Supposed that program designers figure out how to censor material on the Internet, while others can also figure out how to break the code. Consequently, tremendous amount of money is wasted on such new technology, but the expense has nothing to do with our daily lives.

Even though the wide range of new techniques offer people a fascinated society, people are born with unlimited natural desire, especially for their cultural pride. Provided that the minorities of China, who are now living in the prosperous cities and involving of the assimilation of their culture, promote their children to learn more about Putong Hua（这样合适吗？？） without any education about their native language. Also, the populations of these minorities are too small to have regular schools, which does harm to their transition of culture. Maybe in the future, the second-generation kids might ask them where they came from and what is their mother tongue, but in vain. It is arguable that their language is the key to form their spiritual value and racial consciousness, and thus government has to incorporate the traditional culture with what is taught in the modern education to promote the pedagogical methodology, such as double-language schooling.

Other challenges that people face are the constant pollution that surround them every day, which is the potential danger to our living standard. The increasingly promoted technology might also wade into the dangerous water of environmental damage, which carries（carrys汗啊，原来写成这个了） exhaust fumes, UV rays and even toxic water to our tranquil and serene lives. With noises and pollutant made by modern industry, effective measures in confronting the environmental degradation are desperately needed. To reduce these problems may slow down the industrial production of certain countries but make better people's comfort and convenience, which matches our demand of high-quality lives.

Overall, I believe that the cultural progression plays a crucial role in ensuring ones' desirable lifestyle. The demand of the recovery of natural ecosystem, mostly from years ago onward, really makes sense for improving our living quality. Although our fundamental requirement for daily lives has been reached due to struggling over generations, the desire to uplift our living standard would still accompany the promotion of modern technology at an unprecedentedly high speed.

4月17日TPO13
The reading passage analyzes the issue that fossil business has many negative effects, and the instructor deals with the same issue. She opposes the reading that the advantages of fossil commercialize outweighs the disadvantages with three compelling justifications.

To begin with, the reading charges the commercialize fossil collectors for fewer touch with general public, while the lecturer indicates that there is much greater exposure for fossils to the public. In fact, the fossil commercialize makes that available through purchasing, especially for schools and libraries.

What's more, she identifies that it is nonetheless possibly for scientists to lose access to significant evidence and even miss out on fundamentally important findings. Since the fossils, which are taken into business, should be identified by scientists before being put on a value. Also, it is the experts who can identify them and tell what they are. Clearly, private collections are always opened to experts first, and thus there is no doubt that scientific community has the access to the important fossil evidence.

Even though the writer of the reading explores that commercial fossil collectors often do damage to evidence which is potentially valuable, the instructor verifies that to be not true. Arguably，most of the fossils remain undiscovered, and it is much better for scientists to find accurate data of their locations and surroundings.

lxyuan2001 · 发表于 2012-4-18 10:19:50

楼主我看咱俩干脆互相作伴批改文章吧，我另外一篇求拍帖也没人回应。我是打算考5.12的托福。之前考过一次105，但是学校要107最少，所以这次再接在励。以前作文一次28一次29，有运气成分
先说说对你文章的评价，我觉得你语言特别好，词汇量大、句子结构也够复杂。相比之下我的就要逊色一些啦。不过还是就我的个人观点给你提提意见。时间紧，先看第一篇
文章结构：这个可能是你这篇最大的问题，题目问的是科技在未来会不会给人来再次带来巨变，你写的是文化进步让人们想拥有更多科技改变，这个不是特别扣题。。。。还有，第一段你讨论的是有些科技解决了人类基本需求，但是提高生活质量的科技还不够，这个挺扣题。但是第二段，你讨论文化趋同损害少数民族的独特性，这个就有点牵强。第三段写环境问题挺好的。总之文章结构如果我写的话，就会采用直接段首点题：虽然人类的生活在几千内产生了巨大变化，但是科技进步能够让我们的生活质量产生更为剧烈的变化。然后第二段写比如科技可以让我们的家居更智能化；第三段写交通工具可以更智能化；第四段写也许未来我们可以发明时光机器，这样学习知识就轻而易举。最后总结、重复点题。
关于语言，我直接在下面改啦：
The advent of Windows Seven System symbolizes the further progression of techniques to reach the cutting-edged(cutting edge, 名词). Even though people's living standard has been remarkably improved during the past period, it is no wonder that people's natural desire for more improved living quality would certainly appear(maintain the momentum, 保持势头) due to the development of the culture and the severe environmental challenges.

Granted, the basic needs of human beings have been met owing to the highly developed technology. For one thing, modern refrigeration technology has been used to keep alive the traditional ways of producing many kinds of food, making it available for both being ordered from and delivered to anywhere at a distance. Also, people are now able to afford their own vehicles with satisfied（satisfying） salary. No one has to worry about how to reach their destinations, since public transits(transportation systems) have already been fully developed, too. Finally, updated technology, which is interlocked with improving our living quality, remains much fewer. Supposed that program designers figure out how to censor material on the Internet, while others can also figure out how to break the code. Consequently, tremendous amount of money is wasted on such new technology, but the vast expense has nothing to do with(little benefit to) our daily lives.

Even though the wide range of new techniques offer people a fascinated(fascinating) society, people are born with unlimited natural desire, especially for their cultural pride. Provided that the minorities of China, who are now living in the prosperous cities and involving of the assimilation of their culture, promote their children to learn more about Putong Hua（这样合适吗？？better use ‘mandarin’） without any education about their native language. Also, the populations of these minorities are too small to have regular schools, which does harm to their cultural reservation and transition of culture.. Maybe in the future, the second-generation kids might ask them where they came from and what is their mother tongue, but in vain. It is arguable(are you trying to say ’inarguable’?) that their language is the key to form their spiritual value and racial consciousness, and thus government has to incorporate the traditional culture with what is taught in the modern education to promote the pedagogical methodology(methodology 是方法论，这里应该用methods), such as double-language(bilingual) schooling.

Other challenges(Another widespread challenge) that people face is are the constant pollution that surrounds them every day, which is the potential danger to our living standard. The increasingly promoted technology might also wade into the dangerous water of environmental damage(不是很确定wade into the water of可以这样用来做比喻嘛？没见过的说。。。。), which carries（carrys汗啊，原来写成这个了） exhaust fumes, UV rays and even toxic water to our tranquil and serene lives. With noises and pollutant made by modern industry, effective measures in confronting the environmental degradation are desperately needed. To reduce（Reducing） these problems may slow down the industrial production of certain countries but make better people's comfort and convenience, which matches our demand of high-quality lives.

Overall, I believe that the cultural progression plays a crucial role in ensuring ones' desirable lifestyle. The demand of the recovery of natural ecosystem, mostly from years ago onward, really makes sense for improving our living quality. Although our fundamental requirement for daily lives has been reached due to(as a result of, due to 用了好多遍啦 ) constant struggling over generations, the desire to uplift our living standard would still accompany the promotion of modern technology at an unprecedentedly high speed.

下面是我写的，请不吝赐教啊！！！

do you like old friends or new friends more?
Friends are lifelong assets that will accompany us when we feel lonely, provide suggestions when we are in dilemma, and offer emotional support when we fell into depression. While some people might be busy expanding their network in Facebook or Twitter, I would rather stick to my old friends and discover more about them, because I think keeping my old friends is much more essential and rewarding than making new friends. I will try to illustrate my point of view as below.

Running into someone who can be treated as a valuable friend is a real bonanza in life, and this has been proved true several times by my personal experience. When I entered university several years ago, I was suffering loneliness deeply because it was just incredibly hard to find someone to talk to and who can understand what you are trying to express and provide helpful suggestions. But I still remember how grateful I was when I run into a girl, who almost had the same experiences and interests as me, as well the same outgoing and bold personalities. Indeed, amongst the thousands of hundreds people we come across in our life, spotting someone who has the same interests, educational background, and personalities as you do is just like throwing a dice.

Moreover, even you are lucky to have several soul mates it still cost a plenty of time and energy to maintain and develop the relationship. Some people may think that spending money to buy friends' birthday presents or contributing a whole weekend to hang out with friends is a real waste of time. However I believe there is nothing more worthwhile than that, since a friend is a rich asset that you can always learn new things from him or her. You may find your friend even more valuable when time pass by because they can always come up with new experiences and share them with you without considering privacy.

Admittedly, it's critical to expand personal networks especially considering career path, given that knowing more professional experts in the work field will boost your career life at later stage. Nevertheless, I strongly insist that it's unwise to spend too much energy or effort to get to know new people and try to make friends with them, for the reason that to foster a true friendship has no other way but devoting a long period of time.

Based on the discussions above, it's safe to draw the conclusion that although it's necessary to extend personal network, it's more intelligent to spend most of your time to build up a stronger relationship with your old friends. Trust me, you will soon find how rewarding and satisfying the friendships are.

豆豆Vickey · 发表于 2012-4-18 12:09:25

幸会~同是5.12。刚开始混CD，请前辈多多指教~写的作文直接跟帖就可以了是么？

探险者 · 发表于 2012-4-18 16:10:24

你直接看写作小分队大本营的帖子，里面有如何交作文的方法，还有修改的要求

探险者 · 发表于 2012-4-18 16:16:16

好啊。你第一次考的挺高的，请教下你的口语是怎么练的啊？
我现在困惑在task 2，可能是自己的素材积累的比较少了。3或4感觉记得笔记抓不住重点，第一次考试的时候就说的很不好，请不吝赐教啊

探险者 · 发表于 2012-4-18 20:43:55

4月18日20101105 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Spending money on travelling and vacation is better than saving for future.

Some individuals, especially the Asian people, prefer to save money for the future and accumulate substantial sums of money to purchase durable endorsements, which may bring about longer enjoyment. Nevertheless, because of the financial crisis and increasingly high pressure from daily lives, others may spend money on travelling and vacation. Clearly, the expeditions on such short-term enjoyment deserve its remarkable value.

Even though things that last longer such as souvenirs can slow me down and calm my anxious and wandering mind, durable items may cost even more than short-period pleasure like travelling, and thus it certainly takes more time for the middle class to save that much money to make the investment. And do we really need a luxurious SUV? Or do we really need a beautiful closet full of stylish clothes? Or even eating in the upscale restaurant every weekend? Absolutely not. What we really need is to release ourselves from recurring strain due to breakneck speed of work. It is indispensable that people may be tied down by the high psychological pressure before they can enjoy the long-term entertainment. Therefore, hanging out for an excursion not only costs small amount of your salaries, but contributes to your mental recovery as well, which enhances your performance in your company with refreshed and energetic motivation.

More importantly, the unpredictable financial market can give rise to success overnight, but soon jeopardize it. Admittedly, it is arguable that eastern people always save their wages for future use, like the marriage of their kids and helping with their parents. However, the financial crisis which began in 2008 brought about tremendous amount of bankrupts of entrepreneurs and the loss of people's accumulations, leading to fundamental decrease in the masses' living quality. Supposed that people have spent their money on vacations, not only did they escape from that striking earthquake of the market, but also experience the fantastic self-conducted trip and the tranquil gathering among their immediate family. What's more, travelling to other places, even abroad, tend to expand ones' outlook with real sightseeing instead of enhancing their imagination to create its own virtue world from TV program.

Granted, it is nonetheless possibly for individuals to unlimited invest their modest accumulation on such entertainment like a trip. The unreasonable expedition on travelling will definitely drive up the strain of many other things in your daily lives, from cooking vegetables to dairy products, from clothing to furniture, from public transits to the unprecedented price of the petroleum, as their costs account for a large ration of your salary. As a result, learning how to distribute your money to express its deservation and how to make two ends meet is of great significance, particularly for the young. For the one thing, you have to relax yourselves to better devote to your job; for another thing, undoubtedly, you have to take into consideration your parents' health and the cost for your kids schooling. To some degree, it is the money you have that hold the key for your future.

While we human beings, especially for us Asian people, are born with the natural desire to save adequate money for our future, we have to carefully explore what we can attain in turn due to the changeable financial market and the dangerous economic crisis, let alone whether we can share the durable souvenirs. With the assistance of how to reasonably spend your money, one can certainly enjoy himself with a short-term travelling without worrying about continuing intense work.

4.18TPO 14

The reading passage analyzes the issue that salvage logging after the disastrous damage may have positive effects, and the instructor of the listening deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that what has been considered as advantages may also lead to some negative impact.

First of all, the lecturer expresses that the cleaning up of the dead trees is unnecessary to provide good conditions for growth. However, natural decomposing process can rich the soil, which is useful for the future generation of trees. In contrast, the soil with cleaning up may lack the nutrition(不可数) needed in the growth.

What's more, the spruce bark beetle has been living in the forest for over 100 years, and thus its damage doesn't account for the major one. More importantly, the forests not just provide habitat for damaged insects, but for birds and useful insects as well. And salvage jogging may do harm to the habitat of those animals in the long run.

Additionally, the economic benefits made by salvage logging is small, the damaged forest should be recovered by the maintenance of helicopter and other vehicles. Also, job creation is temporary and they are always opened to outsiders who are more experienced and training than the local residents.

第二点最后的more harm than the insects没有写出来，主要是笔记没有记清楚

有些乱

最后关于vehicle很贵expensive的没有听出来，只是表达了不清楚的maintain

4.18TPO 14

The reading passage analyzes the issue that salvage logging after the disastrous damage may have positive effects, and the instructor of the listening deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that what has been considered as advantages may also lead to some negative impact.

First of all, the lecturer expresses that the cleaning up of the dead trees is unnecessary to provide good conditions for growth. However, natural decomposing process can rich the soil, which is useful for the future generation of trees. In contrast, the soil with cleaning up may lack the nutrition(不可数) needed in the growth.

What's more, the spruce bark beetle has been living in the forest for over 100 years, and thus its damage doesn't account for the major one. More importantly, the forests not just provide habitat for damaged insects, but for birds and useful insects as well. And salvage jogging may do harm to the habitat of those animals in the long run.

Additionally, the economic benefits made by salvage logging is small, the damaged forest should be recovered by the maintenance of helicopter and other vehicles. Also, job creation is temporary and they are always opened to outsiders who are more experienced and training than the local residents.

第二点最后的more harm than the insects没有写出来，主要是笔记没有记清楚

有些乱

最后关于vehicle很贵expensive的没有听出来，只是表达了不清楚的maintain

bechasing · 发表于 2012-4-19 08:49:43

好久没写作文了，看到了CD上的作文小组，果断加入。期待大家多提意见。。。
4月17日110311 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

The advent of Windows Seven System symbolizes the further progression of techniques to reach the cutting-edged. Even though people's living standard has been remarkably improved during the past period, it is no wonder that people's natural desire for more improved living quality would certainly appear due to the development of the culture and the severe environmental challenges.

Granted, the basic needs of human beings have been met owing to the highly developed technology. For one thing, modern refrigeration technology has been used to keep alive the traditional ways of producing many kinds of food, making it available for both being ordered from and delivered to anywhere at a distance. Also, people are now able to afford their own vehicles with satisfied salary. No one has to worry about how to reach their destinations, since public transits have already been fully developed, too. Finally, updated technology, which is interlocked with improving our living quality, remains much fewer. Supposed that program designers figure out how to censor material on the Internet, while others can also figure out how to break the code. Consequently, tremendous amount of money is wasted on such new technology, but the expense has nothing to do with our daily lives.

Even though the wide range of new techniques offer people a fascinated society, people are born with unlimited natural desire, especially for their cultural pride. Provided that the minorities of China, who are now living in the prosperous cities and involving of the assimilation of their culture, promote their children to learn more about Putong Hua（这样合适吗？？） without any education about their native language. Also, the populations of these minorities are too small to have regular schools, which does harm to their transition of culture. Maybe in the future, the second-generation kids might ask them where they came from and what is their mother tongue, but in vain. It is arguable that their language is the key to form their spiritual value and racial consciousness, and thus government has to incorporate the traditional culture with what is taught in the modern education to promote the pedagogical methodology, such as double-language schooling.

Other challenges that people face are the constant pollution that surround them every day, which is the potential danger to our living standard. The increasingly promoted technology might also wade into the dangerous water of environmental damage, which carries（carrys汗啊，原来写成这个了） exhaust fumes, UV rays and even toxic water to our tranquil and serene lives. With noises and pollutant made by modern industry, effective measures in confronting the environmental degradation are desperately needed. To reduce these problems may slow down the industrial production of certain countries but make better people's comfort and convenience, which matches our demand of high-quality lives.

Overall, I believe that the cultural progression plays a crucial role in ensuring ones' desirable lifestyle. The demand of the recovery of natural ecosystem, mostly from years ago onward, really makes sense for improving our living quality. Although our fundamental requirement for daily lives has been reached due to struggling over generations, the desire to uplift our living standard would still accompany the promotion of modern technology at an unprecedentedly high speed.

4月17日TPO13
The reading passage analyzes the issue that fossil business has many negative effects, and the instructor deals with the same issue. She opposes the reading that the advantages of fossil commercialize outweighs the disadvantages with three compelling justifications.

To begin with, the reading charges the commercialize fossil collectors for fewer touch with general public, while the lecturer indicates that there is much greater exposure for fossils to the public. In fact, the fossil commercialize makes that available through purchasing, especially for schools and libraries.

What's more, she identifies that it is nonetheless possibly for scientists to lose access to significant evidence and even miss out on fundamentally important findings. Since the fossils, which are taken into business, should be identified by scientists before being put on a value. Also, it is the experts who can identify them and tell what they are. Clearly, private collections are always opened to experts first, and thus there is no doubt that scientific community has the access to the important fossil evidence.

Even though the writer of the reading explores that commercial fossil collectors often do damage to evidence which is potentially valuable, the instructor verifies that to be not true. Arguably，most of the fossils remain undiscovered, and it is much better for scientists to find accurate data of their locations and surroundings.

-- by 会员探险者 (2012/4/17 20:47:08)

Theadvent of WindowsSeven System symbolizes the further progression of techniques to reach thecutting-edged. Even though people's living standard has beenremarkably improved during the past period, it is no wonder that people'snatural desire for more improved living quality would certainly appear due tothe development of the culture and the severe environmental challenges（how thesevere environmental challenges improve people’s life?）.

Granted, the basic needs of human beings havebeen met owing tothe highly developed technology. For one thing, modern refrigeration technologyhas been used to keep alive the traditional ways of producing many kinds offood, making itavailable for both being ordered from and delivered to anywhere at adistance. Also, people are now able to afford their own vehicles with satisfiedsalary. No one has to worry about how to reach their destinations, since publictransits have already been fully developed, too. However, … ~~Finally,~~ ~~updated technology, which is interlocked withimproving our living quality, remains much fewer.~~ 【~~Supposedthat program designers figure out how to censor material~~s on the Internet, while others can also figure out how tobreak the code. Consequently, tremendous amount of money is wasted on such newtechnology, but the expense has nothing to do with our daily lives. 】【】要表达什么意思？从本段第一句到最后一句好像不太连贯啊，基本需求满足了，方便了生活（食物、出行等），然后举的例子就不明白要说明什么了。建议如下：在however后面说人们生活中还存在很多需要改善的例子。

Even though the wide range of new techniquesoffer people a fascinated society, people are born with unlimited natural desire, especially fortheir cultural pride. Provided that the minorities of China, who are now livingin the prosperous cities and involving of the assimilation of their culture,promote their children to learn more about Putong Hua（Putonghua或者最好写Mandarin） without any education about their nativelanguage. Also, the populations of these minorities are too small to haveregular schools, which doesharm to their inheritance ~~transition~~（转变之意，用在此处不太合适，lz是想表达继承的意思吧） of culture. Maybe in the future, thesecond-generation kids might ask them where they come ~~came~~ from and what is their mother tongue, but in vain. It isarguable that their language is the key to form their spiritual value and racial consciousness（Good!）, and thusgovernment has to incorporate the traditional culture with what is taught inthe modern education to promote the pedagogical methodology, such as double-language schooling. 说的有点隐晦，估计老外看了半天才明白哈。建议如下：随着科技的不断进步，文化的多样性也面临不断消失的危险，少数名族的文化延续和传播面临着重要的挑战。

Other challenges that people face are theconstant pollution that surround them every day, which is the potential dangerto our living standard. The increasingly promoted technology might also wade into the dangerouswater（危险的水？）of environmental damage,which carries exhaust fumes, UV rays and even toxic water to our tranquil and serene lives.【With noisesand pollutant made by modern industry, effective measures in confronting theenvironmental degradation are desperately needed. To reduce these problems may slow down theindustrial production of certain countries but make better people's comfort andconvenience, which matches our demand of high-quality lives. 】【】处的论证不充分。为什么要说减小产量呢？建议思路如下：因为发展面临着重要的环境问题，威胁到了地球的可持续发展和人们的健康生活，So，为了全面可持续发展，改善人居生态环境，就进一步需要发展新的科学和技术来解决现在的严峻的环境问题。

Overall, I believe that the culturalprogression plays a crucial role in ensuring ones' desirable lifestyle. Thedemand of the recovery of natural ecosystem, mostly from years ago onward,really makes sense for improving our living quality. Although our fundamentalrequirement for daily lives has been reached due to struggling overgenerations, the desire touplift our living standard would still accompany the promotion of moderntechnology at an unprecedentedlyhigh speed.

大赞lz的词汇量啊，各处亮点。各处放光。真心学习了。Ps：你考过G了已经？
作文的构思还不是很清晰，lz可以先列一下提纲再写作，以这样的语言写作水平，完全可以写出漂亮的作文
加油加油~~

lxyuan2001 · 发表于 2012-4-19 13:07:16

口语我的发音是小时候之前在美国念过一年书打下的功底。之前我裸考过一次，96分，口语26，第二次105，口语只有24. 估计老美觉得我模板痕迹太重了。这次我就主要练表达连贯性和逻辑了。至于方法，我也没啥方法，前面1.2题就是讲的细一点，真实一点，然后扣题。三四题我觉得很简单啊，就是听力嘛，第三题记录听力中反驳和支持的亮点，记得越详细越好。第四题就是记支持的例子，例子记得越详细说的时候压力越小。然后掌握好时间就行。后两题我觉得挺难得，综合性强。尤其要表达自己观点的那个题，总是卡壳。最后一题我掌握不太好时间，还在联系。你有什么好的建议吖？

对了，帮我看看作文吧，我觉得你的语言很好，句式变化也比较多样，希望多多指教啊！

lxyuan2001 · 发表于 2012-4-19 13:08:54

咱们就互相批改吧，反正我经常来滴，嘿嘿。你在哪里考试啊？我北外

探险者 · 发表于 2012-4-19 18:01:09

在郑州考试

【写作小分队の探险者】5.20 托福求狠拍

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