[求助]麻烦大家继续来看TWE新增第185_按照185的顺序128/146/175/185

128. Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

偶是按照时间要求写的. 请大家帮偶看看, 什么地方不好的, 尽量指出.

特别是结尾, 偶实在觉得很难写.....

In our daily life, we are confronted with many choices, the analysis of which will help us to make better decisions. One of such intriguing issues is whether it is necessary for every school to assign physical exercise for every student as part of school day. As I am concerned, I strongly support schools to assign time for students as a requirement.

To begin with, the primary reason is that physical exercise is very important to both the mental and physical health. Human beings are basically organisms, which need constant exercise such as running, swimming, etc to keep our body full of energy. Students are experiencing with the most important life period for both mental and physical development. To keep them studying every day is already a time consuming task. However, to take some exercise, as suggested by many scientists, will definitely give the body more incentive and change the tardy environment of pure learning. Physical exercise will offer children more opportunity to build both their mind and body through improving the whole mechanics of the body functioning. For this aspect, it is essential for school to provide a schedule and require students to take part in physical exercise.

Next, physical exercise is of ponderous significance for young people to interact in addition to attending to classes. For example when students play basketball in a team, they become more familiar with each other and usually discover precious personality traits that cannot be displayed only in the classroom. They communicate more with each other, care for the team, and develop cooperative spirit, which will be useful for them to adapt the working environment and build harmonious relations with their future co-workers. Actually career preparation is one of the basic purposes for schools.

In addition, students usually cannot control themselves to the best standard. It is easy to understand that students may want to play, for example, to play computer games or go for movies, rather than to take part in some beneficial activities such as physical exercise. Even mature adults sometimes are not able to follow the good advice and need outside obligations to force them. For students, even if they know it is really helpful to take physical exercise, they may slip it. That is, schools are responsible to make it a requirement for students to form good habits.

Some people may object me and say that making physical exercise will be unfair because students would be graded. I do not agree with this opinion. Schools do not necessarily need to grade students on this part and even the performance is given some criteria, this action will encourage students to be more active to take part in the valuable activity to develop their mental and physical health, which is the best schools can offer.

As discussed above, schools can encourage students to grow up better if physical exercise is required as part of school day. Students will clearly grasp not only the knowledge that teachers grant in class, but also learn more interpersonal skills. To urge the students mature better, schools must take the responsibility.   

128. Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

偶是按照时间要求写的. 请大家帮偶看看, 什么地方不好的, 尽量指出.

特别是结尾, 偶实在觉得很难写.....

In our daily life, we are confronted with many choices, the analysis of which will help us to make better decisions. One of such intriguing issues is whether it is necessary for every school to assign physical exercise for every student as part of school day. As I am concerned, (as far as I am concerned, 是否会更idiomatic 呢?)  I strongly support schools to assign time for students as a requirement.

To begin with, the primary reason is that physical exercise is very important to both the mental and physical health. Human beings are basically organisms, which need constant exercise such as running, swimming, etc to keep our (这个第一人称代词, 好像有点那个, 前面主语是human beings 第三人称复数) body full of energy. Students are experiencing with  (不用with吧?) the most important (前面刚刚用过important, 可以用个其他的同义词) life period for both mental and physical development. To keep them studying every day is already a time consuming task. However, to take some exercise, as suggested by many scientists, will definitely give the body more incentive and change (少了介词to?) the tardy environment of pure learning. (这段好像有点不顺, 照我的想法, 顺延你前面的意思, 好像把time-consuming 改成energy consuming 会好点.  BTW, tardy 是笔误吧. )Physical exercise will offer children more opportunity to build both their mind and body through improving the whole mechanics of the body functioning. For this aspect, it is essential for school to provide a schedule and require students to take part in physical exercise.

Next, physical exercise is of ponderous significance (这种修饰似乎以前没有看过, ponderous 好像语感上是因沉重,而迟缓的感觉, 你以前要是看过native speaker 这样用, 你就别理我. )for young people to interact in addition to attending to classes. For example when students play basketball in a team, they become more familiar with each other and usually discover (develop ? 用foster 或cultivate 吧, 看到下面有一个develop) precious personality traits that cannot be displayed only in the classroom. They communicate more with each other, care for the team, and develop cooperative spirit, which will be useful for them to adapt the working environment and build harmonious relations with their future co-workers. Actually career preparation is one of the basic purposes for schools.

In addition, students usually cannot control themselves to the best standard. (usually cannot discipline themselves to exercise regularly) It is easy to understand that students may want to play, for example, to play computer games or go for movies, rather than to take part in some beneficial activities such as physical exercise. Even mature adults sometimes are not able to follow the good advice and need outside obligations (outside obligation 感觉不是那么idiomatic,  outside 改成external 会不会好一点? obligation 给我的一个感觉是义务, 而不是要求.) to force them. For students, even if they know it is really helpful to take physical exercise, they may slip it. That is, (这个太口语了点吧, 该therefore 等等吧) schools are responsible to make it a requirement for students to form good habits.

Some people may object me and say ( 去掉, 罗嗦 )that making physical exercise will be unfair because students would be graded. I do not agree with this opinion. Schools do not necessarily need to grade students on this part and even the performance is given some criteria, this action will encourage students to be more active to take part in the valuable activity to develop their mental and physical health, which is the best schools can offer.

放心吧, 你写的不错的. 看作文的时间,一个学生才2分钟, 不会象我这样挑的啦.

另, 结尾不错, 比我写的好, 我通常都是干巴巴的两句话就结束. 根本写不出什么.

wowowow

多谢多谢

谢谢2楼的MM和3楼的GG

bowing

数了数, 只有400出点点头. 好象要写到500真的很难很难....

请大家继续批评:

In our daily life, we are confronted with a lot of questions, analysis of which will definately benefit us for our entire life. One of the intriguing problems is whether to choose to spend their leisure time indoors or outdoors. As far as I am concerned, I would rather enjoy outdoor activity  during the spare time. The main reasons for my choices relies in several aspect, physical health, mental health and challenging experience.

To begin with, out door activities clearly help us to gain better physical health. Human beings are essentially organisms, which need to breathe fresh air, build muscles, and train their stamina. Outdoor activities, such as football, baseball, and tennis ball, people usually spend time on the grass lands, running and chasing. The simple running will definately provide our heart to be better adapted to the environment and become stronger. ON the other hand, when people are mostly sedentary during their working, the fatigure, acutally, could not be totally relieved by resting. For improved health, outdoor activity is the best medicine.

Next, people often learn various skills from out door activities. When people go fishing, they get to understand the life circle of fish and discipline of nature. It is easier to encourage children to think about nature and take initiative to grasp more knowledge. Both adults and children can foster their balancing skills when they play skating and skiing. Such skills can never be adopted if people stay indoors all the time. Some friends like to practise shotting, which will sharpen their ability to concentrate attention and stay patient. Still some other friends often take part in mountain climbing. Even though it is a little dangerous, climbing give participants uncomparable training, both mentally and phycally.

In addition, many outdoor activities are group activities, which involve team spirit and cooperative ways of thinking. When people explore woods to hunt, usually they gather together as a team. They advance together, looking for games and unexpected discoveries. During the process of cooperation, mutual understanding and consideration are fostered.

I may encounter such objection that indoor activity will offer more opportunity to cultivate intellectural abilities. Nevertheless, the brain need to feel the nature, the eyes need to sense green plants and beautiful landscapes, and the body need to be streched before people could concentrate more on books.

As discussed above, it is safe for me to consolidate my preference for outdoor activities, which gives a lot of advantages for people in need of a healther, happier life.  Even though we spend more of our time indoors to grow up, even though the apartment or house furnish us with a safer room to stay, we must take many outdoor activities.      

400字够5.5分了~~~

5.5~6

呵呵，感谢pumpkin mm的作文和bryony 的点评，精彩纷呈！

pumpkin mm的功力比例深厚，应该没有问题了。只有一个建议，尽量少出现第一人称。

祝好运！

nodding nodding

收到收到

要客观分析, 对不对?

接下来几天偶会接着写, 写到考试前面一天.

收到收到

努力努力

争取5.5-6.0

呵呵，MM的执着让偶想起一个老友，也是遵循了作文“我练练练”的规律，呵呵。。

祝TWE满分！