择日不如撞日 来来来写作文！

浅吟天

其实我特胆小，想了很久还是决定开个贴，自己写自己改毕竟看不到全面缺点，望大家指教！！

8.4 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends

I don’t think that there is a logical link between move to a new place and the lose of old friends. As I see, the way to solve the lose of old friends can be the development of new friendship instead of move, and move to a new city could have other more important reasons, such as pursuing study or having a better job.



Some people may argue that moving is a good physical way to get out of the hurt of loss old friends, because you can have a totally new life in a new place where nobody will mention your background. However, avoiding is not a good solution. Even if you have already changed your physical position, it is all in vain if you can not adjust your mood and the perspective of the lose. What’s more, you may run from city to city times and times and finally exhausted. At that time, you will find that the lose happens on yourself. So I don’t think move to a new place will do good to a person. Instead of this negative way to combat the lose, establishing new bund is a healthier method to get out of the lose.



Even if move to a new city or a country has some positive effect on a person, such as the new scenery. Is it often a good thing? The answer may be no. There are many considerations should be taken when choosing to move. For example, you need to adapt to the new climate and custom. And you need to find a new job in an alien city in this fierce job-market. Therefore, the drawbacks may offset the advantage.


In a nutshell, if you think change can bring about fresh atmosphere to your life, then a journey is enough. Change to a new city or a new country will face more challenges, and thus it is not a reasonable choice to make such decision only because the lose of old friends. So it is often not a wise thing to move.



弱问 是不是有点跑题。。。

bob9603

给你改了，我给你发qq邮箱了，你有空看下~加油哈，fighting~！

bob9603

看早上给你发的word版的，昨天的那个格式不太对，有些东西显示不出来~

浅吟天

看早上给你发的word版的，昨天的那个格式不太对，有些东西显示不出来~

-- by 会员 bob9603 (2012/8/4 9:23:00)

啊，居然bob改了！。。。快考G吧，真不好意思。。马上去看

ykhjy

8.4 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends
我总算弄清楚谁改谁的了。。蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色修改，绿色总结
I don’t think that there is a logical link between move to a new place and the lose of old friends. As I see, the way to solve the lose of old friends can be the development of new friendship instead of move, and move to a new city could have other more important reasons, such as pursuing study or having a better job. 【我觉得是有点偏题了。lz好像想多了，既然题目问move to a new city 和lose old friends的关系，那么就围绕这俩的关系，而最后一句，明显已经偏题。楼主应该明确观点，是认同还是不认同，就算你觉得没有必要谈论这个问题，也要找出它们之间内在的关系。lz，你是不是跳跃思维了额。】



Some people may argue that moving is a good physical way to get out of the hurt of loss old friends, because you can have a totally new life in a new place where nobody will mention your background. However, avoiding is not a good solution. Even if you have already changed your physical position, it is all in vain if you can not adjust your mood and the perspective of the lose 【to the new environment】. What’s more, you may run from 【a】 city to 【another】 city times and times【all the time】 and finally 【will be】 exhausted. At that time, you will find that the lose happens on yourself. So I don’t think move to a new place will do good to a person. Instead of this negative way to combat the lose, establishing new bund is a healthier method to get out of the lose.【这段说明需要建立新友谊来脱离失去旧朋友的痛苦。那么lz应该是认同move to a new city will lose old friends 咯？我觉得楼主还是需要明确你的观点,再展开论述。】



Even if move to a new city or a country has some positive effect on a person, such as the new scenery. Is it often a good thing? The answer may be no. There are many considerations should be taken 【into account】 when choosing to move. For example, you need to adapt to the new climate and custom. And you need to find a new job in an alien city in this fierce job-market. Therefore, the drawbacks may offset the advantage. 【这段说的是move to a city 不一定是件好事，这和失去old friends没关系把？】


In a nutshell, if you think change can bring about fresh atmosphere to your life, then a journey is enough. Change to a new city or a new country will face more challenges, and thus it is not a reasonable choice to make such decision only because the lose of old friends. So it is often not a wise thing to move. 【额。lz这个结尾让我好困惑，你的前提是move to a new city 一定会lose old friends 咯？你讨论的问题是该不该move to a new city?lz。。好像真的偏题了】

【我觉得楼主需要重新审题，可以多看一些这类文章的范文。建议楼主遇到这类题目的时候，可以先简化下问题，先回答agree or disagree 。 一起加油！~】

浅吟天

8月5日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Movies and television have more negative
effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.
这个话题总让我没话说。挤了出来，看了ls帮我改的第一篇，我在想我是不是又偏题了。。
It is true that the television and movies always bring about a new vision about the world, and it is also true that these medias make our life more colorful and enjoyable. However, hardly can I agree that these advantages are overweight the drawbacks. From my part of view, movies and television have more negative effects on youth. For example, heavy exposure to the screen could do harm to the eyesight and the context maybe not suitable for the youth.


To begin with, young people always do not have a complete world value and they can't tell the evil from the good sometimes. If they addicted in one kind of movies and television, they would imitate it and bring the bad behavior to the real life. For example, the movies have some violent bits that a man has a preference to kill the people who wear green shirt. Some children may be influenced by that plot, so when they see the people with green shirt they have the impulse to beat him. However, this undesirable impulse never emerges before they watch this movie. And a statistic survey shows that when the police ask the juvenile who has committed a crime what is the purpose of the crime, some of them answer that they just want to experience the crime in the movies. Thus, we can see, the context of movies and television sometimes do harm to the youth.


Even if the context is harmful such as soap opera and cartoon. The television and movies still have some negative effects. Firstly, do you aware that more and more young people are wearing eyeglass now? The phenomenon is not only because they have the genetic eyesight drawback but because they have spent too much time exposuring to the screen to which the eyesight is vulnerable. Secondly, the time that spends on television program and movies may deprive their communication time with family and friends and make them more and more aloof to the changes outsides. As we all know, communication ability is a useful skills in the future career and how can young people practice their skills when they only face the screen alone.


In the nutshell, admittedly, television and movies change our life greatly, but the negative effects do more harm to the young people.

浅吟天

哎，我看了你改的，我真觉得没讲清楚。。我想讲的还是move to a new city不是个好事对lose的人。谢谢了！再问一句，你觉得我是不是该多用点模板，我一直不是很喜欢用，但又觉得这样一段段思路分界不清楚。

8.4 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends
我总算弄清楚谁改谁的了。。蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色修改，绿色总结
I don’t think that there is a logical link between move to a new place and the lose of old friends. As I see, the way to solve the lose of old friends can be the development of new friendship instead of move, and move to a new city could have other more important reasons, such as pursuing study or having a better job. 【我觉得是有点偏题了。lz好像想多了，既然题目问move to a new city 和lose old friends的关系，那么就围绕这俩的关系，而最后一句，明显已经偏题。楼主应该明确观点，是认同还是不认同，就算你觉得没有必要谈论这个问题，也要找出它们之间内在的关系。lz，你是不是跳跃思维了额。】



Some people may argue that moving is a good physical way to get out of the hurt of loss old friends, because you can have a totally new life in a new place where nobody will mention your background. However, avoiding is not a good solution. Even if you have already changed your physical position, it is all in vain if you can not adjust your mood and the perspective of the lose 【to the new environment】. What’s more, you may run from 【a】 city to 【another】 city times and times【all the time】 and finally 【will be】 exhausted. At that time, you will find that the lose happens on yourself. So I don’t think move to a new place will do good to a person. Instead of this negative way to combat the lose, establishing new bund is a healthier method to get out of the lose.【这段说明需要建立新友谊来脱离失去旧朋友的痛苦。那么lz应该是认同move to a new city will lose old friends 咯？我觉得楼主还是需要明确你的观点,再展开论述。】



Even if move to a new city or a country has some positive effect on a person, such as the new scenery. Is it often a good thing? The answer may be no. There are many considerations should be taken 【into account】 when choosing to move. For example, you need to adapt to the new climate and custom. And you need to find a new job in an alien city in this fierce job-market. Therefore, the drawbacks may offset the advantage. 【这段说的是move to a city 不一定是件好事，这和失去old friends没关系把？】


In a nutshell, if you think change can bring about fresh atmosphere to your life, then a journey is enough. Change to a new city or a new country will face more challenges, and thus it is not a reasonable choice to make such decision only because the lose of old friends. So it is often not a wise thing to move. 【额。lz这个结尾让我好困惑，你的前提是move to a new city 一定会lose old friends 咯？你讨论的问题是该不该move to a new city?lz。。好像真的偏题了】

【我觉得楼主需要重新审题，可以多看一些这类文章的范文。建议楼主遇到这类题目的时候，可以先简化下问题，先回答agree or disagree 。 一起加油！~】

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/5 20:37:06)

sherryzhangh

It is true that the television and movies always bring about a new vision about the world, and it is also true that these media s make our life more colorful and enjoyable. However, hardly can I agree that these advantages are overweight the drawbacks. From my pointpart of view, movies and television have more negative effects on youth. For example, heavy exposure to the screen could do harm to the eyesight and the context maybe not suitable for the youth.


To begin with, young people always do not have a complete world value and they can't tell the evil from the good sometimes. If they addicted in one kind of movies and television, they would imitate it and bring the bad behavior to the real life. For example, the movies have some violent bits that a man has a preference to kill the people who wear green shirt. Some children may be influenced by that plot, so when they see the people with green shirt they have the impulse to beat him. However, this undesirable impulse never emerges before they watch this movie. And a statistic survey shows that when the police ask the juvenile who has committed a crime what is the motivation purpose of the crime, some of them answer that they just want to experience the crime in the movies. Thus, we can see, the context of movies and television sometimes do harm to the youth.


Even if the context is harmful such as soap opera and cartoon. The television and movies still have some negative effects. (开头是一个什么Statement? 你是想说肥皂剧和卡不但在内容上可能造成对青少年的不利，而且长时间沉迷还会造成身体上和心理上的不利。Another equally important idea is the movies and television such as soap opera and carton not only may cause some extremely harmful behaviors of youth, but also may lead to physical and psychological impairment to them.) Firstly, do you aware that more and more young people are wearing eyeglass now? The phenomenon is not only because they have the genetic eyesight drawback but (also) because they have spent too much time exposure to the screen to whichthus the eyesight is vulnerable. Secondly, the time that spends on television program and movies may deprive their communication time with family and friends and make them more and more aloof to the changes outsides. As we all know, communication ability is a useful skills in the future career and how can young people practice their skills when they only face the screen alone.
In the nutshell, admittedly, television and movies change our life greatly, but the negative effects do more harm to the young people.

浅吟天

1， 第三段 我想说的是，就算他们content上没有问题，长时间看也不好。。是我自己harmless,写成harmful ,误导了。
2，这个想再问一下，“they have spent too much time exposure to the screen to whichthus the eyesight is vulnerable.”我想表达视力对长时间看屏幕很脆弱（额，中文怎么这么别扭），我觉得我的表达可能是有问题，但你帮我改了后thus是因果，他们不是因果关系。能再帮我看看正确的表达吗
3，还有，最最重要的问题，你觉得我偏题了吗？题要写的是more negative effect than positive...但我写的是它有什么negative effect，觉得吗？
----------------------------------------------------
It is true that the television and movies always bring about a new vision about the world, and it is also true that these media s make our life more colorful and enjoyable. However, hardly can I agree that these advantages are overweight the drawbacks. From my pointpart of view, movies and television have more negative effects on youth. For example, heavy exposure to the screen could do harm to the eyesight and the context maybe not suitable for the youth.


To begin with, young people always do not have a complete world value and they can't tell the evil from the good sometimes. If they addicted in one kind of movies and television, they would imitate it and bring the bad behavior to the real life. For example, the movies have some violent bits that a man has a preference to kill the people who wear green shirt. Some children may be influenced by that plot, so when they see the people with green shirt they have the impulse to beat him. However, this undesirable impulse never emerges before they watch this movie. And a statistic survey shows that when the police ask the juvenile who has committed a crime what is the motivation purpose of the crime, some of them answer that they just want to experience the crime in the movies. Thus, we can see, the context of movies and television sometimes do harm to the youth.


Even if the context is harmful such as soap opera and cartoon. The television and movies still have some negative effects. (开头是一个什么Statement? 你是想说肥皂剧和卡不但在内容上可能造成对青少年的不利，而且长时间沉迷还会造成身体上和心理上的不利。Another equally important idea is the movies and television such as soap opera and carton not only may cause some extremely harmful behaviors of youth, but also may lead to physical and psychological impairment to them.) Firstly, do you aware that more and more young people are wearing eyeglass now? The phenomenon is not only because they have the genetic eyesight drawback but (also) because they have spent too much time exposure to the screen to whichthus the eyesight is vulnerable. Secondly, the time that spends on television program and movies may deprive their communication time with family and friends and make them more and more aloof to the changes outsides. As we all know, communication ability is a useful skills in the future career and how can young people practice their skills when they only face the screen alone.
In the nutshell, admittedly, television and movies change our life greatly, but the negative effects do more harm to the young people.

-- by 会员 sherryzhangh (2012/8/6 11:10:13)

[/quote]

ykhjy

我觉得刚开始写的时候，用一些模版会好点，这样不太会犯什么严重的错误，而且利于你有个整体的思路。后面写多了，就会形成自己的东西，其实那也叫模版，是自己的模版。

哎，我看了你改的，我真觉得没讲清楚。。我想讲的还是move to a new city不是个好事对lose的人。谢谢了！再问一句，你觉得我是不是该多用点模板，我一直不是很喜欢用，但又觉得这样一段段思路分界不清楚。

8.4 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends
我总算弄清楚谁改谁的了。。蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色修改，绿色总结
I don’t think that there is a logical link between move to a new place and the lose of old friends. As I see, the way to solve the lose of old friends can be the development of new friendship instead of move, and move to a new city could have other more important reasons, such as pursuing study or having a better job. 【我觉得是有点偏题了。lz好像想多了，既然题目问move to a new city 和lose old friends的关系，那么就围绕这俩的关系，而最后一句，明显已经偏题。楼主应该明确观点，是认同还是不认同，就算你觉得没有必要谈论这个问题，也要找出它们之间内在的关系。lz，你是不是跳跃思维了额。】



Some people may argue that moving is a good physical way to get out of the hurt of loss old friends, because you can have a totally new life in a new place where nobody will mention your background. However, avoiding is not a good solution. Even if you have already changed your physical position, it is all in vain if you can not adjust your mood and the perspective of the lose 【to the new environment】. What’s more, you may run from 【a】 city to 【another】 city times and times【all the time】 and finally 【will be】 exhausted. At that time, you will find that the lose happens on yourself. So I don’t think move to a new place will do good to a person. Instead of this negative way to combat the lose, establishing new bund is a healthier method to get out of the lose.【这段说明需要建立新友谊来脱离失去旧朋友的痛苦。那么lz应该是认同move to a new city will lose old friends 咯？我觉得楼主还是需要明确你的观点,再展开论述。】



Even if move to a new city or a country has some positive effect on a person, such as the new scenery. Is it often a good thing? The answer may be no. There are many considerations should be taken 【into account】 when choosing to move. For example, you need to adapt to the new climate and custom. And you need to find a new job in an alien city in this fierce job-market. Therefore, the drawbacks may offset the advantage. 【这段说的是move to a city 不一定是件好事，这和失去old friends没关系把？】


In a nutshell, if you think change can bring about fresh atmosphere to your life, then a journey is enough. Change to a new city or a new country will face more challenges, and thus it is not a reasonable choice to make such decision only because the lose of old friends. So it is often not a wise thing to move. 【额。lz这个结尾让我好困惑，你的前提是move to a new city 一定会lose old friends 咯？你讨论的问题是该不该move to a new city?lz。。好像真的偏题了】

【我觉得楼主需要重新审题，可以多看一些这类文章的范文。建议楼主遇到这类题目的时候，可以先简化下问题，先回答agree or disagree 。 一起加油！~】

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/5 20:37:06)

-- by 会员 浅吟天 (2012/8/5 22:13:36)