择日不如撞日 来来来写作文！

浅吟天

8月17日 独立
Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes


What are the characteristics needed of a good leader, the answers may be honest, professional skills, communication ability and so on. In my opinion, taking responsibility for mistake is the most important characteristic, because it is the keystone of all others.

Taking responsibility is a fundamental quality. Imaging this circumstance, the mistake has already been detected by the leader, but for his own sake, he conceals the reality and pretend everything go on the right way. Although the “peace” may have been maintained for a while, common sense tells us this concealed mistake if not be corrected at the primary stage, just as the butterfly effect, it will end up with an upheaval to the company. At that time, not only the leader feel more shameful about what he have done, but also the company will suffer a great lose. Take Mitsubishi motors as an example. The leader of Mitsubishi knew there was a significant defect in the break system of one kind of their cars, but the top executive chose to stifle this fact. However, the public uncovered this dope, and thus this scandal stirred up an adverse influence. Just because the leader didn't want to take the blame for, Mitsubishi lost the market shares as well as the confidence of customers. Only if the leader can take responsibility for mistake, the things can be done on the right and efficient way.

Moreover, the reason why taking responsibility for mistake is essential for a leader is that other characteristics are established on this responsibility. Assuming the leader in the Mitsubishi would commit this mistake to the public and retreat all cars from the market. Although this confession would have led a great loss in the profit, it would gain strong public support and understandings, which could contribute to the long-term success of the company. At that time, most people will say this leader has a character to deal with the public relations well or a sober mind in emergence under the pressure. I would like to say these characters are basic on the characteristic of taking responsibility for mistake. If he has no courage to face the blame at the first step, all these excellent abilities will make no sense.

All in all, admittedly there are many other characteristics indispensible for a good leader. However, taking responsibility is the fundamental one, how can you expect a person to achieve more when he has no courage to admit the mistake he once made.

浅吟天

8月17日 综合 tpo15
第三点没听太清楚（啊，写完了又听了一遍，理解错了好多，今天改的童鞋对不住了。。）

The lecturer rejects the methods in the reading passage to protect the spread of cane toad in Australia. She claims that none of the efforts will success.

The lecturer does not agree with the first solution in the reading passage that building a national fence will prevent cane toad from moving into the boarder. She argues back that most toad eggs lie in the river or stream, so the flood from one side to another will also carry the toad eggs into Australia. Therefore, the physical fence is inefficient for prevent their movement.

Regarding the capture effort, the lecturer explains that most volunteers are untrained so that they can not tell the native frogs from cane toads. And some native frogs are endanger, if they are caught by volunteers, their situation goes worse. On the other hand, the reading passages only talks about that volunteers can capture and destroy the cane toads.

In addition, the lecturer challenges the last way in the material. She contends that disease-causing virus is a bad idea. it will affect the habitat of reptiles and amphibian. And if an infected species is transported back to America, it will infect the native toad and cause the eco disaster. Because the disease-causing virus has effect on a number of species, the whole ecosystem will suffer. On the contrary, the reading material claims that this virus which specialized in cane toad will not harm the most infected species.

浅吟天

8.19 综合  tpo17
没人来改作文还是要写滴，还要好好给别人改作文，嗯嗯！

The lecturer rejects the ideas in the reading passage that the number of birds in the United States will decline due to the increasing of human beings and activities of humans. She points out the three reasons given in the passage are unconvincing.



The lecturer does not agree with the first claim in the material that the expansion of human populations should responsible for the disappearance of birds' natural habitats. She argues back that nowadays people are providing birds better and larger habitats than before. Consequently, these habitats increase the population of birds. Some people may even complain about the increasing birds in their communities. Thus she claims the bird population doesn't decrease for the loss of natural habitats.



Furthermore, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage. She claims that less land are used for agriculture. The reason why less land can still maintain the growing human population is that United States have introduced many productive crops. The growth of agriculture output is contributed to the increasing unit output. Thus, there is no need to destroy wildness areas to convert them into agricultural use.



In addition, regarding the use of chemical pesticides, the lecturer contends that people have been aware of the traditional pesticides and promoted two alternative ways. Firstly, new pesticides with less poison are designed to kill agricultural and home garden pests. Secondly, the more important way is to train resistant crops which can resist insects without the large scale use of pesticides. Therefore, crops do not harm birds at all. On the contrary, the passage claims that whether it is directly and indirectly, the pesticide has an adverse effect on the population of the birds.

浅吟天

8月19日 独立
Do you agree or dis agree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character

We have many choices when we decide to buy a clothing or wear it. The reason why we choose this one rather than that one is related to our preference. I agree that in the most times, the way a person dressed is a reflection of his or her personality, but there are few exceptions.



To make the issue clear, firstly we need to category the different situations. In the working place, when the company or the industrial standard requires you to have a certain dress, how can you refuse to take the cloth on. For example, the lawyers have to wear suit and tie in the court. Can you imagine a male lawyer who wears causal cloth and earring when seriously argue with someone. Of course, you will say this is absurd and ridiculous. The same is true of waiter, banker, public servant and so on. In this circumstance, what you need to do is to obey, otherwise you may lose your job. So the way a person dressed totally has no correlation with his or her own style.



In other situations, i agree with this argument that the personality can be seen on this small daily activity. If we do not like the style of the cloth, we probably will not buy it. So the choosing process shows your thought and characters. Take one famous dancer in China YangLiping as an example, although she is a celebrity with a considerable income, she never put money on some luxurious clothing. She is fascinated by the exotic clothes, some of which are presented a certain culture with religious meaning and some of which are printed the scene of the nature. From the way she dressed, we can certainly get some information about her personality.



In addition, some people may argue that nowadays many people are flow the fashion. So the dress has no reference to people's true opinions. However, i would like to say following the crowd is just a reflection of their personalities. Not all people like to follow the smart clothes which are changeable every year, they have their own life pace and style. The people who afraid they are old-fashioned implicate they like to be the same with others. Perhaps they do not know what they truly want and have little confidence on themselves.



As the reason i listed above, when the way a person dressed is an indication of his or her personality is depend on different situations whether he or she can truly express himself/herself. As the position required, the clothes is nothing with the personality while other circumstances the way is definitely a good reference to a person's character.

Serena0710

What are the characteristicsneeded of a good leader, （此句与下一句需要用句号隔开，不然有语法上的问题。另外，我认为可以改成为what characteristics do a good leader need? 也许更好一些）。The answers may behonest, professional skills, communication ability and so on. In my opinion,taking responsibility for mistake is the most important characteristic, becauseit is the keystone of all(加个the 会不会更好) others.

Taking responsibility is a fundamentalquality. Imaging (Imagine) this circumstance, the mistake has already beendetected by the leader, but for his own sake, he conceals the reality andpretend everything go(goes) on the right way (我查了一下，everygoes the right way 应该更好一些). Although the “peace” may have been maintained for a while, commonsense tells us this concealed mistake if not becorrected at the primary stage (句子有语法问题哦，改成if the cincealed mistake are not corrected at the primarystage), justas (需要改成according to) the butterfly effect, it will end up with an upheaval (理解你的意思，但是用unexpected impair 貌似更好些) to the company. At thattime, not only the leader feel more shameful (也可以考虑用guilty) about what he have (has) done, but also the company will suffer a great lose (loss). Take Mitsubishimotors as an example. The leader of Mitsubishi knew there was a significantdefect in the break system of one kind of their cars, but the top executivechose to stifle this fact. However, the public uncovered this dope, and thusthis scandal stirred up an adverse influence. Just because the leader didn'twant to take the blame for (for 可以去掉), Mitsubishi lost the market shares as well as the confidence ofcustomers. Only if the leader can take responsibility for mistake, the (the去掉) things can be done on the (改成 a 更好) right and efficient way. （这段的例子觉得是可以的，但是更好的话可以加入一些具体的数据更有说服力，比如公司损失了多少亿元）

Moreover, the reason why taking responsibilityfor mistake is essential for a leader is that other characteristics areestablished on this responsibility. Assuming(要不要改成assume that) the leader in the Mitsubishi would commit this mistake tothe public and retreat all cars from the market. Although this confession wouldhave led a great loss in the profit, it would gain strong public support and understandings(understandings是可数名词？？), which could contribute tothe long-term success of the company. At that time, most people will say this leaderhas a character to deal with the public relations well ora sober mind (aswell as a sober mind) in emergence under thepressure. I would like to say these characters arebasic (based) on the characteristic oftaking responsibility for mistake. If he(he直接出现在这里指代不清楚。换成the leader mentioned in theexample) has no courage to face the blame at thefirst step, all these (用the other更好的) excellent abilities willmake no sense. （建议第二段再来个例子。另外这个论点一定程度上和第一个有所重复，建议再好好构思一下。）

All in all,admittedly there are many other characteristics indispensible for (indispensable to) a good leader. However, taking responsibility is the fundamental one,(此处句号断开，否则语法上有问题) how can you expect a person to achieve more when he has nocourage to admit the mistake he once made. （最后一段的逻辑连接词用不太好，感觉逻辑上非常混乱， 再斟酌一下）

总评：1.语法上错误略多，以后要注意咯~
     2.语言比较中式，有一本书叫answers to all TOEFL questions, 这本书里的语言非常地道，建议每天看几篇，做笔记，之后复习，效果不错。语言上会有一定改进
     3. 思路不太好。拿出之前的题库185训练一下思路是个不错的方法哦~~

PS：真的非常非常抱歉，因为我的原因，昨天没有及时给你批改。希望LZ别介意啊~~加油！

浅吟天

To serena:
每次看到别人认真的批改都很感动。因为规则必须要改，但改的多认真这个都看个人了。谢谢！
我写完还检查了一遍没想到还是错了那么多。表达也很不地道，瓶颈期写来写去没长进。最近在看“慎小嶷”的那本书，你说的那个是不是就是北美范文185哇？（小白已自行解决，下下来了...)
再问3个问题：
1， “he conceals the reality andpretend everythinggo(goes) on the right way (我查了一下，everygoes the right way 应该更好一些).”  先不说意思，单看句子 一个主语两个动词，其中一个加的是从句是不是有点奇怪？
2, Imaging (Imagine) this circumstance, the mistake has already beendetected by the leader... 我想问下，那个imagine会不会造成有两个动词了这句，虽然我觉得imaging开头，mistake主语也不对。
3， understandings(understandings是可数名词？？) 我知道有a much deeper understanding 于是又查了个句子：our behaviouris correspond with that of othersbase onserious of evaluations and understandings.你觉得呢

浅吟天

从今天开始 记录错误
Everything goes the right way
Loss n    lose v   lost adj
Are based on…
指代问题 he写清楚

Amashine

浅

8.19 综合  tpo17



总体来说，写的很好啦，逻辑清楚，内容完整……优点一大堆

The lecturer rejects the ideas in the reading passage that the number of birds in the United States will decline due to the increasing of human beings and activities of humans. She points out the three reasons given in the passage are unconvincing.

The lecturer does not agree with the first claim in the material that the expansion of human populations should (缺了一个be )responsible for the disappearance of birds' natural habitats. She argues back that nowadays people （我感觉改成”people, nowadays,” 这样更好，相当于加了个插入语）are providing birds better and larger habitats than before. Consequently, these habitats increase the population of birds. Some people may even complain about the increasing birds in their communities. Thus she claims the bird population doesn't decrease for the loss of natural habitats.

（灰色标出来的，habitat这个词用的重复率有点高，考虑一下替换，如accommodation, settlement……）

这段建议再听下听力，听力说some type数量减少，other type数量增多



Furthermore, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage. She claims that less land are used for agriculture. The reason why less land can still maintain the growing human population is thatUnited States have (the United States has )introduced many productive crops. The growth of agriculture output is contributed to the increasing unit output. Thus, there is no need to destroy wildness areas to convert them into agricultural use.

这段内容非常完整，建议可以把几个简单句并成一个复杂句

如：Furthermore, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage by claiming that less land are used for agriculture.

In addition, regarding the use of chemical pesticides, the lecturer contends that people have been aware of the traditional pesticides and promoted two alternative ways. Firstly, new pesticides with less poison are designed to kill agricultural and home garden pests. Secondly, the more important way is to train resistant crops which can resist insects without the large scale use of pesticides. Therefore, crops do not harm birds at all. On the contrary, the passage claims that whether it is directly and indirectly, the pesticide has an adverse effect on the population of the birds.

这段非常好



圈灰的lecturer也可以找其它词替换，如speaker, professor……



总体字数有点多，280左右，综合写作OG上有要求是150-225字数，可以尽量用简略一点的语言，我发现你的句式用的很好，向你学习。建议练习写复杂句，更上一层楼~

浅吟天

TO Amashine:

嗯， 你说到我一直在考虑的地方了。。
1，lecturer我也再想要不要花样多多的问题，但为保持人称就他一个所以一直沿用。想确切问下到处替换可不？
2，你说的简略就是复合句哇？以前有人说我不会长短句结合，然后我开始刻意写简单句，尽量注意读起来有长有短，看来不得章法。。请问如何长短结合啊？

浅吟天

8.19  笔记

Habitat  settlement
The United States 加单数
People, nowadays, are providing…