Sigrid的作文楼

sigrid_shan

mygirlzini 发表于 2014-9-9 16:45
亲,今天晚班得上班去了,我的写作贴和你的修改明儿一定回复~~~哎哟 真是不好意思 ...

.................那我明天晚上再改你的作文了。

sigrid_shan

0909........越来越懒惰。发展现代农业应否以环境为代价。


People regard food as their prime want, and the result of such desire can be a disaster of the environment. Some people may argue that in order to feed up more individuals, we should and have to sacrifice environment for modern agriculture. However, I hold the opposite opinion that we should never let the environment make a way for more food and population.

First of all, as human being, we should live our lives in a happy and healthy way instead of surviving and demanding more offspring. Actually, modern agriculture ensures the latter circumstance - the more pathetic living conditions but it will cause severe consequences which can destroy our health and lower our quality of life. To take health problem as an example, modern agriculture has indirect connection with environmental problem and physical diseases. The extending farmland occupied the area where used to be forest and grassland, and the degradation of forest and grassland brings haze as well as sandstorm. As is reported in the news, more than thousands of people got respiratory disease due to the air pollution and environmental destruction. Furthermore, modern farming also has some other potential hidden troubles for human health, as no one in the world can proof that transgenic will do no harm to our health, but one thing is certain that in many countries, transgenic plant can not be used for human food.

Moreover, demolishing environment for producing food is also a nightmare for our descendant. The habitats of various animals and plants will be changed to farm land and soon or later, many beautiful sceneries and cute animals will only be seen in the museums. And such disasters have already occurred in the past. For example, the wild Siberian tiger is extinct because of human activities, and the only way we learn it and see it is to go to the museum of nature to watch its specimen. Also, a kind of plant called Chinese dove tree by many people is dying out at the same time, which not only has beautiful flowers, but also is a treasury medical plant. As for natural sceneries, if we do not limit the expanding of modern agriculture, our children may never have the opportunities to know what Amazon Forest is and how yellow stone looks like, because no matter where they go and which country they visit, they will only view the boundless cropland and fat, lazy cows. I am not willing to live in a tedious world like this, neither is my daughter or son.

When taking into accounts all the reasons I mentioned above, I would come to the conclusion that, though modern agriculture means more food, we should not easily improve it at the expense of destroying the environment, because only with a better environment, we and our descendants can have a better life.

mygirlzini

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-8 20:24
0908 Teachers were more appreciated and valued by the society in the past than they are now. （嗷... ...

SORRY BEING late.
文章写得很不错哦,我也是先学习了再自己写的,改的地方不少,都是我认为可以更高分的句子,仅做参考哈.有改错的地方,还请见谅,欢迎交流~~~

jason509

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-9 22:17
0909........越来越懒惰。发展现代农业应否以环境为代价。

棒极！果然是27分水准。话说你为啥还要考啊

sigrid_shan

mygirlzini 发表于 2014-9-10 17:21
SORRY BEING late.
文章写得很不错哦,我也是先学习了再自己写的,改的地方不少,都是我认为可以更高分的句 ...

有的建议我采纳了

有的保留原来的句子感觉哈，我们私下都可以多查查用法。

sigrid_shan

jason509 发表于 2014-9-11 23:44
棒极！果然是27分水准。话说你为啥还要考啊

谢谢修改，冠词和and确实是我习惯性问题要多注意一下了...
感觉考场写的没有平时好，平时都超时的。

刷总分是恶性循环么...刷高点增加录取几率

sigrid_shan

独立：0915

915        Parents should let children make and learn from their mistakes.

No one is born to be right and no one can always be right. All of us can be timid, feeble, and every one of us has the experience of doing something wrong. Nevertheless, even though all parents know that mistakes are unavoidable, some of them still want to prevent their children from making errors. I personally believe that allowing children making mistakes is more beneficial to children in various aspects.

First of all, making minor mistakes at a very young age may help children avoid more serious and unforgivable mistakes in their adulthood. Some children, for instance, are forbidden to play computer games and watching TV because parents believe such entertainment may lead to terrible performances of children at school. My parents, however, did not limit my computer time when I was in junior high school so that I was addicted to surf on the Internet and got an unsatisfying grate in the final exam of that semester. What makes me feel lucky today is that I realized my mistake instantly, quitted the Internet, worked hard at school and developed a good habit of learning. Some of my companions, who were not permitted to use the computer, on the contrary, stuck on the computer games for years when getting rid of control of their parents. Hence, mistakes such as being obsessed to the Internet in the childhood, is much better than making big errors later.

Moreover, being used to making errors when we are young benefits our mental health. People who never risk will never be free and children who never risk making mistakes will never grow up with a strong mind. Every year we heard news about one or two student committing suicide due to different reasons, and self-disappointment might be the most frequent cause. A PHD from history department hanged himself last year as he found out that he could not get a satisfying job after graduation, and his research may lead him to nowhere. As is reported, this student was a perfect one for twenty years and his parents taught him in a quite strict way. The result is that, he was so clinging to be right that a B in an exam could be unbearable for him, and finally, any severe frustration will defeat him forever due to his fragile, easily broken heart. I deem that such tragedy will never occur on a child who was educated in a different way, a way which tolerates small mistakes.

When taking all the accounts I have numerated above, we can come to the conclusion that allowing children making mistakes is a good way of education, for it can not only help minimize the potential serious troubles made in adulthood, but also help with the mental health in the future.

sigrid_shan

综合 0915

The lecture apparently disproves what is argued in the reading passage. According to the passage, the clay jars found in the Iraq were not likely to be vessels for producing electricity due to three reasons. However, the professor in the lecture asserts that it is possible that the vessels are electric batteries, as the reasons of reading material is not convincing and he represents several evidences.

To begin with, the author states that there were no metal wires found nearby the vessels. But the professor claims that there could be wires or other conductors excavated by the local people, but as they were not professional archaeologists, such wires might have been easily overlooked and thrown away. Therefore, the assertion of the author can be questionable.

Furthermore, the passage assumes that the copper cylinders inside the clay jars were similar to the copper cylinders excavated in Seleucia. In ancient Seleucia, man used the cylinder to hold scrolls. The professor, however, suggests that the use of copper cylinders could be changed. To be specific, these cylinders were possibly designed to be holder for scrolls, but later they were used to generate electricity.

Last but not the least, the author of the passage points out that the electricity made by such battery was no used for ancient people, but the professor states that the electricity can be used as magical powers by producing mild shock or tingling.  Another truth is that, the battery could also be used as a way of healing, and such healing method is used by modern medicine as well. That's to say, the electricity is useful for ancient people.

Based on the above mentioned arguments of both the lecture and the reading material the explanation of the reading passage could be nonsense.

echosun2002

No one is born to be right and no one can always be right. All of us can be timid, feeble, and every one of us has the experience of doing something wrong. Nevertheless, even though all parents know that mistakes are unavoidable, some of them still want to prevent their children from making errors. I personally believe that allowing children making mistakes is more beneficial to children in various aspects.只是提到make mistake 没有learn from mistakes

First of all, making minor mistakes at a very young age may help children avoid more serious and unforgivable mistakes in their adulthood. Some children, for instance, are forbidden to play computer games and watching TV because parents believe such entertainment may lead to terrible performances of children at school. My parents, however, did not limit my computer time when I was in junior high school so that I was addicted to surf on the Internet and got an unsatisfying grate in the final exam of that semester. What makes me feel lucky today is that I realized my mistake instantly, quitted the Internet, worked hard at school and developed a good habit of learning. Some of my companions, who were not permitted to use the computer, on the contrary, stuck on the computer games for years when getting rid of control of their parents. Hence, mistakes such as being obsessed to the Internet in the childhood, is are much better than making big errors later.这里的对比是mistakes such as~~~和making big errors感觉不是很对称，如果改成mistakes such as~~~better than big errors～～是不是更好呢？

Moreover, being used to making make errors when we are young benefits our mental health. People who never risk will never be free and children who never risk making mistakes will never grow up with a strong mind. Every year we heard news about one or two student committing suicide due to different reasons, and self-disappointment might be the most frequent cause. A PHD from history department hanged himself last year as he found out that he could not get a satisfying job after graduation, and his research may lead him to nowhere. As is reported, this student was a perfect one for twenty years and his parents taught him in a quite strict way. The result is that, he was so clinging to be right that a B in an exam could be unbearable for him, and finally, any severe frustration will defeat him forever due to his fragile, easily broken heart. I deem that such tragedy will never occur on a child who was educated in a different way, a way which tolerates small mistakes.

When taking all the accounts I have numerated above, we can come to the conclusion that allowing children making mistakes is a good way of education, for it can not only help minimize the potential serious troubles made in adulthood, but also help with the mental health in the future. for后面可不可以跟句子？这点貌似在GMAT中是不允许的

整体感觉每一个观点都挖掘的比较深入，例子也非常有说服力。需要注意的是题目中有提到learn from mistake但是文中没有很充分的体现。

echosun2002

综合写作整体结构很棒，逻辑清晰，语句流畅，没有什么问题。