risedream作文习作帖，期盼拍砖，越多越好(^_^)

铁板神猴

risedream 发表于 2014-1-22 20:28
真谢谢您呢，改的真好，会注意改的！

不必客气，叫我神猴就好~

超级无敌小鹤鹤

risedream 发表于 2014-1-22 20:37
老师，我想问问您呢，写作文没有思路是该怎么办，去看什么呢？求教~

其实我个人觉得，这个不是思路的问题，而是一些人生阅历的积累
通过看其他的资料能弥补的仅仅是语言上，而至于文章的构思啊，内容的设计与衔接这些其实需要有一定的积累的，就好像如果你没有看过某电影的话，很难写出比较高质量的影评

那我个人觉得，一方面你可以看看托福的满分作文，主要是学习人家的一些语言技巧；另一方面，有必要去准备一些常用的段子之类的，以防有时候实在没什么写的时候，可以套用

risedream

2014.1.22
题目：Children should spend most of their time studying or playing; they shouldn’t be required to help the family with household chores, such as cleanin and washing.

Since the video on internet about children resisting to do chores
went hot on the internet, an argue about whether children should be asked to chores had become a pressing question into the publicity’s view. Some hold the idea that children shouldn’t do chores and should move more time to study or to play, or to the point about the development in economics, some thinks that there’s no need for children to do chores anymore, most families have maids to help cleaning the house.In my opinion, children should be required to do some chores.

They can be more indenpendent if they train to do chores. They can arrange their personal life quiet organized. If they eat their heads off and doesn’t like to work, they can’t face any problems when they grow up. And they can’t arrange their work and life very well. Just like my neighbors son. He was required to do a lot of things when he was little, shch as washing cars sweeping floors or aranging bookshelves.

Children can learn to love the enviroment they are in while they do chores. It’s an important skill no matter to the work in the future or the study atmosphere nowadays. Doing chores can develope a good habit of tending the enviroment around us. It can be a judgement for others to tell whether you are an organized people or not.  You might easy think one’s virtue by their desks. Like when i came to visit my sister, her tidy and easy table settings can easily gain preferrences, but the table besides hers is very disorderly and unsystematic, the good impression has gone away quite predictedly. Doing chores is a gate that one must pass to have great life habits.

Some says that children should hold the time to study due to the development of acknowledge. The precious time can be used to do reviews, study new knowledges, and they can spent the time doing useful researches for our studies. But we can also learn a lot of things by doing chores. Like the attitude towards life and the important daily good habits.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely reach the conclusion that children should be required to do some chores in order to develope good life habits

超级无敌小鹤鹤

简单了看了下，说几个比较大的问题：
1、第二段的they they they，最好部分用children替代；
2、感觉你的文章有点空，就是都是表现的说理，但是没有展开很深入，所以会觉得文章没有很好地层次[虽然这个对于你这个年龄来说比较难，但是建议你稍微看一些托福满分作文，感受一些他们的说理~~~我觉得，既然对你来说说理要深入的说清比较难，那不妨少说道理多说例子，讲例子不失一个好方法]
3、篇幅上略短，最好第三个点也就是你的第四段能长一点；然后结尾稍微能丰满一点

risedream

超级无敌小鹤鹤 发表于 2014-1-23 20:29
简单了看了下，说几个比较大的问题：
1、第二段的they they they，最好部分用children替代；
2、感觉你的文 ...

刚看到妈妈复制来的评论，我以为是老师发给妈妈的反馈呢，好些简直是一模一样！！
越来越敬服CD一个又一个版主的学问，真的是特好。神猴版主、无敌小鹤鹤版主还有perfectends_Betty版主，好佩服你们呢。我特别着急，晕乎乎地不知道怎么办，你们带我一下子去明白不知道的事情，特别特别感谢老师们的指点。

神猴版主和无敌小鹤鹤版主，放假以前的作业特多，做完作业就是背单词。等我交完作业以后，我就去看范文，再重写这些给您们看，再等等我啊～～还有还有要去做口语～～

risedream

超级无敌小鹤鹤 发表于 2014-1-23 20:29
简单了看了下，说几个比较大的问题：
1、第二段的they they they，最好部分用children替代；
2、感觉你的文 ...

超级无敌鹤鹤老师,我又来看一下您讲的.
上次忘了说了,我这一周不能让您们帮我改,要不交的作业就不是我自己写的作业了.等我上完课不交作业时再发上来请您批.

risedream

2014-1-29
【综合写作】
题目：TPO17

The author in the reading passage believes that the development of humans can do harm to wildlife, especially birds, which shows by the decline of their numbers, while, the professor in the lecture disagrees with the reading’s statement.

Firstly, the author considers that the natural habitats will disappear gradually, such as the forests, wetlands and grasslands causing the birds’ home eliminated furiously. However, the speaker explains that the habitats are even better and larger than the old days. Opposite to the author’s point of view, the number of birds in the city had increased, species like seagulls, hawks, or even falcons can be seen in the city.

Secondly, the lecturer challenges the reading’s view that as agricultural activities increases with the human population, they may take up more wild areas that wild-lives live. Plus in order to execute the activities, they have to cut trees, which is the living environment .she claims that agricultural events didn’t do any harm to the environment, plus the activities now a days use less field than old days. Besides the peasants plant crops, which is food to the birds. They wouldn’t need the wilderness to do any new products either.

Lastly, the passage still holds the view that as human population expand, the use of chemical pesticides increase. Birds drank the water that is mixed with pesticides or the insects that are poisonous. Destroying their living habitats and their normal food chain., which is also cast doubt by the professor in the listening material with the analyses that people are improving this problem by making two changes. One is to made new pesticides with less toxic in it, making the smallest amount of harm for animals. The second change is that they can grown newly developed crops that is pest resisted. These kind of crops have absolutely no harm to the birds, which providing food for the birds at the same moment.

To sum up, the professor in the lecture cannot reach an absolute consensus with the reading towards the issue above.

请各位大神严格指出我的问题，谢谢老师！

risedream

2014-1-29
题目：Should we require our young children (age 5-10) to learn music and art in addition to math, science, history, and language.

Young children at this particular age is said to be the best time to learn things, they are easier to take in the knowledge we give them and doesn’t reject to those things. They can also learn faster since their absorbing ability is quite strong. A battle was drawn though both the academic and education field, debating for many times about whether young kids should study music and music. A part of the publicity claimed that children at this age doesn’t have the mind to appreciate the inside and that they should have more fun at this age. But I thought they should try to set hand on these subjects.

Learning these subjects can help them gain a higher level at their emotional world. Listening to music and paint drawings can cultivate one’s taste and base a great character from the beginning. Relaxing one’s mind when they are busy. As we know, people at this age have already started their studying. They may not stand the pressure of first involving into studies. Plus, when people are tired or over excited, music and art can let them settle down and relax. For example, my sister is 6 years old, she always get very overwhelmed by playing. She can calm down by listen to a few songs.
　　　
Children of this age have a lot of potential study ability and plasticity. We always say that learning something has to begin early in their childhood. Begin to study early cannot only began their comprehensive study early and can do better in the study, they can also find their interest more quickly, which can help them determine their future majors. Take my bother for example, he studied music when he is very young, then he loved the music major ever since and he did great job in this major.
　　　
Of course, for those who does not like music or art, they could be very frustrated and under pressure by learning things they are not good like or don’t have interest. In other words, letting them learning these subjects is to force them learning something they doesn’t like at all. They may have more contradiction for these things. But, due to the potential and un-limitation of children that age, these phenomenon are rarely to happen.
　　　
Due to all these factors, children of the age 5 to 10 should try to learn art and music.

请老师狠狠拍砖，谢谢老师的辛苦！


　　　

risedream

2014-1-29
题目：Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and allow them to learn from their own mistakes.


Recently there is some phenomenon about parents scolding or being too strict with children. People who saw this scene debated over a serious question about whether parents should let children make their mistakes then gain experience by themselves. whether the young children should be offered some opportunities to achieve some experience from their own mistakes rather than be immobilized by parent’s strict requirements has come in focus. Some mistakes will exert more negative influence on children even do harm to their confidence. But in my opinion,  the potential benefits of learning from mistakes far outweigh the problems to children’s growth.

To make mistakes can have deeper understanding about the mistakes the children have done. Parents can provide decent supervisions, but some certain problems should be realized due to personal experience. Compared with the advices parents forced on kids, self experience can provide them deeper impression and then prevent them from making such problems again, like when they smash a few dishes, they can learn to be elegant; when they lost something, they can learn to be careful and attentive and more creative solutions on this problem. Meanwhile, personal experience can provide a healthy psychological influence of their life, it is obvious that kids who have overcome the problems independently will become more confident and gain increasing sense of achievement.
Further more, if parents kept blaming children when they made mistakes, they will be afraid to made mistakes before their parents, or even more seriously, will avoid making decisions, take actions and even escape taking responsibility. They may hide their flaw and learn to deceive their parents, causing a worse situation than they simply made mistakes. causing some mistakes that can’t be made. As we know, the heart and mentality of a child can be very fragile. If they were scared by parents, it will take a very long time to recover, making the process to their maturity even harder. Take my sister for example, she made a mistake in reading when she is little and my aunt scolded her pretty hard, she took a long time to recover from the shock and hurt. she, as an adult, still fears to speak in public and is always self-conscious or nervous about her performance before stranger, which leads to her frequent failures in job interview.

Of course, some questions can’t be handled by children themselves. Like robbing or killing, these questions must be prevented imediately by parents. They should show their children the serious of these type of questions. Children may not know how bad the consequinces are. To creat a happy life, they should be aware of these things. But, if it were normal questions, they should still be handled by children alone.

Due to these factors layed afront of our eyes, we may truly come to the conclusion that parents really should let children handle most of the questions by themselves.

risedream

2014-1-29
再次谢谢老师的帮忙和辛苦！
题目：Do you agree or disagree to the fact that telephones have more influence to people than televisions do.

Telephone, as a part of our life, plays an important part in people’s life. In this information times/era, people’s life, work, business and so on is becoming more convenient due to the telephone, further; the cell-phone’s mobility can let us communicate no matter where they are. With the improvement of phone, we are satisfied with the multifunction of cell-phone like sending emails or reading e- books. A recent debate argued a question about whether telephones play a more important part in life than university. I agree with the point that telephones are more important, because of its big use in our life.

For students, they can contact  the parents and teachers to answer questions. Making studying more easier, cause they can know the answer to their problems. And they can contact their friends to exchange each other’s ideas and we could have more interaction throughout life.they can mend their leaks on time. For example, we had lots of question when we are staying at home for the review, we phoned our teacher to ask a lot of questions and we don’t have to run all the way to school.

For adults, they could be more relieved if they can contact their children some while a day. And telephones play a great part when they are at work. It can be a tool for them to contacting colleagues. It can shrink the distance between two districts and let companies cooperate through long distances. Let people benefit from this interaction. For example, we all know the Microsoft company, they spread their knowledge of softwares between long distances. Now people all over the world can use their software and the company gets a lot of benefit and gain a strong background on their reputation.

For old people, phone is a way/tool for them to communicate with their families. No matter how far the children are, they can always have a little chat with their children and be relieved to know the ones that are being concerned’s situation. And mend the regret that they can’t see their children all the time. For example, my grandmother always calls me or my mother or my uncle to know our recent statement.so that she can be rest assured.

Televisions can also play a great part in people’s life. They can made fun in people’s life. And they can draw families and friends close by creating peer interests. But telephones can play a much important part in people’s daily life.

Before all these factors, we can come to the conclusion that telephones play a more important part in people’s life.