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xiaxiaya的作文贴

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41#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 00:42:35 | 只看该作者
Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-19 00:36
在群里说的,因为你占位占成第六期的了,他很晚才看到,我又很晚才占位,所以我们两就凑一块了。。。 ...

哦~原来是这样,我说第六期的帖子里的安排怎么不更新了~ 谢谢你提醒我哈^^
42#
发表于 2013-8-19 14:22:53 | 只看该作者
xiaxiaya 发表于 2013-8-19 00:42
哦~原来是这样,我说第六期的帖子里的安排怎么不更新了~ 谢谢你提醒我哈^^ ...

写了篇独立,请阅
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870505-1-1.html
下午我来改你的作文,咩哈哈!

综合也写了下~~
43#
发表于 2013-8-19 17:32:46 | 只看该作者
xiaxiaya 童鞋肿么还木有帮我改哦~ 催一下 8.16的独立
44#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 18:36:35 | 只看该作者
sallygreen 发表于 2013-8-19 17:32
xiaxiaya 童鞋肿么还木有帮我改哦~ 催一下 8.16的独立

SORRY...SORRY。。。我搞错人了。。马上改
45#
发表于 2013-8-19 19:09:50 | 只看该作者
已经改完了哦!

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46#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 19:39:04 | 只看该作者
Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-19 19:09
已经改完了哦!

Even though often viewed important by the public for its influence(这句话有点多余,even though表转折,这一句和后面一句不是一个意思吗), the opinions of thewell-know people in a society, like(改为such aslike仅用于比较不能用于举例) famous entertainersand athletes, can play an important part for (in) all the social members, not onlythe younger but also the older. Several factors, such as the frequency to receive these opinions,the different characters of the young and the old contributes to this issue(什么issue…你是不是漏写了几句话). Therefore,(这个结论怎么得出来的…… I note that the ideas of thewell-know people in a society are more important to younger people than theolder ones.


To begin with, the younger people are more likely to get in touchwith and influenced by the thoughts of the social celebrities, due to the fact thatteenagers or people in their 20s more frequently use the new medias media已经是复数了)where thecelebrities’ ideas can be quickly and in fluentially (fluently)conveyed to them. Since this higher rate of using internet and new medias, the thoughts of thewell-known can have moredeeply impact on young people and consequently become a coordinate to guide theyounger's behavior. The fancy(这个形容词不太好吧,可以换成wild) passion of teenagers to trace (trace是追溯,追踪的意思,用chase after更好一些) a singer or idle in Facebook can be a good example. Teenagers intheir ages like fashion and popular singers or athletes, such as Taylor Swift, Justin Bibber and C. Ronadal, sothey follow them in Facebook to see what they thinks and what they are doing. Gradually influenced by thecelebrities’ posts, teenagers’ ideologicalprefers (preferences) are unconsciouslysimilar to their models’, so does (is) their behavior. But this less happened to the older people, since theyare less interested in the well-known sports starts or singers.

Moreover, the similarity of the characters betweenthe young and the well-known people can be another explanation for the fact thethoughts of the celebrities are more accepted by the younger than the older (这句话好像因果关系反了,the similarity of the characters是结果,the fact才是explanation). It cannot bedenied that becoming welcomed by the public means that the celebrities haveacceptable characters for the most people in our society. But virtually, theyare more resembled to the young than the old (这句有点chinglish了哦,可以说“他们大部分为年轻人”), which is contributed to their widely acceptation among youngpeople. In other words, the sports starts or singers in some degreesdegree表程度是不可数) have something in common withthe young people, hence the young people regard them as representsrepresentations, which speak for the unique feature of the youngthemselves. It's no surprise to see that the fans of a certain popular singerwill defend their idol, as if they are fighting for themselves. In a word, the younger people take theiridols as important representatives for their own because of the similarity,while the older people with less chance findhave less chances to find the importance among (of) the popular singers or sports stars due to the lack of the things in common.

In conclusion....

谢谢Mint的修改~~~其实这篇自己看了都想吐。。。
1.其实开头用的模板。。模板没练熟,套起来怪怪的。。而且模板我初看的时候,也觉得挺奇怪的
2.那个因果关系,我其实是想写“因为有更多的相同点,所以会有the fact 年轻人更容易接受”
3.那个among 是说“在。。人之中”的意思,是个介词,不用加of滴
47#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 19:41:23 | 只看该作者
Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-19 19:09
已经改完了哦!

综合写作其实你标出来的都是模板改的~你可以看看慎小巅的《十天搞定新托福essay》里面的模板,然后自己换词,换顺序~
模板N多人验证过不扣分,而且让写作的时候更专心对听力和笔记的paraphrase而不用想怎么去对比听力和原文


48#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 19:54:04 | 只看该作者
sallygreen 发表于 2013-8-19 17:32
xiaxiaya 童鞋肿么还木有帮我改哦~ 催一下 8.16的独立

~~OK,搞定了~~
49#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-8-19 20:00:11 | 只看该作者
19th AUG

【独立】这个题目比较好写,可是还是写了一个小时。。没写结尾 490+words

More acceptable as it might be, being similar to others can only be a part of propeller on one's way to his goad. However, other ability, such as the attractions for grasp people's attention, the differentways to think as well as the courage to make a break through the convention, actually play the most part for success. Therefore, in my opinion, being distinctive to the ordinary is more likely to succeed.

To begin with, with different features, notonly can a person benefit from his attraction to the public, but also he canwin the focus from the persons who can give him a hand on the way to his goad.By a totally different marketing strategy, which is opposed to what most of thesmart phone companies apply, Lei Jun, the founder of Xiaomi technology, hasspur the interest and desire of the customers so that makes his product a bigsell. Due to the new purchase method, more people are attractive to try the infamoussmart phone of Lei Jun. And my friends Yaccob is another good example thatbeing different can make a different. When he attended software developerposition in a famous firm, he made his self-introduction by using the softwarehe developer to display his advantages for that position, which made themanager decide to give him a director position. It is his difference that giveshim the chance to make the manager find his talent.

Moreover, to be distinctive also make aperson think and view from different aspects, which can lead to a perfectlycreative idea. If a person like to become different, pursuing differences pushhim to think different. There are lots of well-known scientific discovery derivingfrom the strange scientists and their strange ideas, such as Edison and hisbulb, Franklin and his lightening experiment. All of these people were regardedas freak at the beginning of their crazy actions, but they all turned out tomark in the history, as the most famous examples for unusual and creativethinking improving human's lives.

Finally,the person who differ from others have are bond to challenge the old andconventional rules, which is contributed to breaking through from the stereotypes.To be different from others have to avoid the conventions and rules and set upthe new styles. Never can Jobs complete his i-phone by obeying the traditionalindustrial criteria; Never can Karmellon's movies hit the top by following theacademic style; And never can Jacica succeed on the Broadway by dancing theballet steps. Having the courage to become different, in some extent, means thathaving the courage to break the rule people observe for long time. Only possessthis courage, can a person achieve his life.

【综合】模板又忘了,听力细节也听不清楚。。。完蛋了。。291words

The reading passage presents an argumentthat the private exchange of fossils has a negative effect on both the generalpublic and the scientists. But the professor in the listening lecture disputesthat private collectors actually do good for the fossils research and thepublic interest in fossil, which is opposed to the reading passage. And theprofessor supports her idea based on the following reasons.

To begin with, even though the readingpassage argues that the private collectors tend to prohibit the public to seetheir fossil collections so the public will lose their interest in the fossils,the professor disproves that the increasing passion in the private fossilmarket can really inspire the interest of the public. And lots of purchases inthe private market is also  accessiblefor the researchers, which will not make scientists lose the most importantinformation for the fossil in the private market.

Moreover, the professor contends that theprivate collectors tend to turn to the scientists for help to evaluate thefossils, whereas the reading passages claims that the private collectors willbe the obstacle for the scientific research in fossils. The professor explainsthat the purchasers themselves always need the professional advice fromscientists, when they first decide to collect a certain fossil. In this circumstance,the scientists will not lose the chance to recognize and investigate the mostimportant information in the fossils.

Finally, the professor also points out thatthe research and protection of fossil can take the advantages from thecommercial fossil collectors, which is contrary to the reading passage's claim.Because the collectors sometimes can help scientists to unearth fossil and theyare not likely to do harm to their collections. So the reading passage is notcorrect.


50#
发表于 2013-8-19 22:44:50 | 只看该作者
TPO9  Xiaxia君我也晚到了...请原谅 T,T  上一次错过了时间,还以为没有给我安排任务了,今天一看居然有!!! 我没找到tpo10,就改tpo9吧!刚好我也写了这篇~嘿嘿嘿
绿色是我觉得有待改进的地方。橘黄色是我觉得可以学习之的地方~
The reading passage presents a(an) argument that the fuel-cell engine overshadows the internal-combustion engine in several aspects. But the professor in the listening lecture disputes that the fuel-cell engine is not superior to the internal-combustion engine since the passage misleads the readers to some extent. And the professor in lecture support herself based on the following reasons.

To begin with, even though the internal-combustion engines depend on infinite fuel(咦~ 说无尽的是不是反了?) and can cause pollution, the professor argues that the easy availability of hydrogen used by the fuel-cell engines is not the case. She explains that the form of hydrogen in water cannot use(be used) for the fuel engines. Also there is still technique limited(limitation) that can produce the pure and cold hydrogen.

Moreover, the professor contends that the fuel-cell engines are not (so)environment(-) friendly like(as) the passage claims. The process for producing pure hydrogen need a lot of energy, which should burn the oil and other fossil fuel (可以说, which is obtained by burning oil and ~ energy不是自己来burn oil的)and will consequently make more pollution.

Finally, the professor asserts(词汇变化多样,很不错啊) that the cost for a fuel-cell engine is higher than the internal-combustion engines, which is opposed to the passages statement. She points out that the fuel-cell engine is consisted of a(an) expensive component. The fuel-cell engine cannot work without this part to support the chemical reaction for the hydrogen to produce energy. So it is so far for the population of the fuel-cell engines.
Xiaxia君的整体框架式没有问题的。一些细节也都听到了。 比较明显的问题是主动被动、动词名词、an/a 这些容易出错的地方,有时候也会让句子变得不通顺,所以还是要细细抠一抠~ 一起加油!哟吼~
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