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晓野的野

吉迈特 发表于 2013-8-12 23:50
我用批注改的，所以只能上传文档了，不好意思

嘿嘿  木啥啦 下载也是灰常方便的
谢谢诶 辛苦啦

晓野的野

吉迈特 发表于 2013-8-12 23:50
我用批注改的，所以只能上传文档了，不好意思

改的好认真的~
So we cannot emphasize the importance of the social activities too much. 这是一个固定搭配...怎么强调什么的重要性也不为过。
抓头，努力写定从是想让句子结构好看点，但素好像没有处理好写的好繁琐。
谢谢你的建议呢，我会努力改进的。
加油！

晓野的野

昨日还在说，写作文写的太晚了，要早写
结果，这样那样的事情耽误下来，就这个点了
嘤嘤嘤...........
我现在真的很想睡觉啊......
不行不行 憋着口气也得写了.....
写作文 万岁 万岁

晓野的野

Independent Writing：
學校或工作Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有idea 後才晚一點開始進行
creative thinking
1、presentation 之前，还要联络各方人员，communicate以及cooperate
2、do preparation 资料收集 数据整理
3、制定plan 提高效率

There has been an argument about when people should start the preparation for a presentation. Some people prefer to start to prepare for the presentation one month before it, stating that they need spare enough time for the preparation. Others like to do the preparation after they have got a good idea, arguing that it's waste of time to do the preparation without an idea. As for me, I get used to doing the preparation one month before the presentation, for this schedule do have some remarkble advantagesover the other schedule. Here are my points offered in support of my opinion.

First, a good idea is not the whole story of the presentation ,and communication and cooperation with my partner are also an key piont to the presentation. In order to hold a outstanding presentaion, I need to know everyone's idea and advice about the presentation. It is much more easy to cooprate with partners if we have same goals. Therefore, everyone's idea and advice about the presentation are crucial for a successful presentation. In my experience, I need about two weeks to gather those information. So it will be too late if I start the preparation after I get an idea.

In the second place, some necessary documents and data need to be reviewed before a presentation.

Last but not the least, a good plan can improve the effeciency of preparing a presentation and the plan need to be made before  the idea show up.

To sum up,

太困了，简直无法思考，今天白天再补上吧

hemodata

Independent Writing：
學校或工作Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有idea 後才晚一點開始進行
creative thinking
1、presentation 之前，还要联络各方人员，communicate以及cooperate
2、do preparation 资料收集 数据整理
3、制定plan 提高效率

There has been an argument about when people should start the preparation for a presentation. Some people prefer to start to prepare for the presentation one month before it, stating that they need spare enough time for the preparation. Others like to do the preparation after they have got a good idea, arguing that it's a waste of time to do可以换成start the preparation without an idea. As for me, I get used to doing the preparation one month before the presentation, for this schedule do have some remarkble advantages over the other schedule.（any other sechedules/ preparing after having an idea） Here are my points offered in support of my opinion.可以去掉，没有意义

First, a good idea is not the whole story of the presentation ,and communication and cooperation with my partner are also an key piont to the presentation.如果考虑修改成这样或者类似的，是否能更清楚地表达你的意思呢？having a good idea and developing it into PPT is not the the whole story of the presentation, we also need time to communicate with our partners. These communication works are usually time consuming and better to be started before we have get an idea. In order to hold这个词在这里是什么意思呢？我读的不太明白 a outstanding presentaion, I need to know everyone's idea and advice about the presentation. It is much more easy to cooprate with partners if we have same goals. Therefore, everyone's idea and advice about the presentation两个黄色部分完全一样，可以考虑替换哟~ are crucial for a successful presentation上一句是说，了解大家的想法让工作更简单，下一句就说是crucial了，逻辑上不太对. In my experience, I need about two weeks to gather those information. So it will be too late if I start the preparation after I get an idea.

In the second place, some necessary documents and data need to be reviewed before a presentation.

Last but not the least, a good plan can improve the effeciency of preparing a presentation and the plan need to be made before  the idea show up.

To sum up,

晓野的野

8月14日 独立 草稿一篇 吃了晚饭来改
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rules in societies today are too strict for young people.

creative thinking
1 现在的rules是很早之前的，不符合时代潮流了
2 年轻人具有特殊性 创造力 活力 时代先锋 规则太严不适合
3 尽管严一点可以整顿社会秩序 但是现在的秩序太严了也限制了年轻人的发展


There is a public debate today that whether rules in societies are too strict for young people. Some people believe that the rules are not too strict because young people cannot control their behaviors well and such stricts are necessary for them. However, others argue that those rules are too strict, stating that young people are under much restrictions which do harm to their future development. In my point of view, rules in societies today are obviously too strict. Several points are offered below to support my opinion.

First of all, the rules were made decades ago and they are out of date now. Therefore, it is not proper to apply those rules to young people. Some tranditional rules, which used to restrict the behaviors of our parents or even grandparens, are still applied today. For example, nowadays some people still argue that young people must abide by tranditonal Chinese rule that youngsters should not go some places far from their home if their parents are alive. Such rule used to guarantee young people to take care of their parents. However, the rule is not proper today, since even if young people leave their parents, it is still very easy for them to take care of their parents due to the convinient transpertation. Therefore, such rule should not be used today, or it will have bad influence on yougsters' future development.

In addition, youngsters are creative, energetic and special. I cannot emphasize the importance of those characteristics too much. Just those special characteristics insititue young people. Young people are crucious about things they have never been experience, young people are willing to challenge things they have different opinion about, and young people are eager to do things they want to do. Those creative and brave behavior boost the developement of the society. However, rules today restrict those behaviors. It not only do harm to youngsters creatitities but also restrict the further development of the society. This is why I think the rules are too strict.

Admittedly, strict rules are essential because young people are not good at restrict their improper behaviors, which may bring some troubles. However, the rules are too strict. And the disadvantages clearly outweigh the advantages.

To sum up, I again to emphasize my idea that the rules of societies today are too strict. Although rules are necessary for young people, it does not mean they can be too strict to harm youngsters. For those reasons I mentioned above, I strongly agree with the statement.

草稿一篇

晓野的野

hemodata 发表于 2013-8-14 09:39
Independent Writing：
學校或工作Presentation 你習慣一個月前就開始準備或有idea 後才晚一點開始進行
cre ...

sweet of you~
看的好仔细呢 贴心的说
逻辑果然是一大问题啊
我会认真修改的 谢谢hemodata

晓野的野

There is a public debate today that whether rules in societies are too strict for young people. Some people believe that the rules are not too strict because young people cannot control their behaviors well and such rules are necessary for them. However, others argue that those rules are too strict, stating that young people are under much restrictions which do harm to their future development. In my point of view, rules in societies today are obviously too strict. Several points are offered below to support my opinion.

First of all, the rules, which were made decades ago, are out of date now. Therefore, it is not proper to apply those rules to young people. Some traditional rules, which used to restrict the behaviors of our parents or even grandparents, are still applied today. For example, nowadays some people still argue that young people must abide by traditional Chinese rule that youngsters should not go places that are far from their home if their parents are alive. Such rule was used to ensure that young people would take care of their parents since transportation hundreds years ago were too bad for youngsters to go to see their parents. However, the rule is not suitable for today’s situation, since even if young people leave their parents, it is still very easy for them to take care of their parents due to the convenient transportation. Therefore, such rule should not be used today, or it will have bad influence on youngsters' future development.

In addition, the rules now are too strict to limit creativities, a special characteristic of youngsters. I cannot emphasize the importance of such characteristic too much. The very special characteristic constitutes a crucial part of young people.  Creativities give youngsters power to be themselves: young people are curious about things they have never been experience, young people are willing to challenge things they have different opinion about, and young people are eager to do things they want to do. Those creative and brave behaviors boost the development of the society. However, rules today restrict those behaviors. It not only do harm to youngsters creativities but also restrict the further development of the society. This is why I think the rules are too strict.

Admittedly, strict rules are essential because young people are not good at restrict their improper behaviors, which may bring some troubles. Too some degrees, rules need to be strict. However, now the rules are too strict. And the disadvantages clearly outweigh the advantages.

To sum up, I again emphasize my idea that the rules of societies today are too strict. Although rules are necessary for young people, it does not mean they can be too strict to harm youngsters. For those reasons I mentioned above, I strongly agree with the statement.

稍微修改了下前面的细节和逻辑
但是让步段和结局是在木有灵感了
如果有好心人看到这篇作文 方便的话 给最后让步和结尾点建议呗

hemodata

晓野的野 发表于 2013-8-14 18:28
sweet of you~
看的好仔细呢 贴心的说
逻辑果然是一大问题啊

不客气啦，尽力看而已。但可能自己也水平有限，不能帮到更多。
晓野能也帮我看看吗？http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-869158-1-1.html

hemodata

我也是打字特别慢，昨天下了一个小软件叫RapidTyping
练习打字的。。。也不知道有用没有
但是所幸也花不了什么时间
你也可以试试哇