若若的独立写作贴

zengyuruo

2013.06.18.  Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Scientists should be responsible for the negative effects of their discoveries.
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Scientists are respectful to many of us because they always play an important role in improving our daily life. Even though sometimes their discoveries might be abused or lead some negative effects, in my opinion they should not be responsible for that, as discussed below.

First of all, we can judge the statement on the basis of the intrinsic meaning of scientific researches themselves. A Scientific research is a series of activities, through which people are seeking for better understandings of the unknown outer world around us and our inner souls. As a result, it could be impossible for scientists to determine whether the discoveries will result in positive or negative impacts beforehand, let alone taking charge of them. An apt illustration involves Einstein, who is famous for his efforts in putting forward the theory of relativity. Although the theory of relativity has been used in developing atomic bombs, which have killed many ordinary people, it is not Einstein who should be responsible for this catastrophe. As we all know, Einstein strongly rejected to use the theory of relativity in this way but failed to prevent it.

Secondly, scientific discoveries are actually only the explanations or descriptions of the real world and should not be divided into good or evil. So it is the people or organizations who utilize the fruits rather that the scientists who achieve the fruits that should be responsible for the bad influence of scientific discoveries. For instance, the techniques of clone have been polemical for a long time. But I think there is little dispute about the technique itself and what makes people so upset is the way in which the techniques of clone will be used. I believe that the governments and legislatures ought to play a more important role than scientists in preventing the potential negative effects. Furthermore, if scientists are always worried about the possible problems which their discoveries could arouse, they might have no chance to make any breakthrough in their meaningful researches.

In sum, scientific discoveries as well as the scientists who achieve them are candid. And it is the people who use the scientific discoveries in an evil way that should be responsible for the negative effects. Fortunately, we could prevent the abuse of scientific discoveries by legislations or regulations in our modern society.

grace9210

Scientists are respectful(应该是respectable哦，respectable是值得尊重的，be respectful to sb是尊重某人)to many of us because they always play an important role in improving our dailylife. Even though sometimes their discoveries might be abused or lead somenegative effects, in my opinion they should not be responsible for that, as discussed below.


First of all, we can judge the statement on the basisof the intrinsic meaning of scientific researches themselves. AScientific research is a series of activities, through which people are seekingfor better understandings of the unknown outer world around us and our innersouls. As a result, it could be impossible for scientists to determine whetherthe discoveries will result in positive or negative impacts beforehand, let alone taking charge of them. An aptillustration（从没用过apt的勤勤脸红了…） involves Einstein, who is famous forhis efforts（effort在表示成就时是可数名词，但是后文是thetheory…是单数，不知道是不是effort这里也该用单数啊，一会儿我问问别人） in putting forward the theory of relativity. Although the theory ofrelativity has been used in developing atomic bombs, which have killed manyordinary people, it is not Einstein who should be responsible for thiscatastrophe. As we all know, Einstein strongly rejected to use the theory ofrelativity in this way but failed to prevent it.


Secondly, scientificdiscoveries are actually only the explanations or descriptions of the realworld and should not be divided into good or evil. So it is the people ororganizations who utilize the fruits rather that the scientists who achievethe fruits （fruits有成效成果结果的意思，但是我刚才在牛津里查了一下，achieve有达到完成成功的意思。翻译的有点别扭呢，不如换一个呢？get？）that should be responsible for the bad influence of scientificdiscoveries. For instance, the techniques of clone have been polemical for along time. But I think there is little dispute about the technique itself andwhat makes people so upset is the way in which the techniques of clone will beused. I believe that the governments and legislatures ought to play a moreimportant role than scientists in preventing the potential negative effects.Furthermore, if scientists are always worried about the possible problems whichtheir discoveries could arouse, they might have no chance to make any breakthroughin their meaningful researches.


In sum, scientific discoveries as well as the scientists who achieve(不知道achieve 准不准，但是觉得achieve thediscoveries翻译有点不通顺 啊) them are candid（如果说scientists是candid觉得很好，但是discoveries are  candid觉得有点不搭配。Candid +reply/statement/feedback还是经常使用的。但是科学发现是坦白的/率直的觉得有点不匹配）. And it is the people who use the scientific discoveries in an evil waythat should be responsible for the negative effects. Fortunately, we couldprevent the abuse of scientific discoveries by legislations（leigislation是不可数名词哦，表示立法法律法规，想用可数名词表示可以使用ordinances哦~~） or regulations in ourmodern society.

蓝色是建议，红色是修改，黄色是高亮

若若同学写的很好哦~
提几点小小的建议吧  1，要注意单词的单复数哦，这点我也经常犯错
                                 2.段落的分论点很清晰(勤勤同学捂脸跑过...)，分别从本质，成因经行分析，最后还展望了一下，我喜欢最后的那个furthermore
                              

嗯，如果有批改不正确的地方请直接指出来不用客气哦~
       加油加油

grace9210

OMG，，为什么每次我从word里打完然后粘贴上来都是这样，空格消失了很多...若若同学将就看吧

zengyuruo

嘿嘿，谢谢勤勤同学。
关于effort的用法，我查了一下，是这样的。分享给你~~~

effort: 1.不可数：表示力量和精力。I can carry it without effort.
                                              It's a waste of time and effort.
          2. 可数：~to do sth  努力，奋斗。Your effort is bound to be successful.
                                                         你的努力一定会成功的。
                                                 Despite all our efforts we still lost the game.  
                                                 尽管我们尽了全力，我们还是输掉了比赛。

                make an effort to do sth 尽力……
                                       Please make an effort to get there on time.
                                         请尽力按时赶到那里。
                                        The prisoner make no efforts to escape.
                                        那个囚犯没有试图越狱。

zengyuruo

grace9210 发表于 2013-6-19 05:28
Scientists are respectful(应该是respectable哦，respectable是值得尊重的，be respectful to sb是尊重某 ...

嘿嘿，谢谢勤勤同学。
关于effort的用法，我查了一下，是这样的。分享给你~~~

effort: 1.不可数：表示力量和精力。I can carry it without effort.
                                              It's a waste of time and effort.
          2. 可数：~to do sth  努力，奋斗。Your effort is bound to be successful.
                                                         你的努力一定会成功的。
                                                 Despite all our efforts we still lost the game.  
                                                 尽管我们尽了全力，我们还是输掉了比赛。

                make an effort to do sth 尽力……
                                       Please make an effort to get there on time.
                                         请尽力按时赶到那里。
                                        The prisoner make no efforts to escape.
                                        那个囚犯没有试图越狱。

legislation的用法：
1.
Russia has one of the strictest environmental legislations but it looks like it doesn't work at all.
俄罗斯拥有最严厉的环保条例，但是看起来它根本就不起作用。
article.yeeyan.org

2.
Programme directors in the us and uk agree: the downturn could be more of an advantage for talented young creative entrepreneurs than a hindrance, given the recent legislations passed in both countries to generate organic growth and provide start-up tax relief.
美国和英国的项目主管同意：考虑到两国最近都通过了立法，推动有机增长、为初创企业减税，经济低迷可能会成为有才华的创意型年轻企业家的优势，而不是障碍。
www.ftchinese.com

3.
Comparative research on legislations on industrial property in south korea.
南朝鲜工业产权法规比较研究。

zengyuruo

grace9210 发表于 2013-6-19 05:28
Scientists are respectful(应该是respectable哦，respectable是值得尊重的，be respectful to sb是尊重某 ...

关于 respectful achieve 和candid自己用得确实比较奇葩，谢谢勤勤！一起加油哈~~
其实candid我就是想表达 scientists是公正的，无所谓对错。。。没找到合适的词哇

zengyuruo

2013.06.19  Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is more important for government to spend money improving Internet access than improving public transportation.
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In our modern society, the government is elected to promote the living quality of populace. However, with the limited social resource, what the government should choose when they confront with many different options? Should the government spend more money improving Internet access than improving public transportation? As far as I am concerned, the government might be more responsible for improving public transportation, as discussed below.

Firstly, since the government cannot satisfy all the requirements of ordinary people, there must be some rules helping the government to balance them. In my opinion, these important rules involve at least some considerations about the welfare of both the majority of the populace and the poor families. When it comes to the Internet access and the public transportation, few people would dispute that there are much more people need to use the later than former. As a result, why would the government give up the chance to help more people by investing the public transportation? Furthermore, even though it might be possible for a poor family to live with no Internet, they could hardly live without buses or public roads. Since the public transportation is more basic and necessary for the ordinary people, the government should of course spend more money on it.

Secondly, the government should be more responsible for investing the public goods, such as education and medical care, because they always involve some free-rider problems. As we know, the public transportation is one of the typical public goods, which can hardly be provided adequately by the private sections. For example, if a merchant invests in constructing a road, he would surely expect to make some profit from it. However, since the merchant cannot prevent anybody to use the road, or we might say it will be too expensive, some egotist might try to use the road without pay. As a result, no merchant will continue to invest the profitless project. As many economists have told us, the best way to solve this problem is that the government which is funded by tax payers invests the public transportation. Only in this way, the supply of public transportion could be warranted to meet the social requirement.

Thirdly, even though the Internet access has became more and more important for many people, it has not been as important as some other urgent social problems, especially considering that there are still many people going without enough food and cloth in our country. To some extent the government should pay more attention in the efforts to improve public transportation, just like their endeavor to eliminate unemployment and promote the public medical care.

In sum, the investment in public transportation should have a higher priority to the investment in Internet access for the government. As the foregoing argument, since the public transportation is a public good and involves almost all the people, including some poor families, the government should pay more attention to it. After all, the mission of the government is to make the populace's life happier and easier.

grace9210

  In our modern society, the government is elected to promote the living quality of populace. However, with the limited social resource, what the government should choose when they confront with many different options(should 应该放在the government 前面吧)? Should the government spend more money improving Internet access than improving public transportation? As far as I am concerned, the government might be more responsible for improving public transportation, as discussed below.

Firstly, since the government cannot satisfy all the requirements of ordinary people, there must be some rules helping the government to balance them(没太看明白这个them 指代的是什么). In my opinion, these important rules involve at least some considerations about the welfare of both the majority of the populace and the poor families. When it comes to the Internet access and the public transportation, few people would dispute that there are much more people need to use the later than former. As a result, why would the government give up the chance to help more people by investing the public transportation? Furthermore, even though it might be possible for a poor family to live with no Internet, they could hardly live without buses or public roads. Since the public transportation is more basic and necessary for the ordinary people, the government should of course spend more money on it.

Secondly, the government should be more responsible for investing the public goods, such as education and medical care（恩觉得有点跑呢，）, because they always involve some free-rider problems. As we know, the public transportation is one of the typical public goods, which can hardly be provided adequately by the private sections. For example, if a merchant invests in constructing a road, he would surely expect to make some profit from it. However, since the merchant cannot prevent anybody to use the road, or we might say it will be too expensive, some egotist （egotists）might try to use the road without pay. As a result, no merchant will continue to invest the profitless project. As many economists have told us, the best way to solve this problem is that the government which is funded by tax payers invests the public transportation. Thus, everybody who is using the public transportation has made a contribution to it.（觉得这一段论证的中心不太明确呢，是说建设公共交通设施是每个人都做贡献了所以这样很公平么，如果是这样，例子好像和中心不太贴近）

Thirdly, even though the Internet access has became more and more important for many people, it has not been as important as some other urgent social problems, especially considering that there are still many people going without enough food and cloth in our country. To some extent the government should pay more attention in the efforts to eliminate unemployment and promote the public medical care（觉得这里延伸的太多了，而且这一段好像和public transportation没有直接关系）

In sum, the investment in public transportation should have a higher priority to the investment in Internet access for the government. As the foregoing argument（arguments）, since the public transportation is a public good and involves almost all the people, including some poor families, the government should pay more attention to it. After all, the mission of the government is to make the populace's life happier and easier.

觉得第一二段都很不错，赞的很多所以高亮就不画了。但觉得三四段怎么和主题不太紧密相关呢，我不知道这样写是一种延伸扩展还是怎么，不太明白...总体还是很好的，词语用的很精妙，加油~

zengyuruo

2013.06.20  Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.

We always admire the people who can keep their rooms tidy and orderly, because this could reflect some of their personalities, such as earnestness and seriousness. But is this habit important when we discuss the possibility of a person's future success? As far as I am concerned, it is just too presumptuous to say that students who like to clean their rooms are more likely to succeed.

Firstly, before we can evaluate the statement we must make a better understand of the true meaning of success. As what we have learned from our daily life, while profit might be the symbol of success for merchants, high score in exams could be totally another kind of success for students. Few people might argue that different people would have different understandings of success. What's more, even a single person could have different explanations for the same word of success according to his age or the level of education. Take me for example. When I was a little child, I think going to a famous university is success. However after I have achieved this goal, I feel spending more time in taking care of my family members makes more sense. In these cases, we can hardly say someone will be more success than the other.

Secondly, even if we have a widely accepted definition of success, there is still a problem. Since many different critical factors will play an important role in achieving success, how can we determine which one is more important? For example, I have two roommates, Qianqian and Yutian, who have totally different personalities. Qianqian can always keep her bedroom clean and organized but sometimes I just feel that she is too shy and is reluctant to make more friends. Otherwise Yutian is very outgoing and always keen to participate in various parties. As you can imagine, she has no time to tidy up her bedroom because of some many social activities. I think that Qianqian might become an eligible housewife and Yutian might become an outstanding office lady sometime in the future. But which is more important for their success, orderliness or social relationship? I have no answer.

In sum, although the habit of keeping the room tidy and orderly is important, it might be assertive to say students who have this habit are more likely to succeed. When we assess one’s potential to succeed, there are more factors we should take into consideration, including his definition of success and the surrounding he is facing.

sherlock1992

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.

We always admire the people who can keep their rooms tidy and orderly, because this could reflect some of their personalities, such as earnestness and seriousness. But is this habit important when we discuss the possibility of a person's future success? As far as I am concerned, it is just too presumptuous to say that students who like to clean their rooms are more likely to succeed.

Firstly, before we can evaluate the statement we must make a better understand(understand不能做名词，改为understanding吧~） of the true meaning of success. As what we have learned from our daily life, while profit might be the symbol of success for merchants, high score in exams could be totally（副词要在系动词或情态动词后，实意动词前） another kind of success for students. Few people might argue that different people would have different understandings of success.（这句话和前面那句话逻辑不搭，注意argue that后接的是表支持的观点） What's more, even a single person could（有个小疑问，为什么楼主这么喜欢使用could而不是can呢？是表示一种可能性吗？） have different explanations for the same word of success according to his age or the level of education. Take me for example, when I was a little child, I think going to a famous university is success. However, after I have achieved this goal, I feel spending more time in taking care of my family members makes more sense. In these cases, we can hardly say someone will be more success than the other.(赶脚这段一直在讲success而没有多提其与整洁rooms的关系，建议在段尾向主题靠拢些）

Secondly, even if we have a widely accepted definition of success, there is still a problem. Since many different critical factors will play an important role in achieving success, how can we determine which one is more important? For example, I have two roommates, Qianqian and Yutian, who（这里的who根据就近原则是修饰Yutian的，但楼主的意思非也，所以who改为the two这里用做同位语怎样？） have totally different personalities. Qianqian can always keep her bedroom clean and organized but sometimes I just feel that she is too shy and is reluctant to make more friends. Otherwise Yutian is very outgoing and always keen to participate in various parties. As you can imagine, she has no time to tidy up her bedroom because of some many（到底是some还是many？亲？） social activities. (句子间要加连词）I think that Qianqian might become an eligible housewife and Yutian might become an outstanding office lady sometime in the future. But which is more important for their success, orderliness or social relationship? I have no answer.

In sum, although the habit of keeping the room tidy and orderly is important, it might be assertive to say students who have this habit are more likely to succeed. When we assess one’s potential to succeed, there are more factors we should take into consideration, including his definition of success and the surrounding he or she is facing.

总结：
1.楼主的文章没有多少单词拼写差错和语法错误，让人读起来很顺畅。表赞。
2.但是两个论点，，，本人赶脚。。。例子很不错，但用词偏简单，，，而且与主题的呼应不是太明显（第二个例子还好，第一个有点不够恰当）
3. 加油！