[写作小分队] toefl草稿本

perfectends

anafkn 发表于 2013-5-14 09:41
酱紫啊，谢谢提醒~~~~哎？！考试中也是要每段空一行吗……

是的。如果你不想段首空格的话，就需要这样。

写作格式有两种，推荐齐头式，该格式需要段首顶格写，但段间空一行，就行。

anafkn

perfectends 发表于 2013-5-14 09:44
是的。如果你不想段首空格的话，就需要这样。

写作格式有两种，推荐齐头式，该格式需要段首顶格写，但段 ...

学到了~~~~~谢谢！！！

anafkn

内容：

14 MayIndependent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People would be happier if they had fewer possessions.
Integrated Writing：
TPO21

废话：再也、再也、再也不要在上班的时候写作文了左手做表右手打字的结果是一写一下午，这还算作文吗……
不知哪位身逢不幸撞到我这里，如果真的写得很挫，请板砖鸡蛋猛拍，谢谢！

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People would be happier if they had fewer possessions.

Alexandra Dumas ever said wealth is a good servant but a bad master. More and more people attributing their overload stress, worries and troubles to the possessions they own are turning to this point of view and thus arrive the inference that only less wealth can save people from the massive life and get happiness. It sounds logical in superficiality; however, there will be several points in different aspects to testify the incompletion of the logic chain of this view in following parts.

First and foremost, the premise of this view that people would be happier if they had fewer possessions is ignored and misunderstood if regardless of the real situational factors. None but those who own enough material support to live well are probably to speak it out frankly.Physical needs like food to eat and water to drink are the fundamental wants of people to satisfy according to the Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, and if you are starving to death, losing the bread, your possession, will lead to despair instead of happiness. Therefore, when people can only just make the ends meetor even worse, what they feel happy is getting more rather than losing or abandoning possessions. It's not anyone, like a general "people" asthe view states, that will be able and be willing to do the trade between wealth and joy. And the viewpoint is somewhat too absolute and arbitrary.

Furthermore, the balance between possessions and happiness is dependent on individual's own feeling instead of ageneral negative correlation even if most people have enough assets. There wasa survey focusing on the happiness index of people with different incomelevels. Much more complex than simple positive or negative relationship, the happiness curve displays a gradual increasing trend when people get more money within a certain range of salary. But soon it gets stable and finally keeps fluctuating with a quite huge variance after people are rich to some extent.Consequently, the breakeven point is up to personal attitude and living standard. In other words, some people may get indescribable pleasure forpossessing a bicycle while some may not get satisfied enough with a BMW.Possessions can be concrete but happiness is a kind of subjective feeling, sothe relationship between them is far more simply opposite or consistent.

Living in an era when people are busy competing over bright jewelries, luxury cars, elite houses, and powerful dads,the worldly wealth we own sometimes does have a huge impact on our feeling even disturb us from enjoying the life. However, possessing less cannot fundamentally make you happier, if you do not have the ability to survive at the very beginning, or do not satisfied with what you have gotten.  As far as I’m concerned, what really decides whether you are happy is your own heart in your body, instead of the coin in your hands.

Integrated Writing：
TPO21

The lecturer states that genetically modified trees have their disadvantages and costs and she contradicts each standpoint in the text about the benefits brought by these kinds of trees.

First of all, the lecturer points out that the genetically modified trees may be capable of resisting one particular condition but it doesn't means that they can survive easier than their unmodified counterparts as the reading material contends, because the genetically diversity helps some of trees in the wild species survive whatever happen. Nevertheless, the modified trees with uniformed genes cannot face the challenge that they are not designed to meet, like climate change or pests, and they will eventually all die out.

Second, the reading passage speaks highly of the economic benefits the genetically modified trees bring to the farmers byget faster and greater returns with less costs. The lecturer, however, refutes that there are huge hidden costs to grow them because famers have to suffer the high price of each seed and pay a lot of money to the company every time they grow the trees.

Finally, referring to the protection to wild trees by the genetically modified trees satisfying the demand for woods,the lecturer disputes that due to their growing among natural wild trees with much faster growth speed, the genetically modified trees will outcompete the wild trees and occupy the resources like sunlight, soil nutrition and water, and eventually crowd out the natural trees.

In a sum, contrary to the view of the reading, the lecturer explains the disadvantages of the genetically modified trees in three dimensions.

pennywu20

本帖最后由 anafkn 于 2013-5-14 09:40 编辑


13 May
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People should buy things made by their own country, even if things of other countries may cost less?
Integrated Writing：
TPO20

不知道哪位会改我的：
integrated writing 是计时写的（好像一直是计时写的），所以一定有听力中漏掉的部分，如果和改的阁下写的不一样，大概是我听漏了哈，辛苦啦。
independent writing根据艾米果果的指导不敢再计时写了，还是先练句子和词语吧。再次谢谢艾米果果~~~~~~~~么么哒 ^3^
(其实还有一个论点的，emotional, reasonable, and feasible 但是……写不动了怎么破……)

TPO20

The lecturer contradicts the point of view in the reading material that forest fire is destructive and "let it be" policy should be replaced. She gives a number of examples to explain the good results which the famous forest fire brought later in 1988.（这句话貌似有一点点问题，，refine一小下吧~）

First of all, the lecturer contends that there are more diverse vegetations covering the scorched land after the disaster because the fire cleans up the tress and gives opportunities to other kinds of plants to grow like smaller plants which require un-shadowed open space and the vegetations with the need of high level of heat.（感觉两个例子并在一起略显简洁了）

Second, instead of losing habitats and thus being unable to survive as the text claims, the species of animals get recovery soon and certain kinds of animals even have opportunities to live better according the lecturer（一般前置好一点）. For instance, corresponding to the growth of small plants which replaces trees, some small animals like rabbits and heirs get new habitats and thrive quickly, attracting related predators and finally creatinga stronger food chain than before.

Lastly, the lecturer admits the influence of the fire to the tourism in 1988, but he points out that the massive forest fire appeared only once so far with a series of critical conditions such as low rainfall, unusually strong winds and accumulated dry underground. Therefore, the  rare fire will not affect the annual tourism and economy in a long run.

In a sum, contrasting to the passage, the lecturer states totally different opinions to the forest fire with detailed explanations in three dimensions, vegetations, animals and economy, and concluds that the fire is also creative instead of destructive only.

有进步了，听力在稍微听准确一些，稍微注意一下句子语序就好~

pennywu20

anafkn 发表于 2013-5-13 21:27
13 May
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

"Support domestic goods" has beena quite common slogan in many campaigns like labor strikes during economic crisis or demonstrations for border clash and been received as a norm. Numbers of people regard purchasing goods from home as a method to protect the domestic economy; many people are proud of this decision and posing themselves as patriots with the spirit of self-sacrifice because they pay more. However, several points in rational and perceptual （这个词貌似..不很合适）dimensions will be demonstrated to prove the ridiculousness of this view above.

First and foremost, buying things made by our own country regardless of the price cannot strengthen the development of our country in the long term. A general misunderstanding is that buying more domestic goods will create more demands; more demands impulse more supplies, which equals to the enhancement of the production of local factories and the prosperityof the whole economy finally. The point of view seems superficially indisputable but totally incomplete to construct the logical chain(.)however, because the world outside is not taken into consideration as a key variable(variability). We are living in an open system where material, cash and information are all flowing bidirectionally(这个词好像不错~）. Selective demand will hurt the import and the change will be received as a signal by the world at once. The exports of the domestic goods will then relatively decline even worse as a result of the counterattacks like trade barrier policies from the enormous foreign market. Therefore, even if helping add some good percentages on the domestic production index at present, blindly supporting domestic products will push our country into the opposite side to the whole world eventually.

Second, the opinion about supporting domestic products only sometimes comes from an inadvisable emotional impulse. It sounds so loyal and noble to spend more money of the individual to buy goods made by our fellow citizens for the sake of the nation. Actually, however, how many people under the slogan are looking for the sense of self-satisfaction by this kind of little self-sacrifice while gaining the praise as a patriot? Frankly speaking, I’m quite disgusted with people identifying themselves as protectors of the state interests. What a sense of Nationalism can bring about is not only heroes but also terrorists, also, agreeing on a view through personal feeling even intuition will lead to blindness even damage to what we really want to protect initially. Consequently, I cannot agree with a view from an irrational emotional impulse even self-deceiving like this.

Someone says, those who hurt others will get hurt one day. The activity that purchasing domestic goods regardless of price is a kind of hurt to other countries which can be found easily in economical history and contemporary international affair news. With the name as trade protectionism in reason or nationalism in emotion, it will bring nothing but damage to not only our country but also the global economy in the long term. Having witnessed so many lessons from past and now, I believe we should support our country in a more reasonable way instead of buying products made by our own country at any cost.

读下来感觉论点少了一点，第二段和第四段语意有点重复，可能是时间问题。一个小建议是每段举一个具体的小例子~请见谅哦~

anafkn

pennywu20 发表于 2013-5-14 23:40
本帖最后由 anafkn 于 2013-5-14 09:40 编辑

谢谢，辛苦啦！
综合：
1. 句一改成：“She gives a number of examples to testify the benefits from the fire in 1988 ”
2. 懂，其实还是听力的时候手里记的还听到的节奏控制不好，就容易漏掉细节
3. 我其实是怕整个前四段都是the lecturer 放在段首重复，所以用according to 摆到后面去
anyway， 辛苦了，谢谢！

anafkn

pennywu20 发表于 2013-5-14 23:59
"Support domestic goods" has beena quite common slogan in many campaigns like labor strikes during ...

独立：
谢谢阅读~~~~
我也觉得论点少了其实，一个是rational上的logic chain 有问题，一个是emotional 上的impulse不可取，本来还想写一个reality上的操作性也是不可行的，不过……写不动了……
例子！亲说的对，我是之前看见一个大牛一套逻辑一套逻辑推衍给迷住了，果然自己脑子不够用，亲切感和可读性还是要靠例子的咩~~~~~~~~
peceptual改成emotional;  variable可作变量的意思（其实第二段就在用曼昆宏观经济学里的那些句子在写的咩~~~~）；
大概还是论点的问题，可能……是我想得太复杂了……

谢谢哈。

minnowbunny

废两句话先：
真是同病相怜的好盆友…我也是上班时候断断续续写的，和你的一比觉得自己应该...我这水平太有限，千万请见谅啊...
我觉得你已经写得很好了，我只能给出些小建议，也算是请教吧~

Alexandra Dumas ever said wealth is a good servant but a bad master. More and more people attributing their overload stress, worries and troubles to the possessions they own are turning to this point of view and thus arrive the inference that only less wealth can save people from the massive life and get happiness（这句好长，读起来很费力，建议稍微调整一下顺序或者拆分成两句...）. It sounds logical in superficiality; however, there will be several points in different aspects to testify the incompletion of the logic chain of this view（不知道这样重复使用of或其他介词是否太啰嗦呢？） in following parts.



First and foremost, the premise of this view that people would be happier if they had fewer possessions is ignored and misunderstood if regardless of the real situational factors. None but those who own enough material support to live well are probably to speak it out frankly.Physical needs like food to eat and water to drink（food and drink 就够了吧~） are the fundamental wants of people to satisfy according to the Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, and if you are starving to death, losing the bread, your possession, will lead to despair instead of happiness. Therefore, when people can only just make the ends meetor even worse, what they(make them?) feel happy is getting more rather than losing or abandoning possessions. It's not anyone, like a general "people" asthe(空格) view states, that will be able and be willing to do the trade between wealth and joy. And the viewpoint is somewhat too absolute and arbitrary.



Furthermore, the balance between possessions and happiness is dependent on individual's own feeling instead of ageneral negative correlation （,）even if most people have enough assets. There wasa(空格) survey focusing on the happiness index of people with different incomelevels(空格). Much more complex than simple positive or negative relationship, the happiness curve displays a gradual increasing trend when people get more money within a certain range of salary. But soon it gets stable and finally keeps fluctuating with a quite huge variance after people are rich to some extent.Consequently, the breakeven point is up to personal attitude and living standard. In other words, some people may get indescribable pleasure forpossessing(空格) a bicycle while some may not get satisfied enough with a BMW.Possessions can be concrete but happiness is a kind of subjective feeling, sothe relationship between them is far more simply opposite or consistent.



Living in an era when people are busy competing over bright jewelries, luxury cars, elite houses, and powerful dads,the worldly wealth we own sometimes does have a huge impact on our feeling even disturb us from enjoying the life. However, possessing less cannot fundamentally make you happier, if you do not have the ability to survive at the very beginning, or do not satisfied with what you have gotten.  As far as I’m concerned, what really decides whether you are happy is your own heart in your body, instead of the coin in your hands.（结尾部分我也纠结过，毕竟题目要求的不是"not the more the happier,而是the less the happier,如果这么写结尾会有些偏题的嫌疑咩？）

minnowbunny

The lecturer states that genetically modified trees have their disadvantages and costs and she contradicts each standpoint in the text about the benefits brought by these kinds of trees.



First of all, the lecturer points out that the genetically modified trees may be capable of resisting one particular condition but it doesn't means that they can survive easier than their unmodified counterparts as the reading material contends, because the genetically diversity helps some of trees in the wild species survive whatever happen. Nevertheless（总觉得这里用这个词有些怪，应该换个承接而非转折的词么？）, the modified trees with uniformed genes cannot face the challenge that they are not designed to meet, like climate change or pests, and they will eventually all die out.



Second, the reading passage speaks highly of the economic benefits the genetically modified trees bring to the farmers byget（through getting?） faster and greater returns with less costs. The lecturer, however, refutes that there are huge hidden costs to grow them because famers have to(would have to?) suffer the high price of each seed and pay a lot of money to the company every time they grow the trees.



Finally, referring to the protection to wild trees by the genetically modified trees satisfying the demand for woods,the lecturer disputes that due to their growing among natural wild trees with much faster growth speed, the genetically modified trees will outcompete the wild trees and occupy the resources like sunlight, soil nutrition and water, and eventually crowd out the natural trees.



In a sum, contrary to the view of the reading (passage?) , the lecturer explains the disadvantages of the genetically modified trees in three dimensions.

anafkn

minnowbunny 发表于 2013-5-15 13:34
The lecturer states that genetically modified trees have their disadvantages and costs and she contr ...

谢谢亲帮我改两篇~~~~
句子长是我的大弱啊大弱QAQ，一定努力要学会用逗号句号中间念书要吸气啊qQAQ
reading可以作文本的意思
谢谢啦again