暑假再战托福~~~作文贴，求批改+指点

perfectends

啊。。。不要。。。。改版以后不会用了，以前从word里黏贴过来，高亮，删除线，字体颜色等等这些格式都有，现在怎么没法看了~~~~(>_<)~~~~
要怎样才显示啊？

perfectends

唉，改发截图了，cd这新版面实在不会搞，你改别人的时候都怎么编辑的啊？

艾米果果

5.8 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies.

In this rapid changing society, the life in school is no longer confined in acquiring knowledge in class. Moreover, increasing number of students start to step out of the classroom and participate in organization or club activities. Some people claim that the activities occupy students' finite study time, thereby influencing their academic performance. Contrary to their belief, organization or club activities virtually benefits students as academic studies do.

To begin with, attending these activities promotes students' well-round development. Admittedly, learning theoretical knowledge plays a crucial role in the way to success, it is not the only factor exerting impact on success in future. However Some other skills such as communication skill, team spirit are significant to students. Taking part in organization can enhance students’ person abilities. For instance, joining a volunteer activities and being a volunteer cultivate one's patience. Being the leader in an organization will equip the students with the ability to handle complex problem. That is to say, by boosting students personal abilities students will get benefits they cannot obtain in class.

Apart from the strength mentioned above, joining in organization or club activities is good for study in that it provides students a way to put what are taught in class into practice and relax themselves. If a student major in journalism joins the campus newspaper, he can learn how to write an article and how to interview a person. On the other hand, these activities enable the students to escape from heavy academic burdens, therefore they could relieve themselves and then better concentrate at study.

Last but not the least, these activities also enlarge students’ interpersonal circle. They can meet students with different majors, different countries, or perhaps different culture background. Students join in the same activity tend to share with same interests and easy to become friends. No one could deny that human connection is an essential resource in today's society. Therefore, students will be more competent when they start their career.

To sum up, it is absolutely beneficial for students to join organization or club activities. Because it facilities students’ versatile development, solidifies the knowledge learn in class while relaxing themselves.   

kimfeng

给你发的附件。

艾米果果

5.9+独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Should the government supports artists or should artists support themselves?

Owing to the economy prosperity, government's fiscal revenue has increased sharply in recent years. Therefore how to distribute this revenue efficiently becomes a critical issue that government is faced with. Some people claim that it is a waste of money to bloster the arts in that the artists product no material wealth at all, while the opponents believe that spiritual wealth which is generated by arts is as crucial as material wealth in society, so it is of necessity to support the artists. However, both of the statements are too superficial, because the conclusions should vary from cases to cases.

To begin with, even the most preeminent artists have hard times when they just started their career, the assistance from government is definitely beneficial for they to step out dilemma. At the beginning of the career, young artists are in obscurity and usually struggle to make ends meet. It is not uncommon that works from young artists are sold at low price, compared with the true artistic value of these works. Van Gogh is one of the representatives of these young artist , his works have not been recognized in early period so that he was down and out. Economic pressures distract them from artistic creation and trivial matters prevent them to completely dedicate to art. In order to let the young artists better concentrate on art and create good work, government is supposed to give a hand to the artist who in their early stages and relief their financial burden.

When an artist gets recognized and becomes well-known, thing changes. There is no need to support such artists who have already got prestige and fame, since they can rely on themselves. The art works from famous artists are sold at exorbitant prices at the auction and audiences pay dearly to enjoy a high level performance of the leading orchestras. So the successful artists trend to not bother from financial affair and have professional team assist their career development. LangLang, a Chinese concert pianist, ranks in 17th place of Forbes' China Celebrity lists with $906 million in earnings in 2012. With the money earn from CD and world tour, it is no doubt that Langlang can go further in his way to musical master. In such case, government can allocate fund to other areas which are also in urgent need of financial support rather than spend money on the guys who have already achieved accomplishment in art.

Admittedly, to some extent prestige and fame can build up artists' pockets, some famous artists also need the help of government. Artists have nationalities, but art work goes beyond boundaries. Communications with artists from different countries will promote the development of art, because in the communications artists can share their own ideas. As the well-known saying from Einstein:" If you have an apple and I have an apple, and we exchange apples, we both still only have one apple. If we exchange idea, we both have two ideas." But the communications between artists from different countries are not easy jobs for a single artist, it requires the support from governments.

Overall, it is undisputable that artist play an essential role in the today's society. But whether government need to support artists depends. If artists have no ability to make a living, government should support them. If they can make fortunes, government doesn't need to bloster them.

艾米果果

5.10 TPO18综合
The reading passage is about three possible methods to stop the decreasing of Torreya. However, the professor in the lecture asserts that these three methods will fail to stop Torreya decline, which is on the opposite side what the reading states. To solidify her conclusion, the professor provides three arguments in the lecture.

To begin with, contrary to the statement in the reading that Torreya reestablishment works, the professor argues that reestablish Torreya where it used to thrived is unlikely to success. This is because microclimate is susceptible to the change in larger region climate. The microclimate becomes dryer, probably due to global warming or wetland decreasing. Therefore the first method is uneffective.

Secondly, the professor contends that moving Torreya to different location is unrealistic. She takes another tree as an example. When this plant were plants in a new environments, it spreaded very fast and endanger some local plants. Considering the unpredictable outcome, the second option mentioned in the reading is unacceptable.

Last but not the least, the speaker states that the last method is not a good solution either. She prove this statement is indefensible by points out that the researcher centers are not big enough to keep large amount of Toreya as well as guarantee Torreya genes diverse. Therefore Torreya specie will be vulnerable to disease.  

qianjun06

5.9+独立写作 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Should the government supports artists or should artists support themselves? Owing to the economy prosperity, government's fiscal revenue has increased sharply in recent years. Therefore how to distribute this revenue efficiently becomes a critical issue that government is faced with. Some people claim that it is a waste of money to bloster the arts in that the artists product no material wealth at all, while the opponents believe that spiritual wealth (which is )generated by arts is as crucial as material wealth in society, so it is of necessity to support the artists. However, both of the statements are too superficial, because the conclusions should vary from cases to cases.已经亮观点了，最后一句用意在哪呢？放在some people claim 之前比较好 To begin with, even the most preeminent artists have hard times when they just started their career, .the assistance from government is definitely beneficial for they to step out dilemma. At the beginning of the career, young artists are in obscurity and usually struggle to make ends meet. It is not uncommon that works from young artists are sold at low price, compared with the true artistic value of these works比较对象错误 work要和work比较. Van Gogh is one of the representatives of these young artist , his works have not been recognized in early period so that he was down and out. Economic pressures distract them from artistic creation and trivial matters prevent them to fromcompletely dedicating to art. In order to let the young artists better concentrate on art and create good work, government is supposed to give a hand to the artist who are in their early stages and relief their financial burden. When an artist gets recognized and becomes well-known, thing changes. There is no need to support such artists who have already got prestige and fame, since they can rely on themselves. The art works from famous artists are sold at exorbitant prices at the auction and audiences pay dearly to enjoy a high level performance of the leading orchestras. So the successful artists trend to not bother from financial affair and have professional team assist their career development. LangLang, a Chinese concert pianist, ranks in 17th place of Forbes' China Celebrity lists with $906 million in earnings in 2012. With the money earn from CD and world tour, it is no doubt that Langlang can go further in his way to musical master. In such case, government can allocate fund to other areas which are also in urgent need of financial support rather than spend money on the guys who have already achieved accomplishment in art.这一段应该是继续支持吧，怎么写成艺术家不需要支持了呢？ Admittedly, to some extent prestige and fame can build up artists' pockets, some famous artists also need the help of government. Artists have nationalities, but art work goes beyond boundaries. Communications with artists from different countries will promote the development of art, because in the communications artists can share their own ideas. As the well-known saying from Einstein:" If you have an apple and I have an apple, and we exchange apples, we both still only have one apple. If we exchange idea, we both have two ideas." But the communications between artists from different countries are not easy jobs for a single artist, it requires the support from governments. Overall, it is undisputable that artist play an essential role in the today's society. But whether government need to support artists depends. If artists have no ability to make a living, government should support them. If they can make fortunes, government doesn't need to bloster them.看到最后发现，你没有观点啊，你是认为有时候需要支持，有时候不需要支持吧？这种思路好像在托福写作里面不允许的，必须明确选择一个支持后者反对的意见。

艾米果果

qianjun06 发表于 2013-5-11 10:32

这篇我写的就是折中型的，第一个分论点写的是支持的，第二个分论点写的是反对的。托福的essay没有要求必须写成一边倒的，我看的慎小嶷的《十天突破新托福Essays》独立作文就有一边倒跟折中型的两种写法

艾米果果

5.11 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Should parents spend more time on playing games or sports with children together or use the time to do something related to children’s study?

In this rapidly changing era, people are confronted with great pressure. In order to be distinguished in the stiff competition and keep pace with the society process, adults spare no effort to work, therefore parent-child time dwindles sharply. How to utilize this time efficiently becomes a critical issue that parents in new century are faced with. Considering the priority of the youth and child is study, some people claim that parents are supposed to spend time on promoting their kids' study rather than playing with them. However, these people neglect the benefits that games or sports can bring to kids and too hastily to reach the errant statement.

First and foremost, there's no better way to communicate with kids in games or sports, which will definitely provide parents a way to go into the children's world. In this day and age, adults are engaged in their work. Working overtime and overload, the endless paper work, long- term work stress wear them out, making parents have no chance to have a deep understanding of their kids what's more, adolescents are in rebellious stage and are not willing to communicate with their parents. When they play games or sports, the atmosphere tends to be relaxing and delightful. Under this circumstance, children would more likely to share their joys and frustrations with their parents, talk about what happened at school, or even settle arguments they have with parents before. That is to say, playing with children bridges the gap between children and parents.

Moreover, playing games or sports benefits children in studying, even though the effect is not as obvious as that of monitoring homework. Scientists have proved that many games or sports can promote brain development, thus sharpening children's intellect. For example, playing chess can boost children's memory, which is play an essential role in grasp and remember basic knowledge, such as physics theorems and laws, math equations or the line of history events. Also, play table tennis enhances the cooperation between the left and the right brain, thereby equipping kids the ability to address thorny problems.

Last I have to point out that it is of necessity for children in the present to do some exercise. In this fiercely competitive society, children suffer from great academic burden. It is not uncommon to see a student study into the midnight preparing the test. Lacking sleep for a long time makes he in poor health. Worse yet, fast-food chains, such as McDonald and KFC, can be seen everywhere. They provide pop and fried food which is to blame for leading the obesity, especially in the youth. A survey from Amercian Journal of Public Health shows that there is a definite link with overweight and diseases like high blood pressure, heart attack and diabetes. For the sake of kids' physical fitness, parents should encourage them to do more exercise, and playing sports with them this absolutely a wise choice.

Given the advantages mentioned above, I think that parents should spend their leisure time on playing games or sports with their kids. After all, children receive systematic education at school, so the rest of time had better to be use as a good communication opportunity while promote children intellectual and physical development.