新新新手，求狠批~

kellyzhou0000

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Nowadays, neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.

I used to live in a single-story house with mygrandparents, and I had an intimate partner when I was small. We hung outeveryday in the past. However, after moving into the mansion, we lost contact. SoI can not agree with this statement any more, neighbors depend on each othertruly less than the past. I think there are three main reasons account for thisconsequence.

To begin with, people in twenty first century tend toaccomplish issues by themselves compared with depending on neighbors. In thepast, many things are needed to ask for the help from neighbors, such asrepairing small pieces of furniture, taking a babysittingin working hours, moving heavy stuff from home to truck etc. Nevertheless, withthe popularity of professional service agency, more and more people prefer tocall a private business companies to help them with these problems with a smallsum of money. People believe the professional agency can provide high qualityservice rather than the help from neighbors. People would send broken furnitureto repairing shop, send their baby to kindergarten, call a moving company tomove the heavy stuff. As a result, the help from neighbors is not necessary forpeople nowadays. Therefore, they reluctant to contact with neighbors, cause thedecrease of depending on each other.

What’s more, people in recent years are more likely tochange jobs and living locations. Owning to the mobility of this society,people would not contact with neighbors, because the neighbors are changing sofrequently. In the past, people would live in an location for severalgenerations especially in small town. They used to familiar with all the peoplein town not mansion the neighbors. The neighbors’ kids were grown up togetherand became close friends as well as their parents. But nowadays, because of jobjumping, people may change their house every three or five years, and mostpeople prefer to rent a house rather than purchasing one. The fluctuating ofthe popularity make people today contact much more less compared with past, sothey would not like to depend on neighbors. How would I depend on a person whomight be move to somewhere tomorrow?

Finally, the widely use of the internet is one of thereason for this phenomenon. Recent years, nearly everyone is able to connect tothe internet conveniently. So people like to communicate and finish some workon the internet. As we all know, facebook give you chance to meet new friends,youtube provide you a great deal of newest video, many official news media alsoopen websites on the net. The consequence is that people would stay in home allday instead of going out and chatting with neighbors. Lacking of communicationcause the unknown with neighbors each other, obviously, they would not dependon each other. In the past, neighbors may take a free ride to supermarket, but peoplecan buy all the things online. Now this chance of communicate with neighborsdisappeared.

Ina word, the development of society brings many benefits, professional serviceagencies, more opportunities for work and convenient life based on internet. Atthe meantime, it makes the distance between neighbors much further. So theneighbors depend on each other less than people in the past.
第一次在小分队发帖 ，求各位大牛指导，可能不光语言问题，逻辑有问题也请狠批~
谢谢谢！~

scartter

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Nowadays, neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.
I used to live in a single-story house with my grandparents, and I had an intimate partner when I was small（young）. We hung out everyday in the past. However, after moving into the mansion, we lost contact. So I can not agree with this statement any more, neighbors depend on each other truly less than the past. I think there are three main reasons account for this consequence.
To begin with, people in twenty first century tend to accomplish issues by themselves compared with (没有比较的关系，用instead of) depending on neighbors. In the past, many things are needed to ask for the help from neighbors, such as repairing small pieces of furniture, taking a baby sitting in working hours, moving heavy stuff from home to truck etc. Nevertheless, with the popularity of professional service agency, more and more people prefer to call a private business companies to help them (deal)with these problems with a small sum of money(by using a small sum of money). People believe the professional agency can provide high quality service rather than the help from neighbors. (这个地方加个连接词读起来更顺)People would send broken furniture to repairing shop, send their baby to kindergarten, call a moving company to move the heavy stuff. As a result, the help from neighbors is not necessary for people nowadays. Therefore, they reluctant to contact with neighbors, (which )cause (causes)the decrease of depending on each other.（中间论证有点重复，可以直接说因为现在各种服务公司的发展导致人们不喜欢向邻居求帮助啊，然后就说一下现在什么修家具balabala都是找服务公司，然后直接说一句在以前这些都是可以和邻居一起解决的就哦了。）
What’s more, people in recent years are more likely to change jobs and living locations. Owning to the mobility of this society,people would not contact with neighbors, because the neighbors are changing so frequently. In the past, people would live in an location for several generations especially in small town. They used to familiar with all the people in town not mansion the neighbors. The neighbors’ kids were grown up together and became close friends as well as their parents. But nowadays, because of job jumping, people may change their house every three or five years, and most people prefer to rent a house rather than purchasing one. The fluctuating of the popularity make people today contact much more less compared with past, so they would not like to depend on neighbors. How would I depend on a person who might be move to somewhere tomorrow?
Finally, the widely use of the internet is one of the reason for this phenomenon. Recent years, nearly everyone is able to connect to the internet conveniently. So people like to communicate and finish some work on the internet. As we all know, facebook give you chance to meet new friends,youtube provide you a great deal of newest video, many official news media also open websites on the net. The consequence is that people would stay in home all day instead of going out and chatting with neighbors. Lacking of communication cause the unknown with neighbors each other, obviously, they would not depend on each other. In the past, neighbors may take a free ride to supermarket, but people can buy all the things online. Now this chance of communicate with neighbors disappeared.
In a word, the development of society brings many benefits, professional service agencies, more opportunities for work and convenient life based on internet. At the meantime, it makes the distance between neighbors much further. So the neighbors depend on each other less than people in the past.

楼主逻辑思路没有问题的啊，语法也差不多都对，可是我读起来总觉得不太顺，而且很多地方重复很多比如一堆each other。。。有可以不用的地方就不要用了啊，或者是用同义词替换比如说mutually啊这些，这个问题楼主注意一下同义词替换，句子写得太长，有些意思一样的如果合成一句说的话会更精练。说的可能有不对的地方，楼主多担待啊~

kellyzhou0000

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
It is more important for schools to fund their students’ social activities than to improve students’ meals.

       In the campus, there are some indispensablefactors in students’ life, academic study, social activities, eatingenvironment, and dormitory condition. The academic study is the main goal of attendingschool, social activities improve the social skills like communicating orpresenting, and the eating and dormitory condition decide the living quality. Thereis no doubt that improving the students’ meal is more important than investingto student social activities, after all the living quality is prerequisitefactor for working or studying.

       To begin with, the fund ought to use toimprove the types of meal in canteen. The species of meal is so limited in thedining room, many students are less likely to choose the food that they like toeat, especially for some minority nationality students. Such as Moslems, owningto the religious belief, they are forbidden to eat pork, while the foodprepared for Moslems is so little. As a consequence, they would have nothing toeat if they get to the canteen late. How can a student attend the class or doresearch with empty stomach? It is urgent to add more kinds of food to caterthe different needs on meal. Besides, school should enhance the quality of foodin dining room, providing more healthy meal plan instead of the present oilyfood. More and more people are pursuing to a healthy eating habit, as well asstudents. Limited by the environment that they cannot cook themselves, the cafeteria is the single option. So the fund could beused to select and purchase some organic food like vegetables or fruits, which isbeneficial for students to keep healthy.

       What’s more, the facilities in thecanteen need to improve. The crucial problem is the deficient tables and chairs,and more severe is that a portion of the chairs are broken. Every time in thenoon or evening, the high time of eating, parts of students cannot find placeto have meal. So more tables and chairs need to be placed in the dining room toensure that every students could sit for eating. Not only the condition oftables and chairs is poor, but the tableware also needed to change. Last timemy soup was decreased without noticing, then l realized my favorite soup leakedbecause of the crack on the bowl. So I think all the facilities in the diningroom are required to be better.

       Finally, increasing the condition of diningroom also facilitate to the students’ social activities. In my school, there isno place indoors to have meeting and talking, because the class rooms areprohibited making noise and the meeting rooms are only opened for teachers. Soan advantage of enhance the facilities in the dining room is that it provides aplace for groups and unions to get together and meet. Thus, students cancommunicate in the dining room with air-conditions in the hot summer or chillwinter instead bearing the torturing weather outside.

       In conclusion, using the fund to enhancethe students’ meal will gain more beneficial compared with investing in studentsocial activities, all in all, the good body is the base of everything.

隐约觉得某些地方逻辑混乱....还有，对于精简语言可能掌握的不好，望大牛指导！

lihaolan

In the campus, there are some indispensable factors in students’ life（influencing student's life）, academic study, social activities, eatingenvironment, and dormitory condition. The academic study is the main goal of attendingschool, social activities improve the social skills like communicating orpresenting, and the eating and dormitory condition decide the living quality. Thereis no doubt that improving the students’ meal is more important than investing to student social activities, after all the living quality is the prerequisitefactor for working or studying.

To begin with, the fund ought to use to improve the types of meal in canteen. The species（ranges） of meal is（are） so limited in the dining room, （断句没有连词）many students are less likely to choose the food that they like to eat, especially for some minority nationality students. Such as Moslems, owning to the religious belief, they are forbidden to eat pork, while the food prepared for Moslems is so little. As a consequence, they would have nothing to eat if they get to the canteen late. How can a student attend the class or doresearch with empty stomach? It is urgent to add more kinds of food to caterthe different needs on meal. Besides, school should enhance the quality of food in dining room, providing more healthy meal plan instead of the present oily food. More and more people are pursuing to a healthy eating habit, as well as students. Limited by the environment that they cannot cook themselves, the cafeteria is the single option. So the fund could be used to select and purchase some organic food like vegetables or fruits, which is beneficial for students to keep healthy.

What’s more, the facilities in the canteen need to improve. The crucial problem is the deficient tables and chairs,and more severe is that a portion of the chairs are broken. Every time in the noon or evening, the high time of eating, parts of students cannot find place to have meal. So more tables and chairs need to be placed in the dining room toensure that every students(student) could sit for eating. Not only the condition of tables and chairs is poor, but the table ware also needed to change. Last time my soup was decreased without noticing, then l realized my favorite soup leaked because of the crack on the bowl. So I think all the facilities in the dining room are required to be better. （有点偏离。文章说要对学生的饭菜进行改善。还是和食堂设备有所区别。你可以说对厨房设备改善，提高饭菜质量以及供应量）

Finally, increasing the condition of dining room also facilitate(facilitates) to the students’ social activities. In my school, there is no place indoors to have meeting and talking, because the class rooms are prohibited making noise and the meeting rooms are only opened for teachers. So an advantage of enhance the facilities in the dining room is that it provides a place for groups and unions to get together and meet. Thus, students cancommunicate in the dining room with air-conditions in the hot summer or chill winter instead bearing the torturing weather outside.

In conclusion, using the fund to enhance the students’ meal will gain more beneficial compared with investing in studentsocial activities, all in all, the good body is the base of everything.
文章很通顺就是有点偏题。improve meal 能不能包括提高食堂设备。就好像有点离题。你可以说把食物做的更好。请更好的厨师。 吃的好有什么作用。个人观点。

kellyzhou0000

6.7    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

People need to relax themselves in this stressed world. However, different people have different ways to ease themselves. Some people tend to read novels or watch movies while others may choice physical exercise. But for me, I prefer the latter one. And I will present my point in the passage.
First of all, people in the present time need physical exercise severely compared with reading books or watching movies. There is no deny that the advantages of prevalent computer have bring much convenience to our life. Many works can be finished by a click rather than go to do it personally. However, a research from science journey has showed that the dead rate of white collars in cities have raised 2 percentage compared with last year. As we can conclude that our body condition have dropped due to the less move nowadays. So People should try to do some exercise if they have spare time. Firstly, doing exercise will give you a good body without the worry about heart disease, high blood pressure or such illnesses. Secondly, doing exercise will give you a slim body without mocking from dressing salesgirl and ashamed from boyfriend. Besides, after exercise, you can feel more powerful and lively, you can handle the issues on work better with good body condition.
What’s more, physical exercise can free our brain. In the office, we need to face with the data, files, contracts, so many material needed to deal with. How can I keep using my mind to think about the story in the books or movies? My brain must will overloaded and stopped one day. So I enjoy doing physical exercise to relax myself. I only need to pay attention to my step in running, I just need to avoid crush with the people head-on toward me in swimming and I even do nothing with my brain in yoga. As far as I am concern, this is the true relaxation. I think giving brain a chance to breath, to free, to relax, it can figure the works better in office.  
Finally, doing physical exercise can provide you a good mood. I usually regard me as the leading role when I read a romantic novel. So if the love story is tough or sad, I would have the same mood. However, I think it cannot be called “relax” with a bad mood after relaxation. But, doing physic exercise can give you a good mood. It is magical that I have good mood and high spirit everytime after exercising with great sweating. And I have had a research among my classmates about the spirit condition after exercising, however, forty five people in fifty feel that they are happier than before, a sense of getting rid of the burden in daily lives.
Admittedly, reading novels and watching movies would lead you into a virtual world, a world without the troubles and barriers in real world. It’s a good relaxation. However, based on the virtues I state above, I think physical exercise is a better way to relax oneself.

yzwdan818

kelly 同学，请记得帮我改7号的作文哦，谢谢

pytina

我好像是帮你改8号的作文哦。等了两天还木有看的额

kellyzhou0000

pytina 发表于 2013-6-10 18:47
我好像是帮你改8号的作文哦。等了两天还木有看的额

抱歉抱歉！！！~那段时间有事在忙就没顾上！！！

kellyzhou0000

Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.

This is a time of fast. Finishing work orbusiness in a fast speed, eating a fast food for lunch, enjoying a fast show isnot strange for modern people. Fast lifestyle gives great stress to people.A survy posted recently has showed that 35% of people choose to suicide because of stressed out. So we can conclude that a proporate way of relaxing is indispencable for people in this century. Watching a hitted movie or reading an interested book is a good way to release yourself. For the same reason, doing exercise can achieve the same effect. But for me, I prefer to do sports to relax.
Admittedly, watching a movie or reading a book can push you out of daliy affairs which trouble you like office works, colleague relationships, poor earned and huge spend,and which are the sourses of your stress. You can imagine you are the hero in the movie who can save the world, or the princess in the book who is fall in love with a handsome boy while paying all attention to a movie or a book. In a word,  reading books or watching movies will bring you to a virtual world far away from stress and acquiring peace in your heart. However, I prefer to relax both spirit and body.  So in my point of view, doing physical exercise is a better way for me to relax myself.
The first and the most important reason is that modern people have spend too much time sitting and lying. People working in the office spend eight hours sitting in front of tabel and watching computers. And filled of tired, they prefer to lying on the sofa while back home. I don't think spend more time on sitting or lying with reading books or watching movie can relax one's body. So it is nesessary to choose another style for body or spirit to change a mode so that people can get free from stress. For example, running for miles with sweating will make you feel refresh like wakeing up from a long night sweat sleep. So doing exercise is better to relax from stress.
What's more, people spend too much time with thinking. People need to consider mutipule things on working or studying. For me, it is hard to receive any more things which needed to think. I won't use my spare time to consider the story line in the movie or the ending in the book. As far as I am concerned, the best way to relax is set brain free. Therefore, physical exercise is better to release. You just need to walk or run step by step on the running mechine without thinking. Besides, you can strench your body to the most in yoga and clear your brain. These physical sports can leave you free from stress.
It is various for people to choose a suitable way to relax themselves from heavy work or study and hard to distinguish which is better. But for me, doing physical exercise can give me relive from stress compared with reading books or watching movies.

Mint静默

我的独立也写好了~请过目
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870505-3-1.html

改好了你的~~word比较方便标记，就不贴过来了