新手一枚，多多指教

sherlock1992

09.13
是否同意： One can learn another person from books and movies the person likes.
你同不同意下列观点：通过一个人读的书和看的电影，我们就可以了解那个人

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In this day and age, different people have different labels. According to their label, we can get information from them. And, in these labels, we can pick up two elements calling books and movies, which provide us a mirror reflecting what characteristics this person really possesses. So, judging from my own experiences, I, given the chance, would vote my ballot to people who buttress the argument that one can learn another from books and movies the person likes.

First, just as Sherlock Holmes, a well-known detective created by famous British fiction writer Sir Conan Doyle, could speculate the whole picture just owing to a few tracks, so can we do that. Compared with the so few proof faced by Holmes, the information of movies and books one person likes is enough to have a general outline of what the person is. Here is an example from one of my friends Irene. Sunday coming every week, it is our movie time in the schedule. But, everything is developing smoothly all the time except the picking-up of movies. Irene usually chooses thriller. But I am not. Why? because she is such a girl pursuing stimulation of life. Lacking sufficient courage, one person would absolutely not choose such a film. While, I am a shy boy lacking bravery so I always firmly disagree with her. Therefore, on average, it is an easy way to judge a person from his or her favorite books and movies.

Second, books and movies always play a role of exerting influence on people and you can call them "hypnosis" due to their magical power which even gives a person lifelong direction. The feeling is just as when you attended the presidential oath of the 44th president of U.S., Barack Obama gave such a speech that is so influential. The same is for novels and films. I still remembered the first time I read Jane Eyre written by Charlotte Bronte, from which I learned the tenacity and persistent as well as the courage to express the love from within. And now, these excellent traits have been absorbed by every pore of my body. Therefore, the interaction is not just within the force of physics but also in the every moment when you read a book or watch a film, but which is the interaction of idea in your own mind and ideas the author or film-maker delivers. Thus, due to this exchange of information, we could either judge a person from his favorate books or movies.

All in all, the people who contend that it is unfeasible to learn a person just from the books and movies she or he likes have quietly be "eroded" by these books and movies they like. I, racking my brains, still, cannot figure out whether it is a tragedy or comedy.

sherlock1992

TPO8

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Both the readingand listening passages deal with the same topic: the accuracy of the memoir. The main idea of reading passage is that some false events in memoir have several advantages, whereas the speaker arguesagainst the points presented by the reading passage.

Above all, thewriter claims that the Chevalier is not likely to be very rich because of thebehavior of borrowing money. However, the professor opposes the writer'sargument, based on the assertion that it cannot definitely means a person ispoor just because of the behavior of borrowing money. The reason lies in it is impossible for a person with money on hand every monment, and he or she, at first, must sell the property to make money, which is a process needing some time.

Second, as mentioned in the reading passage, it is impossible to recall the details in the conversation so concretely after a thing has happened many years ago. However, thelecturer maintains that it can be true only if the Chevalier has the habits ofnoting. And some proofs do have proven this habits. Moreover, you can nearlyrecord everything with a note journal.

lastly, thewriter contends that it is unrealistic for the Chevalier to escape from prisonall by himself. On the contrary, the professor points out although theChevalier have many friends with much power, they don not have a power to freehim. Apart from it, the way to tell others you are ready to bread jail,obviously, is unwise.

yzwdan818

9.13 独立

In this day and age, different people havedifferent labels. According to their labels, wecan get information from them. And, in(用among 会不会更好？) these labels, we can pick up two elements calling books andmovies, which provide us a mirror reflecting what characteristics this personreally possesses. So, judging from my own experiences, I, given the chance,would vote my ballot to people who buttress the argument that one can learnanother from books and movies the person likes.

First, just as Sherlock Holmes, awell-known detective created by famous British fiction writer Sir Conan Doyle,could speculate the whole picture just owing to a few tracks, so can we do that. （建议把这写清楚，that有点指代不明，而且也显得句子头重脚轻）Compared with the so few proof faced by Holmes, the information ofmovies and books one person likes is enough to have a general outline of whatthe person is. Here is an example from one of my friends Irene. Sunday comingevery week, it is our movie time in the schedule. But, everything is developingsmoothly all the time except the picking-up of movies. Irene usually choosesthriller. But I am not. Why? because she is such a girl pursuing stimulation oflife. Lacking sufficient courage, one person would absolutely not choose such afilm. While, I am a shy boy lacking bravery so I always firmly disagree with her.Therefore, on average, it is an easy way to judge a person from his or herfavorite books and movies.（我觉得你这段可以写清楚点到底通过了解一个人对书和电影的喜爱可以看出那个人的什么，是性格，还是品质还是能力？你这段就说了能看出东西，然后直接举了个例子，其实老外会觉得逻辑不严密甚至confused）

Second, books and movies always play a roleof exerting influence on people and you can call them "hypnosis" dueto their magical power which even gives a person lifelong direction. Thefeeling is just as when you attended the presidential oath of the 44thpresident of U.S., Barack Obama gave such a speech that is so influential. Thesame is for novels and films. I still remembered the first time I read JaneEyre written by Charlotte Bronte, from which I learned the tenacity andpersistent as well as the courage to express the love from within. And now,these excellent traits have been absorbed by every pore of my body. Therefore,the interaction is not just within the force of physics but also in the everymoment when you read a book or watch a film, but which is the interaction ofidea in your own mind and ideas the author or film-maker delivers. Thus, due tothis exchange of information, we could either judge a person from his favorate(favorite) books or movies.(这段和上一段问题一样，还有点显得偏题，你这段重点写了书对一个人会有什么影响，但是“书对人的影响”和“你可以通过那个人看什么书了解一个人”是没用关系的，这中间还缺少一个逻辑桥梁。其实你可以直接说喜欢哪一类的书可以看出那个人也具有那方面的潜质)

All in all, the people who contend that itis unfeasible to learn a person just from the books and movies she or he likeshave quietly be（been） "eroded" by these books and movies they like. I, rackingmy brains, still, cannot figure out whether it is a tragedy or comedy.(我好像有点没看懂你最后的意思，你是说你也不确定到底能不能通过书和电影了解一个人吗？这不是和你前面自相矛盾？)

其实你的语言，语法练了这么久已经没有什么问题了，主要是内容和逻辑上的问题，应该更去贴合题意~

sherlock1992

yzwdan818 发表于 2013-9-14 21:24
9.13 独立
In this day and age, different people havedifferent labels. According to their labels, wec ...

这篇文章的结构其实是这样的：1.从一个人所偏向的书和电影可以判断这个人的内在特质。2.同时，书和电影也会对一个人的性情产生影响，从而也能推断出这个人的一些特质。3.当一个人声称“不能从人们所偏爱的书和电影中来判断这些人的特质时”，这个人应经不知不觉中受到了影响，所以我在文中的最后说，不知是悲剧（这些人深入其中却未知），还是喜剧（这些人仍然大声的反对”不能影响“这一观点）。

追梦CY

可能写缺点的篇幅比较多，其实真的只占1%，只是我放大了……我觉得不该只说好的地方……
所以，如果你看完了不开心了，因为真的是看得出来写的很用心，请你不要把我拉黑。。。。
嗯 还有就是真的很晚了回复的，特别感谢Sherlock，真的是好人啊！

sherlock1992

追梦CY 发表于 2013-9-14 23:16
可能写缺点的篇幅比较多，其实真的只占1%，只是我放大了……我觉得不该只说好的地方……
所以，如果你看完 ...

缺点才是最弥足珍贵的东西，谢谢小丸子童鞋的认真批改和中肯建议。

brittanyhxy

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-14 17:27
TPO8

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Both the readingand listening passages deal with the same topic: the accuracy of the memoir ...

我感觉你开头第一段没有点名lecture 的观点，它的观点是说accuracy, 而文章时说inaccuracy.你这个一定要点明最好。然后第三个点你没有点明问题的根本，就是文章说是贿赂而不是越狱，而听力是说一方面有文件记载说曾修过屋顶，另一方面说监狱里其他一些犯人可能人脉更强，但他们都不可能贿赂，更别说那个作家了。你这点没说清楚。
我感觉你的主要问题有三：1、没听清、2、综合的结构和句式没掌握好（一般是建议每个驳斥点先说听力材料的观点，然乎再说阅读如何与之相反）、3、语法有错误，句式有点暖啰嗦。因为我不知道怎么换颜色和字体，所以语法错误无法一一标出，但你可以先把第二个问题解决下。

yzwdan818

sherlock1992 发表于 2013-9-14 22:34
这篇文章的结构其实是这样的：1.从一个人所偏向的书和电影可以判断这个人的内在特质。2.同时，书和电影也 ...

嗯，你这样解释可以但是还是会让人想很久才能弄懂你的意思，其实你可以尝试一些比较中规中矩的格式和直接一点的逻辑，就是什么观点都直接抛出来的那种，就像你说的，你觉得一个人看了哪种书就会被影响然后你觉得她就有这方面特性，但是你可不可以直接说因为她是这种人，有这种爱好所以看这种书。不知道你能不能理解我的意思，但是可能每个人的写作风格不一样，我也不能说你那种就不对，我们多做尝试吧~加油！

sherlock1992

09.14
DO you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The rapid growth of cities in today's world is a mostly positive development for the society.

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Just as the advancement of human beings' civilization is inevitable, the inclination of cities' growth is necessary, too, at least in the future as far as we can predict. Therefore, being an indispensable part of societal development, the rapid growth of cities, however ragged its path, has more positive influence on the living environment of humanity. Reasons buttressing my standpoint are as follows:

First, the growth of cities can be divided into two aspects. One is about the urbanization, that is to say the area of a city becomes bigger. The other is the growing number of cities. Let us talk about the first one. Living in such a population-explosion world, we human beings face exponential increasing demand every day. Compared with the out-dated organization form of rural areas void of all-around health care, complete infrastructure and secure environment, urban organization form holds its distinguished advantages. Thus, owing to the different standard of living, large amount of peasants every year choose to seek jobs in cities, directly ensuing the short of city resources. So, for the sake of improving the loading ability of cities, urbanization happens, which is exactly such a policy to smooth the mobility of people in different areas. In short, from the perspective of mobility, the growth of cities provides more supply to meet the surplus demand.

Second, when talking about the exponentially increasing number of cities, we usually have a reflection in our mind of the leap of productivity. According to economics, there exists a positive relationship between an area's standard of living and productivity there. And higher productivity, more possible this area develops into a city. Judging from this, the number of cities could be considered as an index to measure the level of productivity in an area. Thus, no doubt that the rapid growth number of cities is a benign signal for the development of society.

All in all, just as a saying goes, the developmental direction of history is a zigzag but upward line, the trend of rapid growth of cities is one of the characteristics of this whole direction. So, no reason to say that the fast growth of cities is a performance for our society.

这篇文章写得我好分裂，理由太过牵强了。

sherlock1992

yzwdan818 发表于 2013-9-15 16:08
嗯，你这样解释可以但是还是会让人想很久才能弄懂你的意思，其实你可以尝试一些比较中规中矩的格式和直接 ...

嗯，之前看过一本书，说美国人唯一的共同点就是straightforward, 写文章抛观点特别直接，确实，我对于论点方面的内容选取，及逻辑的构造欠缺很多。我很喜欢谈论问题，所以下次欢迎继续讨论！