Conan的作文贴，热烈欢迎大家拍砖！谢谢大家！

cooperdw

With the advanced technology that makes remote working possible, many people can perform tasks at home, communicating with others simply via email, online networks and video conferencing. While some people argue that they prefer working at an office complex, I believe that working at home would be a better choose ->choice, for it can benefit employees, employers and society.

For employees, working at home would save their considerable time. Without time-consuming travelling between office and home, white-collar workers will be able to establish a balance between work and life. For example, (加个there is a会不会更平滑点) single mothers, who is also an office lady, would be capable of taking care of their->her babies while working days. For business owners, the high operating costs can be reduced by a laissez-fair management. Thereby, employers can invest money in extending->extended businesses, without having to pay skyrocketing rents in the Central Business Districts. Most importantly, with less commuters->这词性放这意思不对吧，commute travelling and fewer demand of electricity in the metropolis, many social problems can be curbed. Undeniably, urban traffic congestion can be alleviated and carbon emission can be reduced ->(这个论点我认为还有深入讨论的必要，为什么碳排放会减少?因为大家都在家工作不用使用私家车了，我觉得这点写进去来支持你的论点比较好), which is essential for economic and social sustainability.

However, performing tasks in office block may have three merits. From psychological perspective, cooperating with colleagues can dispel loneliness and boredom. Having teammates accompany with, we will feel passionate and confident, with a high morale in a teamwork. Another benefit is that working together is a contributing factor in establishing organizational culture. If everyone are staying at home without a chance of face-to-face contact, each employee would be indifferent to colleagues and works. Lastly, working in office can enhance productivity. Compared with reliance on workers’ self-discipline, managers can supervise work process directly, receive feedback immediately and execute tasks efficiently.

From what has been discussed, although people may profit from working in offices, most of the people including employees, employers and citizens have benefited more from the policy of working at home.


语言表达依旧那么犀利，令人膜拜
不知道ETS是否认可这样的文章架构，前一段论证一观点，后一段论证另一观点，老兄为什么不一观点到底呢

perfectends

备注：红色--修改；绿色高亮--赞。


A leader can be described as a person who has a social influence. WhileI accept that having a good communication skill is the most important factor for a leader,I believe that there are many characteristics that are more important than thecommunication skill. 首段立意互相矛盾，为何已经阐明良好的沟通能力是最重要的之后，又说还有很多其他的比它更重要？

On the one hand, as the communication is the artof discourse, having excellent communication ability may be a prerequisite ofbeing a leader. The firstreason is that leaders have responsibility of informing, persuading andmotivating others. These abilities play an important role in leadership andthat is why people with the skill could avoid language barriers andmisunderstandings in discussions and meetings. Moreover, expressing idea clearly is important forevery politician leader because this ability can help a leader to win supportsfor a proposal. For example, if the president Kennedy did not defend the enormous expense of the spaceprogram and delivered an excellent speech in Houston, the US would have notimplemented the program in 1960s that land men on the moon and help thehumankind to solve （感觉应该换个更贴切的词，神秘的面纱是解开了一角，但是到现在你也不能说已经破解了一切关于宇宙的谜团了。。。换成啥还真没想出来～） the mysteries ofspace. 本段段内和段间结构都不错，举的例子也很好

However, I would argue that there are many people,who are good at communication and even rhetoric, but only some of them are leaders.One can be a leader if one is optimistic and intelligent. Firstly, the foundation of leading otherslies in the optimism. (好句型) On the way to thedestination, leaders will often come across lots of obstacles, but they need an optimistic attitudeto find ways to overcome difficulties. As a result, their optimism would alsoinspire others, which is where success lies. From a pragmatic perspective, intelligence is alsoimportant for leaders. Without intelligence, politician leaders （你想说什么？政治领袖？还是政治家们(+S)和(and）领袖们？）could not find the keys to solve all the intricate problems. For instance, in order to speedup economic growth, it is not enough for the eloquent Obama to deliver good speeches. (to表目的，话strange)It also requiresObama’s intelligence to tackle the fiscal cliff issue and reduce unemployment.

In conclusion, it is hard for a person to become aleader without optimism and intelligence. And it It seems that optimismand intelligence are more important than the communication skill for a leader.



总体而言段间结构没有问题，主体段的段内结构也没有问题，但是开头的两个比较级让人理解不了。例子的选取和论证都不错，很有说服力。但是有个别词汇的选取和句子结构的选取需要斟酌。有连接词的缺失1处，没办法，这个是文化差异我们受母语影响很重真的挺难完全消灭连词方面的问题。

cooperdw

The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers ‘salaries’.


As education is the core of modern society, people are deeply concern about the quality of education. While I accept that money-incentives can improve teacher’s efficiency, I believe that there are many ways better than simply raising tutors’ salaries.

On the one hand, increasing wages can attract better teachers and arouse more teachers’ enthusiasm. From a pragmatic perspective, financial incentives can attract talented teachers.  For example, in remote villages, salaries for teachers are low, which deters good candidates. That is why a talented graduate with a degree in education tend to find a job in big cities where usually promises a high salary. In addition, increasing wages for teachers will enable them to focus on preparing lessons and academic researches. The teacher with a well-paid will never have to engage in other part-time job because of the low wage that cannot afford the housing mortgage. Thereby, the quality of teaching can be improved immediately.
我想讨论一下本段逻辑，这一段描述高薪能刺激教师热情，并且说明教师为什么会选择高薪。之后谈到加薪能让教师更专注于教学而不导致他们去兼职还房贷，似乎没有对上题目


However, I would argue that raising the wages(超过3次了，可以替换了) is not the best choice. As the schools are always on the tight budget, it is more urgent for them to invest money in training teachers and to introduce modernized（词性不对，modern） teaching equipment. To begin with, training teachers can enable students to receive better education more quickly and economically(为什么要用这个词？), compared to offer a huge pay to non-experienced graduates. The teaching quality can be enhanced greatly, if every teachers has got enough tainting（traning）. Moreover, investing in facilities, such as purchasing the chemical equipment and building the physics laboratory, would be better measures to improve quality of education, which is what a school really requires.
仔细想想，本段的文字也不足以支持你的论点。这段有不少文字在说给教师做培训或者添置教学仪器，后者可以认为是提高教学质量的一部分，可以这些和提高教师收入似乎又南辕北撤了




In conclusion, although providing teachers’ with the huge wage is a good method to enhance the quality of education, training tutors and improving the school facilities would be better measures.