22日可耻的缺考的我！懦夫！！请大家狠批！再求个口语学习方法！！

tengawaakito

新人前来报道，还有13天考试现在研究机经中，请问各位大大有好的范文或者是魔板的话，请分享小弟一份！感激不尽！dongdongchan@hotmail.com

麦田往事

同求

tengawaakito

对不起这两天因为帮老师做项目耽搁了写作，先贴上今天的独立作文，请大家狠狠的批～！！！！！！！！！！！
（我今晚到明早补上昨天的）


12月9日
独立o you agree or disagree : The opinions of celebrities, such as certain entertainment and athletes, are more important for younger people than older people.




Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into people’s eye-sight that whether the opinions of celebrities, have more influence on young people than on elders. some individuals may held an opinion that,since people’s behavior is similar, everyone is likely to pay attention on celebrities at the same level even she or he is not aware of that. However, from my personal perspective, young people care about the opinions from those famous people more, and as the modern society grows, the gap of valuing famous’s words between young and old ones will be even bigger in the future. the following reasons will help me to demonstrate my opinion.


To begin with,  compared to old people, youths need to interact with the current society much more, the position of young people is enhancing young ones to receive
thinking of famous ones. for example. the  opinions about clothes made by some  movie stars always have the power to change young people’s fashion, but have nothing to do with the elders. this phenomenon occurs just because young people are more care about the external opinions, paying more attention to famous people is a shortcut to keep themselves  not out of the time.

additionally, according to a survey made by Japanese researchers, people always are  more care about information made by someone with similar age. how many athletes , movies stars, or pop singers have you seen are old crooks? this reason explained why old people do not give shit to celebrities who’s age usually is the same with elders’s children.

last but not the least, old people have different interests with young fellows. instead of succeeding in the society, the old ones may more care about her or his heath problem. the result is that they spend most of their time to do exercise, or study about how to eat more healthy. could you imagine a old people who needs to go to hospital for treatment will listen a singer talking about his opinion on new music trend?  this difference in interests also makes old people to be not as sensitive as young ones.

From all aspects taken into considerations, I could confidential draw the conclusion that the opinions made by celebrities are more important for young people other than the elders. since opinions came form famous always represent the new trend of the world, and, in order to be accepted by modern society, young people are more interested in pursuing this trend.

tengawaakito

今天我还复习了口语，请问口语小分队现在情况怎么样？我想加入！！！！！！！！！！！！

45573asdasd

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into people’s eye-sight that whether the opinions of celebrities, have more influence on young people than on elders. some individuals may held an opinion that,since people’s behavior is similar, everyone is likely to pay attention on celebrities at the same level even she or he is not aware of that. However, from my personal perspective, young people care about the opinions from those famous people more, and as the modern society grows, the gap of valuing famous’s words between young and old ones will be even bigger in the future. the following reasons will help me to demonstrate my opinion.（没说的，跟我选的模板一样，基本上什么内容都可以包括，就算是不好，我也看不出来orz）


To begin with, compared to old people, youths need to interact with （有些疑惑，人能不能喝society interact ne ? 我觉得involve in 肯定不会错）the current society much more, 注意了，以后逗号和句号一定要小心。 这已经是两个句子了，再用，就属于run-on了。the position of young people is enhancing young ones to receive
thinking thoughts of famous ones. for example. the opinions about clothes made by some movie starsalways have the power to(can更好，have the power 既不华丽又不简介， 我觉得，更重要的是很多大牛觉得，无意义的加长句子会适得其反)change young people’s fashion view about fashion but have nothing to do with the elders.(the +形容词表示集合， 就算是名词，没有特指的时候不需要the)this phenomenon occurs just because young peopleare more care care more about the external opinions, paying more attention to famous people is a shortcut to keep themselves not out of the time.（此句语法错误较为严重，看得出来你的paying是想作为动名词，但是逗号儿不能引导完整句子。而且表意模糊： is a shortcut to keep themselves not out of the time 过于复杂）

additionally, according to a survey made by Japanese researchers, people always are more care about information made by someone with similar age. how many athletes , movies stars, or pop singers have you seen are old crooks（我从没见过这种用法，你觉得have you seen many celebrities tell lies?会不会好点）? this reason explained why old people do not give shit to这种话绝对不能出现在托福考试中 celebrities who’s age usually is the same with elders’s children（表意不清楚啊，过于复杂。而且elders'应该是正确用法）.

last but not the least, old people have different interests with young fellows. instead of succeeding in the society, the old ones may more care about her or his heath problem. the result is that they spend most of their time to do exercise,or study about how to eat more healthy. could you imagine a old people（people做单书的时候是民族的意思，一个人要用one person） who needs to go to hospital for treatment will listen to a singer talking about his opinion on new music trend? this difference in interests also makes old people to be not as sensitive as young ones.

From all aspects taken into considerations, I could confidential conficidentially draw the conclusion that the opinions made by celebrities are more important for young people other than the elders. since opinions came form famous 要么前面加the 要么后面加people always represent the new trend of the world, and, in order to be accepted by modern society, young people are more interested in pursuing this trend.
读下来我可以发现明显的优点和缺点，有点事你跟主题思想包括论点方向都很准， 但缺点也很明显，你存在不少语法错误。比如少借此和词性的混淆，而且，我发现你的句号后面基本上不大写，尤其是一段的开头也没有大写，这种错误完全可以避免。 看得出来你的经验还不是很丰富，加油！我们一起成长！

1369179610

我来凑凑热闹~~~可以也帮我看看吗？我发晚了……
Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into people’s eye-sight that whether the opinions of celebrities, have more influence on young people than on elders. some individuals may held an opinion that,since people’s behavior is similar, everyone is likely to pay attention on（to） celebrities at the same level even she or he is not aware of that. However, from my personal perspective, young people care about the opinions from those famous people more, and as the modern society grows, the gap of valuing famous’s words between young and old ones will be even bigger in the future. the following reasons will help me to demonstrate my opinion.（开头很流畅嘛~）


To begin with,  compared to old people, youths need to interact with the current society much more, the position of young people is enhancing young ones to receive thinking of famous ones. for example. the  opinions about clothes made by some  movie stars always have the power to change young people’s fashion, but have nothing to do with the elders. this phenomenon occurs just because young people are more care about the external opinions, paying more attention to famous people is a shortcut to keep themselves  not out of the time.（这段的观点若改成：youths are prone to follow the fads,while the elder tend to be unaffected. 更合适~）

additionally, according to a survey made by Japanese researchers, people always are  more care about （care more about）information made by（peers） someone with similar age. how many athletes , movies stars, or pop singers have you seen are old crooks这是贬义词 （bones）? this reason explained why old people do not give shit（可写成show interest in） to celebrities who’s age usually is the same with elders’s children.

last but not the least, old people have different interests with young fellows. instead of succeeding in the society, the old ones may more care about her or his heath problem. the result is that they spend most of their time to do on doing exercise, or studying about how to eat more healthy. could you imagine a old people who needs to go to hospital for treatment will meanwhile listen a singer talking about his opinion on new music trend?  this difference in interests also makes old people to be not as sensitive as young ones.

From all aspects taken into considerations, I could confidentially draw the conclusion that the opinions made by celebrities are more important for young people other（rather） than the elders. since opinions came from the famous always represent the new trend of the world, and（at the same time）, in order to be accepted by modern society, young people are more interested in pursuing this trend.

1369179610

asd，你好严厉啊，别吓着人家，我今天看你要帮两个人改作文，就没好意思去改你的了~

45573asdasd

asd，你好严厉啊，别吓着人家，我今天看你要帮两个人改作文，就没好意思去改你的了~

-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/9 23:11:59)

我也觉得是，课时我真的狠下功夫给人家改了。我觉得这样对人家的作用会更好点
还有啊，tengawa兄弟~，改了这么多你别不开心啊~其实你不错了~但是你能更好！也请来看看我的的

tengawaakito

谢谢运动员哥哥了呀！！！！

tengawaakito

12月10号
独立：Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

As the economy and modern society grow, the satisfaction of people’s live has becoming a hotter and hotter topic discussed world-widely, and a controversial issue has been brought into people’s eye-sights whether your career life is more influence to your happiness than your social life dose,
Everyone in this world has her or his own definition of happiness, some individuals may balance they social life more than their jobs, those people would like to put his private life ahead of their career.  However, if you let me talk my point of view, I consider the job is a factor related with your life satisfaction much more than social life. The following reasons will demonstrate my opinion.


To begin with,  compared with old generations. people nowadays need to face a significant high competitive environment  every seconds in their life. Because of  this reason, people tend to value their jobs most. For example, In most of the East asian countries such like Japan, China, and Korea. young students are pulling themselves to work harder in order to gain better education, and a good education background always enable them to put them apart from other peers in the job market, and also most current employees  always want to find a way to improve their career. Apparently, for modern people, gaining a more decent job is more urgent task.

Additionally, building personal career will benefit you more than having a bunch of friends to hang out dose.  According to general view, how many people like to accept you largely depends on how big achievement  you reached on your job. Let us suggest there are two man, one is an aggressive young Entrepreneur, another is a lazy work always looking forward hanging out with his fellows on next sunday, which one would you like to get a deep conversation？
If you like the entrepreneur, my might stand on my side. Accepting by more people is always a very important issue to enhance one’s happiness.

From all aspects taken into considerations, I could confidentially draw my conclusion that in order to chase personal happiness, doing good on jobs is a popular way rather than having a strong social network. Above that, more and more people start to believe that pursuing your goal on your career will not only just bring you financial benefits  but also enrich your life experience.