作文一篇，真诚求拍砖

Nenluky

最近作文越写越烂，越改越不满意。贴上一篇规定时间内写的简直无脸见人的作文，求大家告诉我问题在哪里呀。自己真的写的好痛苦。
It is better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than by doing physical exercise.

 With fast development of global economy, an increasing number of competitions challenges people in the modern society. People who want to relax themselves in order to keep health can choose many kinds of methods. Doing physical exercise in the gym is a choice, however, I believe that watching a movie or reading a book is a better way to relax. To illustrate my point of view, I  listed several reasons as follow.
 To begin with, a major concern of people who want to relax themselves is relax their spirits. Watching a movie can lead them to a world, in which there is no annoyed. I will give my own experience as an example, when I knew that my exam cannot pass, I felt so disappointed, and then I went to watch a movie named Gone with the wind, what makes an impression on me is the words:"Tomorrow is another day". Therefore I gain the coverage and confidence to confront my things. A movie or a book is not only a style of entertainment, but also a way to relax our spirit. Moreover, It can let us to restore our fighting will.
 Reading a book or watching a movie take advantages on relax mood, while for change mind and gain knowledge, those also for the best.
 Furthermore, reading a book can change our mind to another aspect so that we can forget the pressure and gain knowledge of another area. For instance, people who work on math feel so annoyed, read a book about literature may reduce the pressure, and also can learn from the book. Forget our major, do something else. However, surprising, we find a unprecedented wonderful world. The different feeling will swallow our bad humor, and then we become more vigorous and powerful.
 In addition, people who want to relax indicated that they need take a break efficiently. The most convenience and money-saving way is read a book or watch a movie. Choose a fine day and sit in sofa at home, we can read a book or watch a movie all the time if we like. Thinking it, don not care about others and do ourselves at home. How wonderful method we relax ourselves. The way we relax can save money and time, obviously, is a good idea.
 Indeed, take physical exercise can give us direct experiences. It can make our bodies strong, and also keep us health. However, It needs a long time to persist, and may let people tired more than before. Thus I will not walk away from reading a book or watching a movie.

 All in all, for the reasons I listed above, we can safely conclude that reading a book or watching a movie is a better way than taking physical exercise to relax.

真诚求拍砖，各位大牛走过路过看一眼啊，我觉得自己死都不知道死在哪里

Nenluky

求回复啊。写了擦，擦了写

ningjie111

蓝色为错误或者疑惑，红色为修改，高亮为精彩！
It is better to relax by watching a movie orreading a book than by doing physical exercise.

With fast development of global economy(with the development用的太多了，如果用with the boom of会不会更好一点？), an increasing number of competitions（competition不可数应该用the increasingly fierce competition） challenges people in the modern society. Peoplewho want to relax themselves in order to keep health(用in order to不好，改成and keep healthy) can choose many kinds of methods. Doingphysical exercise in the gym is a choice,.(用句号结尾，逗号不能连接独立的句子) however However, I believe(用in my belief 会更书面) thatwatching a movie or reading a book is a better way to relax. To illustrate mypoint of view, I listed several reasons as follow.
To begin with, a major concern of people whowant to relax themselves is relax（relaxing） theirspirits（个人觉得用releasing their stress更好）. Watching a movie can lead them to a world, inwhich there is no annoyed（annoyed什么？改成annoyance或者harassment）. I will give my own experience as an example,. When I knew that my exam cannot pass, I felt sodisappointed, and then I went to watch a movie named Gone with the wind,. （逗号不能连接句子。。。）What makes an impression on me is the words(个人建议用classic line):"Tomorrow is another day". Therefore I gain thecoverage （是courage吧？）and confidence to confront my things. A movieor a book is not only a style of entertainment, but also a way to relax ourspirit（同上段）. Moreover, It can let us to restore（个人意见用rebuild） our fightingwill（个人意见用will to struggle）.
Reading a book or watching a movie takeadvantages on relax mood, while（moreover） for（to）change mind and gain knowledge, those also for the best.（those are bestways）（这一段感觉和上下文脱节）
Furthermore, reading a book can change ourmind to another aspect so that we can forget the pressure and gain knowledge ofanother area. For instance, (when) people who work on math feel so annoyed (tired), read(ing) abook about literature may reduce the pressure, and also can learn from the book(这里把逗号去掉，改成and offer more knowledge，用and连接ruduce和offer更符合语法规则). Forget our major（什么意思？）, do something else. However, surprisingly, we find a unprecedented wonderfulworld(不太理解。。。). The different feeling will swallow our badhumor(bad homor?), and then we become more vigorous(用的很好) and powerful.
In addition, people who want to relaxindicated that they need take a break efficiently. The most convenience andmoney-saving way is read（ing） a book or watch（ing） amovie. Choose a fine day and sit in sofa at home, (and) we can read a book or watch a movie all thetime if we like(这里建议去掉if we like). Thinking it, do not care about others and doourselves at home. How wonderful method we relax ourselves. The way we relax （which）cansave money and time,（is）obviously, is（去掉） a good idea.
Indeed, take(ing) physical exercise can give us direct experiences. It can make ourbodies strong, (把逗号去掉)and also keepus health. However, It needs a long time to persist, and may let people tiredmore than before. Thus I will not walk away from reading a book or watching amovie.（最后一句是想说情愿看书不愿走吗？那是不是用I will read abook or watch a movie rather than take a walk.）

All in all, for（from是不是好一点？） the reasons I listed above, we can safelyconclude that reading a book or watching a movie is a better way than takingphysical exercise to relax.

ningjie111

啊啊啊啊啊 我是直接word上改好复制上来的。。。所以忘记改字体了。。。。sorry~~

Nenluky

太感谢了啊，我写作文常常词穷的。谢谢你