[写作小分队]crystal的作文贴，求建议，求进步

Crystal的秋天

The reading passage casts lights on the bad effects of "let it burn" policy. The professor covers the same topic in the listening material, however, with a totally opposite attitude that forest fire is not destructive but creative for the balance of ecological system. She explained her viewpoints in terms of the fire's effects on vegetation, animals and tourist attractions.

To begin with, the author in the reading states that tremendous damage is caused by the Yellowstone fires. On the contrary, the professor diffuses it for the reason that the Yellowstone fires create an appealing habitat for some small trees to survive. On the one hand, the areas which many big trees and plants live in are now suitable for the small trees which need unshed places to survive. On the other hand, the seeds of some species have grown very high, thanks to the high heat the fire brings to them, which are very helpful for their growth.

Moreover, the reading states that the fire affects large animals to a large extent. Once again, the professor holds the different opinion that many animals not only recover from the big fire, but also have new opportunity to grow. For instance, rabbits and hares have a better habitat when the small trees replaced the large ones grew there before the fire. When the rabbits and hares are thriving, so do the animals which depend on the small animals for food.

Additionally, contradictory to what the reading says, according to the professor, the tourist will not be affected by the fire, since the fire does not occur frequently the reading says. The Yellowstone fire is just an unusual one. So tourists can come back to the area next year and even each year after the fire.

To sum up, the professor precisely discerns the drawbacks of the reading passage and convincingly reveals that the fundamental argument in the passage should be reexamined.

lmylacoste

The reading passage is suspicious about(be suspicious of) the roles of buzzers. The man covers the same topic in the lecture, however, with a totally opposite attitude that buzzers are not misleading customers to buy products. Likewise, the man also utilizes three distinctive points to justify his perspective.

To begin with, the man refuses the idea in the reading that buzzers are those people who have motive for misleading the customers. On the contrary, he asserts that though buzzers are paid by the company, they are truly products users. To be specific, the man claims that hewas hired by a phone company to say something about the phone he bought just because the he really found it is very good. Apparently, the man’s idea is incompatible with that in the reading.


Moreover, as well defined as it sounds, the reading argues that customers are easily cheated by buzzers. The man’s statement once again contradicts with the passage. The man contends that it is stupid to think so and provided with the evidence that the customers usually asked him a lot of questions about the price and service about the products and how long he had used this product when he was a buzzer. If he cannot answer the questions, the customers would not believe him and buy the product.

Additionally, the passage points out that, people will be less trustful of social relationship as the consequence of this kind of marketing method. The man challenges this conclusion by arguing that，on the one hand, the company does not necessary to hire buzzers if their products are very bad, and on the other hand，buzzers can share their feelings about using a product to customers. Each person will have a feeling about a product and if they agree with the points of buzzers, people will become more trustful and even more open in our world.


In conclusion, the man precisely discern s the drawbacks of the reading passage and convincingly reveals that the fundamental argument in the reading should be reexamined.





为什么感觉像是另一个我写的。。。

内容完整，两个小错误

Good

lizchang1990

The reading passage is suspicious about the roles of buzzers. The man covers the same topic in the lecture, however, with a totally opposite attitude that buzzers are not misleading customers to buy products. Likewise, the man also utilizes three distinctive points to justify his perspective.

To begin with, the man refuses the idea in the reading that buzzers are those people who have motive for misleading the customers. On the contrary, he asserts (这个词不错)that though buzzers are paid by the company, they are truly products users. To be specific, the man claims that he was hired by a phone company to say something about the phone he bought just because the he really found it is very good. Apparently, the man’s idea is incompatible(词虽好,但你不要用这个词,应该表达强硬点的观点,比如fairly unwarranted) with that in the reading.

Moreover, as well defined as it sounds, the reading argues that customers are easily cheated by buzzers. The man’s statement once again contradicts with the passage. The man contends that it is stupid to think so and provided with the evidence that the customers usually asked him a lot of questions about the price and service about the products and how long he had used this product when he was a buzzer. If he cannot answer the questions, the customers would not believe him and buy the product.

Additionally, the passage points out that, people will be less trustful of social relationship as the consequence of this kind of marketing method. The man challenges this conclusion by arguing that one the one hand(on one hand吧~), the company does not necessary to hire buzzers if their products are very bad, and one the other hand (on the other hand哦,记住咯~)buzzers can share their feeling about using a product to customers. Each person will have a feeling about a product and if they agree with the points of buzzers, people will become more trustful and even more open in our world(后面那个more open感觉不好~people will be more open你懂啥意思,精神层面,性格方面都可以说,用这表达不好!).


In conclusion, the man precisely discerns the drawbacks of the reading passage and convincingly reveals that the fundamental argument in the reading should be reexamined.(总结不错)

点评: 综合基本都写对了,但某些基础性的搭配注意下下就perfect了,尤其on one hand那个~~~~
Excellent !

Crystal的秋天

Currently, education plays a significant role in our daily life and the whole society. Almost all the parents instinctively devote themselves to cultivating their offspring. As a result, young generation seems to receive more resources and access to be educated. While whether people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a controversial issue. It is nature that people from different background might have diverse viewpoints on the same argument. As to me, however, I hold the opinion that people now are absolutely easier to become educated than in the past.
First and foremost, with the help of technology, such as internet, television and radio, people nowadays have more means to obtain the knowledge than did their counterparts. For instance, when I prepared for my CFA last year, I took online courses so that I could download the teaching videos of the most famous teacher in the field and watch them whenever I wanted. It is very convenient for us students who have no stable time to go to the real training class due to the overtime work or long distance between  homes  and the training center.  But for the people in the past, perhaps they had to choose to study by themselves if they faced the same situation. Thus, high technology enlarges available education accesses students could get to.
Furthermore, the skyrocketing numbers of universities and improvements of families’ economic condition make it realistic for students to obtain professional training about their favorite majors. A recent research shows that more than seventy percent of the students successfully graduated from high school and choose to enter into university, doubling the enrollment ratios ten years before.
Admittedly, there are more distractions nowadays which easily drag student’s attention away from their study. For example, students are more addicted in computer games or soap opera which take up a lot of time when students are supposed to be studying. However, the proportions of hard-working students are still dominated, entertainments are only a method students use to enhance their efficiency of studying.
To sum up, advanced technology and ample resources arguable make it easier for students to become educated, though distractions do exist to affect students’ study sometimes.

lmylacoste

The reading passage casts lights on the bad effects of "let it burn" policy. The professor covers the same topic in the listening material, however, with a totally opposite attitude that forest fire is not destructive but creative for the balance of ecological system. She explained her viewpoints in terms of the fire's effects on vegetation, animals and tourist attractions.

To begin with, the author in the reading states that tremendous damage is caused by the Yellowstone fires. On the contrary, the professor diffuses(是不是拼错了呀，这是弥漫扩散的意思~) it for the reason that the Yellowstone fires create an appealing habitat for some small trees to survive. On the one hand, the areas which many big trees and plants live in are now suitable for the small trees which need unshed（这是未散发的意思啊）places to survive. On the other hand, the seeds of some species have grown very high, thanks to the high heat the fire brings to them, which are very helpful for their growth.

Moreover, the reading states that the fire affects large animals to a large extent. Once again, the professor holds the different opinion that many animals not only recover from the big fire, but also have new opportunity to grow. For instance, rabbits and hares have a better habitat when the small trees replaced the large ones grew there before the fire. When the rabbits and hares are thriving, so do the animals which depend on the small animals for food. Good！

Additionally, contradictory to what the reading says, according to the professor, the tourist（加是会好点吧） will not be affected by the fire, since the fire does not occur frequently as the reading says. The Yellowstone fire is just an unusual one. So tourists can come back to the area next year and even each year after the fire.

To sum up, the professor precisely discerns the drawbacks of the reading passage and convincingly reveals that the fundamental argument in the passage should be reexamined.

Good！ And hope our paper will not fall into the same guy.

lmylacoste

Currently, education plays a significant role in our daily life and the whole society. Almost all the parents instinctively devote themselves to cultivating their offspring. As a result, young generation seems to receive more resources and access to be educated. While whether people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a controversial issue. It is nature that people from different background might have diverse viewpoints on the same argument. As to me, however, I hold the opinion that people now are absolutely easier to become educated than in the past.
First and foremost, with the help of technology, such as internet, television and radio, people nowadays have more means to obtain the knowledge than did their counterparts. For instance, when I prepared for my CFA last year, I took online courses so that I could download the teaching videos of the most famous teacher in the field and watch them whenever I wanted. It is very convenient for us students who have no stable time to go to the real training class due to the overtime work or long distance between homes and the training center. But for the people in the past, perhaps they had to choose to study by themselves if they faced the same situation. Thus, high technology enlarges available education accesses students could get to.
Furthermore, the skyrocketing numbers of universities and improvements of families’ economic condition make it realistic for students to obtain professional training about their favorite majors. A recent research shows that more than seventy percent of the students successfully graduated from high school and choose to enter into university, doubling the enrollment ratios ten years before.
Admittedly, there are more distractions nowadays which easily drag不非常贴切，用deviate student’s attention away from their study. For example, students are more addicted inàto computer games or soap opera which take up a lot of time when students are supposed to be studying. However, the proportions of hard-working students are still dominated, entertainments are only a method students use to enhance their efficiency of studying.(persuasive argument!)
To sum up, advanced technology and ample resources arguableàarguably make it easier for students to become educated, though distractions do exist to affect students’ study sometimes.



基本没有错误，有不少值得学习之处，字数可适当增加，good！

Crystal的秋天

Currently, people live more dependently on others, especially our friends. In other words, we cannot live in a world without friends. While, considering the criterion of choosing friends, there comes an issue—whether it is important to choose friends that have fun with or choosing friends that will help you when you need them. It is nature that people from different backgrounds might have diverse viewpoints on the same argument. As to me, however, just as the saying goes” a friend in need is a friend indeed”, I hold the opinion that a helpful friend is much more appealing.
First and foremost, having fun with a friend is temporary, but helping each other has far-reaching influence on our life. For instance, I have a lot of contacts of people that I make acquaintance in the party. But the numbers of this kind of friends is so large that it is possible for me to make close contacts with them though we have a lot of fun at that time. More typically, we lose our friendship due to some realistic reasons, such as one of us moving to another city. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the story of my father, who is a businessman. Once a time, he took me to participate in a party with him. It seemed that all of them were very familiar with each other like friends. But I was surprised to hear that my father could not call up all their names. My father than explained to me that fun is a feeling having nothing to do with relationship with each other. And, to the contrary, the most long-lasting friends are those people who can help the opposite side.
Moreover, another essential point worth being mentioned is that when people get into trouble, they may be not in the mood to have fun, in which case friends that have fun with cannot play their role. According to a recent published paper from a well-known psychological professor reveals that when people fall into a trouble, they would like to assume physical pain in order to ease their psychological depression. As a result, having fun will not only solve problems for them but also making them more depressed after the fun. However, the presence of a helpful friend is another thing, they will drag us out of the trouble
In addition, those friends that we have fun with are usually those people who either are not willing to offer help or have no ability to help us. From common sense and the experience from my daily life, I once experienced a robbery and lost all the possessions. Helplessly, I asked my acquaintances for help, in the end none of those I usually have fun with offered me a hand. I was moved that the one that I never regarded as a friend eventually helped me. And after that, we became best friends and began to know well with each other.
To sum up, choosing friends have many intends. As for me, I cannot emphasize the importance of choosing friends that are willing to help us when we face a problem.

lizchang1990

Due to the problem of overpopulation, there comes up a new way of work—working at home instead of working in the company. However, not all people are willing to accept it. Some people concern about the loss of efficiency of employees, while (while用错了,你前后都是一种观点,没必要用while)some worry about the sense of（我不知道有没有这种表达说the sense of cooperation的,第一次看到） cooperation pales(词用得不错) then. As far as I am concerned, there is of little necessity for the anxiety. Moreover, it brings us more advantages as follows.

To begin with, working at home improves our environment by relieving the congestion of public transportation and cutting down the emission of greenhouse gases. When people are allowed to work at home, there is no need for so many people to pour into the streets, subways and buses. As a result, the phenomenon of crowed transportations will be relieved. Besides, the consumption of cars will decrease, which are helpful to reduce the discharge of greenhouse gases and improve our environment in the end.
(这个观点很不错! 很新颖!)

Furthermore, transportation costs take up a large part of people’s living expenses, so working at home means that people could save the transportation costs and then make better use of their income. I once did an internship in a company which is one hour way away from our school. Every day, I need to catch a bus first and then transfer to a subway back and force, paying ten RMB for it. Though it seems not much(这是个句子?), for an intern’s pay it is not the same thing. On the contrary, if I can work at home, I need not to pay for it but can complete my task at the same time.

In addition, it not only will not decrease efficiency of employees as some people expected, but also lead to efficiency advance. According to a famous research(就算编,你也得编个机构出来哦,这个很泛~`) conducted by some professors in our country, a small break in the noon can refresh the employees’ state of mental(refresh就OK了,还要refresh状态? 很chinglish哦), leading to a 10 percent increase in their working efficiency. When people working the company(你这个缺介词,也没必要加ing), it is not possible for people to have a break, either because of uncomfortable environment in the company or because of the anxiety about the criticism from employers. While, working at home cannot cause these worry.

To sum up, working at home not only contributes to the efficiency and living quality of employees, but also benefits our whole society. There is no reason for us to keep it from become a modern way of working.

总体来说观点不错,结构清晰明了,但部分表达不要chinglish就很好了, good !

lizchang1990

The reading passage casts lights on the bad effects of "let it burn" policy. The professor covers the same topic in the listening material, however, with a totally opposite attitude that forest fire is not destructive but creative for the balance of ecological system. She explained her viewpoints in terms of the fire's effects on vegetation, animals and tourist attractions.

To begin with, the author in the reading states that tremendous damage is caused by the Yellowstone fires. On the contrary, the professor diffuses it for the reason that the Yellowstone fires create an appealing habitat for some small trees to survive. On the （去掉the）one hand, the areas which （换where,或者把后面那个in提前吧）many big trees and plants live in are now suitable for the small trees which need unshed places to survive. On the other hand, the seeds of some species have grown very high(你这后面的我貌似跟你听得不是一样的,我又听了一遍,确定说的是有些seeds需要经历high level heat才能germinate,你再听听哦,虽然后面说的没错,但不精确~~能写出germinate的话就加分!), thanks to the high heat the fire brings to them, which are very helpful for their growth.

Moreover, the reading states that the fire affects large animals to a large extent. Once again, the professor holds the different opinion that many animals not only recover from the big fire, but also have new opportunity to grow. For instance, rabbits and hares（呵呵,我这单词写错了,专看你写啥来着~~） have a better habitat when the small trees replaced the large ones grew there before the fire. When the rabbits and hares are thriving, so do the animals which depend on the small animals for food.

Additionally, contradictory to what the reading says, according to the professor, the tourist will not be affected by the fire, since the fire does not occur frequently （加个as）the reading says. The Yellowstone fire is just an unusual one. So tourists can come back to the area next year and even each year after the fire.

To sum up, the professor precisely discerns the drawbacks of the reading passage and convincingly reveals that the fundamental argument in the passage should be reexamined.

GOOD！只能说这词了,但细节希望再抓抓~

Crystal的秋天

The reading passage casts light on three ways to address the decline of Torreya. The professor in the lecture covers the same topic, however, with a totally opposite attitude that all these three ways will not provide us with satisfactory solution. The professor also utilizes three distinctive points to justify his viewpoints.
To begin with, the professor refuses the idea of the reading that we can reestablish Torreya in the same location in which it thrived for thousands of years. On the contrary, the professor contends that reestablishing Torreya in the location cannot make effects. To be specific, the professor claims that on the one hand, the global warming has caused the overall temperature to rise. As a result the microclimate will never be a favorable habitat for Torreya. On the other hand, the professor points out that wet land there was drained and becomes drier already, not suitable for Torreya to grow any longer. Evidently, the professor’s idea is incompatible with that of the reading.
Moreover, as well defined as it seems in the reading that moving Torreya to an entirely different location is another option. The professor challenges this final down once again, and he asserts that a kind of tree called Black locust spreads quickly after being moved to a new area and causes a lot endangered trees to die. Clearly, taking the unpredicted outcome into consideration, the professor doubts the correctness of the point in the reading passage.
In addition, the reading passage points out that preserving Torreya in research centers may be a possible choice for us. The professor's statement contradicts with this point. According to the professor, in the research center, Torreya will not be able to resist disease because the research center has not the large enough capacity to ensure the genetically diversity of Torreya. Apparently, the credibility of the conception in the reading begins to shrink when thinking about the limitation of a research center.
To sum up, the professor precisely discerns the drawbacks of the reading and convincingly reveals that the fundamental arguments in the reading needs to be reexamined with close scrutiny.