Rose也来练写作，咿呀咿呀呦~~~欢迎猛拍！！

tracyn

多谢jijimile~~~!!
以后会注意滴~~~~(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……

tracyn

9.4综合写作 TPO9  
The topic is about whether hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines have some advantages over internal-combustion engines. The passage says that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines have 3 major advantages. However, in the lecture, the professor talks about contrary view of the opinion above.


In the first place, the writer points out that since the internal-combustion engine depends on peroleum which is a finite resource and may run out someday in the future, the fuel-cell engines carry more weight. Because the fuel-cell engines rely on hydrogen which have various considerable sources. On the contrary, the listening part points out that hydrogen can not be available easily for the conditions to produce and store them is very hard. It needs a very cool environment.


In the second place, the reading part believes that the fuel-cell engines can help to solve the pollution problems, because the product by burning hydrogen is water. However, the speaker refutes this by saying that although the product will not pollute the environment, the process of creating and purifing hydrogen will cause pollutions, such as carbon dioxide.


In the third place, the reading passage thinks that fuel-cell engines will be very cheap, since they work more efficient, which means, equal amount of work can be done by fewer fuel. However, the professor points out that one component of the fuel-cell engines is produced by a kind of rare metal, so this will lead to a high price of them.

In conclusion, from three aspects, the lecture refutes the view of the passage that the fuel-cell engines have more advantages over internal-combustion engine.

tracyn

9.4 独立写作
Agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making


When talking about leadership, different people from various walks of life have different views. Some of them may believes that an efficient leader doesn’t need to involve each person during a process of making decision. The others hold the contrary opinion that everyone in a team should join the process. For my point of view, I prefer the opinion of not including everyone to make decisions. There are millions of reasons for this choice, I would love to talk about major ones below.


First of all, efficiency can be identified from many aspects. I am able to say that the process of making decision which takes the least time is the most efficient one. From this aspect, obviously, involving everyone will need more time to decide a result, since the more persons, the more opinions they have.


Secondly, if efficiency means a wonderful result due to those decisions, the choice I make also make sense. I believe that not every person in one group has the ability to make a good choice. As a result of this, those people will mislead others and then, the whole team will go to a wrong direction. As an old saying goes, if you are not assigned to posts commensurate to your abilities, you will not be able to do much.


Although many people believes that every person has the right to join the decision- making process. What is more, they may propose new ideas that are beneficial for the whole team. However, I have to say that the drawbacks of this choice can not be ignored.


In conclusion, as a good leader, the most efficient way to make decisions is involving ideas of those persons who have intelligence and know the conditions that the team faces. All the things talked above can lead to an efficient decision maker.

fairyfinger

Agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making


When talking about leadership, different people from various walks of life have different views. Some of them may believes that an efficient leader doesn’t need to involve each person during a process of making decision. The others hold the contrary opinion that everyone in a team should join the process. For my point of view, I prefer the opinion of not including everyone to make decisions. There are millions of reasons for this choice, I would love to talk about major ones below.


First of all, efficiency can be identified from many aspects. I am able to say（这个啥意思哇。没见过这种用法><，是“能够”吗） that the process of making decision which takes the least time is the most efficient one. （这句可以再详细说一说，比如举个例子啥的。）From this aspect, obviously, involving everyone will need more time to decide a result, since the more persons, the more opinions they have.

Secondly, if efficiency means a wonderful result due to those decisions, the choice I make also make sense. I believe that not every person in one group has the ability to make a good choice. As a result of this, those people will mislead others and then, the whole team will go to （in）a wrong direction. As an old saying goes, if you are not assigned to posts commensurate to your abilities, you will not be able to do much.


Although many people believes that every person has the right to join the decision- making process.（这是半句话，后面还得加内容哇。Although表转折不能单独领一个句子的，换成However之类的吧？） What is more, they may propose new ideas that are beneficial for the whole team. However, I have to say that the drawbacks of this choice can not be ignored. （这句和整段内容不一致，最好不要放在这里。可以放在结尾段）

In conclusion, as a good leader, the most efficient way to make decisions is involving ideas of those persons who have intelligence and know the conditions that the team faces. All the things talked above can lead to an efficient decision maker.

总体来说点是不错，但是你论证得太少了哇，需要再扩充一下，多写点具体的例子什么的来支持你的观点。另外句型和词汇需要再丰富一下。模板什么的是木有问题的：）加油嘿。

tracyn

多谢Fairy的点评~~受益匪浅哟~~~

ioioke

Agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making


When talking about leadership, different people from various walks of life have different views. Some of them may believes(单数) that an efficient leader doesn’t need to involve each person during a process of making decision. The others hold the contrary opinion that everyone in a team should join the process. For my point of view, I prefer the opinion of not including everyone to make decisions. There are millions of reasons for this choice,（这句话就结束了，是不是用句号更好？） I would love to talk about major ones below.


First of all, efficiency can be identified from many aspects. I am able to say that the process of making decision which takes the least time is the most efficient one. From this aspect, obviously, involving everyone will need more time to decide a result, since the more persons, the more opinions they have.


Secondly, if efficiency means a wonderful result due to those decisions, the choice I make also make sense. I believe that not every person in one group has the ability to make a good choice. As a result of this, those people will mislead others and then, the whole team will go to a wrong direction. As an old saying goes, if you are not assigned to posts commensurate to your abilities, you will not be able to do much.（这个谚语是自己编的么？）


Although many people believes（单数） that every person has the right to join the decision- making process.（请教一下，什么情况下可以用这个波折号？这个是波折号吧） What is more, they may propose new ideas that are beneficial for the whole team. However, I have to say that the drawbacks of this choice can not be ignored.


In conclusion, as a good leader, the most efficient way to make decisions is involving ideas of those persons who have intelligence and know the conditions that the team faces. All the things talked above can lead to an efficient decision maker.

很高兴和rose一组，文章中的长难句很帅。不管感觉整片文章没有举例，都是在说道理。T的作文要有例子才有说服力吧。

ioioke

改错了

Agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making


When talking about leadership, different people from various walks of life have different views. Some of them may believes(单数) that an efficient leader doesn’t need to involve each person during a process of making decision. The others hold the contrary opinion that everyone in a team should join the process. For my point of view, I prefer the opinion of not including everyone to make decisions. There are millions of reasons for this choice,（这句话就结束了，是不是用句号更好？） I would love to talk about major ones below.


First of all, efficiency can be identified from many aspects. I am able to say that the process of making decision which takes the least time is the most efficient one. From this aspect, obviously, involving everyone will need more time to decide a result, since the more persons, the more opinions they have.


Secondly, if efficiency means a wonderful result due to those decisions, the choice I make also make sense. I believe that not every person in one group has the ability to make a good choice. As a result of this, those people will mislead others and then, the whole team will go to a wrong direction. As an old saying goes, if you are not assigned to posts commensurate to your abilities, you will not be able to do much.（这个谚语是自己编的么？）


Although many people believes（单数） that every person has the right to join the decision- making process.（请教一下，什么情况下可以用这个波折号？这个是波折号吧） What is more, they may propose new ideas that are beneficial for the whole team. However, I have to say that the drawbacks of this choice can not be ignored.


In conclusion, as a good leader, the most efficient way to make decisions is involving ideas of those persons who have intelligence and know the conditions that the team faces. All the things talked above can lead to an efficient decision maker.

很高兴和rose一组，文章中的长难句很帅。不管感觉整片文章没有举例，都是在说道理。T的作文要有例子才有说服力吧。

-- by 会员 ioioke (2012/9/6 9:51:56)

ioioke

9.4综合写作 TPO9
The topic is about whether hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines have some advantages over internal-combustion engines. The passage says that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines have 3 major advantages. However, in the lecture, the professor talks about contrary view of the opinion above.


In the first place, the writer points out that since the internal-combustion engine depends on peroleum which is a finite resource and may run out someday in the future, the fuel-cell engines carry more weight. Because the fuel-cell engines rely on hydrogen which have various considerable sources. On the contrary, the listening part points out that hydrogen can not be available easily for the conditions to produce and store them is very hard. It needs a very cool environment.


In the second place, the reading part believes that the fuel-cell engines can help to solve the pollution problems, because the product by burning hydrogen is water. However, the speaker refutes this by saying that although the product will not pollute the environment, the process of creating and purifing hydrogen will cause pollutions, such as carbon dioxide.


In the third place, the reading passage thinks that fuel-cell engines will be very cheap, since they work more efficient, which means, equal amount of work can be done by fewer fuel. However, the professor points out that one component of the fuel-cell engines is produced by a kind of rare metal, so this will lead to a high price of them.

In conclusion, from three aspects, the lecture refutes the view of the passage that the fuel-cell engines have more advantages over internal-combustion engine.

ioioke

The topic is about whether hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines have some advantages over internal-combustion engines. The passage says that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines have 3 major advantages. However, in the lecture, the professor talks about contrary view of the opinion above.（在lecture里面那个professor刚开始是同意前两点的，当然后面说了不好的地方，用不用表示出同意的意思呢）


In the first place, the writer points out that since the internal-combustion engine depends on peroleum（petroleum） which is a finite resource and may run（runs） out someday in the future, the fuel-cell engines carry more weight. Because the fuel-cell engines rely on hydrogen which have various considerable sources. On the contrary, the listening part points out that hydrogen can not be available easily for the conditions to produce and store them is very hard. （and 连接的两部分不是并列关系，them应该改成it吧）It needs a very cool environment.


In the second place, the reading part believes that the fuel-cell engines can help to solve the pollution problems, because the product by burning hydrogen is water. However, the speaker refutes this by saying that although the product will not pollute the environment, the process of creating and purifing（purifying） hydrogen will cause pollutions, such as carbon dioxide.


In the third place, the reading passage thinks that fuel-cell engines（不是engines便宜，而是他用的hydrogen便宜） will be very cheap, since they work more efficient, which means, equal amount of work can be done by fewer fuel. However, the professor points out that one component of the fuel-cell engines is produced by a kind of rare metal, so this will lead to a high price of them.

In conclusion, from three aspects, the lecture refutes the view of the passage that the fuel-cell engines have more advantages over internal-combustion engine.



不好意思，刚才给你改了独立，传上去才发现应该是综合。Rose童鞋的作文很不错，文章很紧凑，关联词要向你学习。第一次该综合，不恰当的地方请指出。谢谢

tracyn

谢谢ioioke帮我改了两篇呢~~~辛苦啦~~~