Vance童鞋的作业贴，求批改，求虐，求喷

fairyfinger

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
topic:What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?


Recently, whether university professors should focus on research or teaching students raises a heated debate. Some hold the view that professors should pay greater attention totheir research. Therefore, they can improve the technology and make the societyprogress. However, others believe that professors’ primary job is fostering thenext generation of the country. As far as I am concerned, I am in favor of thelatter perspective. There are several reasons to support that which I will illustrate in this essay.

To begin with, the professors are the best choice who can teach university students especially in their specific major. The reason is that theprofessors have studied in a specific domain field 这两个词用一个就可以了~~for a long time.As a result, they have sophisticated skills of teaching and are capableto of helping students to deal with their questions in an academic area.Take my professor doctor Yang as an example: he is a professor who only focuseson educating students instead of doing research. When I have problem in mymajor (computer science), I will turn to him for help. Andhe will tell me the ways in which to handle it.

What’s more, if all professors only do research rather than teaching students,the consequence is terrible. No one will impart knowledge to the universitystudents. The education level of the next generation will become lower and lower.Therefore, the country will have no innovation, no improvement intechniques, even the progress of the society will be deteriorated in thefuture. On the other hand, the inheritance is imperative to thecountry. Teachers’ primary responsibility is training students for thedevelopment of the country even the whole human society in the long run.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I believe that professors shouldattach importance to education rather than doing research.

楼主结构，观点都很清楚，但是如果时间来得及的话，在写一段就更充实啦
还有就是第二段适当举个例子就更好了，不过像楼主这样用反证法也很好啦～～

ykhjy

8月8日(综合) 修改~
蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色我改滴，绿色总结
tpo:6

In the lecture, the professor makes severalpoints about the value of Communal online encyclopedias. The professor arguesthat although the communal online encyclopedias is nor perfect, it still hasgreat advantages. However, the reading contends that the critical problems ofthe communal online encyclopedias make them much less valuable than traditionalprinted encyclopedias. The professor’s lecture cast doubt on the reading withseveral points.【说了主要内容和lecture和文章见的关系，是挺清楚的，但个人觉得太详细了，概括一下会好点，而且需要强调的是lecture的观点，however后面是不是用lecture的比较好。。】

The first point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that neither communal online encyclopedias nor traditionalprinted encyclopedias are perfect. According to the professor, communal onlineencyclopedias exist several errors in deed. But there is no comprehensive bookcontains no mistakes. Besides, the mistakes of communal online encyclopediascan be corrected easily compared with traditional printed encyclopedias whichwill remain error for years. I t differs from the reading, in that the readingstates that communal online encyclopedias lack academic credentials while traditionalprinted encyclopedias are more correct for writing adhere to standards.【好详细。。我觉得最好概括下把，只需要有reading中point的就好了，reading中的细节不必说】

Another point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is the strategies employed by communal onlineencyclopedias to defend hacking. The professor claims that there are two meansfor communal online encyclopedias to prevent their content from being change byhackers on purpose. The first method is that the communal online encyclopedias apply read only formation to its important information. Under that formation unprivilegedpeople cannot change the resource. The second one is there are a specific panelconsists of special editors whose job is monitor the changes. However, thereading professes that the communal online encyclopedia will be interpolated byunscrupulous readers deliberately which will not happen in the traditionalprinted encyclopedias.【得指出lecture反对reading，最后一句只阐述了reading中的观点，并未指出两者关系】

Finally, the professor asserts that, on the contrary of the reading【看着有点奇怪，可以这么用么？】, communal online encyclopedias do not offer falseimpression to readers. In other words, it contains a great varied informationand accurately reflects the diversity of uses’ interesting. Whereas, thetraditional printed encyclopedias cannot provide great range of informationthat users need due to the limited space of the book. This directly contradictsto what the reading passage indicates that communal online encyclopedias willmislead the users since it focus too frequently and in too great a depth onpopular topics.【指出了contradiction，但我觉得指出 important和interest的关系会更好】

Vance1991

TPO:7
In the lecture, the professor makes severalpoints about whether wood companies in United States will apple the eco-certification.The professor argues that there are good reasons for American wood companies toseek eco-certification eventually. However, the reading contends that it is impossiblefor these companies to adapt to the certification. The professor’s lecture castdoubt on the reading with several points.

The first point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that customers do not treat all the advertisement thesame. According to the professor, consumers will treat the companies which maketheir products on their own and those independent agencies differently. As aresult, they are more interested in the wood products which are certified byinternational reputed organizations. It differs from the reading, in that thereading states that American consumers will not pay more attention to the eco-certificationsince they are exposed to too much advertisings and do not trust the claims inthese advertisements.

Another point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that slight difference in price does not make a differencein consumer’s decisions. The professor claims that although American customerscare a lot about the price, they will consider the value of protecting theenvironment if the difference of the price is subtle. However, the readingstates that to gain the eco-certification, the companies have to pay a largenumber of money to the eco-certification agency. Then, this additional costwill pass on to consumers. As a result, the price of the products will increaseand these companies will lose customers.

Finally, the professor asserts that, on thecontrary of the reading, wood companies in America should pay more attention tothe trend of the wood business internationally. In other words, it is a goodchance to attract customers if the company has the eco-certification in orderto prevent foreign companies occupying the American market. This directlycontradicts what the reading passage indicates that there is no need for Americancompanies to pursuit the certification since they sell most products in theUnited States.

linwa小默

迟来的8.1 独立修改，再次抱歉，我没看见要给你改作文啊  原谅我吧！
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

When emergency problems occur, several people prefer to communicate with each other through e-mail or text message, since they can have enough time to organize their language. However, under such circumstances, I believe using telephone or voice-messaging is more convenient. It is better to use these methods to reduce the(这里应该不是特指吧) misunderstandings, get the feedback immediately and enhance the communication.(我觉得这边好像都不是特指吧，可以直接 get feedbacks immediately and enhance communication.)

虽然我也经常乱用the来修饰，但是不是特指的地方还是不用的好


To begin with, compared(你这句话的主语貌似是people，但是你想表达的意思应该语音信息比较与文本信息) with text message and e-mails, people can explain their perspectives more clearly to another(我说不上对不对哦，但是读起来怪怪，个人觉得要么explain their perspectives to another more clearly 或者就把to another省略) by using phone calls(这个说话怪怪的) and(or) voice-message while they are discussing problems. As a result, it can avoid misunderstandings. Take me as an example: last summer, I took an(删掉) internship in Microsoft in Shanghai. One day, Tony, my team leader, sent me an email to assign me a couple of(这个很少用来修饰work吧) work. However, the email was full of abbreviations and acronyms which confused me a lot because I was not familiar with them. And it is impossible to ask these acronyms one by one through the(删) email. Therefore, I made a phone call to ask my leader to clarify these words(这里用terms比较好，因为你要问的是术语不是单词).(有木有感觉少了连词，逻辑上很突兀) When you are discussing complex problems with another, it is convenient to use telephone or voice-messages. Because you can ask another immediately in order to dwindle misunderstandings(我觉得可以加一个at once 来表达立刻就能解决的感觉),when you encounter questions.

What’s more, using telephones and voice-messages you can get response as soon as possible and(but) you cannot enjoy such luxury while you employ text-message to communicate. The reason is that people will not(删) check their mail box every minute. And it is a common sense that the rings of text-message are quite shorter than the phone calls. As a result, people may often disregard the text-message especially when there(they?吧) are occupied. Take my friend Mark as an example: last weekend, he and I decided to watch a movie in the cinema of(in) my town. He asked me to send him a message before I departed home. And I did what he asked but he did not replied to me. I thought he had seen the message. I waited him in the cinema for a long time and eventually made a phone call to him. Afterward, he said that he did not notice the message. Nevertheless, such situations will(would) not occur if you make a phone call. Nearly all the people will abort their work in their hand to answer the calls.

Moreover, using voice-messages and phonecalls can improve the communication between people. People(They) can gain extra information on account of the talking manners, pronunciation and intonation during the talking session. For instance: A(a) loud and strong voice indicates(前面用and这里就用复数形式，要么前面改成or, 后面的demonstrates和states相同) that (the) person is impatient and rude; A(a) slow and soft voice, on the contrary, demonstrates the person is gentle; A(a) low and pausal voice states the person is helpless.
排比用的很好，但是要注意用and 或or时后面跟的动词形式

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I believe we should use the telephone or voice-messages to communicate especially when emergency and(or) controversial issues occur.
看了一些他人帮LZ改的文章也有这样的问题，就是很多地方不空格。。



第一次帮人改作文，有什么不妥的地方，欢迎告诉我 大家相互探讨进步！

Vance1991

tpo:8


In the lecture, the professor makes severalpoints about the accuracy of the memoir, written by Chevalier de Seingalt. Theprofessor argues that the details of the memoir are pretty accurate overall.However, the reading professes that there are some doubts about the accuracy ofthe memoir proposed by some critics. The professor cast doubt on the readingwith several points.

The first point that the professor castdoubt on the reading is that borrowing money from a merchant cannot indicate Chevalierwas poor. According to the professor, he was wealthy in deed. Notwithstanding,he had to sell his property to convert into money when he was run out of money.As a result, he had to borrow money from others while waiting his moneyarrived. It differs from the reading, in that the reading states that if the Chevalierhad really been very rich, he would not have to borrow money from a Swissmerchant.

Another point that the professor cast doubton the reading is that the content of the conversation between Chevalier andVoltaire is accurate. The professor claims that Chevalier would write down thecontent after the conversation with Voltaire every night immediately. Besides,some witnesses also confirmed that while Chevalier writing the memoir, hereferred the notes frequently. However, the reading states that although it istrue that Chevalier did have meet and conversation with Voltaire, the accuracyof the conversation was suspicious, because it was written many yeas afer theconversation happened. Critics believed that he could not remember specificphrases of the conversation.

Finally, the professor asserts that, on thecontrary of the reading, there is evidence proving Chevalier was escaped fromthe ceiling of the cell rather than through bribing indirectly. In other words,the professor illustrates that there were a large number of people who had morepowerful friends than Chevalier did. But they could not escape from the prisonby bribing. Besides, an old document proved that the ceiling of his cell wasrepaired after he escaped from it. Therefore, all these factors indicated Chevalierwas escaped by digging a hole on the ceiling. This directly contradicts whatthe reading passage indicates that he claimed to have escaped through a hole inthe ceiling is in order to make enjoyable reading. As a matter of fact, heescaped the jail by the means of bribing offered by his fiends.

ykhjy

8月9日(综合)  修改~~
蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色我改的，绿色总结。
TPO:7
In the lecture, the professor makes severalpoints about whether wood companies in United States will apple【apply】 the eco-certification.The professor argues that there are good reasons for American wood companies to seek eco-certification eventually. However, the reading contends that it is impossiblefor these companies to adapt to the certification. The professor’s lecture castdoubt on the reading with several points.【还是那个问题，我觉得强调的应该是lecture的内容】

The first point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that customers do not treat all the advertisement thesame. According to the professor, consumers will treat the companies which make their products on their own and those independent agencies differently. As a result, they are more interested in the wood products which are certified by international reputed organizations. It differs from the reading, in that【可以这么用？】 the reading states that American consumers will not pay more attention to the eco-certification since they are exposed to too much advertisings and do not trust the claims inthese advertisements.

Another point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that 【这个句式和上面一段的一样，可以换一下】slight difference in price does not make a difference in consumer’s decisions. The professor claims that although American customers care a lot about the price, they will consider the value of protecting theenvironment if the difference of the price is subtle. However, the readingstates that to gain the eco-certification, the companies have to pay a largenumber of money to the eco-certification agency. Then, this additional costwill pass on to consumers. As a result, the price of the products will increaseand these companies will lose customers.

Finally, the professor asserts that, on thecontrary of the reading, wood companies in America should pay more attention tothe trend of the wood business internationally. In other words, it is a good chance to attract customers if the company has the eco-certification in orderto prevent foreign companies occupying the American market. This directlycontradicts what the reading passage indicates that there is no need for Americancompanies to pursuit the certification since they sell most products in theUnited States.【lz细节说的都挺好的，只是我觉得最好把重点移到lecture，比如第二段，可以先说reading，再说lecture反驳的地方，或者只用一句 it disputed about the....said in the reading passage.】

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结或模板红色为错误



In the lecture, the professor makes several points about the accuracy of the memoir, written by Chevalier de Seingalt. The professor argues that the details of the memoir are pretty accurate overall. However, the reading professes that there are some doubts about the accuracy of the memoir proposed by some critics. The professor cast doubt on the reading with several points. 个人觉得用三个句子来表达显得过长，同时会有大量重复词汇出现不太好

The first point that the professor cast doubt on the reading is that borrowing money from a merchant cannot indicate Chevalier was poor. According to the professor, he was wealthy in deed. Notwithstanding, he had to sell his property to convert into money when he was run out of money. （是不是有点怪怪的，文章说的意思他又很多财产wealth，但是现金不多。肯能是notwithstanding的关系）As a result, he had to borrow money from others while waiting his money arrived. It differs from the reading, in that the reading states that if the Chevalier had really been very rich, he would not have to borrow money from a Swiss merchant.

Another point that the professor cast doubt on（这个词组出现多次了） the reading is that the content of the conversation between Chevalier and Voltaire is accurate. The professor claims that Chevalier would write down the content after the conversation with Voltaire every night immediately. Besides, some witnesses also confirmed that while Chevalier writing the memoir, he referred the notes frequently. However, the reading states that although it is true that Chevalier did have meet and conversation with Voltaire, the accuracy of the conversation was suspicious, because it was written many yeas afer the conversation happened. Critics believed that he could not remember specific phrases of the conversation.
具体的点应该没什么问题，但是太长了，文章是需要概括的，或者突出重点，这样写下去快赶上大作文了

Reading的材料要精简
Finally, the professor asserts that, on the contrary of the reading, there is evidence proving Chevalier was escaped from the ceiling of the cell rather than through bribing indirectly. In other words, the professor illustrates that there were a large number of people who had more powerful friends than Chevalier did. But they could not escape from the prison by bribing. Besides, an old document proved that the ceiling of his cell was repaired after he escaped from it. Therefore, all these factors indicated Chevalier was escaped by digging a hole on the ceiling. This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates that he claimed to have escaped through a hole in the ceiling is in order to make enjoyable reading. As a matter of fact, he escaped the jail by the means of bribing offered by his fiends.

这个后面的就可以不用写了



楼主的听力很好，问题是integrated competition 不需要写这么多的内容。。精简在精简200～250个足够

qy111

加油！

Vance1991

TOPIC:To improve the quality of education university should spend more money on salary for professor.


Recently, our government pays increasinglyattention on the quality of education, since it is the fundament of thedevelopment of science and technology. In other words, only the education improvedcan the society progress. From this perspective, most people hold the view thatuniversity should enhance the education quality through spending more money onsalary for its professors. However, I do not in favor of that. Increasing thesalary cannot improve the teaching abilities of teachers. Besides, on thecontrary, there are other more efficient means to strengthen the education,such as controlling the members of students attending classes and improving theinfrastructure of the university.

To begin with, raising the salary hasnothing to do with the reinforce of teaching abilities. It is apparent that theeducational quality is closely related to the educating abilities ofprofessors. Whereas, boosting the salary of the professor exerts no influenceover the improvement of the educating ability. Take one of my universityprofessor as an example: Mr. Gao taught us java, one computer programming language,last semester. Although, he has a high level of academic knowledge, he is notgood at teaching, since he cannot explain problems explicitly to us. Once hewas talking about the concept of thread which means the independent fragment ofone process but he could not introduce this concept clear to us. It took himnearly twenty minutes to explain this notion, nevertheless, none of us got theidea about what he was talking. Ultimately, he gave it up and required us learnon our own after class. It is conspicuous that universities should train theirprofessors so as to improving the quality of education rather than simplyspending more money on the salary for professors.

What’s more, reducing the number ofstudents of a class is more efficient to increasing the educational quality.Only in this way can professors attach equal importance to every student andstudents can concentrate on the class. It is prevalent that students are requiredto attend several curriculums in which a large number of students take thatcourse in the same time, for instance, the advanced mathematics. At the firstyear in the university, the whole students of my school approximately 150students were required to attend the advanced mathematics in a large classroom.Once I was late to the class and I sat in the back row of the classroom but I couldnot hear what the teacher talking about. It is obvious that controlling themember of students in class can definitely improve the quality of education.

Moreover, universities can take theadvantage of the extra money to ameliorate the facilities in the campus insteadof spending on the teachers’ salary such as updating the computers in thelibrary, providing nutritious food in the canteen, improving the livingconditions in the dormitory. All these are aimed to create a convenientenvironment for students to study.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe that there are many other efficient methods to improvethe educational quality rather than simply adding salary for professors.

acrophobiahy

红色是错误，黄色是好词

Recently, our government pays increasingly attention on thequality of education, since it is the fundament of the development of scienceand technology. In other words, only the education improved can the societyprogress. From this perspective, most people hold the view that universities should enhance theeducation quality through spending more money on salary of their professors. However, I am not in favor of that.Increasing the salarycannot improve the teaching abilities of teachers. Besides, on the contrary, there areother more efficientmeans to strengthenthe education, suchas controlling the members of students attending classes and improving the infrastructure of the university.

To begin with, raising the salary has nothing to do with the reinforcement of teaching abilities.It is apparent thatthe educationalquality is closely related to the educating abilities of professors. Whereas, boosting the salary ofthe professor exerts no influence over the improvement of the educating ability.Take one of my university professors as an example: Mr. Gaotaught us java, one computer programming language, last semester. Although,he has a high level of academic knowledge, he is not good at teaching, sincehe cannot explain problems explicitly to us. Once he was talking about theconcept of thread which means the independent fragment of one process, but he could notintroduce this concept clear to us. It took him nearly twenty minutes to explain this notion,nevertheless, none of us got the idea about what he was talking. Ultimately, hegave it up and required us learn on our own after class. It is conspicuous thatuniversities should train their professorsso as to improve thequality of education rather than simply spend more money on thesalary for professors.

What’s more, reducing the number of students of a class is more efficient to increase the educationalquality. Only in this waycan professors attach equal importance to every student and can studentscan concentrate on the class. It is prevalentthat students are required toattend several curriculums in which a large number of students take that course at the same time, forinstance, the advanced mathematics. At the first year in the university, the whole students of myschool approximately 150 studentswere required to attend the advanced mathematics in a large classroom. Once I was late to theclass and I sat in the back row of the classroom but I could not hear what theteacher talking about. It is obviousthat controlling the memberof students in class can definitely improve the quality of education.

Moreover, universities can take the advantage of the extra money to ameliorate the facilitiesin the campus in steadofspending on the teachers’ salary such as updating the computers in the library, providingnutritious food in the canteen, improving the living conditions in thedormitory. All these are aimed to create a convenient environmentfor students to study.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, I believe that there are manyother efficient methods to improve the educational quality rather than simplyadding salary for professors.

很喜欢你的文章，结构很清晰，论证很清楚，还有许多漂亮的词汇～～
但是里面名词的单复数，还有些固定搭配需要注意哦～·