Vance童鞋的作业贴，求批改，求虐，求喷

Vance1991

TOPIC:For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school
It is undisputed that some students believethat attending famous university and studying hard in schools play a significantrole in their careers in the future. Since, they deem if they are outstandingin study, they will also be succeeded in their career. However, I hold the viewthat, although studying hard can make a difference in the people’s futurecareers, relating well with others is more important than hard-working. I willillustrate the following reasons in this essay.

To begin with, the ability of maintaining agood relationship with other during the work is a fundament request of acompany. Because, recently, more and more companies are tilting for teamwork especiallywhen deal with big projects on account for the efficiency and effectiveness.Take my own experience as an example: I took an internship in Microsoft inShanghai last summer. I was assigned into the smart-phone team where is developingits own smart-phone using its own chips. To produce a complete cell-phoneefficiently and effectively the company assigns a great number of teams to workon the different part of the phone, such as, a specific team for camera,another team for LCD screen. After the three month of the intern, I realize thatthe ability of relating others will and the coordination in the team members areindispensible to an excellent employee.

What’s more, having a great relationshipwith your co-workers can be useful when you encounter problems during the work.It is undeniable that if you have a harmonious companionship with your partner,he is willing to help you when you need. I am so lucky that I have such anenthusiastic co-worker Corry who will give me a hand when I meet problems whichI cannot handle on my own. For instance: when I cannot find tiny bugs of a sessionof code, he will help me to find it out. Every time when I ask him how toreward him, he just says: “we are brother.” hence, consorting with others canmake your work become easier.

Moreover, most of the occupations do notrequire the knowledge imparted by teachers in schools.For instance, it is impossible that all thestudents, whose major is astronomy, cannot take jobs in the astronomical observatoryor be a professor in schools. Most of them have to get jobs which have norelative to their professional knowledge. As a result, hard-working in studyand having high performance do not make sense while they are working.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe that people should stress great importance on relatingwell with others rather than studying hard simply in schools so as to be successin the future work.

Vance1991

TO 批作业的亲:
因为我在word上些的,写了在复制粘贴上来的,所以会出现没有空格的情况~
请忽略木有空格哈...

lemonyhu

也谢谢你哈哈~~~
其实这篇是之前写的现在状态不好~~一起加油啦~~~

Vance1991

TPO3:
In the lecture, the professor makes severalpoints about whether the painting was draw by Rembrandt. The professor arguesthe painting was painted by Rembrandt. However, the reading contends that thereare several problems with the painting, so it may be not painted by him. Theprofessor’s lecture casts doubt on the reading with several points.

The first point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that the luxurious fur collar is added on theoriginal painting by other people hundreds years later. According to theprofessor, the reason why people do so is that people wanted to let it lookslike a formal portrait lady. It differs from the reading in that the reading statesthere is something inconsistent about the way of the woman dressed since thehat the woman dressed indicates her is a servant, therefore she could notafford the fur collar.

Another point that the professor uses tocasts doubt on the reading is the elements of light and shadow are supposed tobe realistic. The professor claims that the collar is added by people in thelater hundred years but before that its color is light, as a consequence, itcan reflect the light and illuminate the face. However, the reading states theblack fur collar would absorb the light rather than reflect it. Thus, the faceshould appear partially in shadow.

Finally, the professor states that, on thecontrary of the reading, the painting was painted on one panel. In other words,the person who added the fur collar enlarged the panel. Besides, researchersfind that the material of the original panel is as same as another painting ofRembrant(his self portrait with hat). This directly contradicts what thereading passage indicates that this painting panel is consist of several piecesof wood glued together rather than only one panel as usual as Rembrant painted.

Vance1991

TPO3:
In the lecture, the professor makes severalpoints about whether the painting was draw by Rembrandt. The professor arguesthe painting was painted by Rembrandt. However, the reading contends that thereare several problems with the painting, so it may be not painted by him. Theprofessor’s lecture casts doubt on the reading with several points.

The first point that the professor uses tocast doubt on the reading is that the luxurious fur collar is added on theoriginal painting by other people hundreds years later. According to theprofessor, the reason why people do so is that people wanted to let it lookslike a formal portrait lady. It differs from the reading in that the reading statesthere is something inconsistent about the way of the woman dressed since thehat the woman dressed indicates her is a servant, therefore she could notafford the fur collar.

Another point that the professor uses tocasts doubt on the reading is the elements of light and shadow are supposed tobe realistic. The professor claims that the collar is added by people in thelater hundred years but before that its color is light, as a consequence, itcan reflect the light and illuminate the face. However, the reading states theblack fur collar would absorb the light rather than reflect it. Thus, the faceshould appear partially in shadow.

Finally, the professor states that, on thecontrary of the reading, the painting was painted on one panel. In other words,the person who added the fur collar enlarged the panel. Besides, researchersfind that the material of the original panel is as same as another painting ofRembrant(his self portrait with hat). This directly contradicts what thereading passage indicates that this painting panel is consist of several piecesof wood glued together rather than only one panel as usual as Rembrant painted.

guoyang88

TOPIC:For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school

It is undisputed that some students believethat attending famous university and studying
hard in schools play a significantrole in their careers in the future.【Students的想法是客观存在 可以换掉It is undisputed that的说法】 Since, they deem if they are outstanding in study, they will also be succeeded in their
career. However, I hold the viewthat, although studying hard can make a difference
in the 【删掉the】people’s futurecareers, relating well with others is more important than hard-working. I willillustrate the following reasons in this essay.

To begin with, the ability of maintaining a good relationship with other during
the work is a fundament [fundament ['f?nd?m(?)nt] n. 基础；臀部；肛门
 essential]request of acompany. Because, recently, more and more 【an increasing number of 】 companies are tilting for teamwork especiallywhen deal [dealing ]with big projects on account for the efficiency and effectiveness.Take my own experience as an example: I took an internship in Microsoft inShanghai last summer. I was assigned into the smart-phone team where is developingits own smart-phone using its own chips. To produce a complete cell-phoneefficiently and effectively the company assigns a great number of teams to workon the different part of the phone, such as, a specific team for camera,another team for LCD screen. [前面这两句和论点关系不深 有点跑题] After the three month of the intern, I realize thatthe ability of relating others will and the coordination in the team members are indispensible[indispensable] to an excellent employee.What’s more, having a great relationshipwith your co-workers can be useful when you encounter problems during the work.It is undeniable that if you have a harmonious companionship with your partner,he is willing to help you when you need. I am so lucky that I have such anenthusiastic co-worker Corry who will give me a hand when I meet problems which I cannot handle on my own. For instance: when I cannot find tiny bugs of a session of code, he will help me to [assist me in] find it out. Every time when I ask him how to reward him, he just says: “we are brother.” hence, consorting with others canmake your work become easier.Moreover, most of the occupations do not require the knowledge imparted by teachers in schools[at school].For instance, it is impossible that all the students, whose major is [majors are]  astronomy, cannot take jobs in the astronomical observatory or be a professor in schools[in school=在求学。 这里是at school]. Most of them have to get jobs which have no relative to their professional knowledge. As a result, hard-working [hard-work adj. 勤勉的  形容词。 这里应为working hard] in study and having high performance [when at school] do not make sense while they are working.Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I
believe that people should stress great importance on relating well with others rather than studying hard simply in schools [at school]so as to be success [successful] in the future work.


help  more and more 之类的初级词可以替换使用。

Vance1991

TPO3:
In the lecture, the professor makes several points about whether the painting was draw by Rembrandt. The professor argues the painting was painted by Rembrandt. However, the reading contends that there are several problems with the painting, so it may be not painted by him. The professor’s lecture casts doubt on the reading with several points.


The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that the luxurious fur collar is added on the original painting by other people hundreds years later. According to the professor, the reason why people do so is that people wanted to let it looks like a formal portrait lady. It differs from the reading in that the reading states there is something inconsistent about the way of the woman dressed since the hat the woman dressed indicates her is a servant, therefore she could not afford the fur collar.

Another point that the professor uses to casts doubt on the reading is the elements of light and shadow are supposed to be realistic. The professor claims that the collar is added by people in the later hundred years but before that its color is light, as a consequence, it can reflect the light and illuminate the face. However, the reading states the black fur collar would absorb the light rather than reflect it. Thus, the face should appear partially in shadow.

Finally, the professor states that, on the contrary of the reading, the painting was painted on one panel. In other words, the person who added the fur collar enlarged the panel. Besides, researchers find that the material of the original panel is as same as another painting of Rembrant(his self portrait with hat). This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates that this painting panel is consist of several pieces of wood glued together rather than only one panel as usual as Rembrant painted.

Vance1991

TOPIC:Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on people's behavior
As the science and technology developing byleaps and bounds with passing years, people’s lifestyle takes place a dramaticchange especially when the television and movie come out. Some people professthat movies and television exert negative influence on people’s behavior sincesome programs contain violence and porn information. However, I believe thatthe advantages outweigh its drawbacks. Television and movies enable us tocultivate good habits, alter our perspectives and make us become humor.

To begin with, people can gain access tothe news home and broad which can enlarge our knowledge and broaden our horizonthrough the television. Through the media of TV people can instantly grasp theevents happened around us such as, political movement, economic trend, scientificachievements and latest products. Take me as an example: when I was studied inmy senior high school. I would watch the news channel on the television with myfather so as to relax myself after the heavy study. I addressed more attentionon the events which are close related to my country. For instance: the methodsand the attitude of China when it deals with the dispute of the Diaoyu islands.Day by day I cultivated the habit that I would watch 30-minute of news everyday before the dinner. Hence, watching television not only can relax ourselvesbut also can alert people’s habits.

What’s more, watching movies can benefitpeople to have better understanding of their own life and improve theiroutlook. It is a common sense that most of the movies have their ownsignificance rather than just for making audiences feel relaxed. Take the Titanicas an illustration: it shows an earthshaking love story to us. After I watchedthis excellent movie, I realized true love had nothing to do with money andpeople’s status. Besides, it could be beyond live or death. Love would give uscourage and power when we encounter problems. Miracles would occur due to thepower of love. Accordingly, people can slow down their life pace and stressmore importance to their mental requests and sublimate their personalities bywatching movies which is becoming more and more imperative in recent society.

Moreover, people can enhance their level ofhumor by watching television programs. Being humor is indispensible inmaintaining good relationships with others. People are willing to make friendswith you if you are humor especially in some foreign countries. Throughwatching some talk shows on television can improve your ability of humor. As aresult, you can reinforce the companionship with your friends and make morefriends.

Granted, some harmful information oncertain programs may pose a great threat to people’s behavior particularly tothe kids’. Nevertheless, our government had also notice that and employ severalstrategies to screen these nuisance. For example, legislating relative laws,establishing a department called Guangdianzongju to monitor the programs.

Taking all these aspects intoconsideration, I believe that the merits of televisions and movies overwhelmits weakness.


PS:
TO批作业的亲:
是在是太不好意思,昨天家里的无线出了点问题,作文没有上传.
给你添麻烦了~

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

In the lecture, the professor makes several points about whether the painting was draw by Rembrandt. The professor argues the painting was painted by Rembrandt. However, the reading contends that there are several problems with the painting, so it may be not painted by him. The professor’s lecture casts doubt on the reading with several points.

The first point that the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that the luxurious fur collar is added on the original painting by other people hundreds years later. According to the professor, the reason why people do so is that people wanted to let it looks like a formal portrait lady. It differs from the reading in that the reading states there is something inconsistent(这里要用名字，或者用动名词吧) about the way of the woman dressed since the hat the woman dressed indicates her is a servant, therefore she could not afford the fur collar.

Another point that the professor uses to casts doubt on the reading is the elements of light and shadow are supposed to be realistic. The professor claims that the collar is added by people in the later hundred years but before that its color is light, as a consequence, it can reflect the light and illuminate the face. However, the reading states the black（dark） fur collar would absorb the light rather than reflect it. Thus, the face should appear partially in shadow.

Finally, the professor states that, on the contrary of the reading, the painting was painted on one panel. In other words, the person who added the fur collar enlarged the panel. Besides, researchers find that the material of the original panel is as same as another painting of Rembrant(his self portrait with hat). This directly contradicts what the reading passage indicates that this painting panel is consist of several pieces of wood glued together rather than only one panel as usual as Rembrant painted.



整体不错，注意时态就好。

上善若水1018

As the science andtechnology developing by leaps and bounds with passing years, people’slifestyle takes place a dramatic change especially when the television andmovie come out. Some people profess that movies and television exert negativeinfluence on people’s behavior since some programs contain violence and porninformation. However, I believe that the advantages outweigh its drawbacks.Television and movies enable us to cultivate good habits, alter ourperspectives and make us become humor.

To begin with, people can gain access to the newshome and broad which can enlarge our knowledge and broaden our horizon throughthe television. Through the media of TV people can instantly grasp the eventshappened around us such as, political movement, economic trend, scientific achievementsand latest products. Take me as an example: when I was studied in my seniorhigh school. I would watch the news channel on the television with my father soas to relax myself after the heavy study. I addressed more attention on theevents which are close related to my country. For instance: the methods and theattitude of China when it deals with the dispute of the Diaoyu islands. Day byday I cultivated the habit that I would watch 30-minute of news everyday beforethe dinner（day by day和everyday有重复）. Hence,watching television not only can relax ourselves but also can alert（modify会不会更贴切？）people’s habits.

What’s more, watching movies can benefit people tohave better understanding of their own life and improve their outlook. It is acommon sense that most of the movies have their own significance rather thanjust for making audiencesfeel relaxed（entertainment一个词就可以代替）. Take the Titanicas an illustration: it showsan earthshaking love story to us. After I watched this excellent movie, Irealized true love had nothing to do with money and people’s status （fortune, status or fame 注意是OR不是AND）.Besides, it could be beyond live or（and  肯定句用and，否定句用or） death. Lovewould give us courage and power when we encounter problems. Miracles wouldoccur due to the power of love. Accordingly, people can slow down their lifepace and stress more importance to their mental requests and sublimate theirpersonalities by watching movies which is becoming more and more imperative inrecent society.

Moreover, people can enhance their level of humorby watching television programs. Being humor is indispensible in maintaininggood relationships with others. People are willing to make friends with you ifyou are humor especially in some foreign countries. Through watching some talkshows on television can improve your ability of humor. As a result, you canreinforce the companionship with your friends and make more friends.

Granted, some harmful information on certainprograms may pose a great threat to people’s behavior particularly to thekids’. Nevertheless, our government had also notice that and employ several strategiesto screen these nuisance. For example, legislating relative laws, establishinga department called Guangdianzongju to monitor the programs.

Taking all these aspects into consideration, Ibelieve that the merits of televisions and movies over whelmits weakness.
LZ词汇量很丰富，论证展开也很好。不过有轻微跑题之嫌。问题是对youngpeople行为的影响，文章似乎成了对people的论证。

我觉得作文写成这样可以直接上考场考31了吧。。。
如果非要鸡蛋里挑骨头的话，nativespeaker的评价是有堆砌词汇之嫌。