fairy作文贴 每日练习ING

GWinner

拜读啦~写的超棒！
P.s. 最后那个词应该是Choice哦~

fairyfinger

谢谢XD 发挥还是很不稳定的嘿嘿。。羞愧ING
拼写错误是硬伤啊

fairyfinger

8.3
Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.

As an old saying goes, parents are children's first teachers. How parents behave and react to children's request is of great importance in their children's growth. Parents are apt to do all the things for their children when they are too young to handle them alone. Yet different parents insist on different parenting method as their children grow up: some still help children in all the possible ways, while others prefer to let children deal with their work independently. As far as I'm concerned, the second way of parenting is more favorable for the following reasons.

No matter how successful and powerful parents are, they could not accompany their children for their whole lives. Chances are that the once susceptible children will go to study abroad, get married and even face their parents' death, and their parents can in no way render their help in those circumstances. Therefore, instead of offering children instant help every time they are in trouble, parents should encourage them to manage difficult situations by themselves, which can equipped children with ever-lasting 'weapons' like bravery, persistence and industriousness. Only in that way can parents 'protect' their children for the whole lifetime. On the contrary, if parents continue to help their children who are old enough to solve problems on their own, they are actually blocking their way of becoming mature. And the consequence is, one day when the vitality and vigor of their parents fade away, they will be left alone helplessly.

In addition, given opportunities to do things alone, children can become more confident and independent. Before I leave my hometown to Shanghai to pursue my undergraduate degree, my parents have almost done everything they can for me: my father bought me breakfast, sent me to school every morning and drove me home when shool was finished. Except for studying, I can almost do nothing. Although my life in Shanghai was a mess at the begining, I eventually managed to do all the things alone. The once unimaginable tasks becoms a peice of cake for me, and I therefore becomes more confident to face up more challenges independently. The fact is, by encouraging children to act alone, parents are actually giving them courage to fully display their potentials. Thus, being forced to handle things alone is a precious task in life which everyone should go through before he can really live independently and confidently.

Yet it goes beyond doubt that parents should take care of their children in every aspects when they are still too vulnerable to tackle many harsh situations in life. After all, no parents would allow their 4-year-old daughter to make a meal for herself or go to the supermarket alone to buy some daily necessities. To some extent, parenting method should be changed according to the age of children.

In sum, parents should encourage children to do things independently when they become physically mature enough, since in that way children can become metally mature and truly gain confidence.

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.

As an old saying goes, parents are children's first teachers. How parents behave and react to children's request is of great importance in their children's growth. Parents are apt to do all the things for their children when they are too young to handle them alone. Yet different parents insist on different parenting method as their children grow up: some still help children in all the possible ways, while others prefer to let children deal with their work independently. As far as I'm concerned, the second way of parenting is more favorable for the following reasons.
没什么可说的，流畅，通顺，也和清新
No matter how successful and powerful parents are, they could not accompany their children for their whole lives. Chances are that the（多余） once susceptible children will go to study abroad, get married and even face their parents' death, and（thus这样比较通顺一点吧） their parents can in no way render their help in those circumstances. Therefore, instead of offering children instant help every time they are in trouble, parents should encourage them to manage difficult situations by themselves, which can equipped children with ever-lasting 'weapons' like bravery, persistence and industriousness. Only in that way can parents 'protect' their children for the whole lifetime. On the contrary, if parents continue to help their (‘mature’? 我觉得后面的解释略长) children who are old enough to solve problems on their own, they are actually blocking their way of becoming mature（既然这用了mature那就当我没说吧，最好还是换一个表达前面）. And the consequence is, one day when the vitality and vigor of their parents fade away, they will be left alone helplessly.

In addition, given opportunities to do things alone, children can become more confident and independent. Before I leave my hometown to Shanghai to pursue my undergraduate degree, my parents have almost done everything they can for me: my father bought me breakfast, sent me to school every morning and drove me home when shool（school） was finished. Except for studying, I can almost do nothing. Although my life in Shanghai was a mess at the beginning（beginning）, I eventually managed to do all the things alone. The once unimaginable tasksbecoms（becomes） a piece（piece） of cake for me, and I therefore becomes more confident to face up more challenges independently. The fact is, by encouraging children to act alone, parents are actually giving them courage to fully display their potentials. Thus, being forced to handle things alone is a precious task in life which everyone should go through before he can really live independently and confidently.

Yet it goes beyond doubt that parents should take care of their children in every aspects when they are still too vulnerable to tackle many harsh situations in life. After all, no parents would allow their 4-year-old daughter to make a meal for herself or go to the supermarket alone to buy some daily necessities. To some extent, parenting method should be changed according to the age of children. （appealed to the children’ ageing 应该会好一点）

In sum, parents should encourage children to do things independently when they become physically mature enough, since in that way children can become metally（mentally） mature and truly gain confidence.



说说总体感觉吧：

这是一篇很好的文章，流畅清新是很大的特点

我读了两遍想看看有什么可以拿来借鉴的，发现除了这种感觉，我也不知道怎么去下手，因为太高级了

词汇用法上也不逊色，是不是会有亮点出现。

总分总结构也很出色，不生搬硬套。

除了句法结构需要在斟酌一下，不过30分钟写成这样已经很不容易了。

楼主这样下去至少28+吧

fairyfinger

谢谢楼上～我这个肯定是超时完成的，还没开始掐时间><...

fairyfinger

开始写综合。。各种不明状况。。。请狠拍和指正！感激不尽～～

The lecturer talkes about a company's observation on its team works' performances and their results. He finds out that the actual effect of team work is very different to what indicated in the passage, which ponits out that team work is advantageous.


In the first place, instead of working together to make the work proceed more quickly, the real situation is that some people got free rides. In other words, the good result was regarded as the achievenment of the whole team. Thus, some people who did not work hard are given the same credits with those who worked whole-heartedly. From that perspective, those who ought to "shine out" were negleted. That directly contradicts to the passage which says that certain individuals are getting more chance to shine in team work.

Secondly, team work did not process quickly as expected since there were many disputes among different individuals. The passage says that team work is more efficient thanks to the aggregation of labor and resources. The fact is that, however, different people hold diverted ponit of views, and team work makes it more time-consuming to reach a consent. Consequently, it will hinder the progression of team work. Therefore, the lecture oppose the passage on the ponit of work speed.

The last but not the least,  the case turns out to be that team work did not encourage more creative ideas and solutions. In any team, usually there exist some influential people in the team, who can easily sway the opinions of the whole team. On the other hand, the voice of the seemingly tiny people are likely to be ignored without furthur discussion. Therefore, the team was led only by the prestigious few, but not the best idea among all team members as the passage infers.

In sum, considering all the factors and aspects above, the lecture contradicts the passage in the working efficiency, rewardings for team members and affluency of ideas of team work.

fairyfinger

8.5 小掐时间
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Movies and television have more negative
effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Lacking experience and self-exploration, young people tend to be easily effected by television dramas and movies. They are likely to follow the behaviors of the fictional figures. And the question is, does the scenes and plots in movies and TV series influence youngsters in positive or negative ways? As for me, I believe generally television and films guide young people to live a better life. And my reasons are listed as follows.

In the first place, those positive values explained in a movie or TV drama will lead the young in the right direction. Under the supervision of the central propaganda department, the themes of the stories shown in cinemas and on television are well-chosen and strictly censored. In other words, those movies and dramas which bear the danger of stimulating negative emotions such as anti-socialism, rebellion and self-deploration will be banned. Therefore, the plots and social values in the films and television seen will cultivate young people's positive feelings like persistency, nostalgia, thanksgiving and love for life, which imperceptibly lead youngsters to behave better.

Apart from stories, many television program and documentary movies also play an educational and informational role. Nowadays, an increasing number of TV programs are offering meaningful and easily understandable lessons concerning history, world economy and technology; documentary movies like Baraka presented abundant awesome sceneries around world, which at the meantime warn the audience on environmental protection.  Unlike knowledge we learn from books, motion pictures and audio sounds in videos together provide young people with a more clear and vivid learning. In that way, the young will substantiate themselves by updated informations and varied lectures on multimedias.  


Admittedly, there are recurrent violent and pornographic scenes in videos. Young people are not mature enough to judge between reality and fiction: many would mistakenly take what they seen in the movies and dramas as the real world, and thus truly practice the bad behaviors shown in the videos.
In that perspective, television and films will definitely exert a bad effect on young people.

In sum, movies and television, on the whole, guide young people in their way of growing up in that they present positive values and educational informations. Yet parents should guard the young from watching violent and pornographic videos in case of indiscriminate imitation.

eva0401

楼主的作文好棒呀！！！  向你学习呀

ykhjy

我本来已经改好了  按错键又得重来。。。。fairy 同学， 抱歉之前改错别人的了 。。。我看这篇没改，应该是这篇把
蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色修改，绿色总结
8.1
What will you do if you want to argue with others on a controversial issue? Some hot-tempered people could not help letting out their words on the phone, or leave vocal messages if others did not answer the phone call; while others who are more introverted and calm may prefer to text a message or send an e-mail, where they can express their thoughts more freely and clearly. As for me, using written language is more suitable and comfortable, and my reasons are leasted as follows. 【这个切入点很好，不同性格的人喜欢不同方式，so as for me...观点明确】

Being always half-beat slower in thought than others, discussing through written words could give me enough time to think more clearly and comprehensively. Instead of being forced to open my mouth before grasping other's idea fully and orginizing my thoughts orderly, I can maximize my efforts on understanding other's thoughts as well as developing mine. In any discussion, a very possible consequence of not compeletly understanding other's ideas would be that both sides are just saying what they think is true,【总觉得怪怪的，你想是说只是他们自己认为对的是把，但表面看起来会有歧义，可能是they的问题】 regardless of the other sides' opinions. That would only makes【make】 the debate go around in a circle. But if given more time, the seemingly upsetting issue would become more focused, and thereby easier to be solved. 【这一段说明written message的优点，句子高级，注意一些小错误就好了】

Besides, sending e-mails and texting messgaes can prevent people from interfering by the other sides' biased thoughts and emotions. As we are all humans, we tend to be easily effected by other people's emotions. For instance, in Henan province, a fish seller killed one of his customers on impulse while they are arguing about the price of the fishes. Thus, a formerly very tiny dispute evolved into a big tragedy becuase of the harsh and extrem words used by the two at the very moment. From that example, it is clear that vocal languages, carrying too much emotions and instant thoughts, will undoubtedly hinder one's sober mental state and unbiased judgment. Therefore, e-mails and texts are preferable when disucussing a controversial issue.【这一段说了written message的优点2，用了例子论证，又有例子的分析，总结。很好。】

Yet I concede that the perticular tones,pitch and rymthe of voices can, in some circumstances, help the speaker convince the other side. This is beacuse vocal language sometimes conveys more than just thoughts and opininions: they also send signals about the speakers' emotions and feelings by characteristics of the voice. For instance, although the the draft of 'I have a dream' is heart-stricking and encouraging, without the vivid and emotional performance of Martin Luther King, it could not have had so huge an infulence on the Black Liberation Movements. But on the contrary, a convincing script spoken by a poor speaker who stammers occassionally would only undermine the reliability of those opinions. 【这一段让步，说明对立面的可取之处，但是是有条件的可取。举例+正反对比。】

In the final analysis, I favor written words when debating on a disputing topic for the reason that they give me more time and solemnity【thus can help me】 to handle the issue successfully.【我觉得这里句子长意思上会不明确，分隔开来比较好】 Admittedly, for people who has a nice speaking manner, using vocal communication is also a good voice【choice】.
【整篇文章，观点明确，结构清晰，论证分析很好。楼主好强大。只要注意下一些小错误，还有为了明确意思，有些句子最好不要太长。】

ykhjy

我终于搞清楚改什么了。。
蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色修改，绿色总结
8.4 综合  
The lecturer talks about a company's observation on its team works' performances and their results. He finds out that the actual effect of team work is very different to what indicated in the passage, which ponits out that team work is advantageous【我觉得这句话会不会有些指代不明】. 【首段指出了主要内容以及与reading passage的关系，已经达到目的了】


In the first place, instead of working together to make the work proceed more quickly, the real situation is that some people got free rides. In other words, the good result was regarded as the achievenment of the whole team. Thus, some people who did not work hard are given the same credits with those who worked whole-heartedly. From that perspective, those who ought to "shine out" were negleted. That directly contradicts to the passage which says that certain individuals are getting more chance to shine in team work.

Secondly, team work did not process quickly as expected since there were many disputes among different individuals. The passage says that team work is more efficient thanks to the aggregation of labor and resources. The fact is that, however, different people hold diverted ponit of views, and team work makes it more time-consuming to reach a consent. Consequently, it will hinder the progression of team work. Therefore, the lecture oppose the passage on the ponit of work speed. 【感觉这个和第一点是同一个把，quickly work process 和 work speed】

The last but not the least, the case turns out to be that team work did not encourage more creative ideas and solutions. In any team, usually there exist some influential people in the team, who can easily sway the opinions of the whole team. On the other hand, the voice of the seemingly tiny people are likely to be ignored without furthur discussion. Therefore, the team was led only by the prestigious few, but not the best idea among all team members as the passage infers.

In sum, considering all the factors and aspects above, the lecture contradicts the passage in the working efficiency, rewardings for team members and affluency of ideas of team work. 【结构清晰，过程详细，但想和lz探讨下，这篇文章是不是这样三个点：1.work speed 2. creative ideas and solutions not always come 3. not always be rewarding for team members  】