水极了的Hans开始写作文啦

hansxiao7

多谢kch啦O(∩_∩)O

hansxiao7

Currently, the society is developing rapidly, so is styles of clothes for people to choose. Apart from bringing sheer beautiful appearance, some people argue that clothes is an extremely typical indicator of people's character or personality. However, from my perspective, large categories of clothes cannot represent people's personality.

To begin with, it is exceedingly undeniable that lots of people who choose what they will dress mainly on the basis of modern trends, rather than their characteristic. Not only adolescence but also adults, who prefer to the most prevalent clothes and follow popularity, are all eager to dress large quantities of clothes. If we just judge them with their dress, it will lead to grievous misjudgments. A case in the point is the popularity of Japanese style in China 10 years ago. Splits on jeans, metallic buttons and sprinkling rings: these are all Japanese styles. In order to get more benefits and get more attention, nearly all clothes in China were designs with those and everyone had at least had one on that period. With the prevalent trend, hardly can we identify people's personality just by their clothes.

In addition, for the purpose of discipline in working places, there are substantial amount of places ordering their employees or students to wear the identical uniform.  It is generally accepted that their clothes can show people's jobs, but it is hardly appropriate for us to use the way people dressed as a dictation of people's personality, but . In schools, everyone students wear clothes with the same color and style, those who do not follow the order will get punishments and should pay for exorbitant prices, even forced to quit school in China. In working places, if employees work without uniform, bosses and superintendents will order them to pay a fine for not following the regulation. In army, soldiers who without the uniform will be considered as losing allegiance and ambition, and subsequently be seen as betrayal person. On no account can we recognize people's characteristic by their clothes because attires are always of extremely great similarity.

To sum up, with the similarity of uniforms and popular trends which are all of great significance on people's clothes, we can scarcely say the way a person dressed is a good indication of his personality.

qianjun06

Currently, the society is developing rapidly, so isdoes the styles of clothes for people to choose. Apart from bringing sheer beautiful appearance, some people argue that clothes is an extremely typical indicator of people's character or personality. However, from my perspective, large categories(什么意思？没看懂） of clothes cannot represent people's personality.

To begin with, it is exceedingly undeniable that lots of people who choose what they will dress mainly on the basis of modern trends, rather than their characteristic. Not only adolescence but also adults, who prefer to the most prevalent clothes and follow popularity, are all eager to dress large quantities of clothes穿大量的衣服？可以改成拥有许多fashionable dress. If we just judge them with their dress, it will lead to grievous misjudgments. A case in the point is the popularity of Japanese style in China 10 years ago. Splits on jeans, metallic buttons and sprinkling rings: these are all Japanese styles. In order to get more benefits and get more attention, nearly all clothes in China were designs with those stylesand everyone had at least had one on that period. With the prevalent trend, hardly can we identify people's personality just by their clothes.

In addition, for the purpose of discipline in working places, there are substantial amount of places ordering their employees or students to wear the identical uniform.  It is generally accepted that their clothes can show people's jobs, but it is hardly appropriate for us to use the way people dressed as a dictation of people's personality, but . In schools, everyone students wear clothes with the same color and style, those who do not follow the order will get punishments and should pay for exorbitant prices, evenbe forced to quit school in China. In working places, if employees work without uniform, bosses and superintendents will order them to pay a fine for not following the regulation. In army, soldiers who without the uniform will be considered as losing allegiance and ambition, and subsequently be seen as betrayal person. On no account can we recognize people's characteristic by their clothes because attires are always of extremely great similarity.

To sum up, with the similarity of uniforms and popular trends which are all of great significance on people's clothes, we can scarcely say the way a person dressed is a good indication of his personality.

理由蛮充分，少了段吧，多加个例子，或者反证一下

hansxiao7

Currently ,with the development of science and society, it is exceedingly obvious that people are getting more convenience than ever before. However, with entirely comfortable life, lots of people insist that humans are now less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. From my perspective, the idea is incontrovertible on the contemporary life and here are my reasons.

To begin with, modern science and technology, such as steam machines, cars and computers, can lead to great dilemmas and originate calamities. At the sacrifice of fossil fuels and atmosphere, society is developing in an particularly astounding speed, and subsequently make people to live increasingly comfortable and convenient. However, the rapid deterioration of environment and misuses and abuses of unrenewable resources have both tremendously contributed to people's bad health in the modern world. Drinking water in river streams can lead to cancers; breathing polluted air will cause respiratory diseases such as asthma; eating contaminated food can render people get cardiac vascular disease: these are very scarce in ancient times. How can people get satisfied and happy with growing contamination? In addition, instant food, instant communications, faster transportations:all of these innovations are developed to save time. Ironically, instead of make more leisure time available, they have contributed to the pace of human affairs which is more frantic and more rushed than ever before. With less time to relax, the substantial amount of people died because of their hard working. On no account can we ignore the great impact of science and technology on that people are now less happy.

In addition, it is undeniable that growing population has made the society more competitive, and consequently most people are not satisfied. For getting exceptionally beneficial in future job markets, people should acquire more knowledge than before, especially for students. For example, as a student who major in civil engineering, compared to just getting practical experience in ancient times, I need to learn structural analysis, knowledge of reinforced concrete to make me easier to get employed in the future. Diplomas of college will never become very useful, even the ones of master. With the gradually fiercer competitions, a quantity of load has been put on our shoulder. Even after getting jobs, you must study for credentials in order to get advancements. That is why I get the conclusion that people today are less happy with the competitive situation.

To sum up, with the proliferation of science and technology and fiercer competition, hardly can people be more happy than people in ancient times.

lcaecar

Currently ,with the development of science and society, it is exceedingly obvious that people are getting more convenience than ever before. However这里改成让步更通顺一些, with entirely comfortable life, lots of people insist that humans are now less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. From my perspective, the idea is incontrovertible on the contemporary life and here are my reasons.这里可能有歧义

To begin with, modern science and technology指代不对-steam machines，cars，computers ≠ science and technology；car --> automobiles 更美式一点, such as steam machines, cars and computers, can lead to great dilemmas and originate calamities. At the sacrifice of fossil fuels and atmosphere, society is developing in an particularly astounding speed, and subsequently make people to live increasingly comfortable and convenient. However, the rapid deterioration of environment and misuses and abuses精简一点节省时间，表达也简练 of unrenewable resources have both tremendously contributed to people's bad health in the modern world. Drinking water in river streams can lead to cancers; breathing polluted air will cause respiratory diseases such as asthma; eating contaminated food can render people get cardiac vascular disease好排比: these are very scarce in ancient times. How can people get satisfied and happy with growing contamination? In addition, instant food, instant communications, faster transportations:all of these innovations are developed to save time. Ironically, instead of make more leisure time available, they have contributed to accelerated the pace of human affairs which is more frantic and more rushed than ever before. With less time to relax, the substantial amount of people died because of their hard working. On no account can we ignore the great impact of science and technology on that people are now less happy.

In addition, it is undeniable that growing population has made the society more competitive, and consequently most people are not satisfied. For getting exceptionally beneficial benefit in future job markets, people should acquire more knowledge than before, especially for students. For example, as a student who major in civil engineering, compared to just getting practical experience in ancient times, I need to learn structural analysis, knowledge of reinforced concrete to make me easier to get employed in the future. Diplomas of college will never become very useful, even the ones of master. With the gradually fiercer competitions, a quantity of load has been put on our shoulder. Even after getting jobs, you must study for credentials in order to get advancements. That is why I get the conclusion that people today are less happy with the competitive situation.

To sum up, with the proliferation of science and technology and fiercer competition, hardly can people be more happy than people in ancient times.

楼主写作水平很高，增长了词汇量
但是读起来却很费力，托福作文不只是长句，从句堆积起来的，为了增加可读性在例子过度或者举例子之前考虑一用一些短句子来过度，不要追求过度修饰...

hansxiao7

7.21
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition on the contemporary life, people are wondering how to particularly succeed. Therefore, there are substantial amount of people arguing that those who do not accept other's criticism cannot succeed in a team. As far as I am concerned, whether a person should accept team members' criticism depend on several conditions to some extent.

To begin with, it is undeniable that most of the criticisms from our team are always very fair, especially those including morals, respect and ethics. These are all inevitably integral factors for success in a team. A specific case in the point is the racial discrimination, which can be extremely detrimental to the cohesion of the team. White people, especially those with racialism, consider black and yellow men as inferior race. However, people are all the same in the modern world and every race is equivalent. Considering respect and friendship, when others give us these  criticisms, we must accept that because mutual respect is the fundament of the team's success. Providing that a white man uses a large number of rude words to estimate others, without criticism he will become a bomb in the team and devastate the whole mission, not to speak of the success. No wonder some of the criticism we must accept in order to get final success.

However, it is hardly appropriate to argue that all of criticisms should be accepted for team members. In quantities of situations, some team members critic us because they want to be put in an exceptionally more beneficial place in the team than they deserve. As is known to all, benefits  and awards are attributed on  the basis of contributions and efforts. Subsequently, we should not accept this category of criticism for everyone's rights. For instance, as a student who major in civil engineering, I once was a leader of a surveying team, and I could rank team members' scores after the mission. Some people in my team argued that they could not have a C with other people's A. In fact, they scarcely came to the working site and were always late. On no account can we accept this kind of criticism for protecting all team members' rights.

Judging from the evidence above, some principal criticism can not merely help us to build better relationship with team members, but also lead to the final success. But some unfair criticism, we must ignore them for holding justice in the team.

晨依Jacqueline

加油 小孩~~

guodonghu

7.21
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition on the contemporary life, people are wondering how to particularly succeed. Therefore,there aresubstantial amount of people argue (arguing) that those who do not accept other's criticism cannot succeed in a team. As far as I am concerned, whether a person should accept team members' criticism depend on several conditions to some extent.

To begin with, it is undeniable that most of the criticisms from our team arealways (用词过于绝对)very fair, especially those including morals, respect and ethics. These are all inevitably integral factors for success in a team. A specific case in the point is the racial discrimination, which can be extremely detrimental to the cohesion of the team. White people, especially those with racialism, consider black and yellow men as inferior races. However, people are all the same in the modern world and every race is （equivalent） equal.. Considering respect and friendship, when others give us these  criticisms, we must accept that them because mutual respect is the fundament of the team's success. Providing that a white man uses a large number of rude words to estimate others, without criticism he will become a bomb in the team and devastate the whole mission, not to speak of the success. No wonder some of the criticisms we must accept in order to get final success.

However, it is hardly appropriate to argue that all of criticisms should be accepted for team members. In quantities of situations, some team members critic (critic 是名词)criticize us because they want to be put in an exceptionally more beneficial place in the team than they deserve.  As is known to all, benefits  and awards are attributed on  the basis of contributions and efforts. Subsequently, we should not accept this category of criticism for everyone's rights. For instance, as a student who majors in civil engineering, I once was a leader of a survey team, and I could rank team members' scores after the mission. Few(Some)  (用some给我的感觉指团队里面的一些人，这样的感觉就是团队中有一部分人认为你是不公正的，给我的感觉teamleader有问题，用few的话指少部分人提出批评，大部分人对你还是认可的） people in my team argued that they could not have a C with other people's A. In fact, they scarcely came to the working site and were always late. On no account can we accept this kind of criticism for protecting all team members' rights.

Judging from the evidences above, some principal criticisms can not merely help us to build better relationship with team members, but also lead to the final success. But some unfair criticisms, we must ignore them for holding justice in the team.

总的来说写的很好。
结构很好，论证有力，例子选的也很恰当。值得我好好学习。
水平有限，文章硬伤我没有找到。仅有一些小地方需要再斟酌一下。
名词单复数，动词，有些错误仔细检查应该可以避免。
望尽快修改我作文，谢谢！

hansxiao7

加油 小孩~~

-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/7/21 21:19:43)

大乂姐威武。。。竟然来看我的作文。。。

hansxiao7

7.22
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, people are wondering how to succeed on the contemporary life.At the same time, people have noticed the significance of dreams and goals, which are integral factors for their future success. Substantial amount of people argue that people should focus on realistic goals rather than ambitious dreams. However, on the contrary of the former opinion is my heartfelt agreement on the idea that the significance of the ambitious dreams, even some are not realistic, outweighs the one of realistic goals.

To begin with, ambitious dreams have played an essential role in the development of whole humans. Since ancient times, people spontaneously have their dreams, and have tried their best to achieve them. That's mainly from the desire to live better and extremely more convenient. Ancient people did not want to taste the bloody meat any more, so they developed fire the cook food; Europeans were not willing to live in their limited places, and subsequently they used compass to voyage to Asia and the New World; producers were not able to build factories along any river streams, and therefore they innovated steam machines; people even wanted to fly in the sky as birds, and consequently the planes became an important vehicle for transportation. Those are all dreams, even unrealistic. People might used large quantities of satires to tell the dreamers: "Why do not you change your dreams to unrealistic ones?" While without those unrealistic dreams, how was the society developing in such an astounding speed at that time? The realistic ones can inevitably make the society stable, not to make it develop. Just as sky is the desire to birds, so are the dreams to the humans. On no account can we ignore the tremendous importance of the dreams to humans' development.


In addition, some dreams seem to be unrealistic, but they could be finally achieved. Just as the saying goes, nothing is impossible. A case in the point is Jan Vermeer, who was one of the most famous master of painting in light and shadow in Dutch Golden Age. He wanted to become a painter, rather than the traditionary professions as the lawyer and politician. But people at that time thought it was only a dream of hogwash. Consequently, Jan were not capable of selling anyone of his painting until he died, leaving no assets but a large number of debts for his family members. Life likes a box of chocolate, and you will never know what flavor of the next one. After ten years, some people found Jan's painting, and his dream finally came true after his death. Providing that a person dedicate his whole life to try to achieve his dream, his dream can finally come true, even at the beginning everyone think that is unrealistic.

To sum up, with the significance of the dreams to humans' development and the idea that ambitious dreams can also be achieved, people should focus on their dreams rather than just realistic goals.