水极了的Hans开始写作文啦

hansxiao7

从今开始一天一篇，从水库向水杯前进！

hansxiao7

7月12日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.

Coincident with the fierce competition in the job market on the contemporary life, there are increaing number of universities or colleges are offering more courses to prepare students for future before they start working in order to make students adapt to the working environment after graduating. This has become a hot topic in the modern world. I think this kind of thing is exceptionally beneficial for students,and here are my reasons.

To begin with, it is undeniable that main courses of universities are imparting theories and equations to students, and subsequently students may wonder how to efficiently use them to real work. After getting courses before initiating working, students can get pratical skills to be extremely in a beneficial place in the future competition. At the same time, students will also get more opportunities of advancement than those who don't get the courses. As a student who major in civil engineering, structural analysis is a main course for me when I was in my university. After studying it, I was indeed proficient in solving structural problems in exams. Unfortunately, I could hardly analyze any building with that at that time. Thanks to the courses of their uses in another course before graduate, I finally grasped the idea of designing real building with that. On no account can we ignore the great impact of the applicant courses before graduation.

In addition, some courses before graduation are even more significant than applicant courses, especially the classes to teach students how to contact with others. It is extremely incontrovertible that the knowledge of communication has a typically great influence on people's development in the future, which is more important than the knowledge by rote. For example, after my graduation, the primary thing was to get accquaintance with team members and bosses in my new working place. With the knowledge of communication after taking courses from my university, I could not merely understand how to get along with them politely, but also help my team work tremendously more efficient. That also led my advancement after working 2 years in the same position.

Judging from above evidence, it is indeed appropriate to say colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. With significant benefits, students who take these cousres will really get a good future.

hansxiao7

7月13独立
Concomitant with the growing awareness of the extremely detrimental environment in big cities, there are increasingly amount of people are moving from cities to rural areas in order to get healthy. However, many citizens insist that this behavior is at the sacrifice of diminishing the quality of taking care of their families. As far as I am concerned, living in rural or suburbs is less convenient for people to take care of their families, and subsequently the people who live in urban areas can take  better care of their families compared with people who live in rural areas.

To begin with, it is undeniable that large quantities of modern technology, such as the washing machine and cooking robots,which is tremendously mature and versatile,is making people easier to look after their family members. Living in urban means that people will get the advanced technology and innovations as soon as possible. On contrast, these development should spend lots of years spreading and proliferating in rural. For example, the cooking robots are particularly common in Shenzhen, China, and even some restaurants are using them instead of real people. With that unprohibitive machine, people can not merely cook palatable feast for family members, but also finish cooking in just few minutes, which is more imperative in the increasingly frantic world. However, in rural areas, people today cannot have the access to buy such a perfect robot to take care of their family members.

In addition, living in urban means people are more accessible to public devices. Just as wings are indispensable for birds, so are categories of  public devices to humans. They are all integral parts of people's lives, and living cities means they can take better care of their families with them, especially advanced medical technology of urban's clinics. Because medical cares and technology in cities by all means have typically greater benefits than in rural,it is incontrovertible that citizens can look after their family members when they are ill and hospitalized.When my grandma is ill, my mother prefer to take her to cities' big hospitals, rather than let her diagnosed by rural clinics. On no account can we ignore the great significance and convenience of living in urban.

Judging from above evidence,compared with people who live in urban areas,the people who live in rural areas can take worse care of their families. Living in cities means people are more accessible to technologies and public devices, which are all essential for people to take care of their families.

hansxiao7

只有415个字。。。囧爆了。。。还差点没写完

chasedreamabc

老规矩，红色为错误，蓝色为存疑，高亮是精彩
好久没改作文了，可能有改错的地方

Coincident with the fierce competition in the job market on the contemporary life, there are increaing number（are ＆ number，单复数，任意改动一个，用there be有点冗） of universities or collegesare offering（offer）more courses to prepare students for future before they start working in order to make students adapt to the working environment after graduating. This has become（2个动词，became）a hot topic in the modern world. I think this kind of thing（指代不清晰）is exceptionally beneficial for students, and here are my reasons.

To begin with, it is undeniable that main courses of universities are imparting theories and equations to students, and subsequently students may wonder how to efficiently use them to real work. After getting courses before initiating working, students can get pratical（practical） skills to be extremely in a beneficial place in the（a） future competition. At the same time, students will also get more opportunities of advancement （advanced opportunities）than those who don't（do not） get the courses. As a student who major in civil engineering, structural analysis is a main course for me (前文用的a student，现在用me 显得不是很恰当，下同)when I was in my university. After studying it, I was indeed proficient in solving structural problems in exams. Unfortunately, I could hardly analyze any building with that（that指的是？ by the skill） at that time. Thanks to the courses of their（指代是什么？用所有格就不是of了，their courses） uses（主语courses）in another（other） course before graduate（before doing ，graduating）, I finally grasped the idea of designing real building with that. On no account can we ignore the great impact of the applicant courses before graduation.

In addition, some courses before graduation are even more significant than applicant courses, especially the classes to teach students（应该被动） how to contact with others. It is extremely incontrovertible that the knowledge of communication has a typically great influence on people's development in the future, which （指代距离过远）is more important than the knowledge by rote. For example, after my graduation（I graduated）, the primary thing was to get acquaintance with team members and bosses（numbers包含boss的吧？） in my new working（work本身有n.的词性，这个前文也出现的很多次）place. With the knowledge of communication after taking courses from my university（take…from…？）, I could not merely（not…only…，but…also…）understand how to get along with them politely, but also help my team work tremendously more efficient. That also led my advancement after working 2 years in the same position.

Judging from above evidence（+s）, it is indeed appropriate to say colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. With significant benefits, students who take these cousres（courses） will really get a good future.

PS:Hans写完一定要检查一下，一些单复数＆拼写错误就没有了
另外被动的地方参考一下http://baike.baidu.com/view/135.htm，比较详细

hansxiao7

7月14独立
With the development of society, there are growing number of people who have different ideas with their grandparents in the modern world. Grandparents' ideas and suggestions seem to have been obsolete, and consequently lots of people, especially young citizens, insist that the advices from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years. As far as I am concerned, there are still substantial amount of advices are extremely essential for our development, although some has been out-dated with the improvement of science and technology today.

To begin with, on no account can we ignore the significant impact of grandparents' suggestions on our moral establishment. It is undeniable that when we were in our childhood years, grandparents always told us such fairy tales as White Snow. Instead of bringing us sheer enjoyment, this category of story was indeed a approach for our grandparents to impart moral values to us. In China, there are large quantities of stories about Lei Feng, who dedicated himself to the construction of the country. When I was a child, my grandparents ever told me his stories to encourage me to be a helpful person in the future. Therefore, It is extremely essential and imperative for us to get the criterion of morals from our grandparents because the moral values are the same even the world has changed a lot during fifty years. In addition, grandparents can also give us advices of the society. As students, it is undeniable that our grandparents have more social experience than us. For instance, they can tell us how to contact with others politely. Their advices can be exceptionally beneficial for our future development.

However, it is hardly appropriate to say all advices of them are entirely true and useful for us. With the development of the technology, generation gap is an inevitable question for us. Their ideas about the social development maybe out of date. A case in the point is that when I finished the entrance exam of universities, my grandpa wanted me to choose civil engineering as my major. In his mind, civil engineering was a major that could be really useful for a person's future capacity, but it is not the same today with the increasingly competitive job markets. Lots of architects have already occupied the market of estates, and subsequently, I chose designing spacecrafts as my major in order to get more opportunities to be employed.

Judging from above evidence, it is significant for our grandparents to give moral and social advices to us, but some of their advices of the social development are out of date. Only by noticing that can we get the best option of our future development.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Concomitant with the growing awareness of the extremely detrimental environment in big cities, there are increasingly amount of people are moving from cities to rural areas in order to get healthy. However, many citizens insist that this behavior is at the sacrifice of diminishing the quality of taking care of their families. As far as I am concerned, living in rural or suburbs is less convenient for people to take care of their families, ;（这个地方就用分号了，是两个句子）and subsequently the people who live in urban areas can take better care of their families compared with people who live in rural areas（去掉显得简洁一些哈）.

To begin with, it is undeniable that large quantities of modern technology复数额，亲, such as the washing machines and cooking robots,which isare tremendously mature and versatile, is making people(it,make it easire for people,) easier to look after their family members. （这里加个连接词什么的，）Living in urban means that people will get the advanced technology and innovations as soon as possible. On contrast, these developments should spend lots of years spreading and proliferating in rural areas. For example, the cooking robots are particularly common in Shenzhen, China, and even some restaurants are using them instead of real people. With that unprohibitive machine, people can not merely cook palatable feast for family members, but also finish cooking in just few minutes, which is more imperative in the increasingly frantic world. However, in rural areas, people today cannot have the access to buy such a perfect robot to take care of their family members.

In addition, living in urban means people are more accessible to public devices. Just as wings are indispensable for birds, so are categories of  public devices to humans. They are all integral parts of people's lives, and living （in）cities means they can take better care of their families with them, especially advanced medical technology of urban's clinics. Because medical cares and technology in cities by all means have typically greater benefits than in rural, it is incontrovertible that citizens can look after their family members when they are ill and hospitalized. （For example）When my grandma is ill, my mother prefer to take her to cities' big hospitals, rather than let her diagnosed by rural clinics. On no account can we ignore the great significance and convenience of living in urban.（结尾和前面要有联系的额。）

Judging from above evidence, compared with people who live in urban areas, the people who live in rural areas can take worse care of their families. Living in cities means people are more accessible to technologies and public devices, which are all essential for people to take care of their families.

总体不错额，句子和用词都还好。就是整体的结构要处理好。呵呵，加油亲。

还有不好意思改晚了，I am really sorry.

包子不包子

7月14独立
With the development of society, there are is a growing number of people who have different ideas with their grandparents in the modern world. Grandparents' ideas and suggestions seem to have been obsolete, and consequently lots of people, especially young citizens, insist that the advices from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years. As far as I am concerned, there are still substantial amount of advices are extremely essential for our development, although some has been out-dated with the improvement of science and technology today.

To begin with, on no account can we ignore the significant impact of grandparents' suggestions on our moral establishment. It is undeniable that when we were in our childhood years, grandparents always told us such fairy tales as White Snow. Instead of bringing us sheer enjoyment, this category of story was indeed a an approach for our grandparents to impart moral values to us. In China, there are large quantities of stories about Lei Feng, who dedicated himself to the construction of the country. When I was a child, my grandparents ever told me his stories to encourage me to be a helpful person in the future. Therefore, It is extremely essential and imperative for us to get the criterion of morals from our grandparents because the moral values are the same even the world has changed a lot during fifty years. In addition, grandparents can also give us advices of the society. As students, it is undeniable重复了 换个句型吧 that our grandparents have more social experience than us. For instance, they can tell us how to contact with others politely. Their advices can be exceptionally beneficial for our future development.换了一个论点还是重启一段比较好的
这段例证有些琐碎 加强句子的高效性哦~

However, it is用了好多强调句啊 hardly appropriate to say all advices of them are entirely exactly true and useful for us. With the development of the technology, generation gap is an inevitable question for us. Their ideas about the social development maybe out of date. A case in the point is that when I finished the entrance exam of universities, my grandpa wanted me to choose civil engineering as my major. In his mind, civil engineering was a major that could be really useful for a person's future capacity, but it is not the same today with the increasingly competitive job markets. Lots of architects have already occupied the market of estates, and subsequently, I chose designing spacecrafts as my major in order to get more opportunities to be employed.段尾加一句话总结吧

Judging from above evidence the evidence above, it is significant for our grandparents to give moral and social advices to us, but some of their advices of the social development are out of date. Only by noticing that can we get the best option of our future development.最后一段怎么感觉跑题了 应该是说祖父母的意见是否还有用 怎么说到自身发展了？Hans再想想？

观点是没有什么问题 句型再多遍一些更好 j句子要在高效一些
要注意最后总结 小心跑题哈 加油~~

hansxiao7

With the development of human beings, a large quantitiy of problems has become extremely obvious, such as the polluted environment and the conflicts of humans. There are lots of people insist that the most important problems in today's world will be solves in our life time. However, as far as I am concered, the most important problems will never be solved and those problems will become particularly deteriorated.

The pollution of our environment has become a significant problem since the industrial time. After innovating steam machines, more fossil fuels have been burned in order to improve the quality of people's life. Apart from bringing sheer convenience, the burning of fossil fuels emit the substantial amount of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases. Subsequently, global warming has a typically great impact on our lives. The thaw of glaciers engulf islands; habitats of animals are diminishing in a astounding speed; weather around the world has become hotter and hotter. These are all grievous problems of the industriation, and that has originated a vicious cycle. The hotter the weather, the more fuels are used to produce electricity to conduct air-conditioning. At the same time, the contamination of water, the misuses and abuses of unrewable resouces all lead to rapid environmental deterioration. Some people may argue that we can harness new energy sources to handle this problems. However, exploiting this environmentally fridendly resouces will spend a number of time. By all means, we cannot wait the proliferations of that category of sources in our lifetime.

In addition, the conflicts and wars are becoming frequently on the contemporary life. Science and technology has improved since the past hundred years, but the humanity has not become a littile improved. Only the humanity can solve the problem of wars and conflicts because they can impart high moral values to people. But as you see, too much emphasis was put on innovations and developments, and that will lead to dilemmas and originate calamities. A case in the point in the Fishing Island, which is the territory of China, but Japan always say the island is a part of Japan in order to get the military benefits. In our lifetime, we can never achieve the entire peace with the lure and ambience of people who have differnent religions and ideas.

To sum up, the most important problems for human beings, especially the environmental pollution and wars, will not be sovled in our lifetime.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

With the development of human beings, a large quantitiy of problems hasve become extremely obvious, such as the polluted environment and the conflicts of humans. There are lots of people insist that the most important problems in today's world will be solves in our lifetime. However, as far as I am concered, the most important problems will never be solved and those problems will become particularly deteriorated.

The pollution of our environment has become a significant problem since the industrial time. After innovating steam machines, more fossil fuels have been burned in order to improve the quality of people's life. Apart from bringing sheer convenience, the burning of fossil fuels emit the substantial amount of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases. Subsequently, global warming has a typically great impact on our lives. Such as The thaw of glaciers engulf islands; habitats of animals are diminishing in a astounding speed; weather around the world has become hotter and hotter. These are all grievous problems of the industriation, and that has originated a vicious cycle. The hotter the weather, the more fuels are used to produce electricity to conduct air-conditioning. At the same time, the contamination of water, the misuses and abuses of unrewable resouces all lead to rapid environmental deterioration. Some people may argue that we can harness new energy sources to handle this problems. However, exploiting this environmentally fridendly resouces will spend a number of time. By all means, we cannot wait the proliferations of that category of sources in our lifetime.

In addition, the conflicts and wars are becoming frequently on the contemporary life. Science and technology has been improved since（during 或in）the past hundred years, but the humanity has not become a littile improved（是说humanity没有进步？）. Only the humanity can solve the problem of wars and conflicts because they can impart high moral values to people. But as you see, too much emphasis was put on innovations and economical developments, and that will lead to dilemmas and originate calamities. A case in the point in the Fishing Island, which is the territory of China, but Japan always say the island is a part of Japan in order to get the military benefits. 这个转折的就很突兀，加个连接词会好一点。In our lifetime, we can never achieve the entire peace with the lure and ambience of people who have differnent religions and ideas.

To sum up, the most important problems for human beings, especially the environmental pollution and wars, will not be sovled in our lifetime.

Hans的作文，论述的很好。其实我觉得第一段里面的分论点可以写成两段额。这样可以增加段数。

作文毕竟是在有限时间内写成，然后你只要把自己的观点论述明白就好。不需要perfect的。