【写作小分队】sang的作文贴，求狠拍！

sang824

7.4 独立~
Sang MM（没叫错吧，看头像是个mm呢~）
文章里面有很多不错的词组，句子。我学习了不少呢。
文章结构，我觉得有两段的结论得出感觉有点欠缺，我已经标明了。
还有such的句式，用的比较多，建议可以换其他的表达方式试试。
还有个问题是，有的句子太长了，写了从句就忘记了主句。所以有点错误呢~我也已经标在文章中啦~如果我有什么考虑不周全的地方，你告诉，我们再讨论一下哈~
加油啦~
Such a great concern that people nowadays are eating less healthyfood than they did in past(这句话结构不对，建议加上半句has been widely discussedby the increasing number of people之类的补全啦). With theconstantly development of technology, enormous change(changes) happened to thefood we eat today at the same time. Faced with such a serious issue(我觉得这个结论说的不充分呢，因为前面只是food说有变化，也没说是好是坏， 然后得出这个结论感觉挺突然的), from my perspective,I have to admit that the food quality in present is inferior to it before.

The first and major reason contributes to such(已经有3个such了哦~) change is that more and more people are pursuing hugeprofits at the sacrifice of their morality. In order to obtain quantities ofreturn and keep their products fresh as long as possible, they add chemicaladditives into food to make them tasty and full of nutrition(这个理由感觉跟fresh关联不是很紧密). Consequently,side effects far exceedthe benefits as their expectation. For instance, the tragedy of baby milk hasexerted deep impression on public. Thousands of babies suffered from the serious negative influenceowing to the chemical additives put in the milk, even a few of them lost theiryoung life without gaining an opportunity to experience this colorful world.Condemned were those cruel milk producers, it is also undeniable that thesecurity of food has become more and more obscure.

Furthermore, the process of environment deteoriation(deterioration) also cast somenegative impact on the foodqualities. The conditions where organism grows today are notas appropriate asthey used to. For example, the soil standard and air condition has been largelyaffected by global warming; they are unable to furnish plants with sufficient nutrition andmoisture. Unfortunetly(unfortunately), such(又是such这个句式哦~) consequence has achain effect. (我觉得这还少句话，没有交代清楚。跟第一段差不多，少了nutrition和moisture为什么就会有很多toxin呢？)Toxin accumulated as food goes forward to a higher level infood cycle, and human beings, who occupy the top of the cycle, are subjected todamage to the fullest.

Despite the fact that thanks to process ofglobalization and expansion of technology, people grasp the change to enjoy allkinds of food, whether local one or that imported from foreign countries.(despite只连接了前半句，后半句不见了。是不是写的好长一句话，就把despite这个词忘记了啊？) Eating food of various locations and cooking methods is obviouslyan exciting experience. However, it is not news(new)that an increasing number of people arereported to suffer from food poisoning and physical disorder. With multiplechoices of food types, we can hardly find out 100 percent healthy food anymore.Under such circumstances, it is never exaggerated that food today is not ofidentical quality as before.(这段的主题不明确啊，从段首第一句话看应该是食物丰富了，但为什么后面又在说食品不安全了呢？)

In a nutshell, taking the severe consequences ofenvironment problems and unavoidable human behaviors, it is of greatdifficulty to assure food standard. Thus, I feel greatly sorry to arrive at theconclusion that food in past was superior to present.

-- by 会员 DanielleZ (2012/7/5 0:38:34)

谢谢Danielle的意见，都很好，这次主要注意用词去了，结构逻辑竟然出了那么大漏洞。。捂脸。。
不过第四段我是想写让步啦，虽然食物丰富，但随之而来的是更大的担忧..
一起加油！～

DanielleZ

7.4 独立~
Sang MM（没叫错吧，看头像是个mm呢~）
文章里面有很多不错的词组，句子。我学习了不少呢。
文章结构，我觉得有两段的结论得出感觉有点欠缺，我已经标明了。
还有such的句式，用的比较多，建议可以换其他的表达方式试试。
还有个问题是，有的句子太长了，写了从句就忘记了主句。所以有点错误呢~我也已经标在文章中啦~如果我有什么考虑不周全的地方，你告诉，我们再讨论一下哈~
加油啦~
Such a great concern that people nowadays are eating less healthyfood than they did in past(这句话结构不对，建议加上半句has been widely discussedby the increasing number of people之类的补全啦). With theconstantly development of technology, enormous change(changes) happened to thefood we eat today at the same time. Faced with such a serious issue(我觉得这个结论说的不充分呢，因为前面只是food说有变化，也没说是好是坏， 然后得出这个结论感觉挺突然的), from my perspective,I have to admit that the food quality in present is inferior to it before.

The first and major reason contributes to such(已经有3个such了哦~) change is that more and more people are pursuing hugeprofits at the sacrifice of their morality. In order to obtain quantities ofreturn and keep their products fresh as long as possible, they add chemicaladditives into food to make them tasty and full of nutrition(这个理由感觉跟fresh关联不是很紧密). Consequently,side effects far exceedthe benefits as their expectation. For instance, the tragedy of baby milk hasexerted deep impression on public. Thousands of babies suffered from the serious negative influenceowing to the chemical additives put in the milk, even a few of them lost theiryoung life without gaining an opportunity to experience this colorful world.Condemned were those cruel milk producers, it is also undeniable that thesecurity of food has become more and more obscure.

Furthermore, the process of environment deteoriation(deterioration) also cast somenegative impact on the foodqualities. The conditions where organism grows today are notas appropriate asthey used to. For example, the soil standard and air condition has been largelyaffected by global warming; they are unable to furnish plants with sufficient nutrition andmoisture. Unfortunetly(unfortunately), such(又是such这个句式哦~) consequence has achain effect. (我觉得这还少句话，没有交代清楚。跟第一段差不多，少了nutrition和moisture为什么就会有很多toxin呢？)Toxin accumulated as food goes forward to a higher level infood cycle, and human beings, who occupy the top of the cycle, are subjected todamage to the fullest.

Despite the fact that thanks to process ofglobalization and expansion of technology, people grasp the change to enjoy allkinds of food, whether local one or that imported from foreign countries.(despite只连接了前半句，后半句不见了。是不是写的好长一句话，就把despite这个词忘记了啊？) Eating food of various locations and cooking methods is obviouslyan exciting experience. However, it is not news(new)that an increasing number of people arereported to suffer from food poisoning and physical disorder. With multiplechoices of food types, we can hardly find out 100 percent healthy food anymore.Under such circumstances, it is never exaggerated that food today is not ofidentical quality as before.(这段的主题不明确啊，从段首第一句话看应该是食物丰富了，但为什么后面又在说食品不安全了呢？)

In a nutshell, taking the severe consequences ofenvironment problems and unavoidable human behaviors, it is of greatdifficulty to assure food standard. Thus, I feel greatly sorry to arrive at theconclusion that food in past was superior to present.

-- by 会员 DanielleZ (2012/7/5 0:38:34)

谢谢Danielle的意见，都很好，这次主要注意用词去了，结构逻辑竟然出了那么大漏洞。。捂脸。。
不过第四段我是想写让步啦，虽然食物丰富，但随之而来的是更大的担忧..
一起加油！～

-- by 会员 sang824 (2012/7/5 9:41:30)

嗯，嗯~话说我的独立还木有写好捏~我马上去写。。。

sang824

7月6日Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

The speed at which technology is developing has increased at a phenomenal rate, and it is undeniably that people has benefited a lot as a result of this tendency. When faced with the issue that people are now easier to become educated than in the past, from my perspective, I am strongly in favor of such statement for the following reasons.

Initially, with the constantly changing of technology, multitudes of educational institutes come into people’s vogue. People can find ways to obtain knowledge almost without effort, and they cannot be more hesitating when choosing among various of educational organizations. For instance, majority of my classmates take part into classes after every semester, where they can learn something to their appetites, such as piano, chess, swimming, or gain obtain knowledge in school subjects, like Olympic math and intensive training classes. Obviously, thanks to the assistance of all sorts of institute, it is never exaggerated to assert that people are easier to become educated than before.

Moreover, the improvement of our living standard also makes education possible. Unlike the situation in past, only wealthy people were able to afford the tuition fee of school. The requirement for education has already occupied the basic demand of each family. Take my friend as example, she was sent to America for college three years ago. Expensive the cost is, her parents still insist that studying abroad is an eye-open experience and it will endow her with more opportunity to be well cultivated. Obviously, the significance of education has deeply rooted in every parent’s heart, and it is no wonder that they are willing to send their children to school at any expense.

Despite the fact that the imbalance of living standard cannot let everyone achieve the dream to attend school, it is of little evidence to claim that such trend will still continue. As technology is expanding at an ever-increasing rate, more and more charities and government supported will be called on to satisfy everyone’s need and thus speed up the process of education.

In a nut shell, owing to the current craze that people will spare no effort to create best chance for their children to be educated, I can safely arrive at the conclusion that people nowadays are more likely to be educated than before.

remint

The speed at whichtechnology is developing has increased at a phenomenal rate（The technology developmentspeed is increasing at a phenomenal rate）, and it is undeniably that people has benefited a lot as aresult of this tendency. When faced with the issue that people are now easierto become educated than in the past, from my perspective, I am strongly infavor of such statement for the following reasons.

Initially, with the constantly changing oftechnology, multitudes ofeducational institutes come into people’s vogue. People can find ways to obtainknowledge almost without effort, and they cannot be more hesitating whenchoosing among various of （删除） educational organizations.For instance, majority of my classmates take part into classes after everysemester, where they can learn something to their appetites, such as piano,chess, swimming, or gaining （obtain删除） knowledge in（of、about） school subjects, like （貌似gmat语法里有说like举例一般放在句首 不确定啊、、、 可以替换为 say） Olympic math and intensivetraining classes. Obviously, thanks to the assistance of all sorts ofinstitute, it is never exaggerated to assert that people are easier to becomeeducated than before.
第一句，科技变化，可以说比如经济发展了，条件改善了，所以教育机构变流行了。。。貌似少一点直接的逻辑

Moreover, the improvement of our livingstandard also makes education possible. Unlike the situation in past, onlywealthy people were able to afford the tuition fee of school（逗号后面主语应该是和unlike后面形成对比，你的意思应该是个解释过去的现象吧~可以换种说法）. The requirement for education has already occupied the basic demandof each family. Take my friend as an example, she was sent to America
for college three yearsago. Expensive the cost is,her parents still insist that studying abroad is an eye-open （英语里有这个用法么。。。偶不确定、、、）experience and it will endow her with more opportunity tobe well cultivated. （This case is not rare in daily life）Obviously, for the significance ofeducation has deeply rooted in every parent’s heart, and it is no wonder thatthey are willing to send their children to school at any expense.

Despite the fact that the imbalance of livingstandard cannot let everyone achieve（fulfill）the dream to attend school, it is of little evidence to claim that such trendwill still continue. As technology is expanding at an ever-increasing rate,more and more charities and government supported（supports）will be called on to satisfy everyone’s needand thus speed up the process of education.

In anut shell, owing to the current crazethat people will spare no effort to create best chance for their children to beeducated, I can safelyarrive at the conclusion that people nowadays are more likely to beeducated than before.加油 亲！偶们一起进步~

sang824

7,10 Do you agree with the following statement that patience is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now rather than later.

So fierce the competition is that we have to come up with ideas and take action in order to get the best chance. When it comes to the issue whether to take action as soon as possible or wait for suitable time, from my perspective, I definitely hold the viewpoint that taking action is a better choice in most cases.

Initially, as the saying goes,"Time is money." That is to say, efficiency is one of the most important aspects when considering the general performance. People have positive impression on companies that are capable of finishing and publishing their new products ahead of their competitors. Such strategy is especially useful in business world. For instance, to meet the constantly changing of technology, a cell-phone company soon publishes its newly, well-design phone, which is furnished with the newest operation system and sold at a high price. As a result, this product enjoys great popularity because customers are desperate to try the fashionable system and consider high price as perfect quality. Although it has weaknesses compared to other phones published later, it succeed in attracting customers by fitting their timely needs. Under such circumstance, it is never too exaggerated to assert the vast importance of time and opportunity.

Furthermore, patience fails to serve as a well-fuction strategy when dealing with serious problems, such as environment pollution or animal extinction. Only by acting at the first time can we prevent conditions and creatures being damaged. For instance, people did not care about deforestation because forests have covered more than half of the earth's surface at the very beginning. Consequently, forest disappeared at a phenomenal rate. Amounts of animals lost their homeland, temperature continued to rise as enormous carbon dioxide cannot be absorbed and plants found difficulty to grow for the lack of suitable soil and environment. However, such tradegy tragedy would not happen if people dedicated to protect environment earlier.

Admittedly, most people prefer to wait for the best opportunity after taking various factors into account. They are afraid of risky losing money or suffering from uncertainty. However, people are unable to hold chances back if missed them, not to mention numerous actions can be taken to deal with unpredictable situation. At that note, I strongly insist to take action as early as possible.

In a nutshell, to make the best use of time and chance, as well as to avoid making situation worse, I can come to the conclusion that taking action ahead of time is a superior strategy without hesitation.

sang824

7,10 综合 TPO1


The issue at hand is about the option to work a four-day workweek. The professor casts all the three statement in the reading to convince us that such policy will not benefit economy and individual companies as the reading claims.

To start with, the reading argues that the shortened workweek would enhance company profits. In contradiction, the professor refutes by pointing out that the enrollment of new employees will increase the money spend on training, medical insurance. Moreover, the cost for new office spaces and computers can also cut off the whole profits.

Furthermore, the viewpoint about reducing unemployment rate in the reading cannot satisfy the professor, either. She claims that the company may ask its current employees to work overtime to make up the tasks, and that it will raise expectation if a worker can finish five-day work within four days. Under such circumstance, no additional work is necessary.

Finally, although the lecturer admits the benefit to each individual, she also mentions concerns such as decrease of quality, job ability and even advance opportunity. According to the lecture, people who work four days a week are most likely to lose job especially during the economic downturn, and the promotion advantage often goes to employee who work five days a week.

lcaecar

So fierce the competition is that we have to come up with ideas and take action in order to get the best chance. When it comes to the issue whether to take action as soon as possible or wait for suitable time, from my perspective, I definitely hold the viewpoint that taking action is a better choice in most cases.观点鲜明

Initially, as the saying goes,"Time is money." That is to say, efficiency is one of the most important aspects when considering the general performance. People have positive impression on companies that are capable of finishing and publishing their new products ahead of their competitors. Such strategy is especially useful in business world. For instance, to meet the constantly changing of technology, a cell-phone company soon publishes its newly, well-design(well-designed) phone, which is furnished with the newest operation system and sold at a high price. As a result, this product enjoys great popularity because customers are desperate to try the fashionable system and consider high price as perfect quality. Although it has weaknesses compared to other phones published later, it succeed(s) in attracting customers by fitting their timely needs.建议LZ的例子再具体一些 Under such circumstance, it is never too exaggerated to assert the vast importance of time and opportunity.

Furthermore, patience fails to serve as a well-fuction strategy when dealing with serious problems, such as environment pollution or animal extinction. Only by acting at the first time can we prevent conditions and creatures being damaged. For instance, people did not care about deforestation because forests have covered more than half of the earth's surface at the very beginning. Consequently, forest disappeared at a phenomenal rate. Amounts of animals lost their homeland, temperature continued to rise as enormous carbon dioxide cannot be absorbed and plants found difficulty to grow for the lack of suitable(unsuitable) soil and environment. However, such tradegy tragedy would not happen if people (had) dedicated to 对过去事实的虚拟从句用过去完成时 protect environment earlier.

Admittedly, most people prefer to wait for the best opportunity after taking various factors into account. They are afraid of risky losing money or suffering from uncertainty. However, people are unable to hold(take) chances back if missed them, not to mention numerous actions can be taken to deal with unpredictable situation. At that note, I strongly insist to take action as early as possible.

In a nutshell, to make the best use of time and chance(s), as well as to avoid making situation worse, I can come to the conclusion that taking action ahead of time is a superior strategy without hesitation.

sang童鞋的作文一贯很优秀，我是鸡蛋里挑骨头了
行文很流畅，表达丰富
但是还是有一些语法上的瑕疵要加强哦
ps:刚进入小分队不懂规矩忘记改，实在是抱歉+抱歉

lcaecar

The issue at hand is about the option to work a four-day workweek. The professor casts all the three statement in the reading to convince us that such policy will not benefit economy and individual companies as the reading claims.

To start with, the reading argues that the shortened workweek would enhance company profits. In contradiction, the professor refutes by pointing out that the enrollment of new employees will increase the money spend on training,and medical insurance. Moreover, the cost for new office spaces and computers can also cut off(into)这里要注意啊..听力说的是cut into,cut off 是完全切掉的意思，意思完全不对了..千万小心the whole profits.

Furthermore, the viewpoint about reducing unemployment rate in the reading cannot satisfy the professor, either. She claims that the company may ask its current employees to work overtime to make up the tasks, and that it will raise expectation to those employees if a worker can finish five-day work within four days. Under such circumstance, no additional work is necessary.

Finally, although the lecturer admits the benefit to each individual, she also mentions concerns such as decrease of quality, job ability and even advance opportunity. According to the lecture, people who work four days a week are most likely to lose job especially during the economic downturn, and the promotion advantage often goes to employee who work five days a week.

各个要点都覆盖到了，但逻辑上有点点小瑕疵
cut off whole profits要注意..要么就说cut off some profits

sang824

谢谢lcaecar~一起加油！

sang824

7，,12独立Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.

Such profound influence university exerts on us that almost every people attend college for different reasons. It is undeniably that university serves people in various ways. One of the major roles, from my perspective, is definitely to offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.

Initially, majority of people consider university a quick path and platform for future career. They attend college at the mere wish to gain as much knowledge as possible, thus better preparing for future career. For instance, for history major students, university is supposed to provide them with all kinds of subjects. Learning basic physics can they better understand the certain structure and function of an important invention, and getting known of literature are they able to have a deeper view of poetry's life. And for science major students, a series of research course are imperative for them to accumulate experience, becoming proficient and skillful in their fields. Under such circumstance, it is never too exaggerated to assert that enormous classes are of vast importance.

Moreover, students with dual-degree seem to enjoy greater popularity when searching jobs, and that is why many universities have offered students opportunities to take an addictive degree, namely, more courses in another area. Take my friend Amy as example, she spend her weekend time studying finance as minor during college years. After graduate, she effortlessly found a job owing to her comprehensive ability and abundant knowledge. Not only did she have fun learning new subjects, it also assisted her in the way of future career. At that note, we cannot emphasize too much on the impact knowledge has.

Admittedly, a group of people may worry about the pressure students burden from numerous courses and the decrease of study efficiency. However, as far as I am concerned, college students are capable of making an appropriate schedule for themselves. More importantly, the time spend on study is more valuable and meaningful than that wasted on countless computer games and social activities.

In a nutshell, in view of the significant part knowledge plays in the way of preparing for future career, I can safely draw the conclusion that it is necessary for university to offer students more courses .