【写作小分队】易雨水巷的作文贴~求大地震式的轰炸~thx

易雨水巷

总而言之，言而总之，开始吧！


说来惭愧，本人于昨日才刚开始准备写作，准备T的过程中，劣迹斑斑，在此准备接受各种批评教育，痛改前非。也是希望可以让自己可以坚持下去
废话就不多说了，重点就是：
马上就要上战场了，于今日开始每日一篇进行超强化练习
练习的题目来自【写作小分队】的作业&竹子的机经预测（嗯，其实是想选两者重合的题目来练习的）

易雨水巷

2011.1.15NA  第一篇写的异常怨念，一年半没动过笔写作文的人实在伤不起，求各种轰炸，将不胜感激
Some people think that a university professor should focus time on doing research; while others think that the main role of a professor is to educate students in a university. What's your opionion and why？

People always hold different point of views about the question that what’s the role of a university professor? Some thinks a university professor ought to focus time on doing research while others assert that the main role of a professor is to educate students in a university. When asked about this problem, I, without doubt, believe that an excellent professor should be a good teacher who may dedicate to educate students and meanwhile he or she is supposed to do enough reaches to be an expert in his or her filed. The reasons for my answer could be many, but the following are the most vital ones.
As everyone knows, one of the important reasons why students go to school is to learn from professors. This often means a university professor should be responsible for educating these students who are eager to increase their knowledge. For instance, it is the desire to have a good education that supports me and my classmates to go through the rough period during which we had spared no effort to prepare an exam for the entrance of a famous university. Just imagine what would be if these professors only focus on research. Maybe this would contribute to a decline in the number of undergraduates.
Besides, in no way could an incapable person be a professor in a university. Just as the ancient Chinese saying goes “To entrench oneself in a position and do no useful work”. That’s to say, a professor must be learned. Hence, this asks a professor to do research to improve his or her academic ability. Then one can deserve the honor of a professor in a university. A majority of professors in China are supposed to do certain researches and publish a couple of essays every year to retain their vocation as a professor.
Last but not the least; a professor can educate students via research. This just like another old Chinese saying goes “To shoot two hawks with one arrow”. I mean that, students can be assistants in a professors’ research. If so, professors and students can both benefit a lot. Once I participated in professor Zhang’s research about cultural investment. I not only learned more information about cultural investment, but also got the experiences of how to do a research. For the sake of a professor, this results in a more efficient research with my help.
Anyway, in my opinion, a professor needs to integrate his or her role between an educator and researcher, rather than act one of the two.

Crystaljoy

到大本营回复才会被分组互改哦。
乖去大本营看看规则吧~~~

易雨水巷

嗯嗯 谢谢 今天已经占座了 坐等分组接受轰炸

易雨水巷

还有一个问题，大家觉得是用一个模版比较好，还是多种形式的变换比较好哇？
2010.9.24
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they can start working.

It is universally acknowledged that colleges and universities play an important role in students’ growth and that one of their responsibilities is to help students to be right for a job. Hence, there is no denying that, from my perspective, students should be offered a better job preparation by colleges or universities before they can start working. And here are the reasons.
To begin with, students go to colleges and universities in order to be more competitive in the way of pursuing a better life and a good job is undoubtedly essential to this destination. Lin Zhang, who will graduate in this summer, has got an offer from the most famous computer company-Lenore Company. How grateful he is to the Career Instruct Center in Shandong University! He said that it is the job preparation that our university provides that helps him a lot. A better preparation improves his knowledge of taking a face-to–face interview as well as some details that shouldn’t be noticed.
Furthermore, society is actually different from universities as well as colleges. In my opinion, colleges together with universities are the one to which students can turn for help. That’s to say, a better job preparation will be needed to help students prepare to be prepared before they step into the complex society. Apart from how to get a job, some problems can also be figured out in a job preparation in a good way such as how to deal with emergency, how to build a friendly relationship with colleague and so on. Lei Li, a success elegant woman, once dare not to find a job for the fear that she couldn’t get well with her coming colleagues. The job preparation told her several strategies such as to be a woman who wears a smile all the time due to a basis that human beings are nicer to who smile to them. What’s more, a job preparation grant Lei Li a chance to practice these tricks by providing an office team consisted of students from different majors.
To add yet another reason to boot, that an high reputation can be earned if colleges and universities offer a better job preparation. Shandong University really benefits from it. Since the university help a lot of students find a satisfying job. The company speaks highly of these students who get profits from a better preparation. So it reaches to a point where companies are inclined to have students graduating from Shandong University.
With all the aspects carefully taken into consideration, why colleges as well as universities do not offer a better preparation? In this way, both students and colleges can benefit a lot.

晨依Jacqueline

晨依又来吓唬人了。。。绝大多数是建议不是错误，希望我的好战友不要被吓到哦~~
红色为错误，蓝色为疑问or建议，绿色为点评，高亮为精彩！

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they can start working.

It is universally acknowledged that colleges and universities play an important role in students’ growth and that one of their responsibilities is to help students to be right(ready/well-prepared) for a job. Hence, there is no denying that, from my perspective, students should be offered a better job preparation by colleges or universities before they can start working. And here are the reasons.(开头很不错！赞一个~~)


To begin with, [students go to(应该是going to、不然就两个主语了，我觉得也可以写attending) colleges and universities in order to be more competitive in the way of pursuing a better life and a good job is undoubtedly essential to this destination.](这里说一下[...]的部分，感觉应该换一下表达，因为你看现在这样写的话下划线部分感觉是作为students going to college的定语的，但是这却是我们要重点说的地方！所以，我做了点修改，你参考下：no one would deny that becoming more competitive in the way of pursuing a better life and a good job is considered an essential purpose of students attending college.)Lin Zhang, who will graduate(这里最好是能写一下from college啊什么的，避免有点abrupt的感觉。)in this summer, has got an offer from the most famous computer company-Lenore Company(其实我个人认为可以写成he has got an offer from ...before his graduation graduation ceremony this summer，我的意思是强调他提前找到了工作，而不是把“毕业前”作为修饰he的成分。).How grateful he is to the Career Instruct Center in Shandong University!(个人感觉这个感叹句用得不是特别合适，我猜你是想加重一下语气，但是这里不需要强调他的感激而是应该强调一下Thanks to the CIC in SDU, he....哈、可以掺和到前面那一句里。)He said that it is(was) the job preparation that ouruniversity provides(provided) that helps(helped) him a lot(我认为这里a lot把很重要的内容都简化了，建议突出一下和job有关的细节，比如说well-prepared for the interview...或者improved my various abilities). A better preparation improves his knowledge of taking a face-to–face interview as well as some details that shouldn’t be noticed.(建议句间适当加一点连接词让文章衔接更紧密。)


Furthermore, society is actually different from universities as well as colleges.(我觉得这个不能算是topic sentence, 像是少了一截似的，个人建议as society is..., college do have the responsibility to provide students...) In my opinion, colleges together with universities are(is吧?) the one to which students can turn for help. That’s to say, a better job preparation will be needed to help students prepare to be prepared(可以换一下其他的表达，如a better job preparation is required to equip students with various capabilities to meet the needs of companies/severe competitions) before they step into the complex(一般用complicated) society. Apart from(+the problem of) how to get a job, some problems can also be figured out in a job preparation in a good way such as how to deal with emergency, how to build a friendly relationship with colleague(s) and so on.(我感觉不需要用how to，有点不正式的感觉呢，直接说Apart from ways of hunting for a job, .......such as problem handling, relationship building...)(加个for example吧、)Lei Li, a success(ful) elegant woman, once dare not to find a job for the fear that she couldn’t get well with(get on well with/ get along well with) her coming colleagues. The job preparation told(感觉说job preparation用tell不大合适呢，From the job preparation, she learned several...你看会不会好一点?) her several strategies such as(such as 后面要加多个的)to be(being) a woman who wears a smile all the time(注意这里是all the time了前面是不是应该用is wearing?) due to a basis that human beings are nicer to who smile to them. (句子太长了，感觉很啰嗦。简化or拆分一下)What’s more, a job preparation grant(ed) Lei Li a chance to practice these tricks(感觉有点贬义，用tips比较好呢、) by providing an office team consisted of students from different majors.


To add yet another reason to boot, that an high reputation can be earned if colleges and universities offer a better job preparation.(+For instance,注意衔接)Shandong University really benefits from it. Since the universityhelp(s) a lot of students find a satisfying job(应该用完成时，has helped...而且since什么这个不是一个句子呀、可以把后面句子连上，it's students are spoken highly of by companies). The company speaks highly of these students who get profits from a better preparation. So it reaches to a point where companies are inclined tohave(hire?) students graduating from Shandong University.


With all the aspects carefully taken into consideration, why (+don't) colleges as well as universities do not offer a better (job) preparation(+before students can start working我觉得表达得清楚一点更好)? In this way, both students and colleges can benefit a lot.



To易雨水巷：我改的地方挺多的，但是其实绝大多数地方不是错误，就是我个人感觉能再提升的一些小地方。整体文章还是很好的呀！尤其是框架搭构的很perfect，举得例子也不错~~只是填的内容应该再提高一点点。还有就是很多地方改的都是个人观点，也不能保证就都是对的，你斟酌着看，也欢迎给我指出错误的地方哈~~说一个小问题——长句子好多好多呢，有一些读起来感觉很费劲，而且有的感觉啰嗦。（是不是被动形式用得太多了？）还有几个长句的内容很丰富，但是重点没有突出出来，注意下句式的选择，同时建议文章长短句结合。还有就是注意小细节时态啊单复数啊什么的，其他的都没有了。希望你不要被我大片的彩色吓到啊，有很多东西都是我要向你学习的，加油！

易雨水巷

谢谢晨依的如此详细的批改，我不会被吓到得哦，就拍你不吓我呢O(∩_∩)O哈！
早上看到这么好的修改稿，心情很愉快O(∩_∩)O~ rock together!

thx thx thx thx

现在贴上根据晨依的批改，我修改过的文：） （欢迎继续批改哦O(∩_∩)O~）

It is universally acknowledged that colleges and universities play an important role in students’ growth and that one of their responsibilities is to help students to be well-prepared for a job. Hence, there is no denying that, from my perspective, students should be offered a better job preparation by colleges or universities before they can start working. And here are the reasons.
To begin with, no one would deny the fact that becoming more competitive in the way of pursuing a better life and a good job is essential purposes of students attending college. To illustrate, tanks to the Career Instruct Center in Shandong University, Lin Chang has got an offer from the most famous computer company-Lenore Company, before his graduation ceremony this summer. He said that it was the job preparation that our university provided that helped him a lot. For example, this improves his knowledge of taking a face-to–face interview as well as some details like having a formal dress that should’t be noticed.Furthermore, as society is actually different from colleges, college do have the responsibility to provide students a job preparation. In my opinion, colleges together with universities is the one to which students can turn for help. That’s to say, a better job preparation is required to equip students with various capabilities to satisfy the needs of severe competitions before they step into the complicated society. Apart from hunting a job, problem handling, relationship building and so forth can be figured out in a job preparation in a good way as well. For instance, Lei Li, a successful elegant woman, once dare not to find a job for the fear that she couldn’t get on well with her coming colleagues. Nevertheless, several strategies she learned form the job preparation made her take on an entirely new look. From then on, Lei li began to wear a smile due to the basis that human being are usually nicer to those who smile to them . What’s better, a job preparation granted Lei Li a chance to practice these tips by providing an office team consisted of students from different majors.To add yet another reason to boot, that an high reputation can be earned if colleges and universities offer a better job preparation. The example is not far to seek. Shandong University really benefits from it. Since the university has provided a lot of students a job preparation，these students are spoken highly of by companies. So it reaches to a point where companies are inclined to hire students graduating from Shandong University.With all the aspects carefully taken into consideration, why don't colleges as well as universities offer a better job preparation before students can start working? In this way, both students and colleges can benefit a lot.

易雨水巷

4.23 TPO19综合
In the reading, the writier presents a new advertising tactic, buzzing and subsequently introduces some critics about it from three aspects. However, in the listening, a buzzer strongly argues that buzzing is being misleading and gives his reasons contrary to what the reading said.
First of all, it is said in the reading that buzzers may give incorrect information to consumers. Nevertheless, the buzzer in the listening speaks something really different and take one of his own experience as an example. In light of the listening, as a buzzer, he often uses the production and confirms the production is pretty good. In other word, cosumers get truth as opposed to lies form a buzzer.
In addition, the listening said that customers are not listen to their endorsements less critically. Instead, they ask many questions about the product such as the price, how long the buzzer has used it and so on. This is another point where the listening contradracts with the reading.
Las but not the least, while the reading declares that the buzzers with a hidden agenda may result in the spread of mistrust as well as dishonesty, the lecture on contrary, asserts that if buzzing exactly leading to a mistrust, which is harmful to the company, the company won' t hire a buzzer to promote their product. From the buzzer's perspective in the listening, buzzers makes the society more trustful and let being open to people.

易雨水巷

4.23 独立
10211 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.
   
From my point of view, there is no doubt that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes and here are the reasons.
   Just as the saying goes “Even Homer nods.” That’s to say, everyone would make mistakes in his or her lives. It is what one can learn from mistakes that really matters. Children, not mature both physically and spiritedly, are more likely to make mistakes and under this condition they should be treated with tolerance especially by their parents. My father did a good job dealing with this kind of problems. I once broke a lamp bulb when I was 9 years old. No one witnessed this scene. So I just clean up these particles and pretended that everything is in order. However, the dark betrayed me and my father learned that the lamp bulb was broken up. However, he just exchanged a new lamp bulb and said nothing. On our dinner time, I finally sanded up and admitted my mistake. My father told me he forgave me because of my being brave enough to confront it. From this experience, I learned to be an honest girl and face my mistakes bravely in my left life.
   What’ more, there is a saying goes “Failure is the mother of success.” Or rather, mistakes, in some way, not always means a bad thing and they may contribute to success. For instance, Edison and his well-known invention—lamp bulb without question is a good example. At first, Edison made many mistakes before he finally found the right way to invent the lamp bulb. Since mistakes can help a man find a way to success, how come parents forbid their children to make a mistake? In my opinion, parents are supposed to correctly treat their children’s mistake and help them learn from mistakes. Hence, children may translate a mistake to a success just like what Edison had done.
   On the other hand, not allowing mistakes will suppress children’s development. If a child puts all his or her intelligence to avoid a mistake, he or she will not dare to attempt something new, which will leads to his or her remaining stagnant and be uncompetitive in this world filled with capable competitors.  
   To sum up, parents should be tolerate to their children’s mistakes and help them learn from these mistakes.

婷婷connie

4.23独立改文
4.23 独立 改文  规则：红色错误，蓝色疑问，高亮精彩
10211 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

（加点开场白吧，这么直接来观点太突兀了）From my point of view, there is no doubt that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes and here are the reasons.
第一句一定要把主题句写出来(To begin with, mistakes are usually unavoidable.)Just as the saying goes “Even Homer nods.”(“智者千虑，必有一失”的意思，太好了，又学到了)That’s（that is） to say, everyone would make mistakes in his or her lives. It is what one can learn from mistakes that really matters. Children, not mature both physically and spiritedly, are more likely to make mistakes and under this condition（Under this condition可以放到下一句了）they should be treated with tolerance especially by their parents. My father did a good job dealing with this kind of problems. （take my own case as an example）I once broke a lamp bulb when I was 9 years old. No one witnessed this scene. So I just clean(cleaned) up these particles and pretended that everything is(was) in order. However, the dark betrayed me and my father learned that the lamp bulb was broken up. However, he just exchanged a new lamp bulb and said nothing. On our dinner time, I finally sanded up(这个用法不常见的，还是用stood up比较保守) and admitted my mistake. My father told me (that)he forgave(had forgiven)me because of my being brave enough(braveness) to confront it. From this experience, I learned to be an honest girl and face my mistakes bravely(courageously,bravely用过了，换一下) in my left(这里是想表达什么呢？) life.
What’ more, there is(as) a saying goes “Failure is the mother of success.” （children could learn from their failure and eventually succeed）Or rather, mistakes, in some way, not always meansa bad things and they may contribute to success. For instance, Edison and his well-known invention—lamp bulb without question(可以不要了) is a good example. At first, Edison made many mistakes before he finally found the right way to invent the lamp bulb. Since mistakes can help a man find a way to success, how come parents forbid their children to make a mistake? In my opinion, parents are supposed to correctly treat their children’s mistakes(和后面保持一致)and help them learn from mistakes. Hence, children may translate a mistake to（into） a success just like what Edison had done.
On the other hand, not allowing mistakes will suppress children’s development. If a child puts all his or her intelligence to avoid a mistake, he or she will not dare to attempt something new, which will leads to his or her remaining stagnant and be uncompetitive in this world filled with capable competitors.

这一段字数略显不足，举个例子更好
To sum up, parents should be tolerate to their children’s mistakes and help them learn from these mistakes.（对上几段的分论点总结一下吧）

Conclusion:1.每一个分段必须要有TS，而且TS一定要简短有力，观点突出，这样显得行文很有逻辑和条理

2.注意时态一致哦，尤其像第一个主段，事情发生在以前，所以一律、严格用过去时

3.多用同义替换，想mistakes can be replaced by faults, errors and defects……

Ps:用了很多言语，好棒啊，感觉对灯泡情有独钟的样子~