【写作小分队】易雨水巷的作文贴~求大地震式的轰炸~thx

易雨水巷

4.24  
101210 NA Which do you prefer, finishing one project before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time?

As far as we are concerned, people from all kinds of walks have different attitudes toward weather one should finishing one project before starting another or doing several projects meanwhile. The discussion is so heat that both two sides assert their own opinion. When asked about this issue, I stand up for the former one. Hence, I present two reasons for why I prefer finishing one project before starting another.

First of all, concentrating one project will bring a better consequences, since one are likely to be distracted if he or she doing two or more projects at the same time. Just as the ancient saying goes, "there is no one can do two things at the same time." We can learn from the proverb that, one would better focus on one thing before he or she starts out another. Take myself as an example, professor Chang together with professor Li  hand out us two assignments and asked us to hand in before the deadline 1st, Oct.  I thought I was capable to cope with them at the same time. However, the consequence turned out that I was totally wrong. I was puzzled by these two assignments, since one of them is something about economy and the other is relevant to psycology.  What's worse, as the deadline approaching, I was too annoyed to know how to calm down and concentrate on one thing. Nevertheless, I had to hand in my homework on time. Hence, I jotted my drafts both quickly and roughly. Professor Chang and professor Li consulted with me separately but gave me the same suggestion that I focus on one thing one time.

Apart from that concentrating one project does good to a better essay, it means a higher efficiency as well. That's to say, finishing one project before starting another can accelerate the path to an end.  To illustrate, when my roommates, Ying Gao, did the two assignments what I have mentioned above, she did one by one. The result was that she complished the two assignments on 21st, June, while I handed in my poor essays on the deadline, 1st, Oct. From this experience, I was impressed on the fact that one is without question ought to not overestimate oneself and not attempt to do more projects at the same time.

To summarize, since finishing one project before starting another can bring us a better essay as well a high efficiency, I must be stupid if I still do two or more projects at the same time.

晨依Jacqueline

今天上课闲着无聊的时候简单看了看前面修改的，我觉得不错了。继续加油哈~

易雨水巷

谢谢婷婷的修改&建议
ps 材料例子太少了，冥思苦想才想到了灯泡，较杯具：（

4.23独立改文 紫红色为依据婷婷的意见修改的

10211 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

Recently, a heat discussion has appealled  people's attention, about weather or not partents ought to allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes. As as far as we are concerned, people from every walk of life hold different attitudes towards this issue. （加点开场白吧，这么直接来观点太突兀了）From my point of view, there is no doubt that I stands up for the statement that parents are supposed to be tolerate for their children making errors as well wel help them leran form their own faults.
there is no doubt that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes and here are the reasons.

To begin with, since mistakes are unsually uninevitable, there is  no reason for parents to be angry with their children making errors.第一句一定要把主题句写出来(To begin with, mistakes are usually unavoidable.)Just as the saying goes “Even Homer nods.”(“智者千虑，必有一失”的意思，太好了，又学到了)That’s（that is） to say, everyone would make mistakes in his or her lives. It is what one can learn from mistakes that really matters. Children, not mature both physically and spiritedly, are more likely to make mistakes. and under this condition（Under this condition可以放到下一句了）And under this condition, they should be treated with tolerance especially by their parents. My father did a good job dealing with this kind of problems. Take my own cas as an example(以前只会take myself as an example,谢谢婷婷的赐教)(take my own case as an example）I once broke a lamp bulb when I was 9 years old. No one witnessed this scene. So I just cleancleaned(cleaned) up these particles and pretended that everything is was(was) in order. However, the dark betrayed me and my father learned that the lamp bulb was broken up. However, he just exchanged a new lamp bulb and said nothing. On our dinner time, I finally sanded up stood up(这个用法不常见的，还是用stood up比较保守) and admitted my mistake. My father told me that (that)he forgave(had forgiven) had forgiven me because of my being brave enough(braveness) to confront it. From this experience, I learned to be an honest girl and face my mistakescourageouslybravely(courageously,bravely用过了，换一下) in myleft(这里是想表达什么呢？) (是想说在未来的日子里、作为未来的生活来着00)life.

What’ more, children could learn form their failure and ultimately succeed.there is(as)As a saying goes “Failure is the mother of success.” （children could learn from their failure and eventually succeed）Or rather, mistakes, in some way, not always meansa bad things and they may contribute to success. For instance, Edison and his well-known invention—lamp bulb without question(可以不要了) is a good example. At first, Edison made many mistakes before he finally found the right way to invent the lamp bulb. Since mistakes can help a man find a way to success, how come parents forbid their children to make a mistake? In my opinion, parents are supposed to correctly treat their children’s mistakes(和后面保持一致)and help them learn from mistakes. Hence, children may translate a mistake to iinto（into） a success just like what Edison had done.

On the other hand, not allowing mistakes will suppress children’s development. If a child puts all his or her intelligence to avoid a mistake, he or she will not dare to attempt something new, which will leads to his or her remaining stagnant and be uncompetitive in this world filled with capable competitors.  For example, my cousin, Chen Yang, who was always  told "Do not make a mistake!" by my rigorous aunts,  lived an unhappy life. She never tried somtheing new just because of the fear of making a fault. What' worse, she was far behind in her classmates and dropped out of shcool at an age of  13.

这一段字数略显不足，举个例子更好
To sum up,  defects are unevitable, and probably translated into success. Also,  no mistakes actually harm children's development. Hence, taken these three facets into consideration, parents should be tolerate to their children’s mistakes and help them learn from these mistakes. （对上几段的分论点总结一下吧）

Conclusion:1.每一个分段必须要有TS，而且TS一定要简短有力，观点突出，这样显得行文很有逻辑和条理

2.注意时态一致哦，尤其像第一个主段，事情发生在以前，所以一律、严格用过去时

3.多用同义替换，想mistakes can be replaced by faults, errors and defects……

Ps:用了很多言语，好棒啊，感觉对灯泡情有独钟的样子~

易雨水巷

今天上课闲着无聊的时候简单看了看前面修改的，我觉得不错了。继续加油哈~

-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/4/24 20:23:29)

谢谢晨依的夸奖，我会继续努力的

rock rock rock rock

易雨水巷

4.24 TPO20

Three aspects of damage caused by a "let it burn" policy are introduced in the reading material. However, the professor in the listening presents the active effects of the policy.

To begin with, the professor asserts that in fact, forest fires in Yellowstone grant opportunities to new plants, which is helpful for the forest. For example, smaller plants get opportunities to grow up and another example is that a high level balance of a ecosystem. This is the point where the listening are different from the statement in the reading that Yellowstone caused huge damage to the park's trees and other vegetation.

In addition, the lecture casts doubts on the harm to animals, which is backed up by the writer.
However, on the contrary, the lecture holds the view that like what has been mentioned above, the forest fire provides ideal habitates for animals such as rabbets and heirs. And stronger food chains are built up.

Last but not the least, the reading thinks that the number of tourists was cut down because of the forest fire, while in light of the listening, the professor believes there are many factors for the decreasingly tourists, but the forest fire is not a key factor. To illustrate, she said tourists come back next year and each year after that.

探险者

4.23 TPO19综合
In the reading, the writier（writer） presents a new advertising tactic, buzzing and subsequently introduces some critics about it from three aspects. However, in the listening, a buzzer strongly argues that buzzing is being misleading（觉得这句话不好，因为argue除了做争论的意思外，在一般的文章中常常以“认为”的意思出现，建议斟酌一下） and gives his reasons contrary to what the reading said（前面用的一直是现在时态，这里觉得没必要用过去时，直接说says或者expresses就可以）.
First of all, it is said in the reading that buzzers may give incorrect information to consumers. Nevertheless, the buzzer in the listening speaks（这个用speak不合适吧？表示“认为”“表达”一类的词很多，比如explore， analyze等等） something really different and take one of his own experience as an example. In light of the listening, as a buzzer, he often uses the production and confirms the production is pretty good. In other word, cosumers（consumers） get truth as opposed to lies from a buzzer.
In addition, the listening said that customers are not listen（和前面的are不对应啊） to their endorsements less critically（这是阅读原句consumers listen to their endorsement less critically than they should，你的文章中有连续七个单词和阅读原文重复，这可能会被视作抄袭，会影响分数。具体连续多少个词我记不太清楚了，但是作出适当的转述是应该的，比如endorsement可以换成positive evaluation，less critically可以换成people are less critical about listening to）. Instead, they ask many questions about the product such as the price, how long the buzzer has used it and so on. This is another point where the listening contradracts（contradicts，而且这是个及物动词，后面的with是多余的） with the reading.
Last but not the least, while the reading declares that the buzzers with a hidden agenda may result in the spread of mistrust as well as dishonesty, the lecture on contrary, asserts that if buzzing exactly leading（在if从句中，主语是buzzing，那么谓语用leading是不是不合适？） to a mistrust, which is harmful to the company, the company won' t hire a buzzer to promote their product. From the buzzer's perspective in the listening, buzzers makes（主谓一致） the society more trustful and let being open to people.

1.觉得综合写作的主要部分是听力，楼主的大部分听力都听到了，建议在第一点的内容再多做强化

2.注意一些基本的语法错误，这会对分数有比较大的影响的

3.综合写作中一些常用词汇的积累是很重要的，比如认为，反对等意思的词汇，建议多多积累并掌握正确的用法

喵喵了个咪

4.24  
101210 NA Which do you prefer, finishing one project before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time?

As far as we are concerned, people from all kinds of walks have different attitudes toward weather one should finishing one project before starting another or doing several projects meanwhile. The discussion is so heat that both two sides assert their own opinion. When asked about this issue, I stand up for the former one. Hence, I present two reasons for why I prefer finishing one project before starting another.

First of all, concentrating one project will bring a better consequences, since one are(is) likely to be distracted if he or she doing two or more projects at the same time. Just as the ancient saying goes, "there is no one can do two things at the same time." We can learn from the proverb that, one would better focus on one thing before he or she starts out another. Take myself as an example, professor Chang together with professor Li  handed(前后时态要一致) out us two assignments and asked us to hand in before the deadline 1st, Oct.  I thought I was capable to cope with them at the same time. However, the consequence turned out that I was totally wrong. I was puzzled by these two assignments, since one of them is something about economy and the other is relevant to psycology(psychology).  What's worse, as the deadline approaching, I was too annoyed to know how to calm down and concentrate on one thing. Nevertheless, I had to hand in my homework on time. Hence, I jotted my drafts both quickly and roughly. Professor Chang and professor Li consulted with me separately but gave me the same suggestion that I should focus on one thing one time.(这段举例说明自己无法按时完成老师的作业反向论证了下段的论点)

Apart from that concentrating one project does good to a better essay, it means a higher efficiency as well. That's to say, finishing one project before starting another can accelerate the path to an end.  To illustrate, when my roommates, Ying Gao, did the two assignments what I have mentioned above, she did one by one. The result was that she complished the two assignments on 21st, June, while I handed in my poor essays on the deadline, 1st, Oct. From this experience, I was impressed on the fact that one is without question ought to not overestimate oneself and not attempt to do more projects at the same time.

To summarize, since finishing one project before starting another can bring us a better essay as well a high efficiency, I must be stupid if I still do two or more projects at the same time.(不光是为了写essay，在总结的时候不要把自己的例子写进去，缩小了题目的普遍性。)

文章的主体部分结构存在问题。第二段用自己的反例说明专注于一件事可以提高办事质量（例子让人感觉在说效率而非质量），而第三段正面论述的内容略少。一般先进行正面论述，再进行反面让步式攻击。

另外可能由于例子的问题，给人感觉论点有点少，论据不够典型(可以说你的文章只举了一个例子)。

最后概括的时候就不要把前边的例子带进来了，会缩小论证的范围。

语法上注意主谓一致。

婷婷connie

24号综合听写，到时候改完就贴在这了，别急哦
4.24 TPO20

Three aspects of damage caused by a "let it burn" policy are introduced in the reading material. However, the professor in the listening presents the active(positive)effects of the policy.

To begin with, the professor asserts that in fact, forest fires in Yellowstone grant opportunities to new plants, which is helpful for the forest. For example, smaller plants get opportunities to grow up and another example（seeds of a certain plants） is that a high level balance of a ecosystem(这里材料中没有提到). This is the point where the listening are different from the statement in the reading that Yellowstone caused huge damage to the park's trees and other vegetation.
这一段的细节听得不够清晰

In addition, the lecture casts doubts on the harm to animals, which is backed up by the writer.
However, （重复了）on the contrary, the lecture holds the view that like what has been mentioned above, the forest fire provides ideal habitates(这个地方逻辑有问题，大火不能提供habitats，大火为small trees的生长提供了机会，这些树成为了small animals的habitats,这么过渡一下感觉会更好，还能多写点字~)（habitats）for animals such as rabbets and heirs(rabbits and hares). And stronger food chains are built up.

Last but not the least, the reading thinks that the number of tourists was cut down because of the forest fire, while in light of the listening, the professor believes there are many factors for the decreasingly tourists, but the forest fire is not a key factor.（这个细节有问题，听力材料里是说low rainfall, unusually strong wind and accumulation of undergrowth 这些导致了1988年的大火，在这之后没有再出现了） To illustrate, she said tourists come back next year and each year after that.

Conclusion：

1.听力方面还要加强，一定要把细节听出来，这个是拿分的关键，我也在纠结练习中

2.模板用的很好了，一定要保持哦

易雨水巷

24号综合听写，到时候改完就贴在这了，别急哦

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/4/25 21:58:13)

恩恩，你的我也还在改呢\(^o^)/~

易雨水巷

4月25日



110708 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.


As the society full filled with fierce competition, individuals may inevitablyencounter difficulties and get into troubles. Under this circumstance, one requires friends to help himself or herself go through the hard time. I mean that I extremely think the statement is ridiculous that choosing friends that could have fun with us is more significant than making friends that will be helpful especially when we are in need. My view can be greatly substantiated by following discussions.

To begin with, a friend in need is a friend indeed. This is an ancient proverb and it indicates that a real friendis to whom you can turn for help. A good example is not far to seek. When preparing for today's TOEFL test,  once I was so frustrated and even thought about to give up. I could not bear the disappointing fact that I always forgot the words I had learned in mind before. One day, my considerate friend, JiaJia, learned that I was warpedwith the countless English words. Then she not only encouraged me to hold on but also did me a favor to deal with these enormous words.  At that time , every morning , the first sentence she greeted to me was not "Good morning" but "Come on, baby.You can make it!" Apart from that, she companied me to recite these word by designing particular word card, as well. Thanks to her help, I finally sit here to accomplish my exam. In contrast, LeiLei, my another friend, who went shopping with me every weekend before I determined to take a TOEFL test, left me alone and even did not say a comfortable word. Therefore, a real friend will help a lot, while you can not counts for a friend that could only have fun with.

In addition, friends that will help you when you fall into troubles, will enhance our society's trustto other people. When a friend gives a hand to an individual, the individual will spare no effort to do a favor to his or her another friend who is in need. Thus, the favor is passed on one by one and a more beautiful world is built up.  

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, that making friends helping us when we are in need is friends indeed and could raise the trust of the world, I strongly assert that it is less important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.