【写作小分队】Maylovehe的作文贴－拍死我吧

maylovehe1

呀 写错了,写成 TPO3里面的了

Nowadays, friendship is much concerned to current society. Some people hold that we need to keep our old friends because of they are more significant in our life. In weighing up both positive influence and negative consequence, I am stand on the opposite of this view and suggest that if we have too much care for the old relationships, it will drive our new relationships with fresh friends into the dead-end.

First and foremost, since people's life can be divided into different phases, the importance of making new friends is irreplaceable for each stage. For instance, when I am in childhood, my friend-Stella often plays LEGO toys with me. However, when I am in school, she did not share with same cute BABI with me. In contrast, my classmates Penny and Julie, who read the same book with me, replaced the role Stella kept in my heart and became my best friends. According to statistics in Psychology Magazine, less than 25.6 percent of people still recall the friends in Kindergarten, which means that more and more people think that the new relationships for them to deal with have more special meanings.

Second of all, to keep old friends cannot enlarge our communication cycle and also could not make us skillful when we are talking to strangers. To put it in another words, if people maintains only few of old friends, they may hardly balance if new relationship comes. The consequence is their communication skill will be shaded. However, if people could have more friends, their expressions often are excellent. We knew that Bill Clinton is famous for his political speech which made people feel exciting and would like to support his regime. When he interviewed by CNN, he said it is because he has so many friends to talk through and not only those old friends, but also the thousands of new friends on the world wide.

Some friends can bring some benefits since they are more familiar with our personalities and characterizes. Therefore, we may happier to talk with them since we can hear the advices which we are expected to avoid some confusions. At the same time, we may lost the diversity suggestions which composed by different thoughts and views. We lost the chance to learn new information.

To sum up, it is time for us to aware the significance is attached to make new friends. What is more, we cannot deny influence in our knowledge improvement which was brought up by new friends.

prodliu

Nowadays, friendship is much concerned to current society. Some people hold that we need to keep our old friends because of（because of 后面加名词） they are more significant in our life. In weighing up both positive influence and negative consequence, I am stand（I stand on） on the opposite of this view and suggest that if we have too much care for the old relationships, it will drive our new relationships with fresh friends into the dead-end.

First and foremost, since people's life can be divided into different phases, the importance of making new friends is irreplaceable for each stage. For instance, when I am in childhood, my friend-Stella often plays LEGO toys with me. However, when I am in school, she did not share with same cute BABI with me. In contrast, my classmates Penny and Julie, who read the same book with me, replaced the role Stella kept in my heart and became my best friends. According to statistics in Psychology Magazine, less than 25.6 percent of people still recall the friends in Kindergarten, which means that more and more people think that the new relationships for them to deal with have more special meanings.

Second of all, to keep old friends cannot enlarge our communication cycle and also could not make us skillful when we are talking to strangers. To put it in another words (to put it specific), if people maintains only few of old friends, they may hardly balance if new relationship comes. The consequence is their communication skill will be shaded. However, if people could have more friends, their expressions often are excellent. We knew that Bill Clinton is famous for his political speech which（有介词有which，有,有which） made people feel exciting and would like to support his regime. When he（he省略） interviewed by CNN, he said it is because he has so many friends to talk through and not only those old friends, but also the thousands of new friends on the world-wide. （有点问题，翻译过来克林顿接受采访时说道，因为自己可以和许多朋友交谈，不仅是那些老朋友，还有那些新朋友，然后呢？？）

Some friends can bring some benefits since they are more familiar with our personalities and characterizes. Therefore, we may be happier to talk with them since we can hear the advices which（同上） we are expected to avoid some confusions. At the same time, we may lost（loss） the diversity suggestions which composed by different thoughts and views. We lost the chance to learn new information.

To sum up, it is time for us to aware the significance is attached to make new friends. What is more, we cannot deny influence in our knowledge improvement which(同上) was brought up by new friends.

总体还不错，就是一些细节上需要注意。

maylovehe1

Thanks for your suggestion, I will be more careful on next time

maylovehe1

TPO 4

--- should I write summary? All in all,..... How many words will be good for comprehensive writing?
Thank you for all to answers.


In reading passage, the writer holds that dinosaurs are kind of animal like human beings can maintain their internal temperature constantly, which is so called as endotherms. However, the professor quite doubt on that and challenge this idea in following points:

First and foremost, the dinosaurs lived in Polar region are not means they need to keep their body warm. They often follow the season change either to migrate when the cold winter comes, or hibernate during certain times. This occurs with much different from those modern mammals that could allow their body warm within control.

Second of all, it is not wrong that endotherm, at certain degree, has relations with movement of legs., since the required energy for making body heat into a constant temperature can be provided during physical activities. However, professor mentions that legs underneath body of dinosaurs is because of their body are large, it comes from nature, but cannot means they are able to enjoy the temperature during using legs to move.

The last reason to against the lecture is about the bone structure. Unlike animals whose bone structure allow them grow quickly, even though dinosaurs have the bone structure, it still cannot be regarded as they have endotherm function. Dinosaurs have their own grown periods, for instance slow-rapid-stop cycles, and have special records of this grown cycle in bones. Due to the grown time is not as stable as mammals; the reason to point out by this situation can be excluded.

maylovehe1

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.


In past few years, I saw a lot of friends who left the place their born and moved to another area for chasing their dreams. Some of them may eager to earn more money, so they went to big city; others would appreciate for the peaceful life with their children and parents, so they came to small towns. From my perspective, I am not supposed to stand on the side of them who think to move to a new place is a good thing. They will not only loss their familiar environments, but also their beloved friends.

First and foremost, we have to say that it really needs times to make new friends when we move to new places. For instance, before people become friends, they should understand each other, including customs and personalities. It is necessary for us to trade our honesty with uncertain response from others, sometimes, we even need to bear with betray and fraud. All these tried experiences will expend times to go though.

In addition to that, even though we can use less time to make new friends, but during this periods, we may have risks to loss old friends who may give us more supports when we meet some troubles, since relationships really reliance on maintain. To take myself as a case, I moved to Shanghai half years ago, from Tianjin where nearly 1000 miles away from my current location. I can only contact my old friends on MSN or texting and cannot get together with them on weekend. When I have troubles in my work, I have nowhere to talking through, to my new friends, they don’t quite understand my situations.

According to statistics hold on Human Healthy published in Hong Kong, it is shown that nearly 92.6 percent white collar workers whose hometown are not in the same city they works in European country, agreed that they loss the friendships since they start to work in another place. This statistic also can be approved by the characters in Hollywood, they come from all over the world, some of them have langrage issues or often get home-sick. They became unhappy usually due to no friends could hear their bitter lives.  

All in all, it is time for us to aware that moving to new place may have risks to loss old friends. It is not an optimal thing for us to live without companies and even soul mates. Furthermore, if we want a better life, there will be no hesitating to talk with old friends and stay where we live.

易雨水巷

--- should I write summary? All in all,..... How many words will begood for comprehensive writing?
Thank you for all to answers.
【关于这些问题的答案，可以在鸟儿姐姐的这个帖子里找到答案希望对maylovehe1所帮助O(∩_∩)O~
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-710250-1-1.html】

红色为错误，蓝色为建议和疑问，高亮为精彩， 绿色为总结
In reading passage, the writer holds that dinosaurs are kind of animal likehuman beings can maintain their internal temperature constantly, which is socalled as endotherms. However, the professor quite doubt（doubts）on that andchallenge this idea in following points:
First and foremost,the dinosaurs (+which,这应该是要构成定语从句，有或者说maylove如果是要这个句子做主语的话，最最前面要加个that 哦) lived in Polarregion are not means (这两个谓语不能连用哦，doesnot mean) they need to keep their body warm. They often follow the season changeeither to migrate when the cold winter comes, or hibernate during certaintimes. This occurs with much different from those modern mammals that couldallow their body warm within control. (漏掉很重要的一点，就是polarregions were much warmer than today)
Second of all, itis not wrong that endotherm, atcertain degree, has relations with movement of legs, since the requiredenergy for making body heat into a constant temperature can be provided duringphysical activities. However, professor mentions that legs underneath bodyof dinosaurs is (are) because of their body arelarge, it comes from nature, but cannot means (mean) theyare able to enjoy the temperature during using legs to move. （下划线部分，这是几个合成了一个句子啊，itcomes from处可以考虑重新起句了呀）
The last reason to against the lecture is about the bone structure.Unlike animals whose bone structure allow them grow quickly, even thoughdinosaurs have the bone structure, it still cannot be regarded as they haveendotherm function. Dinosaurs have their own grown periods, for instanceslow-rapid-stop cycles, and have special records of this grown cycle in bones. Due to（dueto 后面好像不可以直接跟句子而是跟词组吧) the grown time is not asstable as mammals; (分号??) the reason topoint out by this situation can be excluded.
TO maylove:
1.每一段的连接词不错哦O(∩_∩)O~赞一个
2.我感觉，maylove好像细节听的不错，但是听力部分的关键点抓的不是很好额，仅限个人感觉。。。。。

maylovehe1

谢谢你,就是听力部分我应该抓什么样的关键点呢?

stones4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.


In past few years, I saw a lot of friends who left the place their they were born and moved to another area for chasing their dreams. Some of them may eager to earn more money, so they went to big citycities; others would appreciate for the peaceful life with their children and parents, so they came to small towns. From my perspective, I am not supposed to stand on the side of them去掉 who think to move to a new place is a good thing. They will not only losslose their familiar environments, but also their beloved friends. 这个开头，在用词啊，结构上都值得再去修改。前面略长了一些，句子不是说写的越长越好。不用生硬的在定语从句后面叫一堆多余的后缀。可以看看张红岩那本十天搞定托福，里面的解决办法特别好。

First and foremost, we have to say that it really needs times to make new friends when we move to new places. 主题句，补充完整，我们需要长时间去叫朋友会导致什么后果For instance, before people become friends, they should understand each other, including customs and personalities.这个，一个是当地风俗，一个是内在性格，两个并列在一起有点奇怪 It is necessary for us to trade our honesty with uncertain response from others, sometimes, we even need to bear with betray and fraud. All these tried experiences will expend times to go though.
In addition to that, even though we can use less time to make new friends, but during this periods, we may have risks to loss old friends who may give us more supports when we meet some troubles, since relationships really reliance on maintain. To take myself as a case, I moved to Shanghai half years ago, from Tianjin where nearly 1000 miles away from my current location. I can only contact my old friends on MSN or texting and cannot get together with them on weekend. When I have troubles in my work, I have nowhere to talking through, to my new friends, they don’t quite understand my situations.

According to statistics hold on Human Healthy published in Hong Kong, it is shown that nearly 92.6 percent white collar workers whose hometown are not in the same city they works in European country, 这个···可以写作white collar workers work in Europea whose hometown are not in their work place agreed that they losslose the friendships since they start to work in another place. This statistic also can be approved by the characters in Hollywood, they come from all over the world, some of them have langrage？ issues or often get home-sick. They became unhappy usually due to no friends could hear their bitter lives.  

All in all, it is time for us to aware that moving to new places may have risks to losslose loss是名词~ old friends. It is not an optimal thing for us to live without companies and even soul mates. Furthermore, if we want a better life, there will be no hesitating to talk with old friends and stay where we live.
总结一下

个人的tips，纯属参考

句子连贯性，多样性有待加强。
三个论点感觉其实说的是一件事，概念都混在一起了
语法错误，我这个是弱点就不谈了，我们一起加油吧
写句子的问题，不要一直一直加后缀啦，好奇怪的，

不过，may酱的数据和例子用的很好，这个要继续使用哦~
最后
这里是stone
请多指教

易雨水巷

谢谢你,就是听力部分我应该抓什么样的关键点呢?

-- by 会员 maylovehe1 (2012/5/4 13:01:19)

我本来想给你找晨依以前发的一个帖子 但是翻了好几遍，看了好几页都木有找到T.T

不过这里还有一个晨依提供的一个链接
剖析TPO的综合写作的 她把reading & listending 需要抓的重点中的重点都PO出来啦
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_624cee5f0100vs60.html

maylovehe1

thank you!