喵总的作文贴！！跪求大家拍砖=。=

婷婷connie

8.24改文
8月24日 独立 Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

When(可以去掉)coming to this colorful world, we are attracted by various media. They teach us knowledge, open our sight and develop our thinking. What is more, movies and television become the most effective media in people’s daily lives hitherto. Lots of people believe that media are the（去掉） irreplaceable factors to let a person know what he wants（这里跳跃太大了，怎么样就让人这样了，应该是media传播的只是）. However, as far as I could see, there are more negative effects for teenagers who do not have sufficient of self-control.


My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, support（supporting） the point is that spending too much time to watch(这里写的有点长，换成heavy exposure to) movies and television is harmful to the children’s health. Not only the radiation produced by screen would injure their sight, but also less physical exercise which instead by sitting in front of the screen might cause them overweight. A data investigated by the China Daily(haha,我爱China Daily) says that there are 45% of the young people(可以改成juvenile显得正像是权威发布的) under 12 years old are overweight and 75% of the young people under 18 years old are wearing glasses. This survey may be convictive about the view that movies and television have serious negative effects on the way young people behave（行为更像是心理方面的，换成physical conditions of young people）.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that what content are contained into(in)the movies and television must receive parents’ attention. With the highly completing communication of our society, we could find whatever television program and movies we want through a computer so that we need not have to go to the cinema or sit in front of TV. That is to say, teenagers may watch some scenes (that/which最好不要省连接词)are violent, sexy, horrific and so on without the examining(用censorship更好： the actions or practices of censors;  especially ) of government. If the children have seen these kinds of picture, negative effects may harm the children’s tender heart.

Admittedly, some opponents might claim that youngster could learn lots of knowledge from movies and television. Persuasive(可以用plausible替换) as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, without these kinds of media, children can also learn from the books and internship in society. Before the television is（was因为是过去发明的~） invented, people can also study by their hard working to be the person they want. The media with high-technology could not be an excuse to one’s lazy（laziness/sloth）.

Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.


Conclusion：

喵总突飞猛进啦~

1.观点很有逻辑性，从physical, mental方面分析危害~

2.注意一些词的替代，让它更生动

3.还有就是一些小错误了，注意就好

4.真的挑不出来啦！

喵喵了个咪

8月25日In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.



An old saying “failure is the mother of success.” present a view point bout the question that should a person review the past in order to solve the problems of the present and the future. Despite some people believe that there is no relationship between the questions at different times, I still agree with the elders’ motto. Reviewing the past really has sufficient effects to one to solve the problems of the present and the future.



My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point is that person should not make mistakes at the same place. How can they achieve this goal? The only way is to correct the mistake and learn the experience from it. There are so many scientists in the history can be the example for us. Thomas Edison who invented the bulb have done extremely hard working before he success. He had experiments thousands of time to choose the best material for the lampwick of bulb. If he did not summarize the reason of failure, the bulb might not invented by him.



At the same time, it should also be emphasized that studying from past could reflect one’s attitude and quality such as modesty and rigor. That is to say, a person who would like to recognize his failure and correct the mistakes might be easier to reach the success in the future. However, someone who would not like to put right his failures has to face more difficulty in the future. Untreated problems in the past would initiate more linked matters.



Admittedly, some opponents might claim that reviewing the past problems have no direct relationship with them of the present and the future. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, learning and summarizing from the past could let a person know how to deal with the same situation and practice one’s ability to meet an emergency. How irreplaceable quality it is in this modern era.



Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past. With the experience, we could easily handle troubles of the present and the future.

sherryzhangh

8月25日In orderto solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review thepast.

An oldsaying “failure is the mother of success.” present a viewpoint about the question that should a person review thepast in order to solve the problems of the present and the future. Despite somepeople believe that there is no relationship between the questions at differenttimes, I still agree with the elders’ motto. Reviewing the past really (indeed) has sufficient effects to one to solve theproblems of the present and the future.

My mainreason, pervasive andpersuasive, supports the point is that person should not make mistakesat the same place. How can they achieve this goal? The only way is to correctthe mistake and learn the experience from it. There are so many scientists inthe history can be the example for us. Thomas Edison who invented the bulb has done extremely hard working before he success. Hehad experiments thousands of time to choose the best material for the lamp wickof bulb. If he did not summarize the reason of failure, the bulb might not invented by him.

At thesame time, it should also be emphasized that studying from past could reflectone’s attitude and quality such as modesty and rigor. That is to say, a personwho would like to recognize his failure and correct the mistakes might beeasier to reach the success in the future. However, someone who would not liketo put right his failures has to face more difficulty in the future. Untreated problems in the past would initiatemore linked matters.

Admittedly,some opponents might claim that reviewing the past problems have no directrelationship with them of the present and the future. Persuasive as it seems to be, a closeanalysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, learning and summarizing fromthe past could let a person know how to deal with the same situation andpractice one’s ability to meet an emergency. How irreplaceable quality it is inthis modern era.

Takinginto account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that In orderto solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review thepast. With the experience, we could easily handle troubles of the present andthe future. 很赞，很多高级用法，学习了。

喵喵了个咪

8月26日What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?



Have you ever feel what a convenient era is in your daily life? All of the facilities with high-tech which are invented at the modern time are contributed by our talented scientist. That makes more and more people choosing to study in the university in order to have a brilliant future. Hence a question has to face by the university professor. Whether to educate students or to do research should be much accounted of? As far as I concerned, education is the main role of the university professor.



My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point is that people go to the university to absorb knowledge from wise professors. Thereby professors play a major role in the situation of education system. In my university, no matter how busy they are, professors always like to help students to solve the problem they have met in the studying. If professors are all pay lots of attention to do research so that ignoring the education of students, they absolutely can learn knowledge by themselves without go to school.



At the same time, it should also be emphasized that in the university, professor need not have to spend so many time on classes. For instance, in my university, a professor of the major course just need stay in the campus two days a week to give the class. That is to say, if a professor wants to do research, he need not have to cut down the class time for researching. There is enough time for him both to educate and to do research well.



Admittedly, some opponents might claim that professors in the university have brilliant talent and enough ability to research the courses. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the government has established some research department. So professors’ researching is not necessary. Thus it would not conflict between education and researching.



Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that to educate students is the major role of the university professor.

今天写的有点少。。。憋不出来了。。。

Serena0710

给苗总提供些思路~~~

观点：中立

1. do research 的好处：
有助于跟进最新技术潮流（ the latest technology trend the latest technology trend）有助于教师修改教材，在课堂上传授最新技能，有助于加强学生和企业的联系，帮助学生就业。

2. education的好处
Alfred North Whitehead 认为大学奇教育并非在于传授知识，她认为大学之所以重要是因为大学将知识和对生活的热情，特别是想象力结合起来，但是现在的大学教育过分强调实用性，过分强调学习与就业的联系
教师的职责是培养学生的思考能力，而不是工作技能。 教师拿出来时间工作，用于科研教学的时间变少，荒废本职工作。 对于教师来说，最主要的事学术成果而不是实际成果。
现在计算机行业很热门，很很多计算机系的老师在外面的公司兼职做项目，导致上课质量下降，很多知识应付任务。

3. 中立观点
大学的教授必然是2个角色：研究性人才，分享研究成果。
both是最理想的
如果一个教授知识做功课，不做研究，那么这个教授在任何一个地方都不存啊，一个老师不输入只输出很可怕、教育模式僵化，也跟不上知识体系的更新。但是在时间的分配上来说，可以让应用学科的教授花更多的时间在教学上比较好。另一方面，对于纯学术领域（如数学，生物）的教授需要花更多时间做研究


————————以上的思路摘自某类似于CD的网站出的资料。。。。。

——————————————————偶嗨分割线——————————————————-——————

还有，那个，。。我的拖延症，作文还没写，然后今儿上班很忙，只能下班之后给你改，然后再写。我尽量9点之前完成！

喵喵了个咪

谢谢serena啦···我感觉写中立观点不太好写额。所以一般没考虑些这种。。。

Serena0710

Have you ever feel（首先呢，feel的时态有误，要用felt是不？然后我觉得这个词也可以用aware或者realize替换） what a convenient era is in your daily life? All of the facilities with high-tech which are invented at the modern time are contributed by our talented scientist. That makes more and more people choosing to study in the university in order to have a brilliant future. Hence a question has to face by the university professor. Whether to educate students or to do research should be much accounted of?（红色部分我觉得语法上有点问题。这句话可以这么说：Hence, university professors have to be faced with a question-educating students and doing research , which should be paid more attentioin?As far as I concerned, education is the main role of the university professor(这句逻辑上有点问题，education是不能作为professor的角色的吧？改为main task是不是更合适？).



My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point is（is去掉）that people go to the university to absorb knowledge from wise professors. Thereby professors play a major role in the situation of（这个可以去掉的） education system. In my university, no matter how busy they are, professors always like to help students to solve the problem （此处problem最好用复数） they （本句中前后两个they分别指代教授和学生，这样是不行滴~~~）have met in the studying（用study即可）. If professors are（are去掉） all pay lots of attention to do research so that ignoring the education of students, they absolutely can learn knowledge by themselves without go to school 【这句话的语法问题还不小呢. So that 是目的状语，教授做研究的目的不是为了忽略对学生的教育，所以我们应该改成If professors all pay lots of attention to do research and thus ignore the instruction(这个词也有教育教导的意思，可以用来替换education) of students,】



At the same time, it should also be emphasized that in the university, professor need not have to spend so many time on classes. For instance, in my university, a professor of the major course just need stay in the campus two days a week to give the class（试试改为 give lectures）. That is to say, if a professor wants to do research, he need not have to cut down the class time for researching. There is enough time for him both to educate and to do research well.



Admittedly, some opponents might claim that professors in the university have brilliant talent and enough ability to research the courses. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the government has established some research department. So professors’ researching is not necessary. Thus it would not (thus, there won’t be ) conflict between education and researching. (这段有点观点没有说明白的感觉)



Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that to educate students is the major role（老问题哦）of the university professor


总评：
1. 第三个观点略微勉强啦，而且有些说不清楚的感觉
2. 还是语法的问题，一定要用G的语法去指导T的写作
3. 表达的问题。不够精准，不够地道。建议看看无老师的托福作文大讲坛。很有用。我在这方面也很欠缺，咱们一起进步~加油！

喵喵了个咪

谢谢serena啦·语法确实弱。。。一起努力！

喵喵了个咪

8月27日 独立 know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree



In our society, we have to face so many kinds of people every day. They have different qualities, characters, manners and habits. Therefore, how to distinguish a person whether has great personality or not is the key to choose a right person to be your friends. An old saying “Birds of a feather flock together” can prove my opinion that we can know a person from type of friends that he has.



My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point that only one person has the same world view and value with his friends, they would not always argue with each other. Taking Steve Jobs as an example to support this point. At beginning of establishing of Apple, Steve is always an independent person with different thought to other colleagues. He had a special conception of developing direction and did not willing to agree with others’ advises, so that the employees isolated him with themselves. He ultimately quit the company which created by himself because of the inconsistent value with others. According to this instance, we could get a conclusion just like a proverb says “He that lies down with dogs must rise up with flea”.



At the same time, it should also be emphasized that with friends, we could talk some themes and go some place what both we like. However, if a person does not like what you always do, you might not like to make friend with him. For example, I hate go out to have some fun at night such as going to the bar. If a person calls me to go to the bar with him, I would refuse him, so that we might not have so many topics to take about. How to make friends without talking? It could obviously realize that we could not like a person who has no same interest with ourselves.



Admittedly, opponents might claim that difference of people could help us to improve our personalities. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis could reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the longer two people know well, the more similar they will become, because they are used to tolerate bad habits and absorb good qualities from each other. Hence, they are becoming more and more similar.



Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is easy to know a person from type of friends that he has.

婷婷connie

28改文~呀，迟来的~O~
8月27日 独立 know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree
In our society, we have to face so many kinds of people every day. They have different qualities, characters, manners and habits. Therefore, how to distinguish a person whether has great（感觉这个词有点广，用splendid/excellent吧） personality or not is the key to choose a right person to be your friends. （这两句话之间过渡不好，key to choose friend不能确定一定会选和自己相似的人~喵总感觉一下）An old saying “Birds of a feather flock together”(哈，婷婷也用这句了~) can prove my opinion that we can know a person from type of friends that he has.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point that only one person has the same world view and value with his friends, they would not always argue with each other. Taking Steve Jobs as an example to support this point. At beginning of establishing（establishment）of Apple, Steve is always an independent person with different thought to other colleagues. He had a special conception of developing direction and did(were) not willing to agree with others’ advises, so that the employees isolated him with themselves(这是搭配吗？木有见过诶). He ultimately quit the company which (was)created by himself because of the inconsistent value with others. According to this instance, we could get a conclusion just like a proverb says “He that lies down with dogs must rise up with flea”（弱弱的问一句，这句话的翻译是？）.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that with friends, we could talk （about）some themes and go some places what both we like. However, if a person does not like what you always do, you might not like to make friend with him. For example, I hate go(going)out to have some fun at night such as going to the bar(哟呵，喵总原来这么纯良,嘻嘻). If a person calls me to go to the bar with him, I would refuse him, so that we might not have so many topics to take about. How to make friends without talking? It could obviously realize that we could not like a person who has no same interest with ourselves.

Admittedly, opponents might claim that difference of people could help us to improve our personalities. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis could reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the longer two people know well, the more similar they will become, because they are used to tolerate bad habits and absorb good qualities from each other. Hence, they are becoming more and more similar.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is easy to know a person from type of friends that he has.结尾不够精彩,跟题目一模一样额，建议把句子改写一下：we can easily make judgment about a person's quality from his surrounding friends.



Conclusion：

1.感觉这篇文章的point弱弱的，说理欠缺一点,似乎是转换到写朋友性格、兴趣一直的好处上了。注意扣题哈

2.文字上没有太大问题了，保持下去

3.加油码字，拒绝拖延症~