喵总的作文贴！！跪求大家拍砖=。=

自我改造

Recently,lots of big affairs happened all over the world every day. From oversea students are killedto Iraq president was judged. (from跟to都是介词，因此此处似乎并不是一个句子，而且上一句的recently跟every day也是相矛盾的，所以建议可以将上两句合在一起，Recently, lots of big affairs happened all over the world: from overseastudents were killed to Iraq president was judged.)The news rush in(rushed into) our ears by kinds of media. Anyone(Most of people) may says(say) thatis (those were)none of my(their) business, (even though) Why these news spread so broadly from television,internet and newspaper, etc. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident thanthat it is necessary to know events happening around the globe even though theydo not affect our daily lives.

Mymain reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that we are the part ofthis world, and the event which happened far away from you is not to saynothing for you.(这句话我没太理解到意思，不过可以大概感受到，建议改为associating) (For example),A (an) air traffic accident can happen in the Japan. Itcan also crash in your country. If you do not accumulate some experiences forthe emergency, you may be nervous and confusing to face it. The 911 events is the mostrepresentative accident for this point.（建议展开来写一下，这个事件怎么证明了我们积累了这方面的知识有助于面对其他类似问题）Learning a lesson from the past is important for every people. It would bevaluable to do a ten thousand percent preparation for the one per ten thousandcontingency.

Atthe same time, it should also be emphasized that getting to know some eventshappening around the globe can make us following the step with modern time. And absorb the latest knowledgefrom the researches which are discovered by some famous professor.（前后不太搭，逻辑不太清，建议放到，the public classes of Yale University which introduce the latest knowledgefrom the ..） For example, recently, the public classof Yale University is very popular on the internet. So some students can learna lot of knowledge from the top university. That is advantage to young peopleto improve themselves.

Atthe first thought, some opponents might claim that the events are not happenedaround them, so the affairs would not affect their daily lives. Persuasive asit seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, wherethe fact happened is just a question of distance. It would not influence howserious it is. Everyone could face some big events in their whole life. So thatis to say it is nothing to do with time and location.

Takinginto account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that.Weshould get to know events happening around the globe even though they do notaffect our daily lives.

总的来说感觉喵总在遣词造句上很值得我学习，写法也十分简练。只是还要更多的注意一下文章的逻辑以及排布。建议对于每一个理由展开时可以按照这样的步骤。1.提出分论点 2. 对分论点更加深入的解释 3. 举例说明（或者完全展开说明）4.强调分论点。这样也许会好点

还有就是，倒数第二段感觉没有什么实质上的东西，其实可以简化一下跟最后一段合一起

喵喵了个咪

5月1日 111119 NA Some jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends. Some jobs pay few salaries but allow employees staying with family and friend. Which job do you prefer? Why?

Recently, with the increase of the income which can promote people’s living quality, they becomes more and more concentrate on develop the relationship with family members and friends. It’s a trend for the society to take more care of spiritual lives of citizens. Of course, for me, I also prefer to get a job pay few salary but allow me staying with my family and friend.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that not only the money we earned have its price, but also our family is priceless. We can earn salary by our working when we lost all of money we owned. However, there is no way to do not let someone leave who we loved. As we all know, traffic accidents on freeway are very terrible for anyone who are working in a place where far away from home. Some careless mistakes may result in a sad tragedy. How painful your family and friends would feel, if you had come across this kind of accidents. On the contrary, even though you may get fewer salaries than which you will get in a distant place. You could visit your parents or play outside with your friends whenever you want.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that there is endless money to earn. Enjoying your current life with your family and friends is the best choice instead of working all the time for the limited salary. Living in this modern time, money never be the most important stuff for us, because the physiological needs are satisfied fundamentally in lots place around us. Then what we need indeed now are the love and belonging. Money cannot by these thing no matter how many riches you have. As a proverb says, money is not everything. Looking around in your daily life, you will find lots of people are happy and satisfied with their situation, though they are not rich.

In a nutshell, family and friends more significant than the salaries you get, because they can bring you much happy and satisfy, which money cannot give. So that is to say get a job pay few salaries but allow me staying with my family and friends is what I really prefer.

喵喵了个咪

5月2日 TPO3



In the lecture, the professor argues that the re-examination of the painting which is pointed in the passage is the worked by Rembrandt. However, the reading passage contends that the portrait of the woman’s face is not worked by him. The lecture casts doubt on what the passage indicates.



The first point that the lecturer uses to cast doubt on the reading is the inconsistent about the way the woman dressed in the painting. According to the listening passage, the narrator says that the researcher find out someone are added paint over the original painting in order to increase the value of this painting. It differs from the reading in that the passage states Rembrandt was known for his attention to the details of his subjects’ clothing, would not have been guilty of such an inconsistency.



Another point that the lecturer uses to challenge the reading is the error of painting’s light and shadow. The lecturer claims that the researcher wiped out the added color. In the original painting, they found that the woman is wearing a light-colored cloth, so that it reflect the light to illuminate the woman’s face and this painting is very realistic. However, the reading states objected that in this painting the light and shadow do not fit together.



Finally, the speaker raises the issue that the wood of panel made by several pieces. The reason for this is relate to the added part, the panel have to enlarge to make it more grand and more valuable. And the researcher find the original painting is painted on a single piece of wood. In fact, the researcher also find that using by this piece of wood may from same tree which used in Rembrandt’s another painting. This point disagrees with what is demonstrated in the reading, that is no painting known to be by Rembrandt uses a panel glued together in this way from several pieces of wood.

咋写了这么多-。-

探险者

5月2日 TPO3

黄色高亮为精彩，红色为个人修改意见
In the lecture, the professor argues that the re-examination of the painting which is pointed in the passage is the worked by Rembrandt（感觉没看懂这句啊。尤其是后面的is the worked是什么用法。。。建议改为， the professor argues that the re-examination of the painting which is pointed in the passage indicates that the work is attributed to Rembrandt.）. However, the reading passage contends that the portrait of the woman’s face is not worked by him. The lecture casts doubt on what the passage indicates.

The first point that the lecturer uses to cast doubt on(用过一次了，可以用refute， contradict) the reading is the inconsistent about the way the woman（这里的连续六个单词来自阅读，貌似这个有可能被视为抄袭，因此建议阅读中的句子还是用转述的方法表达比较好）dressed in the painting. According to the listening passage, the narrator says that the researcher find（finds） out someone are added paint（这个句子貌似有问题。如果如你所用，are added，那么前面就不是someone了，而应当改为the fur collar。而且这样后面的paint是多余的。如果用作主动式，则是someone added a fur collar over the original。。。） over the original painting in order to increase the value of this painting. It differs from the reading，（这里建议加个逗号，这样in that也可以表示“因为”）in that the passage states Rembrandt （你的这句话是按照原文抄的，这么多的文字抄自阅读文章，在写作中将被扣分，而且扣得很多。而且，这里应当有个who，以引导was后的部分，作为修饰Rembrandt的定语从句，否则最后的would的一句的主语就有问题了）was known for his attention to the details of his subjects’ clothing, would not have been guilty of such an inconsistency.

Another point that the lecturer uses to challenge the reading is the error of （少了个定冠词the）painting’s light and shadow. The lecturer claims that the researcher wiped out the added color. （根据听力的内容，wipe out之后是看到original paint，二者有个前后和因果的关系，如果用句号隔开，显得很生硬，所以建议改为the researcher wiped out the added color, and then the original painting can be seen. They found…）In the original painting, they found that the woman is wearing a light-colored cloth, so that it reflect（reflects） the light to illuminate the woman’s face and this painting is very realistic. However, the reading states（state作名词是“情形”的意思，如果表示陈述，应当用statement）objected（这里用一般现在时就好） that in this painting，the light and shadow do not fit together.

Finally, the speaker raises the issue that the wood of panel （这里是不是应当用被动啊，觉得少了was）made by several pieces. The reason for this is relate（be related to） to the added part, the panel have to enlarge（根据听力，panel只有“被”enlarge，建议用被动式）to make it more grand and more valuable. And the researcher find（finds） the original painting is painted on a single piece of wood. In fact, the researcher also find（finds） that using by this piece of wood may from same tree which used in Rembrandt’s another painting.（这句话语法有问题。首先在find引导的宾语从句中，主语using by this piece of wood的用法是不正确的，可以改为the wood which is used for the painting。然后是may from，这就缺了谓语，from不能直接做谓语，所以改为come from。Same tree的前面缺少定冠词the。后面的which定语从句中，缺少be动词，是be used in） This point disagrees with what is demonstrated in the reading, that is no painting known to be by Rembrandt（known to be Rembrandt’s）uses a panel glued together in this way from several pieces of wood.

指出几个问题：

1.首先楼主的听力很不错，要点和细节都听到了。而且楼主的文章很有层次，在表示“反对”意思的词，有很多变化。

2.每一段只需在开头表达听力和阅读意思相反即可，在结尾的总结可以不要。而且主题句尽量简单明了，比如the reading passage indicates that…, however, the lecturer contradicts the author’s standpoint. The listening explores that…)

3.如果听力中有用到阅读的句子，不能原封不动的抄下来，那样如果抄的长，是会扣分的。要用转述的方法，换个句式，换个同义词都是可以的。

4.建议楼主不要用过分复杂的长难句，因为在你的这篇文章中有很多语法错误。首先是基本的主谓一致，the researcher的后面谓语一定是单三形式；然后是被动语态要有be动词；一个完整的句子要有谓语动词，from不是谓语动词

5.建议在写完听力后整理一下笔记，写作中，句子是要求有效、清晰，不一定长难句、复杂句，一定注意语法问题，这是基本的问题。

喵喵了个咪

5.3综合TPO4
The lecture is mainly discussing that dinosaurs are not one kind of endotherms, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that large evidence can prove dinosaurs are endotherms.



First of all, the speaker thinks that it have no related with where the fossils have been discovered, because the temperature at the polar is warmer than today. And when the environment becomes cold, they can migrate to the warm place or hibernate. In contrast, the reading passage believes that the fossil can explain dinosaurs are endotherms. So, the lectures totally disagree with the view made in the reading.



Second, the speaker discusses the leg of dinosaurs can support the weight of its large size. It have no relation whether the leg position is under body or to the side of body. Contradicting what is stated in the reading that all the endotherms’ legs position are under the body.



Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the bones’ growth ring is the evidence of the bones grew slowly or stop growing. During the cooler periods, the growth ring may turn from rapidly grew to no grew or slowly grew, and then turn back to rapidly grew. This point disagrees with the point that the Haversian canals from endotherms only can make bones growing demonstrated in the reading.



So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.

Herisson0509

Recently, with the increase of the income which can promote people’s living quality, they becomes more and more concentrate on developing the relationship with family members and friends. It’s a trend for the society to take more care of spiritual lives of citizens. Of course, for me, I also prefer to get a job pays few salary but allow me staying to stay 【allow to do sth】with my family and friend.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that not only the money we earned have its price, but also our family is priceless. We can earn salary by our working when we lost all of money we owned. However, there is no way to do not let someoneleave who we loved.这句好怪太中式了而且怎么念都不对的感觉这样说你看怎样we could not decide that whether someone who we love will leave us. As we all know, traffic accidents on freeway are very terrible for anyone who are working in a place where far away from home. Some careless mistakes这里不要用mistake了换成faults 指失误may result in a sad tragedy. How painful your family and friends would feel, if you had come came across this kind of accidents. On the contrary, even though you may get fewer salaries than which you will get in a distant place. You , you could visit your parents or play outside with your friends whenever you want.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that there is endless money to earn. Enjoying your current life with your family and friends is the best choice instead of working all the time for the limited salary. Living in this modern time, money never be the most important stuff for us, because the physiological我觉得这词用在这里好像不是很恰当但是也找不出来词替换needs are satisfied fundamentally in lots places around us. Then what we need indeed now are the love and belonging. Money cannot buy these thing no matter how many riches you have. As a proverb says, money is not everything. Looking around in your daily life, you will find lots of people are happy and satisfied with their situation, though they are not rich.

In a nutshell, family and friends more significant than the salaries you get, because they can bring you much happy and satisfy, happiness and satisfaction, which money cannot give. So that is to say get a job pay few salariesless-paid可以替换一下啦别太重复了but allow me staying to stay 【allow to do sth】with my family and friends is what I really prefer.

喵喵的中间两段很不错 但是一般五段式是比较保险的吧
所以以后可以再加一段反面的和正面对比一下 因为事情都不是绝对啊 但是可以自圆其说强调自己的观点
加油吧 再次为我的迟到说声抱歉啊

喵喵了个咪

5月3日09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

Maybe it will happen in your life in the future, when you are moving to a new city. Some old friends have lost of touch with you. And you cannot find the way to re-touch with them. What would you feel about this? Missing is necessary, but not effective. That is to say, for me, nothing is more evident that it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that old friends are more helpful when you are in trouble, because you have a deep relationship and know much about each other. For example, when I just entered the university campus, everyone is strange to me. I cannot make close friends with them. So I keep in touch with my old friends in high school to share my experience in the college. And they can give me some idea for how to get along with new people. I really appreciate to them.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that you can play with your old friend outside in your city. It is very convenient for you all to watch a movie, play basketball and eat some delicious food no matter what the time is, because you are so close to meet. But if you are in different city, it could not happen unless one of you to visit other one from far away. That seems too sad to see an old friend after a long interval.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that move to a new city or a new country can make some new friends to instead of old ones. But persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. As we all know, not only making close friends is difficult, but also get close with someone strange is hard too. In order to make new friends instead of old friends is not necessary. The reason is that you have to waste lots time to build trust with new friends, but old ones need not to do so.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

chasedreamabc

The lecture is mainly discussing that dinosaurs are not one kind of endotherms, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that large evidence can prove dinosaurs are endotherms.

First of all, the speaker thinks that it (没有具体指代)have (has) no related with where the fossils have been discovered, because the temperature at the polar is warmer than today. And when the environment becomes cold, they can migrate to the warm place or hibernate. In contrast, the reading passage believes that the fossil can explain dinosaurs are endotherms. So, the lecturestotally disagree with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses the leg of dinosaurs can support the weight of its large size. It have （has） no relation whether the leg position is under body or to the side of body. Contradicting what is stated in the reading that all the endotherms’ legs position are under the body.

Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the bones’ growth ring is the evidence of the bones grew slowly or stop growing. During the cooler periods, the growth ring may turn from rapidly grew to no grew or slowly grew, and then turn back to rapidly grew. This point disagrees with the point that the Haversian canals from endotherms only can make bones growing demonstrated in the reading.

So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.


PS：听力功底很强大，细节详尽，值得向LZ学习，也注意到了上一位给你改正的同学的建议，稍微注意一下细小问题，写完检查一下

探险者

5月3日09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

红色为个人修改意见，黄色高亮为精彩

Maybe it will happen in your life in the future, when you are moving to a new city. Some old friends have lost of touch with（失去联系是lose touch with，没有of.而且这里说的是will的情况，可能用will have的将来完成时态比较好） you. And you cannot find the way to re-touch with them. What would（建议用will） you feel about this? Missing is necessary, but not effective.（设问很好啊） That is to say, for me, nothing is more evident that（正确的句型是，nothing is more evident than…）it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive（直接这样用貌似不合适，建议加上which is）, associates with the point that old friends are more helpful when you are in trouble, because you have a deep relationship and know much about each other. For example, when I just entered the university campus, everyone is（was） strange to me. I cannot make close friends with them. So I keep（kept）in touch with my old friends in high school to share my experience in the college. And they can give me some idea（ideas） for how to get along with new people.（这个句子的时态有问题，开始是entered，过去时，但后面一直是一般现在是，要保持一致，因为举得是过去的例子）I really appreciate to them.（表示感激，appreciate somebody即可，没有to）

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that you can play with your old friend outside in your city. It is very convenient for you all to watch a movie, play basketball and eat some delicious food （no matter what前应加上逗号）no matter what the time is, because you are so close to meet. But if you are in different city（different cities）, it could not happen unless one of you to（这个to是多余的） visit other one（the other one） from far away. That seems too sad to see an old friend after a long interval.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that move（主语只能是名词、动名词或者主语从句，moving） to a new city or a new country can make some new friends to instead of（instead of不能这么用，改为replace） old ones. But persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. As we all know, not only making close friends is difficult, but also get（getting） close with someone strange is hard too. In order to make new friends instead of old friends is not necessary.（这句话有很大问题。首先，in order to是表示目的，一般做目的状语，不能用来做主语。还有就是instead of的问题，没有这种用法，作动词表示替换用replace，建议改为It is not necessary to make new friends for the purpose of replacing old ones.）The reason is that you have to waste lots(lots of) time to build trust with new friends, but old ones need not to do so.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

1.楼主的思路很清晰的，每段的衔接和连接词的运用都不错。而且有例子支撑，论证方面没什么问题

2.建议检查语法项目：包括时态的一致，尤其是在举例子时，如果是过去时态的故事，要保持一致；然后是主语，名词、动名词和主语从句作主语，当然也有it做形式主语。语法是最基本的，多加注意。

3.加油，与君共勉

喵喵了个咪

热烈庆祝喵总独立写作首次突破500字大关！！
5月5日10.12.3 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

Have you ever faced such a difficult problem which you cannot solve by yourself? Have your parents always help you to finish your assignments without your asking? Have you are bothered by personal troubles you could have done, but you do not to do so by your own? Recently, an obvious phenomenon enters into our sight—parents are too lovingness their children so that the kids could not deal with his own problem without anyone help. That is terrified for a person to living in the society by himself. For me, there is no doubt that parents should encourage children to do the work on their own.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that standing on children’s own feet is not more important than nothing. With a strong ability, he could face any pressure and puzzle with a light footstep and a confident smile. As an example can prove this truth, when a person becomes an adult at eighteen years old, his parents have no responsibility to feed him anymore. What he just should think about is how to live in this society. If he can solve physiology needs by himself. He could do other things he want to do. But if he is grew up with his parents who help him to do his work all the time. This person cannot keep up with the step of live immediately. Clearly, dealing with problem by oneself without parents’ help is definitely necessary.

At the same time, it should be emphasized that parents are not whole of the world in our lives. We have friends, brothers, sisters and colleagues. Making a close relationship with them could be more effective and convenient than deal anything with parents. Instead, it can improve our communicative ability and teamwork spirit. Steve Jobs is a good instance for this point. Why he was fire by his companion in his own company at the end of 20^th century. As far as I know, it is because of his bad temperature. Finally, he realized his fault and returned to the company, and then the most famous technological communication company—Apple comes into our sight. That can be clearly known that importance of friends are much useful than parents.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents are the best protector than anyone else. persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. Actually, this thought is not a mistake. But how funny a couple of old parents protect their grown baby. Not only they cannot live as long as their children, but also they need their children to take care of them when they are very old. That is to say the couple cannot help their children to do the work all the time.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that encourage children to do the work by themselves with their own methods is the best way to let them grow up.